Naruto: Uchiha’s Unserious Saga

"Katsuyu!"

"Yes!"

"Heal these two," Funan smiled innocently. "These two are rogue ninjas from Konoha—I can't allow them to simply die here."

He deliberately emphasized the words 'rogue ninjas'.

"This..."

Katsuyu hesitated for a moment before speaking.

"Both of them have suffered fatal injuries. However, the one who attacked them was extremely skilled—their method ensures maximum pain without causing immediate death. I'm afraid I can't heal them."

"Good, then you're doing it right!"

Seeing that Katsuyu didn't understand his intent, Funan simply laid it out plainly. He grinned and said cheerfully, "If you could heal them, I wouldn't allow it."

"Then…"

"Just keep them alive. That's all that matters—until the war is over."

Funan spoke casually.

"Remember, just sustain their lives. Everything else isn't your concern."

Katsuyu blinked slowly.

This time, it understood.

"Understood!"

"Good."

Funan nodded with satisfaction.

He looked at Danzō and Hiruzen, their faces full of despair, and sighed lightly.

"Don't blame me. After all, the number of people who've died at your hands… it's quite a lot. There has to be some payback, right?"

"And honestly—I genuinely despise you. If I don't make you suffer a little… I just can't let it go."

Funan spoke seriously, every word laced with sincerity.

Katsuyu: "..."

"Hokage-sama!"

Minato appeared.

Funan glanced over and asked in a deep voice, "What is it, Hokage-sama?"

Minato froze for a second.

"Hokage-sama… please, stop joking."

"You're called Hokage? There are three Hokage present right here!"

Funan spread his hands.

"I know who you mean. But Minato, can you try to be a bit more precise when you talk?"

"Fifth Hokage, then!"

"There we go—much clearer. So, you're looking for me. Minato, you need to stay calm and composed."

Calm and composed my ass!

Minato was practically fuming.

"Hokage-sama—Fifth Hokage—please proceed to the battlefield immediately."

He cast a side glance at Hiruzen and Danzō.

He hadn't expected to see them here.

Severely wounded, no less.

Who did this?

Uchiha Funan?

…Whatever. Doesn't matter.

They're just two rogue shinobi anyway.

Deep down, Minato couldn't help but feel pleased.

What had happened to Naruto had already left him resentful toward them.

Funan mentally calculated.

It was probably about time.

He nodded.

"Alright, Minato. Use the Flying Thunder God. By the way…"

He looked Minato up and down with a hint of disbelief.

"What the hell happened to you? You look like a mess."

"That should give you some idea of just how intense things are on the battlefield!"

Minato was just as speechless.

"Without me, you guys really are useless."

Funan let out a sigh, then placed a hand on Minato's body.

And then—something astonishing happened.

Minato's missing arm and leg began to regenerate, slowly taking shape again.

"Wh-What…?"

Minato was utterly dumbfounded.

What was going on?

"Don't be surprised."

Funan patted his shoulder with a smile.

"There's a lot more that'll shock you when I'm around. You'll get used to it eventually. Oh, right—you're dead. Once this war is over, you'll have to go back. Too bad. You won't get to witness a lot of things."

Minato: "…"

You sure don't sound the least bit regretful.

Minato stopped talking and simply stepped in front of Funan, placing a hand on him.

"I'm using Flying Thunder God now."

"Alright... let's go."

In an instant, the two of them vanished.

...

[Boom!]

Uchiha Madara roared as he smashed Hashirama's giant wooden golem into pieces with brute force.

But Hashirama took the chance to launch a wooden dragon, crashing it into Madara and forcing him backward.

The others didn't waste the opportunity.

They all charged in together, unleashing a barrage of powerful jutsu.

A torrent of attacks engulfed Madara from every direction.

Especially Sasuke and Naruto.

After all this time fighting, their strength had clearly grown yet again.

Even the Nine-Tails inside Naruto was stunned.

What the hell was going on?

Where were all these powers coming from?

"Get lost!"

Uchiha Madara shouted harshly.

The power of the Rinnegan erupted, repelling every single attack that had been launched at him.

Naruto and Sasuke appeared before him.

"Tailed Beast Bomb!"

"Amaterasu!"

The Tailed Beast Bomb surged forward, cloaked in dense black flames.

Once again, Madara activated the power of his Rinnegan, absorbing all the chakra.

But this time, he was starting to breathe a little harder.

"Madara-sama!"

Black Zetsu emerged from the void.

It was thanks to Obito's Mangekyō ability.

In his hand was a Rinnegan—taken straight from Obito's body.

"You seemed to have forgotten this."

Madara's eyes lit up with joy.

Finally, it's here!

In a moment of impulse, he had charged into battle with Hashirama. Who would've thought that the other top fighters of the shinobi world would join in—and their teamwork was surprisingly good.

That had made things... complicated.

But now, with this Rinnegan back in his possession, everything was going to change.

He was confident—he would utterly crush them.

Reaching out, Madara took the eye and placed it into his socket. At the same time, his other eye flicked toward the massive Buddha.

That thing was actually being held at bay… by a little girl?

Konan had covered the Great Buddha with countless explosive tags, relentlessly detonating them over and over again from head to toe.

Now, the giant Buddha didn't dare to move recklessly.

And the masked man? He was hiding obediently inside the Buddha's body.

The moment he tried to show himself, a swarm of explosive tags would fly straight at him.

"That technique can certainly be powerful with enough support from explosive tags," Madara muttered, brows slightly furrowed. "But this much? That woman…"

Whatever.

Once both eyes are back, it'll all be over.

A healing light rose within Madara's newly implanted eye.

It wouldn't be long now before it was fully functional.

With a cold glare, he swept his gaze across the battlefield—then fixed it on the tailed beasts behind everyone else.

"Beasts… this time, no one will stop me from taking you."

...

"Summoning: Rashōmon!"

Hashirama clapped his hands together, summoning his signature technique with a shout.

Unfortunately...

Even Hashirama, in this moment, had to admit one truth when facing Uchiha Madara—he was weak.

[Whoosh!]

Madara's speed was almost like the Flying Thunder God Technique. In the blink of an eye, he was right in front of Hashirama.

[Boom!]

A single follow-up kick—Hashirama's body shattered into fragments, falling apart as he entered the cooldown for regeneration.

As for the Rashōmon…?

Madara destroyed it with a single punch.

[Whoosh!]

Someone suddenly appeared behind Madara.

Without even turning his head, Madara swung his fist backward.

[Boom!]

With a dull thud, the person's skull exploded.

"Tobirama," Madara said, finally glancing behind him, "I've wanted to do that for a long time. Honestly, it felt even better than hitting you earlier."

He smirked coldly at the slowly regenerating Tobirama.

Smashing Tobirama's head—he had dreamed of doing it.

[Boom! Boom! Boom!]

What followed was pure, brutal execution.

Tobirama was pounded mercilessly. Madara's fists rained down like a thunderstorm, crashing into his body again and again.

Each punch turned more of Tobirama's body to dust.

"Stop!!"

Naruto roared as he charged forward.

"Tailed Beast Bomb!"

From his beast-like mouth, a chakra sphere formed and launched at Madara.

"Hmph."

Madara gave him just the briefest glance.

[Whoosh!]

An arrow flew at him.

Not far behind, Sasuke had summoned his Susanoo and drawn his massive bow.

Madara's eyes locked on Sasuke. A cold smirk tugged at his lips.

"Break!"

With a sharp shout, Madara's own Susanoo erupted into view, shattering the arrow with ease.

Then—he spun and punched the Nine-Tails.

[Boom!]

The power difference was staggering. The Tailed Beast was sent flying, and mid-air, Naruto's transformation was forcibly undone.

And then—

Madara appeared before Sasuke, towering over him with a piercing gaze.

"Nice eyes," Madara said, grinning. "So, what do you say? Want to join me?"

"Are you kidding?" Sasuke sneered. "You're just a rogue ninja. I'm a shinobi of Konoha."

"Is that so?" Madara didn't seem angry—only colder. "In that case, hand over your eyes."

Without warning, he reached out and grabbed at Sasuke.

The giant Susanoo bellowed.

Although there was a huge gap between the Rinnegan and the Eternal Mangekyō Sharingan, that didn't mean Sasuke had no chance to fight back.

And let's not forget—

Sasuke was the reincarnation of Indra.

Sasuke's massive Susanoo clenched its fist and smashed Madara away.

But the next moment—Madara was back.

This time, he had summoned his full-body Susanoo.

An enormous figure, even more colossal than Sasuke's, descended from the sky, both fists raised—and brought them crashing down.

One blow.

Just one.

Sasuke's Susanoo shattered.

Madara withdrew his own and once again reached toward Sasuke's eyes.

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