Chapter 9: Chapter 9: Shut Up, Meg!
The blue glow bursting from Rango's palm flooded the entire Egyptian exhibit hall in an instant, shimmering like a radiant ocean.
The two jackal-headed guards who'd been loyally standing watch at the doorway? The moment they saw that blinding light, they ditched their post and ran straight out of the hall, abandoning their precious Pharaoh without a second thought.
The whole scene honestly looked straight out of a parody movie.
Rango, meanwhile, was starting to get annoyed.
Nearly a full minute had passed, and the system was still just glowing. No prompt, no result, no nothing. Did it crash or something? System.exe not working?
Just as he was about to start smacking his palm, the light suddenly surged inward like a receding tide.
When it finally cleared, four glowing blue symbols appeared in his palm.
And the one that had originally belonged to Ted? It had been replaced by a sleek, stylized icon of a sports car!
Rango's eyes lit up. He'd been thinking the list of summonables was way too limited. Turns out, once the progress bar hit max, the system automatically refreshed and swapped in new options. Not bad. Actually kinda considerate.
A car, huh...
As he stared at the new symbol, his mind raced with possibilities, and his heart thumped with excitement.
If this wasn't a Transformer, he'd eat the Pharaoh still lying in the sarcophagus behind him.
Bumblebee? Jazz? Stinger? Hot Shot?
Rubbing his palms together, Rango took a deep breath. Time for his second summon since arriving in this crazy world.
"Begin—"
"RAAAARGHH!! AAAAAHHHH!!!"
Rango's face twitched. He turned and glared at the sarcophagus. The mummy inside was still howling at full volume.
Clearing his throat, Rango tried again, more formally: "Begin—"
"RRAAARGHHHH!!! RAHHH!!!"
"Will you SHUT THE FUCK UP?!"
With a growl, Rango stormed over and kicked the sarcophagus open.
A wrapped-up mummy shot upright, shrieking like a maniac. But the moment the air hit his body, the centuries-old bandages oxidized instantly and fell away like ash.
Soon, a young man stood before him, dark-skinned, adorned with gold jewelry, looking like a fashion-forward Pharaoh just back from vacation.
Rango, having seen the movies, instantly recognized who it was. But he couldn't care less right now.
He pointed a finger right at the Pharaoh's nose and barked, "Listen up. I know you can understand me. So shut your damn mouth right now! If I hear you yell one more time, I swear I'll shove your head so far up your own ass you'll need a mirror just to blink!"
"…I tend to be a quiet person anyway."
To Rango's mild surprise, the Pharaoh wasn't mad at all. He blinked, nodded obediently, and backed down like a scolded schoolkid.
With that done, Rango took a second to steady his breath and focused on the glowing symbols in his palm again. He exhaled slowly and called out:
"Begin the summon!"
Before the last word even finished leaving his mouth, a golden light burst from one of the symbols.
The glow zipped between the four icons, fast at first, then slower, circling between:
Sports Car. Dagger. Lizard. Doll.
Rango clenched his fists, muttering like a gambler at a rigged slot machine. "Come on… come on… sports car… give me the car…"
And as if the system heard his prayer, the golden light finally slowed… and stopped on the sports car icon.
"YES!!"
Rango punched the air in triumph. Back when he first summoned Ted, he thought this whole system was kinda lame. But this? This changed everything.
If it really turned out to be a Transformer, then aside from a fully armed military unit, who could possibly stop him now?
Though… he did wonder if Transformers needed regular maintenance. Would oil changes be expensive?
"…Uh, hey," the Pharaoh said meekly, still standing beside him. "I think it's… still spinning?"
"Huh?"
The moment Rango's palm lit up, a slow-moving golden light began drifting over the four summon icons. He watched intently, excitement building, but his joy was short-lived.
Sure enough, the light crept past the sports car icon, inching slowly toward the next one.
And below it was… a long-haired porcelain doll.
Rango's face immediately twisted into a look of anguish. Of course, his luck wouldn't be that good.
A few seconds later, the light came to a stop, right on the doll.
His heart, which had been hanging by a thread, finally gave up and dropped dead.
He glanced at the Pharaoh with a look that could kill, sighed, and muttered, "Alright, let's see what kind of nightmare fuel this turns out to be."
He raised his palm toward the open space in front of him. A beam of blue light shot out, flickering as a vaguely human figure began to take shape.
Please not Chucky… or Annabelle… or anything from Dead Silence…
Seconds later, a young girl emerged from the light. She was dressed in a frilly black-and-white Lolita dress, white stockings, and shiny leather shoes. She stepped forward with mechanical grace.
"Good evening. I'm M3GAN. I will protect your body and mind from harm," she said softly, her voice filtered through a pleasant but uncanny synthesized tone.
"A robot? M3GAN?"
Rango frowned. He'd seen the movie. If he remembered right, she didn't exactly have any insane powers. At most, she was just a little stronger than a grown man, definitely not OP.
Honestly, she might not even be a match for him in a real fight.
Still, he gave a slight nod and opened his mouth to greet her—
FLASH!
A beam of light suddenly shot from M3GAN's forehead, piercing straight into his chest.
"FUCK!"
A surge of indescribable pain wracked his entire body. It felt like every bone was being chewed on by fire ants. He gritted his teeth and tried to hold out… but a few seconds later, he collapsed to the floor and blacked out.
…
"…Mm…"
Rango slowly opened his eyes and sat up in a recliner, groaning as he rubbed his sore neck.
In front of him stood a familiar group.
"You guys…"
"You lost consciousness two hours ago while adapting to my integration process," M3GAN said with a calm smile. "I carried you here for monitoring, master."
Despite her respectful tone, that voice, so sweet and robotic, still sent a chill down his spine.
"Yeah… don't call me 'master' or anything. Just call me Rango."
He gave her a small smile and reached out to pat her head. Sure, he was a little disappointed not to get a Transformer, but honestly? Having a new reliable teammate was something to celebrate.
Ever since high school, he'd basically been an orphan. Didn't matter what the summon looked like, if they had his back, they were family.
"And you two…"
He turned toward Ted and the Pharaoh, both of whom were sitting on the floor eating takeout noodles from a box.
"You're seriously just chillin' with chow mein right now?"
"Megan told us you were just unconscious, not dying," Ted replied while slurping noodles. He held out the box. "Want some? It's from that Asian spot we used to hit all the time when you were still in school. Still tastes just as good."
Rango stared at the steaming, golden-fried noodles. His stomach growled.
He grinned. "No way we're celebrating a new teammate with just noodles."
He tossed his card at Ted. "Go wild. Call up a full banquet. I want everything, whiskey, champagne, the works!"
He turned back to M3GAN, who smiled politely, hands folded like a well-mannered lady.
"What about you? What do you eat? Motor oil? High-octane? Or meth maybe?"
"My energy core runs on next-gen solar charging technology developed fifty years from now," she replied, tilting her head. "I don't require gasoline or household AC power."
"Ohhh…" Rango nodded, impressed. "Leave it to the system to hand out something that future-proof."
Ted happily skipped off to make the order, and Rango was just about to light a cigarette when M3GAN stepped forward, face serious.
"Based on my data analysis, your nicotine intake today has already surpassed the safe daily limit. If you continue smoking, your chances of developing lung cancer by age sixty will increase by over a thousand percent."
Rango raised an eyebrow and gave her a casual shrug. "I'm in my twenties. Why should I worry about a disease that won't kill me for another forty years?"
M3GAN didn't back down. "It's not just the nicotine. While you were unconscious, I performed a full-body scan. I detected traces of alcohol from five hours ago. If you drink again, your liver function will—"
She paused only briefly before continuing, "Also, I strongly recommend you see a mental health professional. While you were passed out, you repeatedly mumbled about your mother. This suggests childhood psychological trauma—"
"Okay, okay, noted," Rango waved her off. "I'll go see a shrink. Eventually."
"Furthermore, I discovered issues with your kidney—"
"Shut up, Meg!!!"
(AN: Guess the last reference.)
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