Naruto : Fate

In a Bush

Okay. First thing is first identify what you need to do to pass.

Teamwork.

How do I get teamwork to happen?

Sakura will follow what Sasuke does, so I need to convince him that we need to work together. In other words I need to convince him that he needs help. That's not going to happen.

Other solutions?

Hope that Kakashi gives us a second chance when one of us is tied to the post.

That is not terribly unlikely, but to make sure we pass I need to not be tied to the post. I can outdo Sakura. Okay, that's the plan! Impress Kakashi enough to not be tied to the post!

"Lesson one: Taijutsu." He is right behind me.

"Kawarmi!" I switch with a nearby log. I'm safe!

THWACK!

Kakashi's fist connects with the back of my head. I'm sprawled on the ground, practically eating dirt after one hit. Great. I get up and stare down Kakashi.

"You want to do taijutsu? Fine, I'll do taijutsu!"

Lunging at him I start punching, kicking, clawing, everything I can think of as fast as I can. Basically I'm hoping I get lucky and a hit lands. Kakashi, while lazily dodging my attacks, reaches into his hip pouch.

I leap away. Kunai in close range is not something I want to deal with. He doesn't pull out kunai.

He pulled out his book, Icha Icha. He is reading while engaging me in taijutsu. Even worse he is winning, I haven't touched him once.

"Come on! You can't possibly be that good! You haven't even tried to attack me and you are reading?"

Oh that was a bad idea. That was a really bad idea. Why do I taunt people obviously more skilled than me?

"You want me to attack? Alright. Here I come! Konoha Forbidden Taijutsu Technique!" Kakashi roars out.

No. NO. NONONONONO!

"One Thousand Years Of Death!" He appears behind me and extends his fingers into a makeshift spear.

"Kawarmi!" Oh thank the sweet merciful Kami I dodged it.

"Nice try!" Kakashi happily says from behind me. I don't have time to dodge again.

POKE

"Kakashi." I say in a deadly serious tone.

"Yes Alvarcus?" He merrily replies.

"Did you just- ahem. Did you just make an ass poke into a taijutsu move?"

"Why yes, I believe I did. I thought for sure you would fly away screaming." He replies like this is a normal conversation.

"Okay. Just wanted to make sure. I'm going to fly away screaming now."

"Go right ahead."

"AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

Kakashi lazily watches me soar into the air.

"10/10 for height. 5/10 for distance. Could have done better."

Oh Kami I'm flying. I'm flying from an ass poke. Wow, I'm getting pretty high in the air. I'm high in the air. There is nothing to grab on to. No. Not again. Not like this. I start hyperventilating. Breath dammit! Not like this! I can't move! I can't do anything! What do I do? 

What can I do! Is this how I am going to die? Is this how I already died? The ground is coming too fast. Way too fast. There is no chance of me landing safely. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm DEAD!

SPLASH

Oh thank all the gods that exist, I landed in a lake. Sweet merciful water.

I haul myself out of the lake.

"You okay Name caller?"

I pin Kakashi with my best glare. "Never do that again. Ever! I swear by all the gods, Kami, Jashin, Death, whoever the hell is out there, if you do that again I will kill you." I meant every word. I never want to be that high up again.

"You have a serious fear of heights." Kakashi says matter of factly.

"No shit Sherlock. What gave that away? The screaming? The panic attack at 30 meters in the air? All of the above?"

"What's a Sherlock? You come up with the strangest nicknames. Never mind, lesson over. I'm going to go play with someone else. You were... boring."

What an asshole. I hope that Sasuke and Sakura have fun. I sure didn't.

...

No one had fun. Except maybe Kakashi. He is hard to read with that mask on his face. The only good thing to come of today: Sasuke and Sakura had it just as bad as me.

Okay, so they didn't get 'One Thousand Years of Death'ed but they still had it pretty bad. We all had our asses kicked. Thoroughly.

Kakashi looks at all three of us in disappointment. "You all fail. None of you got a bell."

"But you can't fail us! We tried so hard! We can't go back to the academy!" That optimism is not going to work here Sakura, but good attempt. Have fun being tied up on a post.

"You can try one more time after lunch. On one condition! Alvarcus doesn't eat anything." Kakashi happily tells us.

"Wait what? I don't eat?" Why me? Did Sakura perform better than me?

"Yep! You get to watch you teammates while tied to this post! That's not too tight is it?"

"How did you tie me to the post already!" How did he do that? I'm pretty sure I'm not under a genjutsu. Was that pure speed? "Kakashi, you are scary fast. You have to make me that fast."

"Maybe if you pass. Now remember Sasuke, Sakura no feeding Alvarcus! I'll be back in an hour. See ya!" Poof. He's gone. Actually he is probably just in the bushes. It doesn't matter, I need to worry about passing.

GURGLE

Huh. Now that I think about it, I never did eat breakfast. Being told about the baby really threw my game off. I showed up on time and I didn't eat. Crap, I even knew that he would be late and taunt us with food.

"Don't mind me guys, go ahead and eat. I'll be okay! I'm not even hungry." I'll just play this scene like Naruto did in cannon and pray a lot that it works.

GURGLE

"Here. Eat. I don't need teammates who will slow me down." Sasuke is offering me food? Sasuke? How very kind of him. I thought for sure Sakura would cave in first. "Besides, your idea may not be that bad. Work together, then fight it out ourselves."

Wow. That was almost a compliment.

"Have some of mine too! We can't have Sasuke-kun going hungry either!"

"Wow, guys, thanks. Really. This means a lot." I sincerely say.

Kakashi thunders back into the clearing. He actually did it to the sound of thunder, he must have used a genjutsu to achieve that effect.

"HOW DARE YOU DISREGARD MY ORDERS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO FEED HIM! SASUKE! SAKURA! ALVARCUS!" Oh man Kakashi is scary. Even if I know he is faking he is scary. Very scary. And I taunted that earlier. I asked that to attack me!

"You pass!" He pats Sasuke and Sakura on the head gently.

Silence. No one moves.

"Really?" I question.

"Really!" Kakashi says with that damn eye smile of his.

"Hn!"

"I knew Sasuke-kun would pass!"

"Woot! S-rank here I come! Step one: Complete!"

"That's nice minions, now report here tomorrow at 5am. We are training then getting our first mission."

First mission? Wonderful, that means D-ranks. This is going to suck.

"Can you untie me now? I can't feel my feet."

...

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