may the wrap be with you

10 years later

It is almost never a rapid transition to full wakefulness. You balance upon that knife edge of slumber, in the peculiar state of near-dreaming consciousness that allows the creative mind to wander afar. For as long as you can remember, your mind has conjured up innocent and silly figments during this state, often immediately forgotten (but still leaving a fading imprint) upon waking. The Masters have always dismissed it easily, childish and harmless as it is.

For the first time in your life, however, you experience something different. You see an enormous storm of indescribable color, stretched upon an intergalactic scale. Horror and wonder and fear and joy and a million emotions flicker through you. You instinctively flinch back and attempt to look away, but the storm surrounds you. Winding currents and protean gusts and unspeakable things with far too many teeth and eyes hurtle past. You attempt to scream, and something's attention turns to—

The rumble of rain and thunder wakes you, dragging you violently into consciousness. Gasping and sobbing quietly, you clutch at your chest and look around to confirm that you still exist within reality. After a moment, you relax, body and brain aching as if you'd just spent a whole year climbing each of the Temple's five spires. It is pouring outside. Daybreak has yet to begin, but the harsh lights of Coruscant's endless skyline are still capable of reaching your quarters, which you share with several other younglings. A glance at your roommates lets you know that you haven't disturbed their sleep.

You sit upright, shutting your eyes and slowing your breaths, centering yourself as best as you can. Your heart's desperate pounding eventually calms to a steady beat. Warm tears trace their way down your cheeks.

The next time you open your eyes, the room is bright with sunlight and rustling with the sounds of the other younglings getting ready for the day. A gentle hand touches your shoulder.

"Xena?" a voice asks. "Are you alright?"

Looking to your left, you see Tera, your best friend. She's short, like you (well, you're all small at your age, but only she matches your diminutive stance), and her head boasts an impressive four lekku - uncommon, but not unheard of, for Twi'leks. She normally feels to you like a warm hug on a beautiful summer day, but right now she radiates the warm-dark tang of concern and yellow-cold song of fear. You can still sense her true-self beneath, but her emotions scream outwards at you.

"Y-yes?" you stammer. "Why? What is it?"

"You have blood on your face!" she whispers.

You hesitantly wipe at your face and your fingers come away with flecks of dried blood. A small mirror is pushed into your hand, which you use to examine yourself. True enough, there are two lines of crimson-brown running downwards from the corners of your eyes.

You lick a finger and begin to rub at the streaks. "I'm fine," you say.

Getting up, you quickly dress for the day. Your clothes are the same as most other initiates: a light tunic, a slightly thicker robe-like outer layer, a cloth belt to bind it together, pants, and soft brown boots. Finally, you check your headband to ensure its fit, then head out for breakfast.

≡][≡ ⬦⬦⬦ ≡][≡

An initiate's day consists of meditation, practice with the Force, meditation, classes, meditation, physical training, and more meditation. Every day, apart from holidays, provides a structured routine for initiates to follow. As you perform your morning meditation, you attempt, as always, to center yourself and find yourself in the Force. Everybody's connection to the Force is different, as the Masters say. To some, it is like submerging in a pool and feeling the currents and ripples flow around and through oneself. To others, it is simply just there. But to you, the Force feels like a blanket, wrapped around you.

Sometimes, it is a comfort — warm and welcoming. You feel safe and surrounded by the presence of the Force, and you are able to push at the membrane surrounding you in order to feel others around you. Manipulation of anything outside the blanket is still difficult but doable, whether it be to move a physical object or touch the mind of another person. It feels like, well, trying to grab onto something while hampered by a thick piece of cloth. You can grasp for things, but you do not yet have the strength or dexterity to wrap your mind around them.

However, the blanket sometimes feels… smothering. There is too much to feel at once, too much pressure from all around you. Pushing it away simply makes it worse, as it reveals that the blanket is not so much a discrete piece of cloth draped upon you, but more of a tightened body bag in which you are confined. It is all around you and the exit cannot be found. The days when it feels like this are the worst. It is all you can do to power through the day. You would likely lose sleep to it if you weren't so exhausted from pushing yourself all day.

The Masters say that the Force fills everything in the universe. You are one with it and it is one with everything. If that is the case, then why do you feel the weight of the Force like a blanket? Should it not flow through you, instead of around you, as it does through everybody else? Oh, your connection with the Force is not in question. You are able to complete all the tasks and little games the Masters assign to you. It is only your age that is holding you back from the tougher exercises. You have relayed your concerns to your Masters in the past, but as far they can tell, your connection with the Force is just as strong as that of your peers, which makes you wonder even more about why you cannot experience it as deeply. And your seeming inability to feel its presence within you seems to be unfounded, as the Masters are able to sense it spiraling within you.

This session of meditation however, does not reveal the reasoning behind your troubles. You try to meditate as usual, but end up pondering your dream from last night. What is the meaning of the storm? What were the… creatures(?) that you glimpsed? The experience felt like it only lasted a second, but all that you saw fills up your mind for the rest of the meditation session. It is only the quiet warning that Force lessons are about to start that causes you to break out of your thoughts.

≡][≡ ⬦⬦⬦ ≡][≡

Your lesson for today involves the manipulation of small toys through the Force. It is a simple exercise of stacking objects, which is typically a task that much younger initiates can do. This causes muttered complaints from some of the other initiates, but they are silenced when the instructor gives them a harsh glare. The instructor, Jedi Knight Parti Lan, then sighs and explains that despite the apparent simplicity and tedium of the task, continuous practice only makes a student better. An obvious statement, but she continues on by producing a timer and having every initiate in the room repeat the task faster and faster until everyone feels exhausted.

Your performance is slightly above average for the group. You're able to stack all the given toys available in a rather haphazard way, but you put just enough care into the task that even though you went slowly and dropped a few toys, you never knocked over your whole tower. Perhaps today is a good day after all?

≡][≡ ⬦⬦⬦ ≡][≡

You attempt another meditation session just before you break for lunch, but you end up thinking about your dream once again and essentially accomplishing nothing. Lunch is a simple fare, just some grains and proteins. You spend some time talking with Tera and a couple other clanmates, and then it is off again to classes. Early afternoon classes consist of galactic history, language, culture, and, of most interest lately, politics.

Unlike in your Force lessons, you typically do rather well in these courses. You apply yourself fully to the topics you are interested in, and only slightly less so to the topics you are not. Today's lesson plan is focused around the (relatively) recent political history of the Naboo Crisis. Nine years ago, the planet of Naboo was blockaded by the Trade Federation. The whole thing was caused by a mess of political and economic disputes. Fortunately for the queen of Naboo at the time, the late Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, were in the right place at the right time to swoop in and save the day (which probably would make a good holodrama!).

While the adventures of your fellow Jedi offer a good incentive to keep the other Younglings engaged, you do make sure to try and untangle the threads of the story that brought about the entire dispute in the first place. From what you can make out from the instructor's lectures and your own readings of the event, much of the chaos could be traced back to the rise of the Nebula Front within the Trade Federation. Led by Nute Gunray, the Nebula Front was heavily against both the corporate conglomerates and the Galactic Republic. After the mysterious deaths of multiple Trade Federation leaders, later discovered to be assassinations, Nute Gunray ascended to Viceroy of the Trade Federation. Under his leadership, the Trade Federation gained enough (fire)power to launch a blockade of Naboo, citing the raising of taxes by Chancellor Valorum as the final straw. All of this is preceded by even more complicated economic history, primarily involving taxes and wealth inequality between the inner core and the Outer Rim of the Galactic Republic.

Your studies of the Naboo Crisis are ended abruptly as the class is dismissed. Perhaps you will come back to this later. For now, it is time for a brief break, and then on to physical training.