Naruto, Madara is my girl.

Although the job of writing love letters was difficult, Sarutobi Hiruzen didn't dare avoid it. Asking his wife for help was too embarrassing, so he turned instead to Shimura Danzo, a girl he'd once shared everything with when they were young.

Despite being of the opposite sex, Hiruzen didn't think too much about it during that moment of desperation.

Danzo originally wanted to refuse outright. Yet when she saw Hiruzen's miserable face, as if he was about to kneel and beg, her heart softened. She gave him a reluctant nod.

One was in a political marriage, the other completely new to love. Together, they rummaged through drawers and shelves looking for anything they could use as "study material."

Two hours later, the commanders of Konoha, men and women who held sway over the lives of countless shinobi, sat reciting romantic prose like lovesick teenagers.

"Your laugh sounds like the songs of my childhood... your eyes are like stars-"

"Your hair is softer than silk... brushing my cheek... it carries your scent-"

"The curve of your lips reminds me of blossoms... fresh, gentle..."

"Your smile is my sun... when I see it, the world lights up..."

Their voices passed back and forth, but somewhere along the way, the words on paper became words for each other. They stopped reading altogether and simply stared.

Time seemed to halt inside the Hokage's office. The tension rose fast-hearts beating harder, breaths growing deeper.

Thump... whine...

Their faces slowly drew closer. In their eyes, only each other's reflections remained.

Bang!

Someone kicked the door open.

"Monkey, about that thing I told you to-"

Danzo bolted upright in panic. She fussed with her bangs, fixing nothing but pretending to.

Hiruzen scrambled to organize nonexistent files in front of him, fumbling with his robe. The way they moved mirrored students caught passing notes during class, guilt written across both faces.

Akira Senju stood at the door and stared without saying anything. Just watched them with that unreadable expression that made both Danzo and Hiruzen break into cold sweats.

"I-I'll go first..."

Danzo was already halfway to the door before finishing her sentence. Her head stayed down. Her steps were barely audible as she exited without another word or glance.

Hiruzen sat there awkwardly, head lowered like he was waiting for punishment after being caught red-handed by the principal himself.

Akira watched them both, his face unreadable at first but then his lips began to curve upward until he bit back a laugh.

He knew Danzo had grown attached to Hiruzen, he hadn't expected this sort of thing to happen in broad daylight.

"You two are… uh~~…"

Hiruzen straightened his clothes and groaned under his breath.

"Lord Akira, we were just trying to help you!"

"Okay, okay, it's my fault then, sure thing! Hahaha…"

"Lord Akira!!"

Akira tried to hold it in but cracked again, he remembered Danzo's grim expression from the original timeline, now replaced with one of longing, and it made it impossible not to laugh harder.

"Haha-ah! I'm not laughing at you! I just remembered-hah-something funny! I swear!"

His continued laughter finally broke through Hiruzen's patience.

"You've been laughing nonstop!"

Akira forced himself to take deep breaths until the laughter faded enough for him to speak properly again.

"Alright-I'm done. Let's get back to business."

"It's hardly business, it's personal." Hiruzen grumbled under his breath but handed over the slip of paper anyway. "We finished writing it."

"That quick?" Akira raised his eyebrows but took the letter calmly anyway.

Sarutobi Hiruzen from the future-a pervert hiding behind long-distance voyeurism-flashed across Akira's mind. He looked back at this version sitting in front of him and wondered if this letter was pure affection or some twisted fantasy disguised as poetry.

When he scanned it, though, he hummed in approval.

"...not bad."

From his sleeve pocket, Akira casually tossed over a black card with no name printed on it.

Hiruzen caught it reflexively and turned it over in confusion-there were no markings aside from the shimmer and thickness-it was clearly expensive.

It took him several seconds to realize what it was: one of those unrestricted-use black cards limited only by region or withdrawal cap. This one capped at one hundred million ryo.

"Wh-what…?"

"See if it's enough," Akira said flatly. "And if it's not, I'll figure out another way."

"It's enough! It's totally enough!" Hiruzen stashed the card away before Akira could change his mind, he'd only seen cards like this traded between daimyos or war lords, not handed out like scrolls in passing.

"Post this mission: recently discovered will of the late Akira Senju contained this love letter intended for Uchiha Madara. Deliver it. As for the reward-use every last ryo that card has left."

Hiss-

Hiruzen felt every nerve in his body freeze thinking about it. One hundred million ryo for delivering love mail?

Even top-tier S-rank missions rarely breached one million unless they involved assassinations or tailed beasts-and this job probably required nothing besides walking across enemy lines and handing over paper!

In truth, it was mostly luck-based work. Any average shinobi could complete it if Madara showed up near Konoha ever again.

Akira didn't care what Sarutobi thought about it now. He turned toward the door but hadn't taken three steps before Hiruzen called out again-

"Wait-uh, Lord Akira? I… I wanted to ask you about…something else."

Akira stopped but didn't turn around right away. "What is it?"

Sarutobi hesitated long enough for his thoughts to spiral in self-doubt-but pride always lost when curiosity built fast enough in his chest. That-and seeing how far Danzo had gone-finally gave him one last push.

"Lord Akira-I wanted to ask… how would you handle your relationship... with Lady Mito and Lady Madara?"

Akira stared at him without blinking.

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