My Ex-Boyfriend is Sold Out

Chapter 19: Lim Chae-yeon’s Past (2)

* * *

Her parents’ divorce left Chae-yeon wary of relationships with men. She’d resolved to avoid dating altogether rather than risk being hurt like her mother had.

But this resolve began to waver after her mother remarried.

Seeing her stepfather’s unwavering love toward her mother, Chae-yeon realized that there were men who could love a woman sincerely. She started hoping she could find a man like that, too.

But… how do I even find someone like that?

Chae-yeon had inherited her mother’s looks, making her a striking beauty. She was frequently pulled aside to receive confessions, almost daily, but finding someone as devoted as her stepfather seemed an impossible task.

When she asked her mother for advice, she learned that her stepfather had confessed his feelings a total of five times before her mother accepted him.

Five times… is that even possible?

Even with all her experiences, Chae-yeon had only ever received two confessions from the same person before. She wondered if she’d ever meet someone like her stepfather, and this thought left her disheartened.

Then, one day—

“If you’re okay with it… would you like to go out with me?”

Kim Si-hyun, a classmate from university, confessed to her. It was a clumsy confession, lacking confidence and originality. Without a second thought, Chae-yeon turned him down.

Was I too harsh?

Frustrated with the thought of possibly never finding a lifelong partner, Chae-yeon had responded more sharply than usual.

With her college life just beginning, the thought of alienating a classmate right from the start made her feel uneasy.

But to her surprise, despite being turned down so bluntly, Si-hyun didn’t give up.

Though he appeared downcast the day after being rejected, he returned later with renewed determination, expressing his feelings again.

Maybe… maybe Si-hyun could be the one.

With hopeful curiosity, she began to wonder if Si-hyun might actually be someone who could love her for a lifetime, like her stepfather did for her mother. Although she continued to reject his confessions, she started observing him closely.

She watched his expressions, casually joined him for meals with their mutual friend So-hee, and even followed him with anxious eyes whenever he spent time with other women.

By his fourth confession, Chae-yeon found herself secretly hoping he’d come to her again.

Just one more time… and I’ll accept it.

Though it might seem like manipulation to others, Chae-yeon was serious about choosing her first and potentially only relationship wisely.

What does it feel like to be in a relationship?

Her excitement grew, and she waited anxiously for his next confession.

However—

Maybe the repeated rejections had finally taken their toll. Si-hyun’s face now seemed more troubled and sad than ever, leaving Chae-yeon feeling unexpectedly anxious.

Is it… over?

Regret crept in. She wished she’d accepted his fourth confession instead of letting it go to this point.

Lingering near him, she waited, hoping he would confess again…

“Si-hyun, just give up already. Lim Chae-yeon doesn’t feel anything for you. Clinging to her like this is just a nuisance.”

A girl was urging him to give up. The girl attached to Si-hyun was none other than Han Yerin.

It’s not a nuisance.

Chae-yeon wanted to step forward and speak up, but given the secluded setting, her appearance would’ve felt unnatural.

So she stayed hidden, eavesdropping.

“Just one more time. I’ll make this my last attempt.”

Chae-yeon’s heart fluttered with hope. How deeply must he love her to keep trying like this? A warm feeling spread through her chest.

This isn’t the time to hesitate.

Chae-yeon quickly touched up her makeup, pretending to cross paths with Si-hyun by coincidence. It worked, and he finally confessed a fifth time.

“This is my last confession. If you reject me again, I’ll give up for real.”

She had succeeded in finding a man who would devote himself to her, just like her stepfather.

This time, she had no intention of rejecting him. Overwhelmed with gratitude and a racing heart, Chae-yeon accepted his confession.

***

It didn’t take long for Si-hyun to take a firm place in Chae-yeon’s heart.

He checked in daily to make sure she ate, sang to her over the phone on sleepless nights, and always looked at her with affection. Above all, he prioritized her happiness and loved her deeply.

Chae-yeon fell for him quickly, and eventually, she was sure of her feelings.

“Chae-yeon, I really like you.”

“I like you too—”

Just as she was about to reciprocate his feelings, a memory of her broken mother flashed in her mind, and she saw herself in that image.

Never let yourself fall in love with a man. Or, if you do, never show it. The moment you reveal your feelings, he’ll leave you.

It was her mother’s voice, words she’d heard over and over since childhood. Her mother wasn’t there, yet the words echoed in her ears.

Look at me. I built a happy family without showing my feelings. Your father gave his love, and I simply received it. As long as I never fully accepted his love, our family stayed together.

Every time Chae-yeon tried to confess her feelings, it was as if a curse prevented her from saying the words. Cold sweat covered her, her breath grew shallow, and her chest tightened.

She couldn’t express the love she felt, no matter how much it filled her heart.

“This can’t be happening…”

Realizing something was wrong, Chae-yeon sought psychological counseling. Through therapy, she learned that the experiences from her past had bound her emotions in chains.

I’m so sorry… I’m sorry for being like this…

Unable to tell him how much she loved him, she felt trapped in the same cycle as her mother.

Though Si-hyun continued to love her unconditionally, the guilt of not being able to reciprocate properly gnawed at her.

***

Despite regular therapy, Chae-yeon’s guilt over her inability to express love only grew.

One day, she saw Si-hyun sitting with Yerin, looking closer than she was comfortable with.

When she asked him about it, he assured her that Yerin was just a longtime friend and that there were no romantic feelings involved.

But unlike her, Yerin was beautiful and could be honest about her feelings. She could, at any moment, take Si-hyun away from her.

“Can’t you keep your distance from other girls?”

Afraid of losing him, Chae-yeon tried to prevent him from interacting with other women.

“Yerin’s actually quite shy around people… She doesn’t have many friends besides me. Can’t she be an exception?”

Si-hyun hesitated, concerned for Yerin, who had few friends. But Chae-yeon’s face hardened as she insisted,

“No. I want you to distance yourself from her too.”

Si-hyun grew quiet. Although he valued his relationship with Chae-yeon, letting go of Yerin, who’d been like family to him for fifteen years, felt unbearably harsh.

Yet the longer he remained silent, the more anxious Chae-yeon became.

“Why can’t you just answer me? You said you love me. Isn’t it enough to be with just me? Why do you keep defending her?”

She wanted to know what mattered more: his first love or his childhood friend. When Si-hyun hesitated again, she grabbed his shoulders and shouted,

“If it’s such a hard decision, why don’t you just date Yerin instead? Why are you even with me?!”

“Chae-yeon…”

“If that’s the case, let’s just break up!”

The words came out before she could stop them, and she immediately clapped a hand over her mouth in regret. But at that moment, Si-hyun pulled her into his arms.

“Huh…?”

He stroked her hair gently, speaking with a strained voice.

“I’m sorry for making you feel insecure… I’ll do as you ask.”

“Y-yeah…”

Chae-yeon realized she had taken her love hostage to get what she wanted, just like her mother had.

I hate this…

Though it felt manipulative, it was effective. After all, Si-hyun, who had hesitated moments ago, had chosen her at the mere mention of breaking up.

For emotionally fragile Chae-yeon, this seemed like the only way to keep Si-hyun close.

***

After Si-hyun distanced himself from Yerin, he began to look back at his childhood friend with sorrow in his eyes.

His focus had shifted to her instead of Chae-yeon.

The more she witnessed him longing for another woman, the more anxious Chae-yeon grew. She became more controlling to secure his affection, but each time she did, she saw a hint of sadness on his face, which only deepened her guilt.

In attempts to numb her shame, she drank to excess, relying on Si-hyun to carry her home.

At least in those moments… I can hold him without asking.

On his sturdy back, surrounded by the familiar scent of fabric softener, Chae-yeon pretended to be asleep, savoring these moments.

I’m so sorry… and I love you so much…

Through these struggles, her relationship with Si-hyun continued, and for the

first time in her life, she felt a sense of happiness. She cherished their photos together, shared stories with friends, and reveled in the joy that came from being his girlfriend.

***

As their relationship wore on, subtle cracks began to form.

As Chae-yeon grew more comfortable wielding control over Si-hyun, he began questioning his place in their relationship. No longer feeling like an equal, he became disillusioned with how things were.

On a scorching summer day, Chae-yeon received a call from So-hee while out with friends.

“A blind date?”

It wasn’t a regular date. It was a setup to help So-hee’s friend connect with her crush, a fake date where Chae-yeon would just play along.

Though she wanted to help, the thought of being around other men felt like a betrayal to Si-hyun.

“I’m sorry, but I’m dating Si-hyun. I don’t feel comfortable going to things like that.”

But So-hee, with a desperate voice, begged her to come since there was no one else to ask. Unable to resist her friend’s pleading, Chae-yeon made a hasty choice.

What should I do…

As the group gathered at a café, Chae-yeon sat nervously, fidgeting as the two guys and her friends discussed their plans.

Anxious for time to pass quickly, she bit her nails.

Ding.

A message from Si-hyun appeared.

—

Si-hyun: Chae-yeon, are you having fun with your friends?

Si-hyun: I sent some pocket money to your account! Buy something nice to eat with your friends, and while you’re at it, brag a little about your boyfriend, hehe.

Si-hyun: Love you♡

She glanced at the notification, reading Si-hyun’s message, but the guilt gnawed at her so deeply that she couldn’t bring herself to reply.

I love you too.

At that moment, Chae-yeon wanted nothing more than to see him. She decided not to use the money he’d sent, thinking she’d save it to buy him a new pair of shoes instead—he was looking pretty worn the last time she’d seen them.

Maybe I should just leave…

She was about to say something, but seeing her friends deep in conversation made her hesitate. They were counting on her to be there, and leaving would be awkward at this point.

***

Later, the blind date moved to a wine bar. Following the plan, Chae-yeon introduced herself briefly and sat there quietly, merely filling a seat as expected.

Ping!

—

Si-hyun: I need to talk to you. Message me when you’re done hanging out with your friends.

Si-hyun: I’ll be waiting.

—

What could he want to talk about?

Glancing at her notifications, Chae-yeon promised herself she’d message him the second this gathering ended.

While So-hee led the conversation, Chae-yeon started browsing for shoes she could get for Si-hyun.

But then—

“So, Chae-yeon, what are your hobbies?”

A problem arose. The guy So-hee’s friend had a crush on seemed to be interested in her. Well… maybe it wasn’t so surprising. Chae-yeon’s looks were hard to ignore.

“I don’t really have any,” she replied curtly, turning her attention back to her phone. The guy scratched his head, a bit embarrassed, then tried to engage her again.

“I’m into surfing. Since it’s summer, maybe the group here could go together sometime.”

Chae-yeon ignored him outright.

Come to think of it, I’ve never been to the beach with Si-hyun. Maybe I’ll suggest Haeundae for our next date.

She even had a swimsuit she knew Si-hyun would love to see her wear. Picturing his reaction, Chae-yeon blushed and took a big sip of her wine.

I wish this would just end soon.

As she glanced at her phone again, Si-hyun’s call came in.

What should I do…? If I answer, they’ll realize I’m on a date.

She quickly muted her phone, feeling uneasy and guilty. Trying to ignore reality, she set the phone down on the table.

I’m sorry, I’ll call you the moment this is over. Please, just wait a bit longer.

While she silently wished for this night to end, a new message popped up.

—

Si-hyun: Where are you right now?

—

She couldn’t tell him she was at a wine bar.

—

Si-hyun: You’re taking a long time to reply. You’re not out meeting some other guy behind my back, right?

—

Shivers ran down her spine at how eerily close his guess was. She looked around, just to be sure.

Thank goodness he’s not here…

Feeling a cold sweat trickle down her back, Chae-yeon decided it was time for damage control. She took a deep breath and quickly typed a lie.

—

Me: No way. I’m just relaxing at a friend’s place.

Si-hyun: Which friend?

Me: So-hee.

—

Guilt washed over her, and her heart pounded, afraid he might catch her lie. She let out a shallow breath, about to promise to call later, when—

—

Si-hyun: Since when is So-hee’s place a wine bar?

—

The world seemed to come to a standstill. Her body jolted instinctively, and as she looked up, there he was—Si-hyun stood by the entrance, looking angrier than she’d ever seen.

“What… Kim Si-hyun, how did you even know I was here?”

Chae-yeon’s mind went blank, and she felt her breath hitch. Her knees wobbled, her vision blurred, but somehow, her words came out.

“What are you doing here? You said you were with just girls, so why are there guys sitting right across from you?”

Each word from Si-hyun brought fresh regret.

I should have turned down this invitation, no matter the reason…

She wanted to smack herself for being so foolish. But Si-hyun wasn’t done; his anger was barely contained.

“I don’t even need you to explain. Three guys, three girls, all paired off—it’d be naive to think there’s nothing suspicious here.”

“I get why you’re upset, but this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Oh, really? Being here at all means you were going behind my back.”

“I swear it’s not like that!”

The idea that she would cheat on him was absurd. She hadn’t even looked at another man the entire time they’d been together.

“Then explain yourself. I’ll listen.”

She glanced nervously at her friends, about to explain everything, when So-hee quickly stood up.

“Si-hyun, Chae-yeon really didn’t want to come. I practically dragged her here.”

“I don’t care if it was you or anyone else. She should’ve refused to be here in the first place. Who goes on a blind date while they’re already in a relationship?”

He was right. Chae-yeon deeply regretted it. Like a criminal hiding her faults, she felt an overwhelming urge to flee the wine bar.

“Let’s talk outside. We’re making a scene.”

“Why? Because you’re embarrassed? Good. At least you have enough shame to feel that.”

“I told you, it’s not what it looks like. I only came to fill a seat. I had no intention of actually dating anyone.”

“And why should I believe that? I watched you ignore my calls because you were too busy with your ‘blind date.’ Do you think I’m a joke, Lim Chae-yeon?”

He saw it all… Chae-yeon’s vision spun. She had no idea how to fix this, no path forward.

“Please, just stop jumping to conclusions. I was only—”

Before she could finish, the guy who’d been showing interest in her spoke up.

“Wow, this is pathetic. If he can’t even keep his girlfriend’s attention, what’s he going off about?”

Thrown off by the stranger’s sudden involvement, Chae-yeon was left speechless.

“What did you just say?”

“Am I wrong? If she’s here, clearly her boyfriend isn’t enough for her.”

“You—”

Chae-yeon froze as Si-hyun grabbed the guy by the collar.

“What, you want to hit me?”

The tension in the air was palpable, and Chae-yeon quickly grabbed Si-hyun’s arm, worried he might actually start a fight.

“Stop it!”

“Let go.”

He shook her hand off, leaving her on the verge of tears.

“Come on, Chae-yeon, let him go. I’ll help you dump him right here.”

Listening to the guy’s incessant meddling, Chae-yeon could barely contain her anger. It didn’t matter anymore if he was So-hee’s friend’s crush. She glared at him with icy disdain.

“I don’t know what makes you think we’re close, but mind your own business.”

She wanted to hurl every insult imaginable at him, but calming Si-hyun down took priority. Thankfully, the guy finally went quiet. She turned to Si-hyun as they left the bar.

“Kim Si-hyun, come with me.”

***

“Are you insane? What’s with the reckless behavior? I told you to stop!”

Just moments ago, she’d been ready to apologize, but now, out of fear of his anger, she was suddenly on the offensive.

Her impulse to defuse the situation led her to make the worst possible choice.

“If you hadn’t gone on this blind date, none of this would’ve happened.”

“Oh, right, because I just wanted to go? So-hee begged me to come, and I only agreed to fill a seat. How is that wrong?”

The nerve of him to question her like this. Every retort felt like it was unraveling her from the inside out.

“It’s wrong, obviously. It’s not like So-hee doesn’t have other friends. If it were me, I’d never have gone, even if I felt guilty.”

He wasn’t wrong. There was no justifying her decision, and her silence gave Si-hyun a moment to continue.

“Just apologize. If you do, I’ll let it slide this one time.”

He was willing to forgive her even after what she’d done. She hesitated, but his kindness gave her a glimmer of hope.

“I’m… sorry.”

“I didn’t hear you. What did you say?”

Perhaps she’d spoken too quietly. She was about to apologize again, but a sudden thought crossed her mind.

If I apologize now, I’ll lose control over Si-hyun.

Yes, she’d made a mistake by meeting another guy, especially when she’d restricted Si-hyun’s interactions with other women. This would give him ammunition, and he might use it against her if she ever tried to keep him from seeing Yerin again.

I can’t let that happen…

She knew she was being selfish, perhaps even unreasonable. But even if it meant being called names, even if it made her seem like a terrible person—

“I did nothing wrong. I’m not apologizing.”

—she didn’t want to lose him to another woman.

“…What?”

His bewildered expression struck Chae-yeon, though she knew all too well how ridiculous her words sounded.

But without the ability to show affection or to respond with kindness, this was all she had left to cling to.

“And you… how did you even know I was here? Have you been following me?”

“Lim Chae-yeon…”

Chae-yeon felt herself slipping deeper into a dark, twisted place, but she couldn’t turn back now. The path was set, even if it sickened her.

“Always going on about how much you love me, and now you’re stalking me?”

Of course, she knew that Si-hyun would never do such a thing. She was only scrambling for control, though it left her feeling queasy.

“Can you just stop this crap?” he finally snapped.

“Did… did you just curse at me?”

“You really think I wouldn’t, when you’re trying to make me out to be a villain just to avoid apologizing?”

It was the first time she’d ever heard him curse at her. It shocked her but strangely also felt like a release, echoing the self-loathing she’d been feeling all along.

“You’re really crossing a line… Do you even want to date me anymore?”

Feeling cornered, she took the last measure she had left, once again resorting to using love as a hostage to douse his anger.

“Are we even really dating?”

“W-what?”

His unexpected response left her stunned.

“Other couples can’t wait to say ‘I love you,’ but all this time, I haven’t heard you say it even once.”

Si-hyun’s words hit the nerve she’d been most sensitive about, as he finally released the resentment he’d been bottling up.

But that’s not true… I do love you!

Her chest burned with frustration, but she couldn’t bring herself to say what she felt.

“So what? Isn’t it enough that we’re together? Why make a fuss now, when everything was fine?”

All she wanted was for him to keep things as they were, to hold on until she could finally break free of her own mental constraints. Once she was ready, she’d be able to give him all the love she’d been hiding.

But Si-hyun didn’t know that. He pressed on, frustration spilling over.

“Do you really think our relationship is healthy? Or—Chae-yeon, do you even like me?”

Of course she liked him. Every night after their dates, she’d stare at their photos, unable to look away. Every time his usual call time approached, she’d stop whatever she was doing just to wait for his call, heart pounding.

“Why won’t you answer?”

The thought of him talking to other women filled her with jealousy for hours. But even now, she couldn’t express any of it. Every time she tried, those painful memories constricted her throat, her mind drowning in the past.

“You selfish…”

Si-hyun turned and walked away, his figure retreating while Chae-yeon watched, terrified.

“Hey, Kim Si-hyun! Are you really going to leave me like this?”

“Yeah, let’s end it. I’m tired, too…”

The fear of truly losing him hit her like a tidal wave, and she scrambled for anything to make him stop.

“If you take another step… we’re really over.”

Her desperate words stopped him for a brief moment, a trace of reluctance in his stance. But a second later, he walked on, raising a hand behind him.

What is he…?

Just as she wondered, he lifted his middle finger, pointing it directly at her.

“Hey!!”

The sight of his gesture brought her crashing down, knees giving out as she collapsed to the ground. Tears fell freely, blinding her to anyone who might be watching.

“Please… please come back. I’m so sorry…”

But Si-hyun was already gone. Chae-yeon wept in the rain, soaking through, clutching herself as the water chilled her to the bone.

I hate myself for this…

Could prolonged rain give someone hypothermia? She knelt on the ground, consumed by self-loathing.

“He said he’s tired… that it’s over…”

She stayed that way for nearly twenty minutes, silently berating herself, until a voice called out.

“Chae-yeon!”

So-hee appeared, lifting Chae-yeon up from the ground, shocked at the state she was in.

“Chae-yeon, what are you doing out here… where’s Si-hyun?”

“He… he broke up with me…”

The reality of her mistake sank in for So-hee as well.

This is all my fault…

Chae-yeon had always bragged about Si-hyun, scrolling through his photos with joy. How could So-hee ever make up for what she’d done?

“I’m so sorry, Chae-yeon! This is all my fault!”

So-hee knelt in the wet ground, bowing her head low to apologize, even as her knees sank into a puddle. Chae-yeon stared at her, numb.

A part of her wanted to blame So-hee, but in her heart, she knew it had been her choice to attend that blind date.

“I’ll fix this, I swear. No matter what it takes, I’ll help you get back together…”

Her pleas were met by Chae-yeon’s faint response.

“Just… leave me alone.”

***

Back at home, Chae-yeon went straight to her bed without even changing clothes, wrapping her arms around her knees as she sat there.

I don’t even know who I am anymore…

She wanted to be loved, wanted Si-hyun by her side, wanted him to look at no one but her. But she was disgusted with her own selfishness, with the contradictions that had driven him away.

—

Me: I’m sorry for everything I said. Can we meet up? I really need to apologize…

—

She didn’t want it to end like this. She needed to fix this, no matter what it took.

Just as she was about to hit “send,” she stopped herself.

“No… I’ll tell him everything in person tomorrow.”

Once a day had passed and his anger had subsided, she’d meet him and tell him everything—about her emotional struggles, her deepest issues, all the things she’d been keeping bottled up.

Determined, she went to campus the next day, bringing So-hee along as she checked the lecture room window to see if Si-hyun was there.

Inside, she saw Si-hyun and Yerin sitting closely, talking with gentle expressions on their faces.

He went to Yerin as soon as we broke up… Was I ever anything to him at all?

Bang!

In a burst of anger, she pushed the door open. Her resolve to talk things through dissolved, replaced by a surge of betrayal at seeing him turn to Yerin so quickly.

What was I to you… was I ever anything at all?

***

Flashback to the MT Trip

Thirsty and unable to sleep, Chae-yeon grabbed a water bottle from her bag. The others were all sprawled out, knocked out from drinking. Quietly, she tiptoed to the next room.

There, she saw Yerin hugging Si-hyun as if he were a giant teddy bear, clinging to him in her sleep. Si-hyun wore a pained expression even in his sleep, his face twisted in discomfort. Chae-yeon pushed Yerin off him, rolling her away.

Finally freed from Yerin’s grip, Si-hyun’s expression softened. His exhaustion evident, he continued to sleep soundly, lightly snoring.

He’s… so cute.

Suppressing a smile, she took a picture, the camera flash illuminating his face for just a second. Then, she gently covered him with the blanket and brushed his hair back, letting the moonlight reveal his peaceful face.

Even if it was for CPR… I wish he hadn’t kissed her…

She looked at his lips, resentment filling her gaze as she tapped them lightly. He frowned a bit in his sleep, so she quickly pulled back, only to lean in again once he’d settled.

Don’t go to Yerin… I’ll be better, I promise. I won’t boss you around, I won’t talk to other guys, I’ll only look at you.

Leaning down, she pressed her lips softly against his. Somehow, while he was sleeping, she found it easier to show affection, stealing kisses whenever she could.

Peck.

“I love you…”

Words she couldn’t say while he was awake came tumbling out, whispered in the quiet room.

“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…”

As she whispered, her eyes filled with tears. She kissed him, her silent tears slipping down onto his face. He stirred at the sensation, but by the time he moved, she was already gone.

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