N&H Uzumaki

It had been two days since the failed invasion of Konoha. The brave shinobi of the Hidden Leaf were rebuilding their home with commendable speed, and little by little, civilians were returning to their routines. Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato, despite his exhaustion, continued to lead his village with wisdom and foresight.

Supported by Jiraiya of the Sannin, the old leader was currently presiding over a meeting in the Konoha council room. The topics: how Gaara of the Sand was stopped, and the question of promotions. In attendance were both the civilian and clan councils, the heads of all shinobi departments, elite Jōnin, Genin participants, and even the Raikage himself with his Genin.

"Silence! It is time to begin this meeting. Young Shikamaru, Kiba, and Shino, as the only Konoha witnesses, I want you to briefly explain what happened in your battle against Gaara and his siblings," the old Hokage ordered.

"…"

"Shikamaru, we agreed that you'd do the talking! Stop stand-napping!" Kiba shouted, elbowing him.

"What a drag… (Yawn). Well… after the invasion began, Kakashi-sensei sent us to retrieve Sasuke and Sakura, who had rushed after the Sand siblings. We fought Temari and Kankuro and were saved by the crazy girl over there." Shikamaru lazily pointed at Naruko, who just giggled.

"After that, she dragged our asses to the battlefield in time to see Gaara toying with Sasuke. Then, after Gaara knocked Sasuke and Sakura unconscious, she mopped the floor with Mr. Sandman and restrained him. Gaara lost the will to fight, and N-san altered his seal—after using the most colorful language I've ever heard. Then we got sucked into the seal and learned that the original one was driving him insane. They surrendered. That's how we got here."

"Boy, are you saying she beat Shukaku—the One-Tailed Sand Demon?" asked Elder Mitokado, eyes wide.

"She summoned a gigantic toad and used weird chakra chains to force the sand spirit back into Gaara's body. Then she applied a stronger seal."

"HOW DID SHE DO THAT?! THAT POWER SHOULD BE UCHIHA-SAMA'S, SO HE CAN SAVE US ALL!" howled a civilian council member.

"SILENCE! I SAID SILENCE!" thundered the Hokage. "If you have other matters to bring up, do so after we finish with the topic at hand! Now—Shikamaru-kun, please explain what you meant by being sucked inside the seal."

"Well… after the blonde menace resealed Shukaku, she insisted on putting Gaara and the beast in contact. Because this sealing stuff is obscure, she asked the still-conscious Konoha ninja to witness what she was doing. Then the troublesome lady dragged us into the seal. We woke up in a cave with ancient columns—it was the shared mindscape of Gaara and the sand beast. I don't fully get what happened, but we were chosen as witnesses so Inoichi-san could later retrieve our memories."

A Nara and an Aburame not understanding something? Yeah right, thought most of the shinobi present.

"Inside the seal, Uzumaki-san discovered that Shukaku was bound with a weak, flawed seal that had driven it mad—driving Gaara mad in turn. She repaired the seal and explained the basics of her method. After that, Gaara turned out to be more reasonable than expected."

"Very well, thank you, Shikamaru-kun. Inoichi-san, retrieve their memories and report to me later. You've all done fine work." The Hokage nodded appreciatively at the three Genin.

"As for the invasion, it has been determined that it was orchestrated by Orochimaru, who assassinated and replaced the Kazekage in order to trick Sunagakure into fighting us. It's also come to my attention that our village has been accepting missions meant for Sunagakure without my knowledge, worsening their economic situation. Because of that, we will ask for only minor compensation and draft a new treaty between our villages."

Sarutobi's glare left no room for argument. Though they had been attacked, part of the blame lay with Konoha's greedy council. And after the fox-boy incident years ago, the council had learned not to take Hiruzen's anger lightly.

"As for the Chūnin Exams… the judges and I agree that the Kumo team, as well as Shikamaru of the Nara clan, are worthy of promotion. Additionally, according to numerous witness reports, there is a recommendation for Chōji Akimichi for his exemplary behavior and heroics during the invasion."

"Hokage-sama! Uchiha-sama also—" began a civilian councilor.

"Silence," the old man hissed. "I don't give a rat's ass what he did or didn't do. Akimichi-kun is being recommended because many people owe him their lives. Since he wasn't in the finals, I'll consider a field promotion in the future. As for Uchiha-san—he was late, disobeyed orders, and showed no qualities besides raw power. Being a Chūnin is about maturity and responsibility. Uchiha-san will not be promoted or recommended for one. Am I clear?"

Hiruzen's piercing gaze swept the room. When no one dared object, he handed the Chūnin vest to Shikamaru with a gracious smile. The Raikage did the same for his own.

"Well, now that that's done," began Councilwoman Haruno in a screeching voice, "we demand that you give your powers and tools to Uchiha-sama so he may fulfill his destiny!"

The ninja in the room cringed. Sasuke smirked slightly.

Hinata looked at her Kage for permission. The burly man nodded with a grin. "Hiruzen-dono, allow my council straightener to work her magic. It'll be quite the show."

Suppressing a chuckle, the old Hokage nodded.

"Honorable council of Konoha," Hinata said with a polite bow, "please detail exactly what you expect from us."

"Obviously, we demand that the last Uchiha be allowed to use his Sharingan to copy your jutsu and fighting styles. Also, he should be given your weapons and summoning contracts," said a bloated councilor.

The Kumogakure ninja chuckled darkly.

"Very well. Let's agree to be truthful—no lies, yes?" Hinata smiled.

"Yes, sincerity will be appreciated," Koharu replied, completely unaware of the trap being set.

"Are you idiots?" asked Hinata flatly.

The room exploded into uproar.

Once order was restored, the Hokage gestured for Hinata to continue.

"Uchiha-san," she said calmly, "I don't want to cause another uproar, but I must ask—are you an idiot?"

"No," Sasuke grunted.

"But you agree with the council's demands?"

"Yes."

Hinata nodded. "Do you want to learn our jutsu and fighting styles?"

Sasuke nodded again.

"Can you see the tenketsu or chakra pathways in a body?"

"No."

"Do you have any chance of awakening the Byakugan?"

"…No."

"Is your chakra water-natured? Can you manipulate it on a fine or large scale?"

"No."

"Are you skilled in sealing or kenjutsu?"

"No."

"Are you incapable of purchasing a sword on your own?"

"No."

"Can you perform Wind Chakra manipulation at a high Chūnin level? Can you lift your own body weight with one arm, without chakra enhancement?"

"No!"

"Are you an Uzumaki descendant? Do you have the Ice Release bloodline? Have you subdued a boss summon in combat?"

Sasuke glared, refusing to answer.

"Are you an idiot?"

"NO! Enough of your stupid questions!" he snapped.

"I thought we agreed—no lies," Hinata replied coldly. "Yet you claim not to be an idiot while demanding things you cannot use. Please refrain from lying."

"You bitch! Don't think you're clever. You're property of Konoha! You'll be given to Uchiha-sama to repopulate his clan and make your power part of his!" shouted a civilian-born Jōnin.

Hinata laughed and turned to Sasuke.

"Tell me, Uchiha-san. Do you agree with that?"

His eyes gleamed with lust as he nodded, already imagining what he'd do to the girls.

"So you were lying about being an idiot."

Before anyone could react, Hinata opened her arms to address the room.

"Not even all the money in the world can buy a summon's acceptance or the Kubikiribōchō's loyalty—it's a sentient sword. Uchiha Sasuke, you're nothing but a spoiled, uncultured brat. A joke. Just like this civilian council and the so-called ninja who support it. You don't even understand bloodline inheritance laws. You can't force someone into the CRA. Even if you were allowed multiple wives, you couldn't force us."

She smiled sweetly.

"And if, by some miracle, you got me pregnant, our children wouldn't inherit either of our dōjutsu. Besides, if you ever tried to claim me as property, you'd find yourself facing my father—the Hyuga clan head—and he would demand your head."

She let that sink in before delivering the final blows.

"You want Ice-wielding Sharingan users?" She smirked. "Then go ahead and try to impregnate Haku Momochi."

The room froze.

"And as for my wife…" Hinata's voice turned deadly calm. "If you ever dragged her into your bedroom, she would fuck your ass so hard you wouldn't walk again. And if you somehow got her pregnant—which you won't—our child would be an Uzumaki, not an Uchiha. Because even if you're the last Uchiha in Konoha, you're not the last Uchiha in the world. You were the second born. The heir is your brother. And she… she is of royal blood. You are not."

Each word was a dagger to Sasuke's pride.

"As it seems this is useless, I'm leaving," Sasuke grunted before storming out of the council room in anger.

"A pity he left… Well, let me proceed," said the busty kunoichi, pointing to her hitai-ate. "See this? This marks me as a Kumogakure kunoichi. That means I've sworn loyalty to the Daimyō of the Land of Lightning. So no—I am not Konoha's property, as you so confidently claimed. We are allies. Try to control me beyond the terms of the agreement, and it will mean war."

Hinata's glare was soul-piercing.

"You can't force any ninja—much less a foreign clan heir—to share their personal jutsu. And you definitely lost any claim over us the moment you exiled us!" hissed the future Uzumaki matriarch. "It's in your hands to keep pushing this matter, but beware… you might lose your remaining allies in the process."

"You know she's right, aye?" said the Inuzuka clan head. "You're pushing too hard. No clan in Konoha or among our allies would surrender their jutsu to the Uchiha. In fact, there are laws specifically preventing Uchiha from copying jutsu from allied clans."

"Tsume-san! How can you say that?" roared Homura.

"We must regain control of the Byakugan—and the demon brat!" screeched Koharu.

Then, in a moment of utter brilliance (or idiocy), a fat, slack-jawed civilian pointed a stubby finger at the feral woman and shouted, "I knew it! You're bewitched by the demon! You and your human-dogs are simple-minded—easier to brainwash! We should execute the demon before it spreads its infection!"

"Are you nuts? We need it restrained and properly trained to be our weapon against the other villages!"

"Preposterous! All we need is for Uchiha-sama to claim its power!"

The council chamber erupted into shouting and bickering. Meanwhile, the Kumo-nin snickered in amusement. Oh, how they enjoyed watching these fools humiliate themselves.

"Jajajajajaja! You're right! Jajajaja!" Naruko laughed, turning to the Inuzuka matriarch. "Tsume-san! You're now bewitched!" she declared, wiggling her fingers in mock incantation.

Tsume, smirking, clutched her head dramatically. "Oh! I feel the demon in my brain! Yes! YES! I am your humble servant, O dark and feral lady! The Inuzuka are at your disposal!"

"Very well, Tsume-san. You will serve the Mighty Vixen well. From now on, you are, after me, Her Unholiness's High Priestess. And N-chan, her Unholy Avatar, the highest-ranking follower of the Nine-Tails here in the Land of Fire," said Hinata with regal mock-seriousness.

"I knew it! The bitch is possessed!"

"Inoichi Yamanaka-san! From now on, you too are bewitched! I, your High Priestess, command you!" Hinata declared, repeating Naruko's finger-wiggling spell motion.

"Yes, oh wise one," Inoichi said solemnly, bowing. The ninja clan heads were barely holding in their laughter.

"Hokage-sama! You must stop them! They're going to corrupt the entire village right under our noses!"

"Silence, you fat civilian excuse of a man. You are now bewitched! We command you to act like you're not—so you can spy for us!" Naruko and Hinata chanted in unison.

"What? I'm not bewitched, you bitch!" the councillor bellowed.

"That's exactly what a bewitched spy would say."

And chaos erupted once more in the council room.

"SILENCE! SILENCE, I SAY!" thundered the Hokage. "No Jinchūriki can bewitch others. In fact, it's common knowledge that Jinchūriki have trouble casting genjutsu—which is the only known method of hypnosis. Tsume-san, Inoichi-san, was it truly necessary to indulge this farce?"

"Of course, Hokage-sama!" Tsume barked with a salute as Inoichi giggled.

The old man pinched the bridge of his nose. It had been absurd—but entertaining.

"Well, now that you've had your fun… onto the next matter."

"HIRUZEN! We must regain control of the beast!"

"OH, SHUT THE FUCK UP, KOHARU! AND IT'S HOKAGE-SAMA TO YOU!" the old man snapped. "You, of all people, should know better—we cannot force Uzumaki Naruko back to the village. She is now a Kumo ninja."

"But… but that means we don't have a tailed beast anymore…" Homura mumbled.

"Hence why we're allied with Kumo!"

"Noble Council of Konoha, let me tell you a story," Naruko began. "Our story begins on the 10th of October, fifteen years ago… The day I was born. My father sacrificed himself to protect this village, not just from the Nine-Tails—but from the man who ripped the Kyūbi from my mother's body and forced it into rampage. My mother died restraining the fox long enough to seal it into me. Both of them died for this village.

"And for the next eight years, you forced the strongest of the nine to watch me suffer. She is the closest thing I have to a mother. Her chakra bathed me from conception. She is not just a monster—you made her one. She is my blood, and I am hers."

Naruko paused to breathe, then continued with a growl:

"There's someone out there—strong enough to rip a tailed beast from a Jinchūriki, bend it to their will, and walk away from a battle with the Fourth Hokage. That someone is gathering the Nine. They don't answer to countries. They don't fear Kage. They're dangerous. So I'll say this: I may hate Konoha, but I'll swallow my resentment. In exchange for protection as an ally, I will protect you. But sell me out, and remember what a feral Kyūbi did once. Try surviving her wrath without a Yondaime."

"What my dear is saying," Hinata said with icy poise, "is that this alliance is vital. Forget about reclaiming the Nine-Tails. She was there every time you hurt Naruko—healing her, whispering vengeance. That boy you once called a demon tried to forgive you… until you killed him. The Kyūbi resurrected her—made her whole, turned her into this powerful kunoichi before you. And let me make one thing clear: if Konoha ever harms us again, I will personally command the full might of Kumogakure—and three bijū—against this village."

Hinata's glowing eyes sent chills down every spine.

"But… but… we need our bijū back!" Koharu stammered.

"Fat chance," Naruko said coldly. "You chased me out. I'm not your tool. The Kyūbi hates you. And there are no other Main Branch Uzumaki left—you'll never lay hands on her again."

"Tease them, N-chan. Make them turn on each other."

"You want a shot at regaining the Kyūbi? Fine. Bring me your daughters. I'll repopulate the Uzumaki clan—and look for a compatible womb to bear the burden," Naruko added, grinning cruelly.

The council erupted again in shrieks, panic, and denials. The civilian side—louder than ever—demanded the ninja clans hand over females for the "acquisition" of the bijū. The clan heads were outraged.

Hinata, ever cheerful, chirped, "That won't work. You want a viable host? It must be the most compatible and pure Uzumaki. The mother must have no clan traits. Hmmm… Even if she's ugly and annoying, I suppose Sakura Haruno would be a suitable broodmare. She's unlocked her chakra, so she can be trained."

"WHAT?! YOU WON'T TOUCH MY NIECE, YOU FILTHY DEMON!" screeched Sakiri Haruno.

"Yet you expected Inuzuka-sama to offer her daughter…" Haku murmured darkly—loud enough for all to hear.

"Well then… I guess sweet little Moegi would do," Hinata mused, tapping her lip. "Too young now, but give it a few years. She's adorable. I'd love to share her."

"No… NOOOOOOO! Not my sweet Moegi!" Koharu sobbed.

"No? But didn't you want my mother? Nothing's free," Naruko said with a malicious smile. "You want her? Then offer me your daughters. And when a suitable baby is born, one of you must willingly die to power the seal. Otherwise, my mother escapes—and unleashes hell."

Before the council could spiral further, Hiruzen slammed his fist down and ended the discussion. The alliance with Kumo was too important. He forced the council to drop the matter of reclaiming the Nine-Tails. He also announced that he would be sending Jiraiya to find Tsunade in hopes she would accept the mantle of Hokage. The civilian council grinned, thinking she'd support them.

Later that day, Hiruzen informed Naruko and Hinata they would be traveling with Jiraiya to find the last Senju. Haku would return to Kumo, and Karui would remain as a goodwill ambassador. She had no political power, but would report weekly to the Raikage.

"Jojojojojo! You were right! What a show! Hinata-chan is such a predator in politics," Hiruzen chuckled. "She didn't threaten them outright—she made them embarrass themselves. Can I borrow her?"

"NEVER! The Uzumaki matriarch is how I keep my own council in check!" the Raikage grinned. "I'd start a war for her!"

Then he turned serious.

"Now, onto business. Please deliver this message to Danzo Shimura," A said. "If he keeps his operations out of Kumo and leaves my people alone, we'll get Konoha a new Jinchūriki and train them to mastery. We've identified a safe candidate. This will help secure the alliance and fulfill our obligations."

"How will you retrieve this Jinchūriki?"

"We'll wait for the new Hokage before letting H-chan corner your council. Believe me—they'll accept."

"And the Hyūga?"

"Hinata, Naruko, and the Kyūbi will handle them. Her father and sister are with us. Expect a few corpses. The elders believe they're above the law. If they overstep, they'll be crushed—politically or otherwise. Hinata is kind—but she's an Uzumaki now. And Naruko is her wife. Threaten their family, and even the mountains won't survive their wrath."

Both leaders chuckled grimly, knowing the storm Konoha barely avoided—and how much worse it could still get.