N&H Uzumaki

Knock Knock

Naruko and Hinata were lying in bed, relaxing after their eventful night together, when someone suddenly knocked at their door.

"Oh shit!" / "Fuck!" / "Crap!" muttered kunoichi and bijuu alike, instantly recognizing the chakra signatures on the other side.

"Girls! Escape Plan 2—FAST!"

Two men in dark cloaks adorned with red clouds were approaching the hotel where their target was believed to be.

"Are you sure, Itachi-san? Leader-sama won't be happy if we waste time chasing false leads," snickered the blue-skinned man.

"Kisame, we've been through this already. I personally knew the target. I watched over him during my time in the ANBU. I was there when he was 'declared' dead. There's enough evidence to suggest he was taken from Konoha—alive. The presence of the former Hyūga heiress only adds to the confirmation."

"But I heard we're after a girl."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Look at the facts: an Uzumaki, former heiress, blonde with blue eyes, and Jiraiya's involved. I'm positive it's our target."

"Man, what a drag. Why send us to deal with two kunoichi barely out of diapers?" Kisame grumbled, clearly displeased. He was known for loving a good fight.

"Our mission is only to confirm their identities and status—not engage or capture. Do not underestimate them. If they're truly Kumogakure ninja, it's highly likely the target has Jinchūriki-level training."

"Oh? That sounds interesting."

"Kisame…"

"Yeah, yeah. Relax. I know the mission."

A few minutes later, both men stood in front of the Uzumaki girls' door. Itachi knocked.

Seconds later, a blonde girl with tattooed arms, covered only in bed sheets, cracked the door open.

"Geh… what? Oh, I thought you were room service with breakfast," she said groggily before blinking at them. Then she blinked again. "Hey! My eyes are up here, pervs. Clearly, you've got the wrong room. Bye!" She slammed the door.

"Well… that was anticlimactic," Kisame muttered.

"Allow me," Itachi said—and demolished the door with his bandaged sword.

Inside, the two girls were sitting on the bed, sheets clutched around them.

"Perverts!" shouted the blonde.

"Security! Call the police! Two men are trying to rape us!" yelled the other.

"HEEEEELP! PERVERTS ON THE THIRD FLOOOOOOR!" Naruko screamed, flashing them as she dove for her pants.

Kisame was about to move, but Hinata leapt out of bed, grabbed her kimono top, and covered herself with lightning speed.

"EYES OFF MY WIFE, LURKERS!" Naruko shouted, throwing on her top and glaring with fury. Hinata jumped into her pants.

Itachi started forward, but Hinata threw a handful of kunai while tying her sash.

"You've been warned, perverts! Next time, I'm aiming to kill!"

Itachi, stunned more by the situation than the threat, instinctively pulled out a kunai and dropped into a guard stance.

"That's it! No more kid gloves! Lightning Release: Shocking Wave!" Naruko shouted, thrusting a kunai into the floor.

A crackling burst of sparks surged across the room as both girls dove out the window. The Akatsuki duo dodged and gave chase.

They caught up quickly, cornering the girls in a nearby square. Kisame swung his massive blade, but both girls rolled out of the way.

"Kisame, wait! They're not real—they're clones," Itachi said, Sharingan flaring.

"WHAT!?"

"Hehe... whoopsie. Gotcha," said one clone.

The other dropped her transformation, revealing another Naruko.

"Well, only one thing to do now!"

"Our lives end here..."

"...Oh cruel fate of the clones..."

"...Forever forgotten..."

"...But if we go down in blazing glory..."

"...They might remember us after all!"

"...Loud and thunderous, like the storm—!"

"...We charge forth into legend!"

"AND WE GO DOWN WITH A—BANG!"

Itachi and Kisame barely had time to brace as both clones detonated in a brilliant flash and deafening bang.

Meanwhile, two half-dressed girls sprinted toward the outskirts of town, hurriedly getting dressed as they ran.

"Shit shit shit shit—SHIT!" growled Naruko, snapping on the last piece of her outfit.

"I hope Jiraiya-sensei heard that explosion!" Hinata said, her headband clenched in her teeth.

"Flashing your goods actually worked. Amazing how even high-level ninja can get distracted by boobs. I'd bet at least one of them had a sensor ability."

"They're still chasing us," Hinata informed via mind-link.

"Let's confront them in that open area up ahead!" Naruko pointed ahead.

Seconds later, Kisame and Itachi arrived. Kisame chuckled.

"Well, color me impressed. Didn't expect you two to catch us off guard."

"Please come with us. No one has to get hurt," Itachi said calmly. "We just need to confirm whether you're Naruko Uzumaki… and whether you carry the Fourth's legacy."

Naruko scoffed. "The nerve. I'm not the legacy of your idiot of a father—you are."

"Careful, girls," Kurama warned. "That's ANBU Weasel—the Uchiha kinslayer. Stall for time. Jiraiya's on his way. The other one… he's dangerous too. His chakra's nearly on par with the Ichibi."

"That sword… He must be the current wielder of Samehada. Just my luck," Naruko muttered via mind-link.

"I can't believe you, Weasel…" Naruko narrowed her eyes. "You don't even recognize me. I'm hurt!" She clutched her chest dramatically. "But thanks. Whether or not you meant it for me… I'm grateful you cleansed that festering cancer of a clan. Pity about the few decent ones, though."

"So it is you..." Itachi said softly. "Naruko-san… I'm glad to see you alive."

"Alive, yes. Well? Pfft." She smirked bitterly. "Tell me—did you get him? The one-eyed bastard who made me what I am?"

Itachi flinched slightly.

"No… you didn't. But… you know who he is. You work with him. Yes! You do!" Naruko's voice rose in fury. "You bastard! We're not going anywhere with you. That man has the blood of hundreds on his hands—and yours is tainted by association!"

Both Akatsuki members froze. Hinata's words cut straight through them.

Her white eyes, though different from a typical Byakugan, pierced straight into their souls.

"If you want me… come and get me!" Naruko growled. "I'm my mother's child. We are Uzumaki. We're not going down without a fight!"

They squared off, preparing for a battle—until a familiar shout pierced the air.

"ITACHI! TODAY YOU DIE! I WILL AVENGE OUR CLAN!"

Sasuke, Sharingan blazing, charged with a Chidori flashing in his hand.

Despite his impressive speed and destructive charge, Itachi simply sidestepped and caught his brother by the wrist.

Sasuke hung in the air, trapped in his brother's iron grip, his jutsu fading.

"Foolish little brother," Itachi said coldly. "You're weak. You don't interest me in the slightest. Begone. Don't return until you've stopped being a pitiful nuisance."

With that, he flung Sasuke across the square like a rag doll.

Kisame whistled. "Well, Itachi-san, it seems you're as brutal as they say. Je je je."

"ITACHIIIIII!" roared Sasuke.

"Shut up," ordered the older brother, glaring and terrifying his kin in the process. "Naruko-san, please surrender. Don't force us to battle."

"No… NO! You will not ignore me! ITACHI, I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Pathetic… Tsukuyomi," said the soft-spoken nukenin, and Sasuke relived the night that still plagued his nightmares.

"Really, Itachi? You had to go and use that jutsu on your brother? Bah! Doesn't matter. Take a break while I subdue the target," said Kisame, ready to pounce.

This idiot! I hope he remembers we're only supposed to test them! Naruko-san must be the final target or everything will be delayed! Please let Jiraiya-sama arrive in time...

"Ready or not, here I come!" roared the fish-man, swinging his massive blade. What he didn't expect was for it to be deflected by another of the Seven Blades.

"Shit! That glutton of a sword broke my full Henge! Just my luck… Love, keep an eye on the Uchiha! I'll deal with Fish-face," growled Naruko, her extra features on full display.

"Oh? Does girly fancy herself a sword master?" taunted Kisame.

"Kisame Hoshigaki, the Monster of Kirigakure. Zabuza-san recognized my ability and entrusted me with the Kubikiribōchō. I'd appreciate it if you underestimated me," said Naruko sultrily, winking before rushing forward.

Naruko knew Kisame wasn't a normal target, so she went all out from the start—spawning seal-less shadow clones armed with different weapons and applying wind chakra for maximum damage.

Try to push him hard. Let's hope the old toad arrives before we need to use my powers.

The legendary blades clashed in a symphony of danger and steel. Kisame, far more experienced and stronger than the fox-girl, was forced to acknowledge her as a threat. While superior by a large margin, the constant harassment from clones and the dangerous wind chakra on her blade kept him from toying with her.

"So… Samehada, how do you like my wind chakra? Too sharp for your tongue?" taunted Naruko, grinning as the living sword growled.

Kisame suffered small cuts and knew that if he wielded a normal blade, it would have already shattered against the enhanced executioner's sword.

"This is exciting!" said the fish-man as the chakra stored in his sword repaired both his weapon and his wounds. "Who would've guessed the 'lesser' of the Seven Swords could stand against Samehada? Kid, if you somehow escape today, do me a favor and keep training until you're a true threat. You've got talent."

"I'm going to blush! That's the second time one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist has recognized my skill. And hey! What's with the 'lesser' blade talk? Sure, Kubikiribōchō isn't as flashy, but it's perfect for channeling chakra and it sharpens and repairs with blood. I'd say it's the most durable. A sword to hunt the others if they go rogue…" grumbled Naruko, throwing the blade high into the air before unsealing two kodachi to unleash a lightning-fast combo.

As Naruko spun, her twin blades shredded the bandages around Kisame's sword. One of her clones leapt up to catch the descending Kubikiribōchō.

"Lightning Release: Piercing Iron Bolt!" the clone shouted, hurling the massive blade in a deadly arc wrapped in lightning. Kisame, recognizing the threat, jumped back, unwilling to risk Samehada in a direct block.

While airborne, he glanced at his partner, who was locked in a stare-off with the other girl—deep within the domain of the Tsukuyomi.

Meanwhile, inside the illusion, Itachi approached a chained Hinata.

"Tell me, lost princess of the Hyūga… is your companion the lost Jinchūriki of Konoha?"

"Not anymore. No lost princess, no Jinchūriki. You know very well who we are—and what was done to us."

"I see in you the sorrow of a maiden who despised her own kin. It saddens me to say this about an Uchiha, but if I'm not mistaken… you are the child of Mikoto. And I liked her…"

"Tell me, Kin-slayer. What are you doing with them—with the mad dogs of the one-eyed bastard? Is this what you supported as ANBU Weasel? Is this—" (Hinata's voice shifts, deeper and colder) "—what Mikoto wanted for the son she loved?"

The white-eyed girl began walking forward, shattering the chains around her with each step.

"Why? Why are you doing this? You are the child of a fierce and proud woman who defied her clan! You punished your kin for their sins… and yet you joined the very monster who started all of it. Why do we see remorse in your soul? Why are you so sad? You were supposed to look for us as our brother. Father chose Kakashi. Mother chose you. Tell us why… Is it because you're a spy?" (Hinata's voice returns to normal) "That's it, isn't it? You chose to follow the one-eyed bastard to keep an eye on him—for the old monkey. You are as loyal to Konoha as one can be."

Tears shimmered in Hinata's glowing, defiant eyes.

"You… you're the Jinchūriki? But how?" asked Itachi, stunned. This girl's eyes were piercing his very soul, unraveling his most buried truths.

"I'm not. But she is in me. I married the Last Uzumaki. I broke the seal that contained the bijū to save her life. I was there when the so-called 'demon' began to heal the sins of Konohagakure. As a result, part of the Kyūbi now resides in me. She is the bond between Naruko and me."

(Three voices echoed as one): "We are always together."

The illusionary world began to crack and crumble around her as she stepped closer.

"Itachi-san… you're playing a dangerous game. And you're ill. Don't be a fool—get out before things grow even darker. We are recruiting Tsunade-sama. We will fix you… and we'll offer you sanctuary in Kumogakure, if that's what you need," said Hinata gently, caressing his stunned face.

"My girls don't know all the truths about you… and I won't expose your secrets. Just remember—your mother was dear to Kushina and me. I don't want to see you dead before your time."

Hinata sighed deeply.

"For all the hatred I hold for your clan and your thrice-damned eyes, it is in your mother… and in you… that I see a fragile chance of redemption. When the time comes, seek me. I'll guide you. I'll offer you harbor and direction—to you, and to your children, if you have them."

The offer still echoed in his head as Itachi's vision returned to the real world, where he found his partner being pushed back—by the fox-girl.

It was time to disengage before the battle escalated further. Why couldn't his brother be more like these two? Was this Fugaku's fault? Fortunately, he sensed Jiraiya approaching.

"Fire Release: Wild Bonfire!" said Itachi, breathing out a watermelon-sized, white-hot fireball. The ball imploded between the two girls, twisting into a roaring maelstrom of fire. The inferno pulsed and shrank, revealing a tall man standing unharmed near the impact zone.

"Women swoon and men tremble—for I am the great toad tamer of Mount Myōboku! Behold the mighty JIRAIYA!" roared the white-haired warrior, holding an open scroll marked with the kanji for Fire. He tossed the now-burning scroll over his shoulder and cracked his neck, ready for battle.

"You sure took your time, old pervert. Too busy chasing skirts to come help us?" snarled the irritated fox-girl.

"A man of my stature arrives when most needed! And I am never too busy wooing—someone must keep the ladies at bay…"

(Jiraiya fell silent under Hinata's unamused, soul-piercing glare.)

"...Anyway, to the matter at hand. Flee now or face my might!"

"Kisame, we're leaving. We've confirmed what we needed," said Itachi, forming hand seals.

"Goodbye, shrimp. Keep training—and sharpen those swords of yours. We'll meet again," said Kisame with a sharp grin as a plume of smoke rose around them. Both men vanished without a sound.

"Well, that was intense. I'm spent," sighed Naruko. "Jiraiya, buy us breakfast, okay? Pretty please?" she added, contorting adorably and using her strongest Puppy Eyes Jutsu.

"Must… resist… Argh! Nooo! Too strong! Must… buy… breakfast!"

"Jiraiya-sama," said Hinata sweetly. "We're quite tired, and we haven't eaten since dinner yesterday. Wouldn't a teacher of your caliber treat his students to breakfast?"

(But we did eat each other...) thought Naruko, blushing.

"Ugh! Too strong!" groaned Jiraiya. "I surrender! Fine—of course, my young students. Let's get something to eat before we depart."

"Fatality," muttered Naruko.

Hinata formed the Ram seal, focusing her eyes. "Oh! I see a bakery nearby. Wait—are those...? YES, THEY ARE! To the cinnamon buns! We must get them before they're sold to unworthy mouths!" she shouted, dragging both of them with surprising strength. Jiraiya had Sasuke's duck-butt form slung over his shoulder.

Later, as the slim but ravenous Hinata devoured her sweet buns and glared death at anyone daring to approach her prize, Gai arrived in a burst of noise and speed.

"Jiraiya-sama! Urgent news! Two men in black cloaks with red cloud motifs have been spotted searching for the youthful N-chan! We believe them to be Hoshigaki Kisame and Uchiha Itachi!" nearly shouted the ever-enthusiastic Jōnin.

"Yeah, yeah—we know. We drove them off. You're about thirty minutes late, Super-Bushy-Brow-san," said Naruko with a mouthful of pastry.

"SUCH YOUTHFUL STUDENTS YOU HAVE, JIRAIYA-SAMA!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FOOL! ANKO-CHAN TOLD YOU I HAVE SENSITIVE EARS!" roared Naruko, clutching her head in pain.

Gai blinked several times, now seeing Naruko's uncovered, true form.

"Gai-san, please lower your voice. And speak only to the old man about her, ah… extra features," said Hinata firmly. "Also, please take the Uchiha boy back to the village when you leave. He's been hit with one of Itachi's nastiest genjutsu."

"Hai, Jiraiya-sama!" Gai shouted again. Naruko gave him a glare that promised a slow and painful end.

"I'll be leaving. May I take one of these for the road?" the green-clad man asked, grabbing a cinnamon bun from in front of Hinata—already carrying Sasuke over his shoulder.

"YOU VERMIN! GIVE THAT BACK OR I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!" Hinata bellowed, leaping up as Gai backpedaled, startled.

"YOU—PROTECT MY TROPHY!" she shouted, pointing at Jiraiya. "AND YOU—KEEP YOUR EYES ON HIM!" She then punched Naruko in the arm, unsealing the Executioner's Blade, and sprinted after Gai to reclaim what was "rightfully" hers—or his entrails in payment.

"…Your wife is terrifying. Wives are terrifying in general—but yours is a new breed," muttered Jiraiya.

"No shit, Spymaster. You think I don't know that?" Naruko replied.

"Wise men state the obvious."

"Bijū don't dare to steal Hinata's cinnamon buns!"

"I'm just a humble baker…" called out the shop owner from behind the counter. "Would the scary girl be placated if I baked her more?"

"PLEASE!" both ninja answered in unison.

"I don't know much about ninja, but if you say she's your wife, that's fine by me—as long as you don't damage my shop. Just… is she pregnant or something?" the baker asked from the kitchen.

"No. Why?"

"…Young lady… boy… ninja—I pity you. Pray to every god you know that her pregnancy goes smoothly, for your own sake."

"What a wise man. Take notes, Naruko," Jiraiya muttered. "I still have nightmares about Kushina's mood swings when you were her bun in the oven."

"By the way, how did she unseal your sword? You said only you could do that!"

"No idea. It's a mystery. As mysterious as how she can run full speed after Super-Bushy-Brow swinging it one-handed," observed the fox-girl.

Later that day, the trio arrived in Tanzaku Town. A much more relaxed Hinata—Kami be praised—used her Byakugan to search for the female Sannin. Finding a specific person in a civilian town could be hard, but tracking a large chakra signature? Easy peasy. The trio made a beeline for the bar where the last of the Senju was most likely drinking her money away.

"Tsunade! What a glorious coincidence to find you here!" greeted a cheerful Jiraiya.

"Cut the crap, you old pervert. If you found me, it's because you were looking for me," growled the half-drunk woman.

"Shizune, Ton-Ton—always a pleasure," he said warmly before turning back to Tsunade. "Of course I was looking for you, but I didn't expect to find you here, Tsunade-hime."

"What for? And who are those two Kumo kunoichi?"

"These fine ladies are N and H-chan. Since Kumogakure is our newest and truest ally, they've been assigned to me for a little training." At that, Hinata stepped forward, and Jiraiya wisely shut up.

"It's an honor to meet you, Tsunade-sama. Your work as a field medic has been an inspiration to me," said Hinata, bowing politely.

"Yep! Always good to meet a real kunoichi instead of some dumb fangirl," chirped Naruko.

Hinata elbowed her sharply, and Naruko bowed stiffly too.

"And pray tell," Tsunade said, pointing at Jiraiya, "why are you—and those girls—looking for me? We know each other well enough. You only come crawling when Konoha wants something."

"Tsunade, are you aware of the recent invasion of Konoha? Sensei has been injured, and many others as well. He wants you back. You're still the best medic we've got. He's also looking at successors. You and I are both on the list of candidates. No, you won't be forced to wear the hat. The main reason is to pass on your knowledge to the next generation."

"So now he wants medics?" she scoffed. "I told him to fund a research and training center after the war, but nooooo. Now he wants to beg me back? He can go to hell. And don't even dream of me wearing that stupid hat! Hokage? Only a fool takes that job."

Naruko was clearly growing more irritated.

"Tsunade, please be reasonable. There were no funds at the time, and when they finally were, you were away," Jiraiya explained.

"Go away, Jiraiya. Tell that old bastard to go fuck himself. I don't care about Konoha."

"Me neither!" snapped Naruko. "But you won't disrespect the old man! Jiraiya, this is a waste of time. I won't bother being civil if she keeps acting like a drunk waste of space."

"What did you just say? Don't you know who I am?! Do you have a death wish?" Tsunade shouted.

"Oh, I know who you are. Probably better than anyone. You don't scare me, old hag—you just disappoint me."

"OUT! I'm going to teach this brat some manners—clearly you didn't, Jiraiya!"

"Tsunade-hime, please reconsider—" Jiraiya began, but Hinata gently tugged on his haori. When he turned to her, she silently shook her head.

Tsunade continued shouting at Naruko, boasting that she'd only use one finger—after all, she was a Sannin, and Naruko was just a Genin. Meanwhile, Shizune, with Ton-Ton in her arms, frantically tried to dissuade her master from fighting the poor girl.

But Tsunade, drunk and enraged, charged like a raging bull and slammed her finger into the ground, shattering the street. Naruko side-stepped and leapt out of range, then unsealed her chained ball and hurled it with deadly force. Tsunade raised her arms to block and was pushed back from the impact.

She barely regained her footing in time to dodge Naruko's continued assault. Still, she rushed forward and tried a flick of her finger—but the fox-girl was too slippery.

"I don't know why the Hokage still wants you back," Naruko snarled. "But you will come with us—happy or not! I won't mind dragging you kicking and screaming!"

"Hmph! Tell that old fool I'm not going back to that hellhole! And what do you care, huh? If you say you know me, then you know what Konoha took from me. I bet you've never lost anyone!" Tsunade shouted back.

"STOP badmouthing the old man! Of course I never lost anyone… because they were never there! Because YOU were never there!" Naruko screamed, dropping her chained ball.

"…Wait—what?"

"You left me alone. ALL of you!"

(Naruko's left eye turned red.)

"You were my last known relative. Mito didn't raise a drunkard. You had a duty—to both your clans. Shame on you!"

"…Wait… you're Naruko?"

"OF COURSE I AM!" she shouted, dispelling her henge.

"But… they told me you were dead… and you were supposed to be a boy… and…"

"YOU'RE A WORTHLESS IDIOT!" Naruko roared, slamming her fist into Tsunade's face with a well-earned right hook.

"Did you ever question the lies they told you? Did you even ask Jiraiya? Or the old man? And then when they lied again—told you I died at eight—did you ever stop to ask why they lied the first time? You could have helped search for me! THERE WAS NO BODY!"

Naruko's voice cracked. "I was always alone…"

She wiped her tears—red from the Kyūbi's influence—and sniffed hard, steadying herself.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Konoha can burn for all I care. But the old man was always kind to me. I'm going to bed now. Do as you please—but by the end of the week, I expect full notice of your debts. I've bought them all. I own you now."

She turned away, eyes cold.

"Do what you want until then, but once it's settled… you are going back to Konoha."

She looked to her companion.

"Let's go, H-chan."

Both kunoichi vanished in a blur of chakra, leaving Tsunade stunned.