Miss Demon Maid

Hey, so, I’m not really sure how it happened? Buuuut I’ve been the Goddess of this world since, like, forever.

At first I was, like, just poking around, you know? Messing with stuff. And then these dopey natives just started calling me their Goddess. Man, so dumb.

But well, I can kinda get where they were coming from. I mean, look, I’m super kind, right? Like, so dependable. I just can’t help but listen whenever someone prays to me. Totes a Goddess, right?

I mean, don’t you feel like trying your best too when you see a cool guy in front of you?

So anyway, being a goddess is actually a huuuge pain in the ass.

Like, there’s this fat whale who normally doesn’t even do more than a few sloppy prayers, but then when typhoons or stuff like that happen he’d pester me to save them. Gawd, sooo annoying.

So I don’t even bother. And then you know what? After the typhoon passed by itself, he’d go ‘yaaay’ and announce that I’d saved them. Like, is he an bozo or what?

But like, I can’t really do anything with offerings or food though. Why don’t they get more cute guys to be priests instead? Like, come on.

So yeah, I’m a goddess, right? I can actually get to other worlds too. It’s super annoying though, having to set up all the audio and the timescale and the channel and stuff.

But then one day, I found this weird thing in a weird world. People over there call it ‘oh-toh-may’ games or something.

Oh yeah, I picked up my appearance and lingo from that world too. Totes adorbs, right?

So like, that otome thingamajig? I got super duper hooked.

Like, that heroine’s so cute, so brave, and so diligent too. Isn’t that totally me? I just get her, ya’know?

Anyway, so just watching got boring. I wanna play too, but this world doesn’t have game consoles, so I couldn’t. But I really really wanted to play, so I got people here to develop summoning magic. Genius idea, yeah? Am I right or am I right?

But then I realized something amazing.

I can play. I can, like, just summon a human girl and control her just like in those games. See? Same thing. Man, I’m so smart.

But there’s one problem, see? In my world, there were no princes.

Everyone was just banging rocks and sticks together. No shiny and big buildings like in that weird other world. I’m so cute, see? So this world totally didn’t fit me.

And then, get this, I got another amazing idea. If there wasn’t a prince, then I just needed to make a kingdom!

I can stick a good-looking priest and priestess together and make their kid a prince, then get a summoned heroine and that prince together to make a new kingdom. This country’s gonna be so fire.

So yeah, that was my plan, but I gotta be careful too. Not like there’d be a guarantee the heroine would act the way I want. I’m super humble, see? I know my limits. So I first wrote the script and got people from that weird world to make it into a game for me.

It was a bit of a pain since I couldn’t, like, really interfere much with a world that’s not mine, but I tried so hard. It took me more than a decade to brainwash some rich-looking peep and got them to fund the game for me.

It’s called The Lines of Light, Darkness, and Love. Awesome name, right? So I got people to play the game and then summon the girl who wanted to come here the most, and I finally managed to make her the queen. Controlling her with just blessings and oracles was, like, crazy tough, but real fun, too.

It was so fun I got a few more games made, then turned the summoned heroines into Saints and queens and stuff. They were all super duper happy.

So going by this world’s timescale, after about a thousand years since the first game, civilization finally got to what people in that other weird world would call the Middle Ages. The heroines’ children started inventing stuff to make things more convenient, but you know, otome games set in another world have got to be in the Middle Ages, right? More atmospheric that way. So I decided those peeps who wanted to advance civilization should all get some divine punishment. Like, hello, gotta keep the ambience here.

So anyway, after the latest game got released, I summoned some people again. Sixteen this time.

…hmm, that’s weird. Did an animal get dragged along too or something? Ah well, whatevs. I can’t watch all of them anyway, this summoning’s got more people than usual.

So I decided that the main heroine this time would be a girl from my world, but it’s not really working out. I’m not sure if she’s just overly cautious or what, but she’s such a sloth, even after I gave her oracles. Gosh, sooo annoying.

On the other hand, the summoned heroines were so much better. I just gave them a bit of my protection and they went, like, chop-chop-chop.

Afterward, I’d just need to give a nudge or two and the capturing would go fine. So fun.

One of the heroines failed.

…why? She had, like, Charm and stuff. It should have been impossible. Hmm, where did things go wrong… There are three villainesses this time, so maybe it’s them who are going off-script. Unbelievable. Like, oh-em-gee.

I’ve been trying to see how close to the games I can get with just indirect pokes and nudges, but maybe I’ve been playing around too much? Maybe I should give oracles to the remaining heroines too? It’s looking kinnnnda bad here.

Whoops, the Saint girl’s getting to work. Elias’s supposed to be the secret character, but I guess I gotta bring him out now. The guy’s, like, totally my type, you know? Super handsome. I’ve been showing him how awesome and cute I am since he was a little kid, so he’s a really tough target, heheh.

…something’s really wrong here. Somebody is totally going off-script in my country.

To make this world like the games, I’ve enclosed this country and the neighboring ones in a barrier to allow people in the zone to have Skills.

I actually wanted to turn the whole world into my zone though, but it turned out to be way too big for me. Like, ohmygosh I hate it.

But inside my zone, it’s just like the games! I’ve got maximum influence here, too! My own sandbox to play in! This kingdom’s gonna be the center of this world, heheheh!

Every creature affected by Skills are more or less under my influence already. Like, heroines are just naturally more likable, and the villainesses tend to more easily be hated or have terrible personalities.

Then why is the Saint heroine being put on trial?!

Why is Elias on the prosecuting side?!

I didn’t give Sharon any magical Skills and made sure she was bullied so much too. Why is she still sane?!

Oh, oh, the Saint girl just asked for help!

***

I have arrived at the location of the monster Stampede, the Third Dungeon — otherwise known as “The Salt Dungeon”.

My first destination is the store I frequent. The shopkeeper finally has a customer and yet he’s packing up for travel, looking rather agitated.

“…little maid.”

“What is it, sir shopkeeper?”

“Haven’t you heard the news?! There’re monsters out there!”

“I have, of course.”

“THEN WHY ARE YOU GOING SHOPPING??!”

“How strange. Is this not a store?”

“It is, but who the hell in their right mind would come here with what’s going on?!”

“What are you saying, sir? At any rate, may I have some of the sugar and spices over there?”

“Did you not listen to a single thing I said?! Why are you still shopping?! Monsters could be getting here at any moment!!”

He’s quite emotional, isn’t he? Maybe he needs some more calcium and minerals. His thatching has degraded even further as well.

“WAAAGH!!!”

Oh my. There are some other customers as well.

“O-orc!”

“Nice shot.”

I first thought it was a pig-faced customer. Turned out it was just a customer-faced pig. I wipe off the blood on my beloved Orc Killer EX and turn back to the shopkeeper to see him holding his crotch with both hands, his face green and his back bent.

Poor him. This must be the first time he has seen such a violently piggish customer.

“Sir shopkeeper, how much would you pay for a freshly hunted orc? It’s still warm.”

“Are you really saying that, maid girl?! Aren’t there more important things right now?!”

Hmm. I suppose he’s right.

“Well, it’s true that its 〇s have unfortunately been crushed. A pity. Those could have been used in energy tonics. Then just the price for its skin and meat would be fine, sir. Please feel free to subtract the butchering fee from the sum total.”

“I told you, this is not the time to be talking business!!”

“Also, the sack of wheat at the storefront seems to have been a little bit trampled by the orc, hasn’t it? Please give me a discount for that.”

“GIRL I AM TRYING TO EVACUATE HERE!!”

Ah, I see. I did not realize I was interrupting him when he was hurrying. Regrettably, I am not a very bright maid in that respect.

As an apology, I begin to brew some tea for him and serve some dried seaweed as accompaniment.

I then return to the negotiation. We are interrupted a few times by monsters, which are then swiftly dispatched by my spiked club. The shopkeeper just takes in the sight, his eyes unfocused as though his mind has regressed to infancy, and he sits back down on the chair, his packed luggage left to the side.

He has changed his mind, it seems.

“Also, can you throw in some of that maple syrup and rock candies over there as well?”

“Just take whatever you want already, dammit…”

“In return, here…”

I take out another pouch of dried seaweed and place it on the table. The shopkeeper takes a look inside, then surreptitiously tuck it away.

Even as close to the dungeon as I am, I find it rather telling that monsters have already spilled to the streets. The situation seems to be  quite dire.

Normally, the soldiers would be around to protect the citizens at the moment, but I do not see any of them. They’re probably at the Third Dungeon at the moment to hold the monsters at bay

Quite a dilemma for them, this must be. All the soldiers have to be at the Dungeon to stop the city from being drowned in monsters, which also means that what few monsters that managed to get through would be able to wreck the streets with impunity.

I elect to head for the Third Dungeon for the time being, crushing any monsters that I encounter along the way. After some time, I notice a few small shadows approaching me.

“””Hello, miss!”””

“Hello, little ones. I see that you’ve gotten yourself something quite nice.”

“Eheheh!”

They’re the snot-nosed urchins that I see running around town all the time. In their hands are bloodied kitchen knives and cleavers, while their arms are wrapped protectively around the body parts of monsters that the guild would purchase as proof of subjugation.

“How is the battle going?”

“The local knight leader is heavily wounded and has retreated. Currently, the vice leader is taking command.” “The third knight squadron can barely keep itself together. The second prince’s imperial knights are keeping the monsters at bay, but they probably wouldn’t last another few hours.” “The capital’s knights would take a while to get here.”

“Anything else suspicious?”

“Nothing, really. The foreign spies aren’t doing anything.”

I see.

“Thank you. Here are your rewards.”

I give them the rock candies as I always do, and the children burst into cheers.

“””Thank you, miss!”””

Goodness, the smiles of innocent children truly is a balm for the soul.

So, there’s nobody doing anything suspicious. Which means that the intent that I felt is behind this incident is probably the world’s Administrator.

How troublesome. I suppose I’m going to need to be a little more careful now.

A/N: The Goddess is… well, you know the type.