Netkama Punch!!!

I clicked my tongue as I watched Shin Heejae grinning like an idiot without a shred of shame.
“Happy, are you? Tsk tsk.”
Mocking him, I rested my chin on one hand while scrolling through the messages Shin Heejae kept bombarding me with using the other.

Even now, he was trying every trick in the book to extract more information out of me.
Heejae:
Noona
I’m seriously curious about you

About what?
Heejae:
What you look like ㅇ.ㅇ
I’m so curious it’s messing with my sleep lately

After reading that, I glanced over at the full-length mirror stuck to my door. Sitting slouched in front of my computer was a perfectly normal-looking guy in a pair of worn-out sweatpants.
I suddenly had the urge to snap a photo of myself just like that and send it to him. But I held back. I still had a lot more to milk from him.
Instead, I pressed the screen of my phone, patiently and methodically.

Hmm... I have long dyed hair
Heejae:
Nice
Photo gogo

Gd
Then I rummaged through the folder where I’d installed the game client and sent him a screenshot. It was from the character customization screen when I first created ‘Sesam’.
Sure enough, as soon as he saw the screenshot, Shin Heejae completely lost it.

Heejae:
Seyoung, oppa’s about to get mad right now
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
You dumbass lolololol. Stop messing around and go run a dungeon lolol
Heejae:
At least log inㅡㅡ

Heejae grumbled, then suddenly seemed to get another idea and popped a question.
Heejae:
Do you have a boyfriend or something?
Or are you married??

I hesitated for a second, wondering how to answer, but before I could say anything, the bastard jumped ahead.
Heejae:
No way you do…
Heejae:
You’re not the type guys would be into anyway lolol

I’d never wished for that kind of popularity to begin with, but it was the perfect time to cuss him out, so I typed fast.
Wanna f*cking die?
Heejae:
LOOL You’re the kind of person only I’d like

Please have mercy
Heejae:
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
After that ridiculous back-and-forth, I finally caved to Heejae’s pestering and logged into [Arcadia].

[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
NHeejae: Noona ㅎ_ㅇ
NSesam: Yo
The moment I logged in, his character was already standing right next to mine, like he’d been waiting.
Before I could # Nоvеlight # even do anything, Heejae sent me a [Party Invite]. I accepted out of reflex, but something about getting hit with a party request the instant I logged in made me want to act contrary.

Lately, it had become routine—log in, get a party invite from him, turn on Discord like it was expected, and game together. The fact that I’d grown used to this pattern was especially annoying today.
But before I could throw a tantrum, Heejae sent me a trade request.
[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PSesam: ? What is it
PHeejae: Accept plz ㅇ_ㅇlolol

Feeling half suspicious and half curious, I accepted and checked the items he was offering.
[Sea God's Talisman +10]
[Shining Gauntlets of the Ruinous Guardian]
[Shining Boots of the Ruinous Guardian]
[Shining Plate of the Ruinous Guardian]
[Shining Clip of the Ruinous Guardian]
·
·
·
[Great One Staff of Wisdom’s Attlika +9]
“This is……”

I had a feeling, and sure enough, every single item he offered was top-tier gear for a Spirit Healer. And that staff at the end? That was a rare piece of equipment so hard to find, it wasn’t even on the market even if you had money.
With my jaw slack, I dragged the mouse to check the staff’s detailed stats.
“Holy shit… All the stats are maxed.”

It had three separate +10% Wisdom stat boosts—easily the most important stat for Spirit Healers. My resolve to play support without spending a dime was shattered the moment I saw it. I wanted it. Bad.
And for good reason—it was nearly on par with the [Blue Flame Signiel] that Heejae had stolen from me back then.
Without a second thought, I hit [Complete Trade].

But...
[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PHeejae: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
That bastard Shin Heejae canceled the trade.

Not only that, he was laughing so hard he had to mute his mic on Discord. No doubt he was rolling on the floor right now.
“You little shit!”
Enraged, I slammed my hand on the desk.

[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PSesam: Are you f*cking kidding me?
I was about to let loose a barrage of insults when Heejae suddenly unmuted and spoke in a teasing voice.
“Noona, do you have no shame? You were gonna take all that without blinking.”

I scoffed and replied:
[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PSesam: You bought it to give me anywayㅡㅡ
“You’re hilarious, noona.”

Heejae giggled like it was the funniest thing in the world. Just when my patience was about to run out, he casually dropped the next line.
“Yeah, I bought it for you.”
“……”

“But there’s a condition.”
[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PSesam: What?
“Marry me.”

If there were a list of the world’s most off-putting proposals, this one would be number one. What kind of lunatic proposes marriage over some in-game items?
But Heejae kept talking like it was no big deal.
“Let’s get Sesam and Heejae married. We’ll get couple buffs in dungeons. We’re always playing together anyway.”

“Ah.”
Snapping out of it, I quickly warped to a location and fired back.
[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PSesam: Where are you? I’m already standing outside the wedding hall haha

A thousand-dollar item just for marrying a character? Of course I wasn’t going to turn that down.
Besides, [Arcadia]’s marriage system lets you get divorced whenever you want. You can even do it the moment you walk out of the wedding hall.
To marry, both characters have to agree, but to divorce? One-sided declaration is enough.

But as if he read my mind, Heejae chuckled and said,
“Noona, you’re planning to get divorced right after the wedding, aren’t you?”
I hesitated, but I could still see the staff gleaming in my mind’s eye, so I denied it immediately.

[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PSesam: Of course not? haha. What, you think marriage is a joke?
PHeejae: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Heejae snorted with laughter. He clearly didn’t believe a word I said. Then, like he was asking for a promise, he followed up.

“Really? Then if we get divorced, I can take all the items back, right?”
[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PSesam: Of course haha
"Like hell you’re getting them back once they’re in my inventory, dumbass."

Sure, I replied sweetly in chat—but there was zero chance I’d return the staff after getting it.
And it wasn’t just the staff—he’d prepped an entire gear set. I could take it all, sell it at auction, then quit the game and make back almost everything I’d lost.
I couldn’t help smiling at the thought that maybe my revenge was going to be easier than I’d imagined.

But...
Shin Heejae was never that easy.
“Alright then, let’s meet up and do the trade in person.”

[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PSesam: What?
“Face-to-face trade. I’ll come to wherever you live.”
“……”

“Where do you live?”
And at that moment, for the first time in my life, I seriously wished I were a woman. If I were, I’d just tell him to meet nearby, take the gear, and bolt.
“Or… maybe a wig—goddammit, what the hell am I even thinking?”

I was actually considering crossdressing for gear. I slapped my cheeks to snap out of it. It wasn’t like I could pass as a woman just by putting on a wig. If I had that kind of face, I would’ve already sent him a glam pic and fished him long ago.
Well, luring him in full drag and watching him run off screaming wouldn’t be a bad plan either, but...
“Then I wouldn’t get the items…”

Grabbing my hair in despair, I finally answered the bastard who was still waiting.
[General][Party][Clan][Whisper]
PSesam: Where do I live? F*cking…
PSesam: I live in Arcadia

As soon as he read that, Shin Heejae burst into hysterical laughter.
And the more I heard him laughing, the worse I felt. Because I still couldn’t let go of the thought. I was even considering asking Hyejin to meet him instead of me—how pathetic is that?
Ah, Shin Heejae, you f*cking bastard! Why are you putting me through this torment? What the hell are you expecting out of a fake online romance…

Completely oblivious to my inner turmoil, Heejae kept dangling the bait.
“Noona, are you serious? You don’t get opportunities like this every day.”
“You f*cking bastard, I know that too……”

I cursed under my breath, bitter and seething.
But even without a response, Heejae must’ve come up with his own reason why I refused to meet him, and kept trying to sweet-talk me.
“Noona, I don’t care if you look like this.”

Then he sent a screenshot from the [Trulidge] map in [Arcadia]. A place crawling with trolls and ogres.
What he sent was a picture of a troll.