My Stalking Diary

Chapter 5

My back suddenly stiffened.

I couldn’t say a word, as if my lips were glued shut, and I lowered my gaze. I managed to shake my head very slightly from side to side.

I felt like I might scream if I let my guard down even for a moment.

My notebook, in Joo Kwon-oh’s possession. Of all people, why Joo Kwon-oh!

“Now that everyone’s here, shall we start the meeting?”

“Yes, that’s good.”

“Sorry, but I have an appointment in thirty minutes. Can we finish a bit early?”

“Oh, Choi Kyung-won, where are you going again?”

“Oppa, you always seem to be busy.”

I couldn’t focus on the conversation between my group members. It felt like my soul had been sucked out of my body.

Just now, Joo Kwon-oh’s gaze towards me was clearly close to disgust.

Joo Kwon-oh likes women. Of course he’d feel repulsed seeing a man secretly writing down information about him. It would be a normal reaction for an average person.

And it wasn’t just information I wrote down. I drew pictures too. Side profile, back view, three-quarter back view, front view, all details of his appearance.

This was the first time in my life that someone had discovered such a deep, personal secret of mine.

“I looked it up, and there aren’t many business models we can pursue in the cultural and arts industry.”

“Right. These days, contemporary art seems to be the easiest…”

“I think other groups might do that too.”

“I think so too. It would be awkward if our content overlaps.”

“And the potential for business application is important too, right?”

I was barely maintaining my seated posture, feeling half-unconscious.

“Ryu Jeong-ha, what do you think?”

Suddenly, the focus turned to me. Joo Kwon-oh had singled me out.

I swallowed dryly. My throat felt rough, as if I was swallowing sand.

“…”

“You’re an art student, right? Isn’t art part of the arts?”

He was staring at me, feigning a harmless voice.

The way he emphasized “art student” sounded like he was blaming me for the drawings in my notebook.

“Oh, that’s right. Jeong-ha oppa said he’s in the painting department, didn’t he?”

“Yeah. Jeong-ha, if you have any opinions, speak up. We’ve been talking amongst ourselves too much.”

Shin Ji-ye and Choi Kyung-won turned their heads towards me as they spoke.

With Joo Kwon-oh’s aggressive gaze added, a total of three pairs of sharp eyes were directed at me. I consciously clenched my fists and slightly lowered my head.

I hated being the center of attention like this, but thanks to learning how to cope during my school life, I soon opened my mouth.

“I also did some research… It’s a list of cultural and arts industries that companies sponsor these days. Here.”

As I pushed forward the paper I had printed in advance, I felt the gazes dispersing.

I continued my explanation, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. Fortunately, it didn’t seem to conflict with the liberal arts presentation assignment, as the three showed interest.

“There’s more variety than I thought.”

“Oh, we could pick from here and decide on a topic without overlapping with other groups. But I didn’t know such a list existed.”

“Me neither. I didn’t even think to look for something like this.”

“I remembered my major professor mentioning it before… There are quite a few companies that collaborate with art schools…”

Although my words were choppy, I managed to give a fairly normal answer.

Joo Kwon-oh, who had been seriously reading my list, finally looked up.

“I think it’s good too. As expected from someone in this major, the difference in information is clear.”

Unexpectedly, praise came my way. But Joo Kwon-oh had saved his main point for his next words.

“Since you know this well, Ryu Jeong-ha, can you extract the overall themes and keywords and divide the table of contents for us? If you do that, we can quickly finish by researching specific cases based on it.”

His gaze was fixed on me as he actively shared his opinion. Unlike his bright expression, his words felt full of thorns.

To phrase it so kindly when he’s basically telling me to do all the research by myself…

“Isn’t it too much for Jeong-ha to make the table of contents alone? We could divide it up among ourselves.”

Fortunately, Choi Kyung-won stepped in.

“He’s already done the research, so he’ll know the content best, right?”

However, Joo Kwon-oh didn’t seem to be backing down. He was determined to dump all the group project research on me.

“Y-yeah…”

Instead of resisting, I nodded.

Right now, if Joo Kwon-oh wanted to screw me over, my role was to willingly accept it. Honestly, I should be grateful that he didn’t outright confront me as a “dirty homo.”

This level of research is nothing; I can manage it by pulling an all-nighter for a day.

“If it’s too hard, please say so, oppa.”

“No, I’ll do it.”

“Then, once Jeong-ha researches, divides the table of contents, and sends us the materials, we’ll start properly then.”

“…Okay.”

As soon as the words ended, Choi Kyung-won, who had said he had to leave early for an appointment, stood up abruptly and shouldered his bag. This quickly created an atmosphere of ending the meeting.

I put the printouts I had taken out back into my bag while glancing around.

For me now, the problem wasn’t being saddled with the research, but how to retrieve that notebook that had fallen into Joo Kwon-oh’s hands.

Based on the vibe I felt today, it was clear that Joo Kwon-oh had already seen the contents of that notebook, and his attitude just now made it even more obvious that he didn’t think of it positively at all.

“I’ll be going then.”

I hurried out of the lecture room to avoid a situation where I might be alone with Joo Kwon-oh.

When I returned to the painting department’s studio as if escaping, I saw my painting that I had stopped in the middle of coloring.

Even though I knew I shouldn’t continue drawing Joo Kwon-oh as I pleased anymore, I still hadn’t completely let go of my lingering attachment.

That’s because for the past few weeks, whenever I had time, I had been focused solely on this painting, pulling all-nighters in the studio. The completed image had long since taken concrete form in my mind.

Even if I put this away right now, I don’t know what I would draw next.

“Huh? Jeong-ha! Why are you moving the painting? I was recording a video.”

“I don’t like it anymore.”

“It’s not even dry yet.”

“…”

Without answering, I picked up the canvas, as big as my torso, from the easel and took it to the storage room. Bae Yu-rim, who was the most active on Instagram in our department, grumbled that it was a shame her video was cut off midway.

“Eh, Ryu Jeong-ha, are you really going to drop what you were working on?”

Kim Jae-hyun, who had just entered the studio wearing work clothes, asked as he saw me putting away the canvas. Other students seemed curious too.

“Then what are you going to draw? You’ll have to show the professor a new sketch from the beginning.”

“That’s right. How annoying will that be? Listening to nagging. If it were me, I’d just continue with what I was doing.”

Despite my classmates’ attempts to dissuade me, I kept my mouth shut and stubbornly tidied up.

“Are you really starting over from scratch? The canvas too?”

“I’ll make a new one when I finish the sketch.”

The thought of making a new canvas made my head hurt. Not only is it complicated to cover it with fabric, but priming and sanding is also a tedious process.

However, if I want to save money, making my own canvas is cost-effective, so it can’t be helped.

“Alright, let me know before you start sketching. I’ll help you with the canvas work.”

One of my classmates offered, probably feeling sorry for me. I nodded slightly.

That day, I wasn’t in the mood for late-night work, so I returned to my rented room early. An oil painting for another major course assignment was still unfinished and neglected, but I was in no state to continue working on it.

I brought back the work clothes, blanket, handkerchiefs, and other items I always keep in the studio and washed them all.

After eating dinner, I lay aimlessly on the bed and checked my phone out of habit. There was an Instagram notification. It was common for my painting department classmates to tag me in photos, so I opened Instagram without much thought, intending to just check it.

Bae Yu-rim had tagged me in her story. As usual, she seemed to be lingering in the art building like a ghost, as the photo showed familiar faces.

—(Photo) The same late-night work buddies as always

—(Photo) Today’s delicious delivered food

—(Photo) The painting Ryu Jeong-ha suddenly dropped lol.. it looks good but he seems unsatisfied and wilted..

I flinched in surprise when I saw the third photo. The painting I had given up on today was brazenly posted on Bae Yu-rim’s Instagram story. It seemed to be a photo taken before I shoved it into storage.

“Ah. This is uncomfortable.”

Normally, I would have just shrugged it off. But that was a portrait with Joo Kwon-oh as the model. Originally, no one would have noticed that the model in the painting was Joo Kwon-oh, but if my secret notebook had been leaked, it’s a different story.

The person who picked up the notebook was Joo Kwon-oh, and of all people, he was mutual followers with Bae Yu-rim!

“Haah.”

Just thinking about it made my heart rate increase.

Even if Murphy’s cruel law exists in this world, isn’t this too much to hit all at once?

Am I overthinking? Worrying about the possibility of Joo Kwon-oh seeing my painting while checking Bae Yu-rim’s story?

‘Just mutual followers on Instagram?’

‘He always replies well whenever I DM him, so I thought he’d agree to be a model if I asked. What a shame.’

But if what Bae Yu-rim said was true, it could very well happen. Then my college life would really be over.

Even if I were Joo Kwon-oh, I’d get goosebumps. It’s not enough that someone he barely knows stalks him every week and sketches his face dozens of times in a notebook, but to even paint him on canvas for an assignment? And not even a woman, but a man…

Thinking that far, it was difficult to calm my quickened breathing. I considered calling Bae Yu-rim immediately to ask her to take down the photo.

But how could someone like me, with no way with words, naturally make such a request while making excuses?

‘Well, if you don’t like it, I’ll delete the photo. But why? You never said anything about other photos before. Is there a reason why only that painting can’t be shared?’

Just imagining Bae Yu-rim’s innocent question made me feel suffocated already.

After wracking my brains for a long time, I eventually couldn’t bring myself to contact Bae Yu-rim.

*

The next day.

I was on my way back from buying snacks, feeling hungry while thinking about the new sketch to show the professor.

As I was walking up to the art building, swinging the convenience store bag, I caught sight of a familiar back in front of the studio door.

I instinctively stopped in my tracks.

“…”

Why is Joo Kwon-oh here?

My whole body froze stiff like a caught thief. He was in the business administration department, so there was no reason for him to come to the art building.

Unless he came to catch the perverted male college student (Ryu Jeong-ha) who was stalking him…