Naruto: I'm Nine-Tails and My Host is Kushina

Kurama was calm and confident.

Even if Jiraiya summoned all the giant toads from Mount Myōboku and activated Sage Mode, it wouldn't change the outcome.

It wouldn't even be considered being beaten up. That would be an insult to violence itself.

Jiraiya was, at best, just a Kage-level shinobi.

Tsunade stood nearby, staring at Jiraiya's swollen, bruised face. A slow grin curled on her lips.

She wasn't hiding the schadenfreude.

"This idiot... Jiraiya's really lucky Kurama didn't kill him."

She took a step closer, inspecting the damage.

"Still breathing. Barely."

Tsunade couldn't help but pity him a little.

Why challenge a demon?

Kurama had already crushed the likes of the Third Hokage, Danzo, Homura, and Koharu under his heel.

Even Orochimaru, the slippery snake of the Sannin, had bent the knee.

Of course, Tsunade had submitted too.

But her surrender was different.

Everyone else knelt beneath Kurama's feet.

Tsunade? Well, she surrendered under very... different circumstances.

"Tsunade... hurry... use medical ninjutsu... or I'm dead," Jiraiya croaked.

He could barely speak. His ribs were cracked, and he was sure one of his lungs had collapsed.

His entire body felt like it had been used to polish the Hokage Monument.

This was, hands down, the worst beating he'd ever taken.

He had lived through wars, rogue Uchiha, drunken rampages from Tsunade... but this?

This was biblical.

Kurama didn't hold back. Not even a little.

Luckily, Jiraiya had started begging early, or he'd have been pulp.

"Monster... ruthless demon..."

He admitted defeat completely.

He hadn't even gotten a chance to use Summoning.

Sage Mode? Forget it. Kurama didn't give time for hand seals.

"Aren't you still alive? Why do you need healing then?" Tsunade smirked.

"Tsunade, I have one breath left. If you don't help me, I'm going to actually die."

"That bad, huh?"

"Even a rookie medic-nin can see it! You, the so-called "Legendary Medical Saint," can't tell? Or are you just enjoying this?!"

"Oh come on. We're comrades-in-arms. Of course I don't want to see you die..."

She clasped her hands behind her back.

"...unless it's funny."

Tsunade tried not to laugh at Jiraiya's misshapen face. He looked like someone tried to sculpt him with a hammer.

She glanced over at Kurama. Their eyes met, and a silent understanding passed between them.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Tsunade clapped her hands.

In a flash, four masked Anbu appeared and dropped to one knee.

"Yes, Lady Hokage."

"Take Lord Jiraiya to the Konoha Hospital. Intensive care. Try not to drop him."

"Yes, Lady Hokage."

They loaded Jiraiya onto a stretcher.

"Careful! My spine's in three pieces!" Jiraiya groaned.

"Tsunade! Treat me yourself! You're faster! You know this!"

"Sorry, Jiraiya. Paperwork calls. Hokage business. Enjoy your little vacation."

As the Anbu carried him off, his yells faded.

"DAMMIT, TSUNADE, I SWEAR I'LL GET REVENGE!"

And then...

"Hahahaha!"

Tsunade doubled over with laughter.

Her sides hurt. Her face flushed. She hadn't laughed like that in years.

That perverted idiot would be in the hospital for weeks. Maybe months.

And he had come back to Konoha only to gather research for his next book.

"He still thinks Konoha girls smell better than the rest of the world," she muttered.

Kurama stood silently, his arms crossed. When Tsunade finally composed herself, she slapped his shoulder.

"Kurama-sama... you were too kind. You should have hit him harder."

Kurama raised a brow.

"Want me to swing by the hospital and finish the job?"

Tsunade snorted.

Later, they returned to the Hokage's office.

"I heard your student, Uchiha Obito, vanished."

"Mmm. My little dutiful son dragged him off somewhere. No idea what he's up to."

"Want me to brand him a Missing-nin? Traitor status?"

Kurama waved it off.

"Nah. He's still just a dumb kid. Let me handle it."

Kurama's expression twisted into a smirk.

Everything about Obito was under control.

Tsunade narrowed her eyes.

"Let me guess... a woman? He got jealous you seduced some poor girl and ran off in shame?"

Kurama chuckled.

"Heh. Sharp as ever, Tsunade. That might be exactly it."

Tsunade groaned.

"Poor girl. Another one falling for a demon wrapped in skin."

"Speaking of demons, when are you heading for the Six-Tails?"

"Tomorrow. I'm heading to Kirigakure."

"Need backup?"

"No. I'm not taking Mikoto or Kushina either. This one's solo."

Tsunade raised a brow, scheming behind her sly smile.

"How about I tag along?"

"You?"

"Why not? Mikoto can manage Konoha. Probably better than me."

"Maybe next time."

"Tch. Scared of giving up your monopoly on the babes, huh?"

"Next time, promise."

That night, at Kushina's place, Karura had prepared a magnificent dinner.

Tsunade had come back early for once.

She, Kurama, and the others sat together enjoying the meal.

As night fell, stars scattered across the moonlit sky.

Tsunade lay in bed, wide-eyed.

That bastard Kurama is probably curled up with Kushina right now.

"Hey, thinking about me?"

A familiar voice whispered near her ear.

Tsunade shrieked, nearly tumbling out of bed.

"You asshole! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

Kurama chuckled.

"Sorry. Should've knocked, huh?"

"Why aren't you with Kushina? What, her cooking not good enough anymore?"

Kurama grinned.

"I'm leaving for the Land of Water tomorrow. Thought I'd make the rounds."

"Hmph. Who asked you? Let Kushina enjoy her opportunity. She's got a couple more coming too, I'm sure."

"My, my. Hokage-sama sounds jealous."

"Jealous?! I died at 18! I'm eternally youthful, you old flea-ridden fox."

"I've lived thousands of years, woman. Age is meaningless to me."

"Disgusting. Shameless. Vulgar beast."

"Why does a fox need shame?"

Tsunade gave up.

"Get out. Go harass someone else. I'm sleeping."

Kurama turned, taking one slow step.

"I'm leaving."

He took another.

"Gone."

Another pause.

"I'm really leaving."

"KURAMA, GET OUT, YOU DAMNED PERVERTED DEMON FOX!"

Suddenly, a red-haired head peeked from behind him.

"Hey, Tsunade-senpai! Were you calling me?"

Tsunade blinked."

--------

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