Metem: The Blind Chemist

CHAPTER 24

Kopius woke up and stretched the long night away. The smell of something cooking had broken him from his slumber, and he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes to see Cici at the firepit.

“Good morning, sunshine!” the big man's voice echoed off the cave walls. Kopius winced at the loud sound so early in the morning and reminded himself not to yell back at the morning people. He just needed to splash some water in his face and try not to scowl.

Kopius stumbled to a bowl with water and did just that. He also rinsed water in his mouth, but before he could spit it on the cave floor, Cici shot him a sharp look and pointed outside. Kopius spit outside the entrance, drank a few sips of water, and gazed into the morning sky. The sound of the river was relaxing, and a slight breeze rustled the surrounding greenery. It was the closest he had felt to ‘normal’ since he had arrived here.

For all intents and purposes, he could have just been camping with some friends and wandered off to take his morning pee in some random bushes. Giving himself a once over, seeing the walking squalor that he was, he quickly reminded himself that he was not camping; he was not with friends. Worst of all, he did have to pee.

“Where should I handle my business?” Kopius asked, poking his head back in through the cave entrance.

“Business?” Cici replied, cocking his head to show confusion.

“Yeah, my business,” Kopius said, gesturing to his groin. ”Do I pee anywhere I please or do you have a spot?”

“Ah, yes,” the big man replied with a laugh,”What an odd way to say it. Follow the base of the rock toward the river, you will see my latrine. Put some leaves down before you sit though!”

Kopius walked a short distance toward the river and soon came to a throne of rocks. A large chair, made of stone and mortar, sat in the middle of a very small area that had been cleared of bushes. The space had enough room to walk around the stone seat, but that was about it.

He strode over to the front of the chair and was surprised to see that not only did the throne have a toilet seat made of some sort of metal, it also had armrests and a thick leather back cover in case you needed to lean back.

Just to the right of the chair was a tall bush, out of place from the other plants that littered the rest of the area. It had many wide, thin leaves that reminded him of an oversized maple leaf. Their texture was soft and flexible. After tearing off a leaf, he brought it to his nose and it gave off the slightest aroma of an aloe vera plant mixed with lavender. Kopius chuckled in amazement that this plant may actually be naturally grown toilet paper. He was also relieved that he didn’t need to find out. He quickly found a proper position, peed in the toilet, and threw the leaf down the hole.

Cici had a bowl of chow ready for him when he returned. The two of them sat down to eat breakfast. The meal looked and tasted like an oatmeal but without any sweetness to make it go down easier. Kopius, not wanting to return to eating carrots exclusively again, ate without complaint.

“So,” Cici said, breaking the silence, ”who is the tight-ass and what is a con?”

“What?” Kopius said, utterly confused.

“You kept mumbling in your sleep, something about a tight-ass and a con. You wanted to pull a log out.” Kopius just stared at the big man, mouth agape. “Seemed to me you were upset with some cheap bastard.”

“Tight-ass and con,” Kopius murmured quietly, shaking his head.

“Yes, or maybe con is where he is from?” Cici stood up and placed his hands on his hips. “You said something like, ‘Tight-ass of con, logout.’ Quite confusing. Maybe if I had watched you sleep a bit longer I would have heard more,” Cici finished, sitting back down.

“Wait, you were watching me sleep?” Kopius asked, unsure of which subject to broach first.

“That is beside the point, lad. Now, do you know a tight-ass from con or what?”

Tight-ass from con, Kopius repeated in his mind. It sounded so familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it. Like that board game Mad Gab, he could hear it but he couldn't.

“Gahh!” Kopius complained, startling Cici. “Say it one more time.”

“Tight-ass from con,” Cici replied and it clicked.

Not tight-ass from con, Kopius laughed.

“Did I say, Tidus of Kon logout.”

“Yes! That’s it,” Cici proclaimed, clapping his hands together. “What is that?”

“That is my super-secret passphrase that is supposed to end the game I am playing.”

“I don’t follow your meaning.”

“You remember how I’ve said I am stuck in this game?”

“You may have mentioned that several times,” Cici said dryly.

“Well, in a normal world, I would say that phrase and it would shut the game off. Then I would open my eyes and be in my world… my real world.”

“That is not nearly as interesting as I had imagined.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“I suppose you can keep trying, maybe it will work one of these goes,” Cici said, clearly trying to mollify the contention coming from Kopius. He gave Kopius his empty bowl and utensil.

“In the meantime, you can help wash these and I will break down the kitchen.”

Kopius set about his mindless task with the enthusiasm of a small child going to the dentist. He knelt by the pool of water that occupied the bottom of the cave area and used his hands to scrub the dishes clean. Cici brought over a small bowl of hot water with a rag, and Kopius did his best to clean everything from last night and this morning.

While he was squatting, small aches came and went around his stomach and midsection. Some were sharp, others flat, though none stuck around long enough to give him worry. Not until he stood and ripped a loud, bass-filled fart that echoed off the cave walls. Cici laughed loudly and said something about complimenting a chef, but Kopius was too caught up in his own thoughts to make out what the man was saying.

He took some deep breaths, and then stood up completely straight, letting out some less vociferous flatulence. A bead of sweat formed on his brow as another, longer pain stabbed at his intestinal area.

“No fucking way,” Kopius said in a whisper, as even more gas escaped his rear. This time it came with a foul odor, reminiscent of mornings after binge drinking and 24-hour taquerias. His temperature rose; the cave started to feel stuffy and congested. More pain shot through his guts prompting him to stumble toward the cave exit. He kept tooting but tried his best to not let out a ripping fart–it no longer seemed that it was just gas trying to escape his body. His stomach and intestines continued to cramp and twist, the discomfort growing with each step.

“You alright, Kopius?” Cici asked sincerely, to which Kopius, half bent over, just waved an arm at him as he exited the cave. He used the rock face to lean against as he struggled towards the stone throne. Once there, he quickly dropped his pants and sat just in time.

An eruption of gas and debris rocketed out of his backside; all the while, he groaned like a man who had just been sucker-punched in the stomach. He removed his shirt and threw it to the ground as his temperature kept rising. Sweat formed all over his body as waves of flatulence and fecal matter fought their way out. After a few agonizing minutes, Kopius stopped rocking in the seat and just sat, resting his elbows on his knees.

His temperature had stopped rising, and he felt the cool combination of the morning breeze brushing across his sweat-sheened body. The soft wind helped him come back to his senses. He grabbed some leaves from the out-of-place plant, prayed it wouldn’t give him a rash, and wiped his rear. Having finished his cleaning, Kopius leaned back in the toilet throne to rest.

Looking out at the landscape in front of him, Kopius came to notice that this latrine wasn’t just randomly placed here. Cici had put it here on purpose. In the space directly in front of him, obscured slightly by trimmed bushes, he could see the river moving down the landscape. Various flowers of size and color decorated the riverbed, slope, and shores. Trees lined his view on the opposite side of the river and as his gaze kept moving farther out, he could see the snowy tops of those large mountains. North, he reminded himself.

It had to be the most beautiful view from a toilet seat he had ever known. For a few moments his mind was clear of anxious thoughts. Kopius sat–mostly naked–taking in the majesty of it all. He was broken from his reverence when a single thought brought a chill to his spine and goosebumps across his body.

He couldn’t fight it any longer, nor did he want to. As if the Universe itself was listening, a blinking indicator pulsed in his vision, followed by a reverberating gong sound.

Dang-dong

He opened his profile page and his eyes went wide. Though his level had not changed, there were three vertical bars situated on the left-hand side of the floating window: red, blue and yellow.

While the red and blue bar looked even with each other, the yellow one was significantly lower. As Kopius stared at the new additions, he could make out that the yellow bar was inching its way up. Within a few seconds, the three vertical bars were all even. Kopius mindlessly reached out to touch them, but his hand passed right through.

Health, mana, stamina… he thought to himself, fearful anything audible might chase the columns away. Just like the potions.

A wave of emotions tore at the foundation of Kopius’s mind. He could no longer debate the possibilities or probabilities of what was happening. He had no more patience for the “what if’s” or the “why me’s,” nor did it even matter if he was still willing to entertain them. It did not matter if he was right or wrong, or if he made sense or not–everything pointed in the same direction. He could, like he had done on many occasions in his previous life, curl up in a ball and feel sorry for himself. Let the pressures of life paralyze him. To do little in the face of opposition. Or, he could reach into that dark pit of his heart, peel back his courage from its grasp, and actually live his one true mantra: find a way or make one.

“It’s a beautiful sight, isn’t it?” Cici said. “I have spent many a morning just sitting there, enjoying the view.”

“I am here,” Kopius replied in a soft, distant voice. He didn’t even flinch at the big man's sudden appearance.

“Of course you are here! It’s not so hard to find a man when he is wailing like a cow in heat. Your moaning could summon the dead from the grave, boy.”

“No,” Kopius said in a whisper. “I am… here,” he said, making circular hand gestures at the world around him. He stood up from the toilet, not bothering to pull up his pants. He gazed around in wonder until settling on Cici’s wide grin. Kopius removed his boots and pants, throwing them to the ground where his shirt was. He nodded to Cici before turning and walking through the bushes towards the riverbank.

Paying no mind to the cold water, he entered the river and submerged himself. When his mind and body sufficiently numbed, Kopius let go of reason and logic and sanity. He sat anchored on the river floor, his thoughts cleansing themselves until he was just out of air.

When he felt the edges of his vision start to fade he quickly stood, breaching the surface, gasping for air. He stood defiantly in the middle of the river, a single stone standing against the tide. He stayed there for a moment, until the moment was enough.

As he made his way back to shore he saw Cici, ankle deep in the river with a look of worry sitting on the big man's face.

“What kind of madness has got a hold of you, boy!” Cici yelled.

Kopius remained waist deep in the water, rubbing off the various bits of grime and dirt he had accumulated on his journey. He looked over his body as if seeing for the first time. He ran his hands across his face and through his hair, feeling every groove and crevice. After splashing water in his face a few times, he finally met eyes with Cici.

“What happens when you die?” Kopius shouted over the noise of the river.

“What?” Cici said with what could only be described as a WTF gesture.

“If I die on Metem, is that it?” Kopius clarified, making his way out of the water.

“Dead is dead, my boy.” Cici replied, still a bit confused. “The soul needs its vessel.”

“Dead is dead… one and done…” Kopius repeated, looking out at the horizon. “One and done… the soul needs a vessel,” Kopius said absently, really committing to his one-thousand-yard-stare.

“Earth or water magi, of a high-enough level, are said to be granted spells that could bring some back from the shadows,” Cici offered. “Battlefield mages, powerful enough to raise the recently dead so they may fight again. The waters of Biminni are said to have life-saving properties too. But I have never seen a mage of this stature or met anyone who has seen the shores of the Biminni.”

“I need to level up, man,” Kopius said slowly, before continuing in a matter-of-fact cadence. “I need to read these fucking books, learn how to use fucking magic, train with some asshole named Quinn, and get back to Oh-jin.”

The list of things to do sounded exhausting, hence the swearing. He was immediately overrun by the feeling of falling behind without the hope of ever catching up. All of a sudden he felt rushed and that no matter how quickly he checked off his to-do list, he would remain behind. It was the same way Cory had felt the moment he thought he had it all figured out and life pulled the rug from underneath him.

“That sounds all well and good,” Cici said. “How about we start off getting you dressed?”