NOVEL WEB Chapter 41
Chapter: 41
“………”
After hearing Rize’s answer, my head had been spinning in a way that felt oddly unnatural for several days.
I was sure I had heard the answer.
Yet it felt like a solution that wasn’t really a solution.
Even though Rize had said it, it felt like I hadn’t actually heard it.
‘It’s because you’re just too pretty…’
“…Hmm.”
Up until now, I had never thought that my beauty or charm would pose a problem for me to have physical contact with Rize.
I had grown in many ways, starting from my height, and I genuinely never imagined that Rize would feel burdened by my affection.
It made sense, considering that Rize was just an ordinary girl, unlike me…?
She was never a boy and was just a regular person.
Naturally, I never expected Rize would feel that way for that reason.
“…I feel really bad about this.”
Unlike usual, Rize wasn’t in my room, and I was alone.
Typically, when I sat in the chair like this, Rize would be right beside me.
“…Sigh.”
Things had become awkward between Rize and me in many ways.
“………”
Ever since hearing Rize’s words, my head was in a complete fog.
I was only speaking to Rize in a very businesslike manner.
I was living an entirely different daily life than usual.
Certainly, it was still routine, but it felt significantly different.
“…Sigh.”
Ever since that day I heard Rize’s answer, the time dragged on without clarity.
But wait… Do same-gender interactions usually make people feel embarrassed…?
“…That’s strange.”
I had my feet propped up on the desk, continuing to think, but I really hadn’t expected Rize to have such thoughts.
I mean, she wasn’t a boy or anything… I had never imagined a regular girl could have those kinds of feelings toward another girl.
Objectively speaking, I knew I was attractive, but I never actually thought Rize would think that much of me.
“…Hmm.”
Hmm…
…What am I supposed to do about this?
Until now, I had been casually doing things with Rize, and I genuinely didn’t realize she could have such thoughts.
So she’s been feeling embarrassed all this time.
I always thought Rize was just shy, but it seems she was actually quite embarrassed.
I was even more surprised because I had never considered that Rize would feel that way.
“…Homosexuality?”
No, she wouldn’t be that type of person at all.
Hmm…
Hmm…….
“…Oh come on, no way.”
It’s not like this is a comic or a novel.
Honestly, it’s a bit odd for a regular girl to like another girl, right?
Yeah.
Of course, since I was a man in my past life, I definitely liked women more than men, but…
It was hard to imagine someone as completely ordinary as Rize doing that.
*
“Mother.”
“What’s the matter? Coming to my room like this?”
“Um… Just wondering.”
I had spent some time going through documents in my room, thinking, and then decided to visit Rosalyn’s Room.
I was a bit bored and had some curiosities…
I usually didn’t visit Rosalyn’s Room beforehand.
“Is it okay to come in?”
“Of course! Go ahead.”
“…Then, excuse me.”
Anyway, I entered Rosalyn’s Room and sat down on the sofa.
Compared to Ashley’s Room and others, Rosalyn’s Room was quite spacious.
There was a sofa for comfortable relaxation apart from the bed, along with a well-organized desk for work.
“Is water enough for you, Camelia?”
“Yes, since I’ll have tea.”
“Hehe, it feels like it’s been a while since you visited, huh?”
“…Yes, it does.”
Anyway, although I did come to Rosalyn’s Room, it wasn’t for any special purpose.
I was just feeling a bit downcast, and I needed some distraction.
“Sigh…”
Rosalyn was drinking tea at her own spot, while I just sat quietly on the sofa.
I could have asked Rosalyn for tea, but I wasn’t really fond of it.
I just stayed quiet.
“So? What brings you here? Shouldn’t you be looking over business documents with Rize right about now?”
“That’s true. But… I’m just a bit tired today.”
Talking about Rize made me feel bad, so I intentionally left out the most important details.
…That was definitely a sensitive topic.
“Feeling very tired?”
“Not particularly. Maybe because I caught a cold recently…? Haha…”
“That could be it. Camelia usually doesn’t get much sleep, right?”
“…I’ve been sleeping fine lately.”
“Hehe, what are you saying? How many times have you claimed to be sleeping only to actually not sleep at all?”
“…Ahem.”
Well, there had been quite a few times.
Sure, I changed into pajamas, brushed my teeth, and got ready for bed, but I often found myself so bored that I ended up doing other things instead of sleeping.
So I often found myself working until 1 or 2 a.m.
Hmm.
That was indeed frequent.
“Hehe, you haven’t been working much lately, have you?”
“Of course not… I haven’t been able to because of the cold.”
“Well, that’s a relief. To be honest, I heard you talking with Rize about various things while not sleeping back then.”
“…Did you?”
“When you walk through the corridor at night, it’s surprisingly quiet, so I could hear you.”
“…I was just wandering because I couldn’t sleep.”
“I guess that’s fine. I sometimes walk around when I can’t sleep too.”
I chatted with Rosalyn in a normal manner.
The thoughts about Rize still lingered in my mind, but… I just wanted a moment of respite.
I had spent too much energy thinking about Rize, and frankly, it was exhausting…
“So, what’s bothering our Camelia that made you visit?”
“…Huh?”
“Hehe, I know you’re not the kind to just drop by without a reason, you know?”
“…Mother?”
“Feel free to be honest. Okay?”
“……..”
How did she know?
I hadn’t said a word or even hinted anything to Rosalyn… How did she?
I was caught off guard, mouth agape, and my expression blank with surprise.
“I truly mean it; it’s okay, really.”
“…Are you serious?”
“Of course. I’m your mother, after all.”
Rosalyn wore a bright smile that made it hard to speak.
Even though I absolutely did not plan to talk about Rize, hearing Rosalyn say that made me feel like…
I could actually talk about it; faith grew within me.
…After all, she really is my mother.
“Seriously, any word is fine. You can say whatever you want.”
“…About Rize.”
And with that, I accidentally blurted it out.
I hadn’t intended to say anything at all.
“It’s just that… I’ve become a bit awkward with Rize.”
“How so?”
“…It just kinda happened, I guess.”
I struggled to say it properly… I felt bad for Rize.
So I made a conscious decision not to speak fully about it.
No matter how much I might have wronged Rize, I didn’t want to make her feel worse.
“So… I’m not sure how to go back to being comfortable with Rize again.”
“Hmm…”
“…I think I might have done something wrong, but… it’s a bit ambiguous to call it wrong…”
It was ambiguous in many ways.
That made it even harder for me to come to terms with it.
If I blamed Rize, frankly speaking, it wouldn’t be accurate.
If there was a wrongdoing, it would have been mine, but even that felt ambiguous.
“Have you tried talking more with Rize?”
“Talking… not really. It’s just… we’ve been sticking to routine work…”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
Neither of us was speaking with each other like we usually did. Whenever I tried to say something to Rize, remembering her response from that day only made me even more guilty and unable to start a conversation.
“Hmm…”
“…Why do you ask?”
“Maybe you should just have a clean talk with Rize?”
“Huh?”
Rosalyn’s suggestion seemed surprisingly… ordinary.
I certainly hadn’t expected anything grand, but…
Nonetheless, Rosalyn’s words were simpler than I had thought.
“Rize isn’t a bad girl, right?”
“That’s… true.”
I wasn’t quite sure what she was getting at.
But personally, there was no one around me as kind and good as Rize… Well, besides Rosalyn…
Thinking about it, Rize was really that good-hearted.
As Rosalyn said, Rize was definitely not a bad girl.
“By your words, it seems you and Rize haven’t talked much since things happened. So… I think it would be good to try talking properly at least once.”
“……….”
“And you’re not going to completely avoid talking to Rize forever, right?”
“That’s true…”
“She’s your closest peer after all.”
“…Yes.”
That was true.
There were Ella and Karen, but Rize was definitely the closest person to me.
Given Rosalyn’s age difference, it was natural that I spent the most time with Rize.
Even though Rize’s response still astonished me… it wasn’t as if I’d never talk to her again.
…That seems to be the right thing to do.
“…What if Rize dislikes me more?”
“Well… then you’d have to apologize, right?”
“…Yeah.”
…That’s true.
Thinking back, I hadn’t truly apologized since that day after hearing her response.
Of course, right after she had answered, she had distanced herself gently, pushing me aside without any harm.
And she ran out of the room after that…
“And shouldn’t you at least try to say something to Rize first?”
“…You’re right, Mother.”
Rosalyn was absolutely right.
In this situation, first of all… I should talk.
No matter what I decided thereafter, I had to start with a conversation.
It was crucial that I followed Rosalyn’s advice and tried to speak with Rize no matter what.
…In retrospect, I realized that I had been the foolish one, continuously avoiding conversations with Rize.
“…I should definitely try. For sure.”
“Right. Rize is probably waiting for you, isn’t she? She isn’t the type to show her feelings readily, but she really cares about you, you know?”
“…Yes, that’s true.”
After all, I had thought such odd things about her.
…But seriously, I never imagined Rize could have those kinds of thoughts.
That I, being so pretty and charming, made things hard for her.