NGNL: Can't humans do that

When Su'er first came to this world, he always liked to recall the past.

After all, in a world where life is in danger at any time, and the food he eats is rough food made of plant roots dug from barren land, and there is no way to talk about nutritional combinations, coldness and emptiness often accompany the body, and the only thing that can make you feel warm is the good memories of the past.

A soft and silky big bed, various kinds of food with sufficient fat and sugar that not only stop at nutrition, but also go a step further in taste and enjoyment, and various games that are just to make people happier and more relaxed... The world revolves around people.

Su'er always likes to recall these.

But every day when he wakes up from his sleep, the first thing he touches is the cold wooden bed with a layer of animal skin under him. When he walks out of the door, he can't see the blue sky, only the blood color that never ends. I don't know when and why, a huge beam of light will suddenly appear in the distance and wipe over the hills - leaving only a deep groove and smoke coming out of the earth after evaporation.

Su'er hated this world, and he also hated himself for coming to such a world.

He had a job that provided him with enough food and clothing, his parents were healthy, and he was about to get married, but he came to such a cruel world after a normal lunch break... When he opened his eyes that afternoon, everything became completely different.

He was silent, out of tune with everything around him - after all, he had to learn the words and language used by the humans around him who looked similar to him from scratch. Su'er was like a purest baby, stumbling in this strange world.

The only thing that could accompany him was his past memories.

Until the day when the Werebeast who suddenly appeared in the settlement began to kill.

For the first time, Su'er clearly realized this point, even though other people in the settlement had told him countless times, but he still didn't have a sense of the fact - in this world, humans were not even qualified to be taken seriously, and were just like hunted beasts.

Then he met Riku.

Just after Ivan carried him out of the old colony destroyed by the Werebeast, he woke up from the fever coma after the infection with difficulty and luckily and regained the strength to stand up.

Su'er looked at the white-haired boy standing opposite him, the leader of the current colony. He looked almost the same age as his current body, but the white-haired boy's eyes were calm... calm and even cold.

Su'er listened carefully to Riku description of the rules he had set, the rule that even if one person was sacrificed, the rest must live, and listened to Riku patient questioning after he finished talking about the colony's current main goals and work.

Su'er had no questions, he had accepted it all.

Later, Su'er also asked Ivan about Riku age - fifteen years old, only one year older than the age of Su'er body.

From then on, Su'er gave up recalling the past.

Too much recollection of those sweet dreams will make people weak, and the weak will die the fastest of all people, because they will hesitate, not be decisive enough, and miss the chance to escape because of this weakness.

Su'er didn't want to die yet, even though he had imagined such a scene countless times - taking off the dust mask covering his head, and then taking off the fur armor that resisted the severe cold, lying in the most Black Ash on the ground outside in such a vulnerable and defenseless posture, the wind of death blowing through the world will take him into the paradise of sleep.

Even though he had imagined the beauty of entering the paradise countless times, in the end Su'er still gave up such a plan.

Even he himself didn't know why he gave up, and couldn't find the reason... He just wanted to live, just live.

He didn't want to die like this.

Even if he didn't even find the meaning of living and dying.

Su'er began to imitate Riku, imitating this child who was much younger than himself in theory.

Following Riku silence and his perspective in dealing with things, Su'er only selected useful or valuable knowledge from his memory to recall. Following his memory, he found the method of cultivating edible mushrooms, the common sense of treating some common diseases under simple conditions, etc. He worked hard to increase his value in the colony and improve his status. Finally, he got the position of elder as he wished.

And the last one -

When there is danger, he arranges a ladder according to the value of each person, and then orders the person at the bottom of the ladder to use his life to lead away the danger.

That was the beginning of Su'er nightmare.

When the first victim who died under his order appeared, even if none of his companions said anything to blame him, from that time on, Su'er could no longer fall asleep in an environment without lights on.

It seemed that as long as he lost this light, an invisible hand would reach out from the darkness and strangle his neck fiercely, making him unable to breathe again, just because of his impurity.

Yes, Su'er knew it all. Compared to those simple and kind people in the settlement, he, who had impure intentions from the beginning, was like a pool of rotten mud, devouring the lives of innocent people.

All the efforts, efforts to climb up, and the reason for desperately trying to get the position of one of the managers of the entire camp were only one - he never wanted to hear someone say to him:

[Su'er, I order you to die here. ]

This is the root of everything and the thing that Su'er fears the most.

It is also the reason why he is curled up in this cave now, and even wearing several layers of thick quilts can't warm up the cold in his body.

He even heard what Riku calm voice would say to him in a trance, and even Riku voice was reproduced vividly.

[Su'er, for the whole settlement...you leave. ]

Unable to help but hold the quilt covering his head tighter, Su'er has curled up into a ball.

Since returning to the colony, the monkey waving the blood-soaked pieces of his clothes and screaming at him has been jumping in his mind from time to time. Whether he opens his eyes or closes them, he has the worst fantasies.

Fantasies of all possible situations - the fantasy of the Werebeast who search and chase and slaughter everyone in the colony, the fantasy of everyone who has to move the colony because of him dying in large numbers in front of the Werebeast who have increased the threat to humans, the fantasy of Riku ordering him to leave the colony after learning the whole story...

Riku, who also went on an expedition, has not returned yet.

Su'er is like a death row prisoner waiting to be sentenced.