New System, Who Dis?

Saturday, April 6th, 2069

Error!

This Enchantment has been destroyed and banned!

Assessing Criminal Case…

Three such items in possession

Two unused.

First time offense

Impossible to obtain Enchantment from earlier System iteration.

Verdict: Not-Guilty

Compensating Party for destruction of Enchantment.

Scanning for appropriate Trade…

Overdraft Skill detected…

Funnel Enchant Chosen—Growth Grade

…

My vision was just coming back into focus, and I caught up with the text that seemed to be writing itself out on the box. What any of it meant was beyond confusing, but one thing was for certain; the Enchant to create a Crystal that I had activated was banned and illegal. Illegal usually meant enforceable. Did I want to meet the System’s equivalent of police, FBI, CIA–what jurisdiction was I even in, exactly? Nevermind. The question was, did I want to meet Cosmic or Divine, or whatever level the System operated on’s law enforcement? …I immediately determined that no–no I did not.

A heat began growing in my chest—coming right from where I knew my Mental Universe was. I took a quick scan of the room and realized Smegma wasn’t visible or had once again popped out of existence; then I mentally dove into my universe.

What I found certainly explained the uncomfortable building heat. Those wisps of energy that seemed to shoot off the Demonic Vault constellation, was now a torrent. I followed the undulating banner of smoky blue energy and found it coalescing into a ball. That ball was giving off the immense heat that had just then gone past uncomfortable to percolating.

I opened my mouth to scream but thankfully my throat was too dry to get more than a croak out before I thought better of it. My parents were right downstairs—and a scream would bring them running immediately. Surely my own Skill wouldn’t kill me.

I just had to endure this. Right? Right? System?

Energy levels too high. Destruction of host imminent.

…

Husk!

The pain cranked up a few more levels—making my already spotty vision grow black. I thought I might have been screaming already, but realized that the lack of my parents hovering over me likely meant I wasn’t. My whole body felt like one singular muscle—and it was currently experiencing an existential level charley-horse tension . Beyond tension, actually. It was attempting to rip me in half like a stubborn piece of packaging.

Blackness consumed whatever thoughts I had, making them impossible to hold onto. The last thing I saw before the darkness fully closed in was.

Shunting…

* * *

Sunday, April 7th, 2069

“What the actual husk is going on?” Smegma asked, his voice panicked and high-pitched in a way that felt like nails on a chalkboard. My eyes opening and closing must have clued him in, to the fact I was coming to.

Still, the sun streaming in my window through the blinds told me that I had passed out for more than a few minutes. I managed to tilt my head enough that my eyes could make out my alarm clock. It was Sunday and thankfully early enough that my parents hadn’t decided to come in and check on me.

So, only unconscious for a single night?

“It could be a week or even a husking year!” Smegma shouted, reading my unintentional sending. “I was thrown into the center of some black hole that was filling with Mana in the form of smoke. Then the smoke started to become puzzle pieces with sharp edges. At first I didn’t want to touch them but then I realized with the speed they were forming I was going to be sliced to—”

“Slow down,” I croaked. “Whoa, man. I just woke up…”

“I almost died!” Smegma shouted. If the Demon Imp breathed, I was pretty sure he’d be hyperventilating right about now.

Still, I couldn’t look at him, because it felt like if I tried to sit up, the back of my skull might fall off. My body was telling me that after that happened my brain would simply pool on the floor behind me. Smegma thankfully flew into view above my head and stared right into my eyes with his black orbs as he repeated, “I almost husking died!”

“So did I!” I choked out. “‘Destruction of Host imminent’, okay? So get your shit together and tell me what happened.” I immediately regretted raising my voice. Even the little bit of volume that I was currently capable of caused my head to attempt to implode. “I don’t actually know what happened…” I groaned. “There was a System message. Something about an illegal Enchantment, and then another saying that I wasn’t guilty—before the Enchant was changed to Funnel Growth something or other.”

“What—does that even—are you sure?” Smegma said in a halting pattern of speech that highlighted just how out of place he currently felt. “You were tried by the System?” he finally added, his voice sounding so very fatalistic.

That got me to sit up. Had there been a chance of the System finding me guilty and then doing something like destroying me—instead of the Enchantment? It didn’t seem like a far stretch, seeing how it still almost destroyed me, even though I wasn’t ‘guilty’. Guilty of what? I had no idea. By all accounts it wasn’t like there was a TOS agreement the world signed when the System decided to impose itself on our reality.

My increased headache reminded me why I was scared to sit up, but thankfully my brain wasn’t actually in a puddle behind me. Slowly I got to my feet and went into a cabinet drawer looking for some ibuprofen, or acetaminophen. I found both and chose to take two pills of each. Then I collapsed into my office chair and stared up at the ceiling—and Smegma who once again chose to fly into my field of vision.

He helpfully commented, “Well, you do look like you almost died.”

“Sure did. Somehow Overdraft went crazy and almost popped me like a balloon. Or maybe it was Funnel? I don’t husking know.”

...Shunting.” I whispered, after a small break.

“What?” Smegma frowned. “What does that mean?”“It was the last thing I saw before I passed out,” I clarified. “There was a System message that said something about too much ‘energy’ and ‘destruction of Host imminent’—I remember that part very clearly. But afterward there was one last message, it just said: Shunting. That basically means, ‘to divert’, right? Did you see me have any kind of reaction after activating the keystone? That’s when things started to go sideways. After the ‘System trial’, as you called it–I started to feel this burning heat building inside of me, before I got that last message and passed out. Do you think the excess energy was…”

Smegma nodded. “I saw your face start to grimace and your surface thoughts got… chaotic, and I was suddenly there.” The imp shuddered. “I guess we know where the extra 'Energy levels’ went.” He glanced over at the nearby desk and pointed. “The Key Stones are gone.”

I reluctantly followed his gaze. There were two melted spots on my table—in the approximate spot where the Keystones for my dad’s and Willa’s Picks used to sit. I hesitantly looked to my hand that had been holding the third and final Stone and found some very fresh skin on my palm and fingers. It was red enough that I would have thought I was badly sunburnt if it wasn’t for the clues. The other Keystone had burned its way through my hand—but it looked like Recovery had taken care of that when I ‘slept’.

“When did I become Wolferine?” I asked no one, still turning my hand back and forth. “My Recovery never worked like this. I mean, to heal a hole in my hand overnight? I didn’t think it was that powerful. Not like that story about Taz pulling the Rakshasha Fang from his chest. My Recovery has only been good for keeping muscle fatigue and blisters away.”

Smegma snorted, rolling his eyes.

I glared at him. “What?”

“Recovery prioritizes injuries that are life-threatening or debilitating. So, muscle fatigue and blisters are definitely outside of that category. Plus that’s really a good thing. If Recovery always returned every injury you have back to normal–you’d never grow stronger, or build those calluses. As for the comment about Taz–not a husking chance. IF you got stabbed with a Rakshasa fang–you’d be a puddle of human slush.”

“Oh.” I nodded. “That makes sense. So his Recovery Skill is stronger?.”

This time it was Smegma that shrugged. “I can’t even confirm he has Recovery. But whatever effect he was using, it definitely needed more power than a C-rank Skill.”

With that thought, I started considering how I was going to have to catch that Skill in action one day. The thought of cutting myself or something similar was disconcerting to say the least. My brain chose to deliberate on that thought and I was horrified to find it disagreed with my initial assessment. According to my train of thoughts it might be worth it. I’d gain valuable knowledge from learning more about the Skill that could one day influence my very survival.

[Husk that!] I thought as I shivered. Was I even myself anymore? My own thoughts contradicting my gut feeling wasn’t pleasant. It truly felt like I had somehow acquired a passenger or a new brain that was giving commentary on matters.

“Felhound style, too!” Smegma added, misinterpreting why I shivered and the direction of my thought. Then I chuckled when I realized the Demon had basically said husk something doggy-style in response. I filed that particular curse away. I might want to use that insult later.

Remembering the streaming energies I’d seen inside of myself, I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, no longer having any more excuses for not checking in and seeing what the damage was. I dove into my Mental Universe and found a new planet—or perhaps a moon in truth this time, because it was smaller than Overdraft—circling the Demonic Vault Skill? It looked like a marble until I drew closer. Even as it grew, due to my proximity, it became clear that it wasn’t truly large. I mentally prodded Smegma and said, “This is where the energies ‘funneled.”

I felt Smegma prodding at the planet, before he said, “These are the same color as the sharp puzzle pieces I had to assemble. See how they all look the husking same! It took what felt like years to get it all together—what exactly is it?”

“I have no idea—maybe those screens would have told me but I kind of passed out.”

“Pussy!”

“Dick!” I countered. “Do you think it’s a new Skill or something?”

“I mean what else could it be? It’s in your Mental Skill Universe and is an actual object. That or it’s a tracker from the System to make sure you don’t do anything bad. Husk, maybe it’s a bomb.”

“Oh, husk off!” I said but did take a good look at the metal globe-moon-planet-thing. Could it actually have technology inside to track me? Once I realized where my thoughts were going I opened my eyes to stare at a smirking Smegma, “You know I husking hate you right?”

“Feelings mutual, weakling.” I shook my head at Smegma’s response. It was so similar to what Dave might have sent if he were an intangible System-induced companion. I realized that I was missing my best friend and shot off a quick ‘Hey’ from my phone.

It had been a week, and he had clearly seen me right after I was assaulted. I wondered why he hadn’t reached out yet until I received a litany of five responses in a row.

Holy husk dude! I was starting to think you weren’t allowed to have your phone. I was trying to give you space but…

IF I didn’t see you still posting to Insta I would have for sure marched my ass over to your house.

You doing okay?

What the husk happened? The cops only told me so much.

I chose not to immediately respond to those and instead ask the question of Smegma I just thought of. “Does this mean I can’t buy more Miner’s Picks from the Store?”

“Oh, don’t worry too much about that—the System updated the items, removing that and a few other Enchants. See, look.”

Miscellaneous Professions Gear

Miner’s Pick (1)

Low-F-Rank

Durability: Unlimited

Damage: 1-3 (x100% to Mineable minerals)

This Miner’s pick will use the Mana run-off from Crystal Mining to repair and strengthen itself, making it unbreakable. It will also Funnel excess Mana to Brodie Flacarada’s Overdraft Skill.

Cost: 10,000 mC

“Does that mean that all excess Mana goes to whatever Overflow is doing?” I asked, even as I began distractedly sending updates to Dave. Did that mean that I needed to put as many of these things in as many hands as I possibly could? …Damn. Did I need to start my own Mining company? It would make providing ‘standard equipment’ easier and I’d have less explaining to do than if I suddenly pulled out dozens of these things and started handing them out like Halloween candy…

“Oh shit,” Smegma said. “It probably does. It might be time to talk about changing Overflow’s target again…”

“You’re a flying rat.”

“And you’re a selfish pile of shit. Share the wealth.”

“The same ‘wealth’ that nearly killed you?” I shot back.

Smegma stuck his tongue out. “Nearly killed you, too, tough guy.”

I ignored the imp as I finished my back and forth with Dave—eventually planning to meet him at the movies sometime later. I of course kept my new Skill to myself and everything to do with it as well, but honestly, if there was someone I wanted to tell, it was him.