NOVEL WEB Chapter 132: The unbearable weight of guilt
«You have nowhere left to run.» A man in his thirties mutters with contempt.
He stands on a rocky slope at the foot of Mount Fuji, wrapped in the deep darkness of the night.
His soft brown hair matches his eyes.
In his hand he grips a flaming sword, burning as if made of solid fire.
A cigarette hangs lazily from his lips.
He points the weapon at a vampire with hair darker than the night sky and eyes glowing with a crimson light, wielding a massive blade forged from solid blood.
The vampire is gravely wounded.
Blood gushes from a deep cut across his abdomen, soaking his clothes and the ground beneath him.
His arms and legs are covered in smaller cuts, still bleeding.
The man before him, on the other hand, is almost completely unscathed.
Behind the vampire, a woman with long silver hair lies curled up on the ground.
Her body trembles.
Tears streak her cheeks as she cries in despair.
In her arms she clutches two little girls.
One is slightly older than the other, but neither is older than two years.
«I-I won't... I won't let you lay a finger on my family...!» the vampire growls through clenched teeth.
A surge of crimson energy bursts from his body.
He charges at the man like a red lightning bolt, sword raised, ready to strike down his enemy.
But...
—SWISH!
A single slash from the white flaming blade cuts through the air.
So fast and precise that the vampire doesn't even notice.
And then... his head is severed clean.
Blood gushes from his neck as the head rolls across the rocky ground, stopping just short of the woman, frozen in terror and despair.
She wants to run, to flee as far as possible, but she can't.
A wound on her thigh keeps her from standing, and the desperate escape that brought her here has drained all her strength.
Yet... the two little girls in her arms smile.
To their innocent eyes, it was nothing more than a dazzling firework show of red and white lights intertwining.
The woman tries once more to stand, to run or fight to protect them, but again her legs give out.
She has no energy left in her body.
At last, the man with brown hair lowers his gaze and points his blade straight at them.
His eyes are cold and unreadable.
He looks at the woman.
Then at the two children.
He takes one final drag from his cigarette and drops it to the ground.
The ember glows faintly in the dark.
Shin jolts awake in the middle of the night. The clock shows just past two.
Cold sweat drips down his forehead.
His body trembles.
His breathing is ragged.
~Looks like I'm destined to carry this guilty conscience all the way to the grave...~
He turns his gaze to the left.
Kagura sleeps soundly beside him in the large double bed, wearing a thin, semi-transparent nightgown over white lace lingerie.
Her perfect curves—hips, thighs, and breasts—have never left Shin completely indifferent, yet he has never touched her, not even once.
Yes, despite being officially married, Shin and Kagura have never had sex.
After all, what woman would ever want to be intimate with the man who killed the love of her life?
And for Shin, it isn't any different.
The guilt for what he did fifteen years ago eats away at him every single day without rest.
Since moving in with Kagura and her daughters, that guilt has only grown heavier, and the sorrow for the pain he caused them has crushed any desire he might have ever felt for her.
Sleeping in the same bed is nothing more than a facade, meant to reassure their children and give them the illusion of a normal family—even though normal is the last thing they are.
Shin reaches for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand.
He's about to get up and head out to the balcony—the only way he knows to calm himself—when Kagura's sleepy, muffled voice stops him.
«S-Shin... where are you going at this hour...?»
«Just stepping out for some air. Go back to sleep, it's still the middle of the night.»
«That nightmare again, isn't it...?» she asks, her voice softer now, tinged with sadness.
«Yeah...»
Shin gets out of bed and walks down the long corridor leading to the living room, which opens onto a wide balcony.
He settles onto a deck chair, eyes lifted to the quiet starry sky as he lights his cigarette.
But he knows he isn't alone.
Kagura has followed him.
She now stands at the balcony door.
«Shin, if you want to talk, feel free...»
Shin gives a faint smile.
«Talking about this with the wife of the vampire I killed doesn't seem like the brightest idea. It would only drag up memories your mind likely buried to protect you.»
But Kagura ignores his words.
She takes a seat on the chair beside him.
«Unfortunately, my mind hasn't erased anything from that night—not a single detail. And though it was painful, I've somehow accepted it and moved on. Shin... it's obvious that, despite everything you've done and are doing for us, I can never forgive you for killing my Soulmate—the father of my beloved daughters... but it's time you forgive yourself. I said I can't forgive you, but that doesn't mean I hate you. My Soulmate wasn't any different from the tens of thousands of N'Raeth beings you killed in your life. So why feel remorse for him alone? He wasn't the only one with a family. Everything you did was just your duty as a Monster Reaper. In fact, you even spared me and my daughters—something I doubt many others would have done in your place. For that, I'll always be grateful.»
«A year ago, when I agreed to protect you and your daughters—for the money, yes, but also to give Hakuto a better life—I thought it would be enough to ease my guilt. But I was wrong... Seeing Rika and Yuzu thank me with all their heart, smiling wide as if I'm their savior, when in truth I'm only patching over something I myself caused—»
«Then tell them,» Kagura cuts in.
Shin shakes his head, but Kagura presses on.
«They're no longer little girls. I'm sure they'd understand. Of course, their first reaction might be anger and pain, but in time they'll accept it, just as I did. If it's the guilt toward Rika and Yuzu that torments you, then carrying this burden any longer makes no sense. And when you choose to tell them, I'll be there, Shin. I'll stand by your side, I'll support you in facing whatever reaction they may have. You're not alone.»
A gentle smile, warm with admiration, forms on Shin's face.
«Kagura, you're truly an incredible woman...»
«And you're an incredible man, Shin. I'm not just saying that. No one else would still carry such remorse after fifteen years for simply doing their duty. It means you have a big heart...»
Shin flinches as Kagura's hand rests on his.
Not because of the touch itself, but because of what it means.
Kagura had never touched him before.
He understands right away, and he smiles at her.
«Funny... I hate myself more than she hates me... But you're right, Rika and Yuzu need to know the truth. Once this whole matter with Velshekar is over, I'll tell them everything.»
«We'll tell them everything,» Kagura corrects him.