Minute Mage: A Time-Traveling LitRPG

Chapter 61: Welcome to Hell. Cut Out the Weak Link.

A Devil sat at a desk in a damp, dark room. On top of his desk was a miniature illusion of the Kingdom of Koinkar. It had all provinces, territories, borders, roads, notable monster locations, and just about any other piece of information that the Devil might’ve wanted to know. It had been meticulously put together by the squads of Diviners assigned to him, since the Humans had essentially taken over for the Diviners’ jobs.

When the Devil and King Koinkar had their discussion about the details of their agreement, what they decided was that the Humans would use their own Divination magic-users to track Arlan Nota, which left the Demonic Diviners free. So, the Devil asked them to craft this. It was certainly useful, but after seeing the performance of the Humans as ‘allies’, he regretted having them do so.

The Humans had apparently found Arlan Nota, sent in a squad of ‘elites’ to kill him, and they returned empty-handed. He remembered who was on that squad – the royal guard woman who was hostile to him, Camilla, was one of them. He was less than confident that she didn’t have something to do with returning with no explanation as to why they hadn’t caught him.

But that wasn’t all. After that failed mission, the Humans located him once again, and sent in a bulk-squad of soldiers from a nearby city to kill him, and they were all mysteriously slaughtered. And the squad sent in after that was almost completely wiped out, too.

It was obvious that, despite Koinkar’s reassurances that his men were ‘the best of the best’, the Devil could not rely on the Humans. They hadn’t even notified the Demons that they’d found Arlan Nota until the second squad of soldiers had been killed. That was infuriating. Why wouldn’t they tell the Demons that the main target had been found? Infernals were constantly on standby to be sent in the moment he was located, and, had the Humans said something, they would’ve been there in moments.

The more the Devil thought about it, the angrier he got. He had already spent so much of his valuable time trying to create this mutually beneficial relationship with the Human leadership, and apparently that entire connection was useless. If the Humans were going to act like this, they weren’t worth working with at all. At least, not as equals.

“So, Xhag’duul? What do you plan on doing?”

The Devil blinked and looked back at the other person in the room with him. “Ah, expression of apology. Wasn’t listening. What’d you want?”

The Devil’s superior glared at him from across the desk. She was wearing the same smooth black clothes that were uniform for all Devils, except hers were much neater than the Devils. Compared to hers, his were old and wrinkled from lack of proper care. He was too busy to take the time to clean them.

“You will refer to me by my full name when apologizing, Xhag’duul,” she said in a low growl. “And do so formally. Do not forget your manners.”

The Devil fought back a frustrated sigh. He brought a finger up to his mouth and bit down, filling his mouth with the familiar taste of blood. His fingers were covered in scars by now, the habit obviously having grown out of control, but at the point he was now, some simple bodily harm was the least of his worries. “Formal expression of apology, Superior Quinmorada’qualticularoohdodonmi’asmomonomomonminmi’oohdoohdimyuumyuuquanquimi’jinndarrqyuqyakwuquoquanki’miminanmujardinmani’quokinwukanquokokanki.”

“Good. And listen to me, this time. I hope you do not need to be reminded of your place.”

The Devil bit the inside of his lip. “Yes, superior Quinmorada’qualticularoohdodonmi’asmomonomomonminmi’oohdoohdimyuumyuuquanquimi’jinndarrqyuqyakwuquoquanki’miminanmujardinmani’quokinwukanquokokanki.”

“Now, what I said to you was that Arlan Nota has been at large for many Overworld days now. Your current strategy is clearly not working. What changes to your plan are you going to make?”

The Devil looked at his superior. Seriously? That’s what this meeting was about? She just wanted him to explain what he was doing to her? All this would accomplish would be to waste his time. Why couldn’t she just let him work? He’d be able to get this stress over with much more quickly if he was allowed to do his job without these constant interruptions.

“Well,” he said, “I have recently made contact with the Human leader of the Koinkar Kingdom, and I convinced him to call a cease fire with our troops. On top of that, he has lent many human soldiers to our cause. I believe that this will greatly speed up the–”

“Wait. Koinkar Kingdom? What is that?”

He fought the urge to roll his eyes. She really didn’t know the location Arlan Nota was in? And she was trying to make judgment calls on what the best course of action would be? How out-of-touch could she be? “It is the Human-controlled territory in which Arlan Nota is located.”

“Hm. And you got them to stop attacking our units?”

“Well, the kingdom-controlled soldiers have stopped, yes. Some adventurers are still causing us problems, but the vast majority of–”

“Adventurers?”

The Devil was having a hard time keeping himself from audibly sighing. “Classed Humans that operate outside of the strict legal system. They usually do odd jobs, or go outside walled areas to cull the nearby monster population in order to increase their strength and keep the area safe. Some of them are still hunting Demon forces, despite the ceasefire.”

“So you couldn’t even get the Humans to stop attacking you,” she sighed in anger. “Do you understand how much this is costing us?”

The Devil glared at his superior. The absolute fucking moron had no idea how much work he doing. She had no right to spit all over his efforts. He didn’t say anything, though.

“You obviously need to be putting more time into this,” she said, absentmindedly picking at her nails. “Arlan Nota has not yet been captured, despite the ample resources you have been provided.”

“Superior,” the Devil begged, “I’ve been putting all the time I have into the capture of Arlan Nota. It might take a bit longer, then I will show results.”

“You should have shown us results within the first minutes of this operation. You have given us nothing but failure time and time again. I maintain that you need to put more effort into this case.”

“I don’t have any more time I can commit!” he said, bordering on shouting. “Every waking moment I have, I spend arranging units, writing requests, directing the Infernal Commanders, I can’t do any more.”

The Devil’s superior sighed, obviously unimpressed with his pleads. “Then perhaps it is not time that you need, but motivation. How about this: you’re demoted. Starting now. And more demotions will come if you do not catch Arlan Nota within a timely manner.”

The Devil leapt from his seat. “Superior, no. Please. I’ll–”

“This is not up for discussion.”

He fought to control his breathing. “So, I’m losing a syllable?”

The Devil’s superior tilted her head at him. “Oh. Perhaps you do not understand. You are not being demoted once.” She pointed out the door, into the room where the Devil’s subordinates worked. “You are out there, now. One of the office drones.”

He stumbled back, feeling his chest tighten. “That’s–”

“You are being demoted fourteen times. Your name is no longer Xhag’duulinithar’obaba’iidook’naisantipoduun’torobaroxhixhonxhaxintep. Your name is now Xhag’duulinithar’obaba’iidook. I will no longer be calling you Xhag’duul, I will be calling you Xhag.”

The Devil couldn’t believe the words he was hearing.

“I will find someone to promote and replace you.”

“I-Is that person going to take over for me on the Arlan Nota case?”

“Oh, absolutely not. You will still be solely in charge of that. If you want your old position back, kill Arlan Nota.”

The Devil’s heart was beating so hard, he couldn’t feel anything else. “Please. You can’t do this. I– just give me more time. I promise–”

“We’re done speaking about this, Xhag. I expect you to be fully moved out of your office within the next eight and a half minutes. Goodbye.”

The Devil didn’t have a moment to get even one more word in before his superior stepped out of his office, slamming the door shut behind her. Well, not his office – the office. The office that wasn’t his anymore.

The Devil simply stood in the room, staring at the door in shock.

By the time eight and a half minutes had passed, he was still frozen in the exact same spot, staring at the same door when it opened again. A Gargoyle walked in – the Devil’s new boss, apparently. It was one of the office workers that used to be below him.

“Expression of greeting, Xhag,” it said in its gravelly voice. This wasn’t right. It didn’t get to call him that. “I heard about your demotion. I got a new name, too – Plindakin’porbindoplandimoni’aasiindorkaanpondindindodondi’paponossin. Twenty-four syllables! Same number as you have – er, used to have. You’ll have my old desk, down in the back. I’m sure you’ll be able to find it.”

“Greeting,” the Devil muttered. He definitely wasn’t supposed to be speaking to a superior like that, but he couldn’t muster the energy. “Guess I’ll get going.”

The Gargoyle looked around itself at the room as the Devil moved to leave. Long-forgotten papers scattered the floor, and droplets of blue blood stained the table from when the Devil would bite his fingers too hard. “Lord below, you really messed this place up, huh? I’ll have to call in a cleaner to fix it up. Uh, Xhag, do you know how to call–”

The Gargoyle was cut off by the Devil leaving the office and closing the door behind himself.

He looked out at the room in front of him, desks for the office drones packed together, each worker with stacks of papers surrounding them. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t just sit at a desk and copy low-level documents, or write up supply requests. That was not his place. He couldn’t do it.

No, he was still on the Arlan Nota case. He still had to do that. Not only would he need to work on this monotonous bullshit, he also had to single-handedly run an invasion in the Overworld. Oh, and manage diplomacy with the Humans. Of fucking course.

He bit down on his index finger, applying pressure until he felt the familiar sensation of blood seeping from his skin onto his tongue. He shook with rage, the calming habit obviously not working in this case. Those damned superiors, they pin all of this responsibility onto him, totally overwork him, and then get upset when he can’t do his job properly.

It wasn’t only the superiors, either. Those fucking Humans. Incompetent fucking species. Could they not do anything right? That king’s job was to catch one man. Onefucking person, and he couldn’t do it. Apparently this Arlan Nota was so powerful that he could just slaughter entire squads of soldiers on a whim. And that other squad? Those ‘elite soldiers’? Nothing. Couldn’t find him.

Who was it that led that squad? That ‘Camilla’ woman? She’d been against working with the Demons to begin with. And now she conveniently happens to lead the only squad that doesn’t find Arlan Nota? The Divinations had pointed to that exact location, and somehow they missed him. No, there was foul play involved, no doubt about it. Whether it was just that woman, or it was the entire squad, they’d betrayed him.

And the king? How’d those Humans have the time to send out multiple squads of soldiers when they’d found him near the city, but not to tell the Demons that they’d found him? No, something wasn’t right with the Humans. It was their fault, not the Devil’s. How could he have ever trusted them to do a satisfactory job?

The Devil thought back to the conversation with his superior. What had she said? She’d said that he needed to change something about his strategy. Thinking about it now, the Devil agreed. There was one weak link here, and it wasn’t in the Underworld.

Gazing across the large room that housed the office drones, the Devil spotted the desk that was now his, shoved between the desks of a couple Ember Mites. He scowled. His new office job could wait. Right now, he needed to have a word with the Humans.

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