Naruto, Madara is my girl.

Akira stuffed both hands into his sleeves as he strolled toward the Hokage Building, whistling through his teeth. A red flag rolled lazily above the Senju estate, and colorful banners hung outside fluttered with each breeze. The idea in his head was ridiculous, wild even, but it made him smile regardless.

Killing Black Zetsu could wait.

First, the creature had to be found. And once word spread that "Thousand Stars" was alive again, Akira figured that thing would come slithering out on its own. Especially if Madara showed up. Once she knew he was alive, there wasn't any force in the world that could stop her. And Black Zetsu… wouldn't be able to slow her down either.

Akira could already picture it, his name circulating through every shinobi village like wildfire. And not for violence this time.

No, the best way to get Madara to come running toward him was to write her the most embarrassing, unhinged love letter in the world.

She'd have no choice but to respond. Either with her fists or with questions, and that was good enough for him.

To do that though, he needed money.

Too much of it.

Love letters weren't cheap these days, apparently. Neither were the operations needed to test Sarutobi Hiruzen's suspicious behavior. With three tasks wrapped into one plan, Akira shoved open the door to the Hokage's office and walked in without knocking.

"Monkey," he said without stopping, "how are you doing on that task I gave you?"

"Lord Akira!"

Hiruzen scrambled at his desk, placing documents aside in hurry before standing to greet him. The boy's smile was rehearsed but respectful-the perfect little candidate for the hat he was about to inherit.

"I'm preparing everything, just waiting on funding approval. The economy in Hidden Cloud Village is-"

"Double it," Akira said at once. "Double it across the board. Same for indemnity from other countries."

"Ah?"

Hiruzen froze slightly. The Hidden Cloud Village's current reparations were already harshly crafted, so they'd barely make progress within ten years. Doubling that would collapse their already-broken infrastructure. Most of the Lightning Country's population was scraping by as is, and while their national ranking remained second economically, it wouldn't hold under those terms.

Even worse, if forced, they might opt for war again rather than compliance.

Despite dreading Akira's temper, Hiruzen forced himself to speak up.

Akira stepped back with a scowl pinching across his face.

"Damn it."

He pressed both hands over his face. All this time surrounded by endless gold and sealed war spoils had spoiled his grasp on reality. Most of the world could barely afford food, and here he was planning how to provoke someone with flower petals and ink.

His tone dropped slightly as he reconsidered. "Alright… twenty percent increase? Ten?"

Hiruzen tilted his head and leaned forward just slightly; Akira negotiating felt like seeing rain fall upward.

"Lord Akira," he asked cautiously, "are… you out of money?"

Akira dropped his arms and gave him the kind of glare that could peel paint from walls.

"Why do you think I came to you if I had money lying around?"

"Ah…"

Sarutobi Hiruzen stared back in disbelief. Everyone in Konoha knew Mito had enough wealth to buy up half the village outright. Her dowry alone had bought entire districts-those shops now funneled money straight into her accounts every month.

And that wasn't even counting profits from sealing services offered by the Uzumaki Clan or the enormous cut Akira had earned from his last major campaign as general of all commanders. Even ten percent of spoils was massive when it amounted to half of the richest country's treasury, and nearly every coin of it ended up in Mito's hands one way or another.

There shouldn't have been any possibility that he was broke… unless-

Hiruzen realized the full extent of it then.

Akira must not even know how wealthy his wife was.

Trying not to trigger another rant, Hiruzen lowered his tone carefully.

"Um… Lord Akira… are you familiar with your family's financial situation?"

"What? Are you hinting I should sell the house?!"

"No-no!" Hiruzen waved both hands fast enough that papers fluttered off the desk. "I just… I think Lady Mito may be able to help."

"Mito?" Akira repeated like he didn't believe what he'd just heard. "Mito… has money?" (T/N: lol... Akira really have no confidence in Mito..)

He scratched his chin and frowned harder, probably trying to remember what happened the last time she pretended she couldn't afford candy for him at the market.

"Sure enough…" Hiruzen sighed under his breath.

Pressing forward, he said quickly, "Lady Mito is indeed very wealthy."

"But I'd be asking for tens of millions at least," Akira said slowly. "Could be hundreds depending on how this campaign goes."

"Just that?"

Hiruzen's mouth moved faster than his sense of fear. Realizing what he'd said only after it left his lips, he rushed to add-

"I just-I only said that because Lady Mito wouldn't care!"

"Small money?" Akira echoed softly.

It finally dawned on him what kind of woman Mito really was.

"All this time..." he whispered flatly before shaking it away with one hand and facing forward again. "Alright then, we'll table this matter for now. I'll go ask Mito if we have the funds available first. If so-we'll proceed as originally planned."

"Yes," Hiruzen answered quickly and bowed his head while inwardly deflating like someone dodging disaster by inches.

Akira turned toward the door but stopped after two steps. He rubbed his hands together slowly in front of his chest and glanced back over his shoulder with what he thought passed for charm.

"Hey… lil monkey, I want to ask you for another favor."

Despite everything inside him screaming no, Hiruzen forced another brittle smile onto his face and asked politely:

"Yes… Lord Akira?"

"You're young, got energy, and probably good with girls too," Akira said casually as if assigning chores in passing. "Think you could help me write a love letter?"

"…Ah?"

Hiruzen's shoulders slumped slightly. He'd braced himself for treason or assassination, not romance.

It took effort not to sigh aloud as he asked carefully-

"Is this… related to Konoha's safety?"

"What does Konoha have to do with anything?" Akira dismissed him without even looking back. "National politics are less important than personal feelings."

"…Ah…"

Any illusions Hiruzen had left about understanding this man fell apart then and there. He tried one last polite guess-

"Akira-sama… surely this is about Lady Mito?"

"No no." Akira waved him off again as if annoyed by the suggestion itself. "I'm writing to Madara."

Hiruzen nearly tripped over nothing at that point, but Akira kept talking without noticing the look on his face had gone blank with horror.

"You married early, you've probably written loads of love letters by now," Akira continued brightly. "Just help me put one together, should be simple enough."

He winked shamelessly and Hiruzen felt his body recoil inwardly on reflex alone. Somehow this man had turned handsome features into pure vulgarity with one look.

"I-I've actually… I've… I've written none-"

"I haven't either!" Akira cut him off cheerfully. "It's always been women chasing after me before this, but now I gotta do the chasing myself."

Akira shrugged with open indifference before glancing at the window as if already done with Hiruzen entirely.

"I'm heading out then."

Before anything else could be said-or protested-he left the office behind in long strides and disappeared down the corridor just as Danzo walked through the door from the other side.

Danzo took one look at Hiruzen's slumped posture and raised one brow silently in question.

"Hiruzen… what happened?"

Hiruzen looked up sharply-eyes wild with unspoken relief-and grabbed Danzo by both wrists in desperation.

"You're just in time…"

Danzo tensed and pulled back slightly, but not fast enough to avoid Hiruzen leaning forward over the desk earnestly-

"Please… write me a love letter." (T/N: poor danzo..)

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