Naruto: Paws and Whiskers

"Right... My apologies. We were being inconsiderate."

The Third Hokage looked disappointed for a moment, but then he seemed to understand. Not every success could be replicated. Even with both Takeshi and Minato using the Flying Thunder God, and all the incredible tactics they could devise together, it wasn't a strategy they could apply universally. They'd need specific intel to build a plan around it.

Besides, the Kirigakure had been willing to pay a heavy price for their Mizukage because he had been in office for a long time and accomplished a great deal. Rasa, on the other hand, had only just taken the hat and done nothing of note. Capturing him would only make the Sunagakure replace their Kazekage that much faster. It wouldn't achieve anything beyond further enraging them.

"Hiruzen, what about Orochimaru and Jiraiya?" Homura started.

"You two go on and get some rest," the Third Hokage cut in, his voice firm. "Take it easy for the next few days."

He shot a look at his old teammate. Homura was losing his touch. They had just gotten back, and he was already trying to push them onto the next battlefield. Was he trying to earn Tsunade's wrath?

Minato gave a respectful bow and led Takeshi out of the office.

Takeshi had no desire to stick around. The Hokage clearly wanted to discuss something serious with Tsunade, and with the two elders there, it had to be about the northern front or the succession. Either way, eavesdropping would only lead to trouble. Better to pretend he hadn't heard a thing. It was one of the few things he and Minato could agree on without a word.

After Minato and the cat had gone, Hiruzen took a slow pull from his pipe. He stood and looked at her, his expression serious. "Tsunade. Stay. It's time for you to take my place."

"Only a fool would want to be Hokage," she sneered. Without another word, she turned and walked out, her footsteps echoing down the stairs, never once faltering.

"Tsunade!"

Koharu and Homura were bristling with anger. So many shinobi would kill for that position, and she dismissed it as a fool's errand. It was an insult not just to the past Hokage, but to the entire village.

But the Third sighed. "Leave it," he said, waving a hand dismissively. "You know what she's like. Pushing her will only make it worse. We'll wait."

In recent years, Hiruzen truly had felt his age catching up to him. He'd wanted to retire for a while now, but the question of a successor always held him back. Orochimaru and Jiraiya were both exceptional shinobi, of course. But he couldn't get a read on what Orochimaru truly desired, and Jiraiya was too much of a free spirit to be tied down by the Hokage's hat. Only Tsunade, with her lineage, her power, and her reputation, was the perfect fit.

"But-"

"No 'buts.' You two can go."

--**--**

Out on the street, Tsunade walked without direction. She'd been planning to hit a gambling hall, but the conversation with Hiruzen and the elders had soured her mood completely. All thoughts of winning or losing were gone, replaced by a simmering frustration.

'Dan... Nawaki...' 

'Hokage... Only an idiot would take that job.' A destructive urge coiled in her gut. She needed to hit something. Or someone. Too bad Jiraiya wasn't around, she would have loved to drag him into a "spar" right about now.

After a few more steps, a shop sign caught her eye. 'Pet Service Parlor?' Interesting. She hesitated for only a moment before pushing aside the door curtain and stepping inside. The place was clean and tidy, with a few kids busy sweeping and wiping things down.

"Can I help you, ma'am?" one of them asked.

"What kind of place is this?" Tsunade asked, glancing around. "Looks interesting. Why's it just you kids? Where are the adults?"

She strode in, pulled a stool over, and sat down. The kids didn't seem to recognize her, and for some reason, she liked it that way.

"Hello! This is Konoha's Pet Service Parlor," a boy with dark hair Urushi said, stepping forward. He spoke with a practiced smoothness. "We mostly do bathing, cleaning, and grooming for pets, but we also offer some basic medical care. Our orphanage runs it, so it's usually just us kids here."

Tsunade nodded slowly. 'An orphanage... So this is one of Nono and Kabuto's projects.' That kid certainly had a knack for things, but why was it always centered on pets? A flicker of confusion went through her.

The word "pets" sparked an idea. "So, this pet parlor... you sell them?"

"Uh, we don't sell them, exactly," the boy said. "But if you're looking for one, we can help ask around and see if any families have little ones they're looking to find a home for."

"A black cat," Tsunade said, keeping her voice tight. "I want a black cat."

Her teeth ground together. 'That damn black cat.' He was always the first one there when there was something to gain, but the second she needed him to take some heat, he vanished faster than smoke. What was the point?

'Fine. I'll get my own black cat. And I'll beat it up once a day!'

Why not just beat the source of her frustration? Because she couldn't. Ever since that furball learned the Flying Thunder God, she hadn't landed a single clean hit on him. The only time she could get him was when he let her. Otherwise, it was impossible.

'Damn that jutsu.'

"May I ask why you...?" Urushi began cautiously, but he flinched back when he met Tsunade's glare and didn't dare finish. He quickly shook his head. "We... we don't have any black cats, sorry."

"None, huh?" Tsunade's eyes scanned the room, then narrowed on a small door in the back. In a flash of movement, she used the Body Flicker and was gone, reappearing inside the back room.

There, she found Takeshi sprawled out while Kabuto diligently massaged his fur.

The moment Takeshi saw her, he bolted.

"And where do you think you're going?" Tsunade's hand slammed against the doorframe with a loud *thwack*.

Kabuto's heart leaped into his throat. 'Please don't hit it again, we just fixed that door!'

Thankfully, Tsunade didn't seem inclined to break it. She just leaned against the frame and said, "Come on, you two. We're going for a drink."

'Huh?' Kabuto was completely bewildered. What did this have to do with him? He was just giving a massage. Besides, was it really okay for a five-year-old to be drinking? A dozen objections sprang to mind, but one look at Tsunade's face made him swallow them all. He forced a polite, accommodating smile.

"Meow... Do I have to?" Takeshi tried.

"Yes," Tsunade said flatly. "I'm in a bad mood and I want company."

'A bad mood,' Takeshi thought. 'Of course.' That was reason enough for anything. He could guess it had something to do with her talk with the Hokage, but he never imagined she'd track him down here. She didn't even own a pet, what was she doing in a place like this? 'Wait, does she actually want to get a black cat?!'

As if on cue, Tsunade turned back to Urushi on her way out. "Hey, kid. Help me find someone with a black cat kitten. I'll pay double."

Urushi glanced at Kabuto, who gave a quick, sharp nod. "Okay, I'll start looking for you," Urushi said. "But black cats aren't very common in the village. Maybe you could... look through other channels, too?"

'Kid, what the hell are you doing? Just keep quiet!' Takeshi thought, groaning internally. 'Why are you trying to sell me out?'

He pretended he hadn't heard a thing. Tsunade, however, went still. A thoughtful look crossed her face. 'That's right... why search? This damn cat has a whole fortress of them. He can find any cat I want.'

Her gaze drifted back to Takeshi, decidedly unfriendly.

"Meow~ I'll go check later," Takeshi answered very cleverly. "If I find one, I'll definitely get you one, but if not, would other fur colors be okay?"

Finding a cat was no problem. The Ninja Cat Fortress was full of troublemakers who could use some... re-education under Tsunade's care. Just not a pure black one. Seeing her pin down a cat that looked just like him would be too much to bear.

"I'm going with you. Let's go now," Tsunade announced. She wanted to see this Cat Fortress for herself, and besides, getting out of the village for a bit sounded good. The sight of the Hokage Monument was just grating on her nerves today.

"Alright," Kabuto answered quickly, relieved. If they were going to the fortress, maybe he could get out of drinking.

Takeshi shot him a pitying look. The kid was so naive. Did he really think a little walk would stop Tsunade from drinking?

Sure enough, their first stop was a liquor store. Tsunade emerged with several large bottles, tossing one to Kabuto and gesturing with another toward Takeshi.

"Don't make that face," she said. "A little alcohol is good for you. Kids just shouldn't drink *too* much. Half a bottle is fine. Takeshi can help you finish the rest." She waved a hand, signaling for them to follow.

The Ninja Cat Fortress was a good distance from Konoha. At their pace, it wouldn't take long, but Tsunade was probably assuming Takeshi would carry Kabuto if he couldn't keep up.

Takeshi, however, had other ideas. As they reached an open clearing, he paused. 'Wait a second.' An idea struck him. He trotted forward. "I'll just summon a cat to carry Kabuto."

"Summoning Jutsu?" Tsunade watched with interest as the black cat unrolled a scroll and pressed a paw to it.

*Poof!*

A moment later, a massive white cat appeared on the scroll, blinking in confusion. Its eyes darted around before finally settling on the trio.

'What a huge cat,' Tsunade thought, her eyes starting to light up.

"Shrink down, Nekomata," Takeshi said. "We're heading to the fortress, and Kabuto's only five, so he needs a ride."

Nekomata shrank to a more manageable, though still very large, size, looking completely baffled. 'Why summon me for this?' Something felt off...

Before the white cat could figure out what, the blonde woman was circling it, a slow grin spreading across her face. She reached out, patting his large paw firmly.

"Forget the black one," she declared. "This is the one I want."

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