NOVEL WEB Chapter 200
Chapter: 200
After having that kind of conversation with Rosalyn at night, I realized that I clearly saw her as an object of desire.
And not just in that way; I also realized that I actually liked her.
No, it’s more accurate to say that I acknowledged something I had been trying to avoid.
I probably viewed Rosalyn that way from the very first moment I saw her.
Just because she held the position of a stepmother and we were family, I had been avoiding it; I had always seen Rosalyn like that.
“…….”
But apart from accepting that, we were still family.
Though we weren’t related by blood, we had spent nearly a decade together as a family.
Moreover, Rosalyn cared for me more than I expected.
Is it really right to see someone like that?
I’m not sure.
It felt different from the guilt I felt when I teased my female friends without revealing my attraction to them.
It felt more like guilt than betrayal.
“Sigh…”
For now… I got up.
The sun was already up, and I had to continue with today’s schedule, after all.
.
.
.
.
.
Just like always, after finishing breakfast preparations through Rize, I headed to the dining room.
Aside from the conversation we had yesterday, our daily routine wouldn’t change.
Honestly, the topic from yesterday was about the future, which didn’t directly relate to the present anyway.
“Mother, did you sleep well?”
“Yeah, I did. Did Camelia sleep well?”
“I slept well too.”
So we shared a regular conversation while waiting for breakfast.
Even though we always ate together, today felt somehow different.
Of course, Rosalyn treated me normally, but I felt like I couldn’t do the same.
Even though I was trying to keep the conversation casual, it was a bit tough to treat Rosalyn normally.
“Are you going out this afternoon too?”
“Yeah, I think so. I have quite a bit to do…”
“Hehe, but still, make sure to take breaks in between. Work at your own pace and don’t overdo it just because you have a lot to do.”
“I’ll do that.”
“Oh, I heard it might rain in the evening. Just in case, make sure to take an umbrella with you, okay?”
While we were talking, I found myself looking at Rosalyn more and more.
Not that I intended to; it was more like my gaze just automatically drifted that way.
Previously, I definitely sneaked glances, but now I was just staring at Rosalyn without any hesitation.
She didn’t seem to mind my gaze much, but…
I couldn’t stop worrying about it.
“What are you doing out today?”
“I’ll probably check out the inn next to the Adventurer’s Guild. It’s not operational at the moment, but the location seems decent.”
“Ah… I see. Adventurers do come down to the South quite often.”
“Yeah, I’m preparing to start operations again before winter begins.”
Rosalyn was speaking to me in her usual friendly tone, but I couldn’t do the same.
Every time she smiled at me, I got lost in her gaze.
Had I not been paying attention at all, I might have said something weird or just stared blankly at Rosalyn’s face.
*
I spent most of the day outside because of all the work related to business.
I could somewhat understand why William ended up like that after working non-stop.
Well, the main reason for William’s state was his overall bad habits, but still.
The bottom line is that I returned to the mansion utterly exhausted.
“Sigh…”
Honestly, I had deliberately spent more time outside today.
After all, Rosalyn was always in the mansion, and it wasn’t ideal to run into her too often.
So, I intentionally took on more business-related tasks outside.
To be honest, I could have easily skipped today’s work, but…
It was a choice I made because every time I saw Rosalyn, I felt guilty.
Looking at Rosalyn as an object of desire was definitely not normal or typical.
“This is driving me crazy.”
I felt like I was back to when I was eight years old.
It was just like when I first met Rosalyn.
She still saw me as her daughter back then, and I couldn’t just think of her as my stepmother.
Even though my body had grown much more since I was eight, my mind felt the same.
“I guess I should at least take a bath.”
I was exhausted in many ways, and I had wandered around a lot today.
I left my room and headed straight for the bathroom.
Since I came back late, dinner time had already passed, and I needed some relaxation.
“I just let Rize take it easy…”
Since Rize followed me around so much today, I let her rest in her room, while I prepared my things and arrived at the bathroom.
The bathroom was empty.
Rosalyn usually went to bed early, and the bathroom I entered now was off-limits for the servants anyway.
“I can relax in peace.”
Unlike usual, I went into the bathroom alone, washed up quickly, and dove right into the tub.
It was less luxurious than the hot springs at Nordal’s mansion, but it was sufficient.
“Phew…”
Being in the mansion with Rosalyn kept my mind occupied, and when I was out, I was exhausted from business.
Since my body and mind were both worn out, maybe that’s why?
At least with my body in the tub, I could relax a bit.
I closed my eyes, doing nothing and just trying to unwind.
Thoughts about Rosalyn kept swirling in my mind, but… I couldn’t help it.
Even if I tried not to think about it, it kept popping into my head.
“…What a lunatic.”
That was just a comment I made to myself.
After all, seeing my stepmother as an object of desire was definitely a problem.
Setting aside the age difference and Rosalyn’s looks, the problem lay with me.
“What should I do?”
Would it be better to leave the mansion after becoming an adult?
No, then Rosalyn would be left alone in the mansion, desolate.
“I don’t know.”
What would be the best way to handle this situation?
In a state where neither the perfect solution nor the second-best solution came to mind, all I could do was sink deeper into the tub.
Despite it being a moderately warm bath, why did it feel so much hotter today?
Was it a kind of punishment I was giving myself for seeing Rosalyn that way?
“I didn’t feel this way around girls my age.”
I had quite a few pretty girls close to my age around me.
From Rize to Ella, Karen, Ivana, and Grace, all of them were beautiful.
And though there was an age gap, Ashley could probably be included too.
I had long stopped seeing them merely as friends.
Since about the second semester of the first year at the academy, I had started seeing them more as potential romantic interests.
Which is why I often teased them and engaged in various forms of physical contact.
“At that time, I didn’t really feel much guilt, though.”
With Rosalyn, I hadn’t engaged in much physical contact, yet the guilt was overwhelming.
The mere fact that I viewed Rosalyn that way brought on a wave of guilt.
Even approaching sleeping Rosalyn to touch and hug her sometimes felt more like an apology than a guilty pleasure.
“It’s something I shouldn’t have done.”
It didn’t matter that my stepmother was pretty and young, and that I had feelings for her.
What I did with Rosalyn was something I absolutely shouldn’t do.
But still, I couldn’t help it.
My feelings overwhelmed the reason to restrain myself.
“Besides, Rosalyn is already married.”
The more I thought about it, the more my head felt like it was going numb.
Was it because I kept dwelling on unresolved thoughts?
I don’t know.
“…Is this why Rosalyn drinks?”
There seemed to be a reason why Rosalyn found it easier to talk about difficult things while drinking.
Seriously… it’s complicated.
With that thought, I imagined a drunken Rosalyn unable to hold her wits about her.
Every time I drank with Rosalyn, I felt like she looked incredibly alluring when drunk.
She probably didn’t even realize it.
Though I’d love to hold her secretly and touch her… it would definitely be better if I could do it while she was sober.
If I could hold Rosalyn and touch her body while she was in her right mind…
“…That would be nice.”
Yeah, it would definitely feel good.