may the wrap be with you

"I think I feel something, Master."

"Keep concentrating. You are definitely getting there."

"It's feeling… closer. Heavier."

"What?"

"Um… I think I need to pee."

"..."

"Can I go?"

"Yes."

As you head off to the nearest 'fresher, you think about the last few weeks of work. You've spent little time socializing with your friends during your free time, or studying for your classes. Instead, you spent your time learning Force Stanch. Either Master Masbau or one of his friends devotes his time to your education. Days have been flying by as you concentrate on the task, but the more you learn, the harder it seems to get.

The Force flows. You can sense it. You can see it. This should be easy, especially after watching Master Masbau perform Force Stanch a dozen times. You know for sure that you have made progress. At first, you could barely muster the Force under your will, only able to gather bare wisps of it into the appropriate location, aiming to pull as much as possible into your hand so that you can properly manipulate external Force to Stanch a wound. After the first week, however, you could finally noticeably differentiate what you were doing from your weak telekinesis ability. By the end of the second week, you could sense blood beginning to clot within seconds of application. However, you are still unable to get your Force Stanch to perform its "corruption"-cleansing function.

The last couple weeks have been the worst. Every time you think you are getting somewhere, you fall short. Perhaps, it is your lack of ability to conceptualize the result properly that hinders you. After all, all you can see is the result as a Force Stanch cleanses a wound. You are still unable to figure out what exactly it is doing, either to infectious agents or to warp-stuff.

But, you cannot give up. As frustrating as your lack of progress in the last two weeks has been, you just know that it will be worth it. You are already almost there after just one month of study. You just know you will get there.

≡][≡ ⬦⬦⬦ ≡][≡

All Initiates are required to meditate at least five times a day. You're not really sure what actually counts as a "time," though. If you meditate for ten minutes, stand up and stretch, then sit back down for more meditation, does that count as two sessions of meditation? Or does it just count as one? Some of your fellow Initiates follow the letter of the law and claim that the first of these two ideas is technically correct. Lazy… You, on the other hand, understand that it's more the spirit of the matter and try to follow the latter of the two interpretations. Of course, you aren't always able to keep this up. After all, who really has time for five whole sessions of meditation every day? Not you! You've got stuff to learn! Cosmic secrets to unlock!

So, if you do four sessions of meditation a day instead of the "mandatory" five, then who's to blame you? It's not like any of the Masters are going to keep track of your sessions anyways. Also, sleeping is like meditation too (and sometimes meditation is like sleeping, but you don't tell anyone about that), so on days when you can only do four, you know you actually did five. And on days you do five, you actually did six! So it's fine if you slack off occasionally.

Even better, you've stopped having nightmares so you can get some proper slee— deep meditation. No more dreaming about monsters in an endless abyss! No more black ships of pure dread! And no more dreams of horrifying, joyful slaughter!

But, one thing still itches you. The anger. It is still there! You can feel it lurking in your thoughts, ready to spring out. But you won't let it.

Every other session of meditation you've had, you've flipped open your warp-eye and turned it inwards. And when you do, you see yourself for who you truly are. You observe your emotions. You see them change as you react to seeing your emotions change. A fascinating little spectacle of colors and synesthetic concepts! But you're not here for your surface emotions, so you detach yourself from them and let them drift away.

Diving deeper is your true self, which you leaf through, layer by layer. You see the buried emotions. You see the traits that make you you! You see the memories of your past life in the Temple as layers of feeling mixed with vague threads of concept, just enough to grasp and get a glimpse into. And among it all, you sort through the laminate of warp-stuff that is cemented within. Perhaps one day you could remove it, but you're not sure you need to. While it does block your Force sense from reaching within yourself, you have a perfectly good way of sensing within yourself as you now know well enough. And, to your inexpert opinion, it does look kinda pretty, like a series of ley lines spreading through your being, lighting you up from within and nicely contrasted against the constantly flowing rivers of Force.

And, deeper down, where the Force softly whispers as it winds its way in spirals and settles in peaceful pools, is your inner-self. Your soul, as a small part of your mind calls it. The true-self of your true-self. This is where your identity rests. And this is where your inquisition begins.

The anger you feel must be somewhere around here. If not here, then in the layers of your true-self. You will find it. You will examine it. And then you will dissect it as you figure out how to drive it out. But, this search will be slow. Slow and steady. You cannot afford to make mistakes. You're not sure if you can hurt or change yourself while poking around in here, but it's better safe than sorry.

And so, you've taken your time. You've taken your time over the past month sifting through your soul, and you have yet to find anything. But again, this is something you will not give up on, not until you've hunted it down.

≡][≡ ⬦⬦⬦ ≡][≡

Despite being cooped up in the meditation rooms or Master Masbau's office between Initiate studies, it is impossible to miss the biggest, hottest news that's rocked Coruscant in the last decade. Well, actually, you did miss it, but what with everybody talking about it in your classes and in your shared room while you're trying to sleep, you're quickly caught up. While you were injured, a former Jedi named Dooku had laid down a scathing tirade against the Galactic Republic, declaring it to be corrupt to the Core, and founded a treasonous separatist state called the Confederacy of Independent Systems.

You don't exactly know what to think about this, but you're not exactly surprised. Oh, you are certainly alarmed to learn that a fallen Jedi has taken command of a certainly hostile state, but you can't say you didn't see the rest of this coming.

In all your readings of recent political events, you've been noticing a significant trend within the Republic. A bloated bureaucracy. Widespread corruption. Mega-corporations gaining power. And most significantly, a consolidation of both political and economic power within the Core Worlds while the Outer Rim has been growing poorer and poorer. Well, the last statement isn't exactly true. Overall, it hasn't decreased in wealth. But, the wealth disparity between the Outer Rim and the Core Worlds has been growing larger at an ever-increasing rate. In a galaxy of supposed peace and prosperity, the worlds of the Outer Rim have been getting the shit end of the stick.

Wherever you go, you can always hear discussions to the effect of: what are we going to do? But, what can we do? What can the Jedi Order do? What should the Jedi Order do? The Jedi Order isn't supposed to be involved in politics! But people are suffering! But we should not interfere! And then there's fighting. Usually, it's just verbal arguments. But, more and more you hear of arguments devolving into fistfights, and all you can think to yourself is that this is getting worse.

≡][≡ ⬦⬦⬦ ≡][≡

"Where even is Serenno?"

You look up at Tera as she speaks. You and your clanmates are all eating together at the moment – a rare sight as you've been rushing through the majority of your meals in order to just get a bit more meditation or practice with Force Stanch in. But, today, you've decided to take it a bit easier.

You keep quiet, not knowing the answer and focusing on your food. Her question is directed to the group in general though, so after a moment, one of your more learned clanmates speaks up.

"It's in the D'Astan sector."

"Thanks, Yolan. Now, where is the D'Astan sector?"

"In the Northern Dependencies."

"And where's that?"

"In the Outer Rim."

"... Very helpful."

"Why don't you just look at a map?"

"Ah whatever! It doesn't matter anyways. I just want to know why this dooky guy is some sort of Count. I thought he's an ex-Jedi. How'd he become nobility?"

"Dooku," you correct her.

"Yep. That's what I said."

"Sure."

"So why's he nobility? A Count is some sort of title, right? And those are hereditary? How'd Dooku know that he's a Count? It's not like we're exactly told about where we came from."

Doran looks up from his own meal, spraying crumbs as he says, "I heard that he just wasn't taken at birth! He left his family and joined up with the Jedi Order by himself!"

"Are you sure? I heard he was abandoned by his family, then saved by the Order," says Yolan.

You're not really sure yourself, but you do feel a bit envious. Not really about the whole situation obviously, but it would be nice to know where exactly you came from. You're not even sure what you are! According to the various genetic tests that were performed on you while you were too little to remember, you're not exactly human. You have a lot of similar DNA to a human, but there's certainly some ridiculous amount of mutation within your DNA, just considering your exterior appearance. It's possible that you're some sort of genetic experience by a mad scientist, but it's also possible that you're some sort of offshoot of Human and could be classified as an entirely different species.

"So, he's just always known that he's a Count? I'd sure like to know something like that."

"What, so you can make us bow to you whenever you come near?"

"No! Well, that would be nice… But, I dunno. It would be nice to know where I came from. Not that I'd leave the Order just for that, though."

"If anything, you should be the one who's bowing. You're practically halfway there! Or at least, you wouldn't have to go that much lower than you already—"

"Hey!"

" —are. Anyway, even if I did know where I came from, I don't think I'd want to be anywhere else."

A few minutes of awkward silence passes, the only noises being that of the clinking of silverware, the quiet chewing of young Initiates (not all of which know how to chew with their mouths closed yet), and a few quiet yelps as Tera flicks food at Doran in childish rage. Once out of ammunition, Tera turns to you again.

"So… Xena. Are you going to be doing anything tomorrow?"

"Um… The same as today?"

"How about we do something fun!"

"Like what? I'm not sure I have much time."

Tera glances back at the others, before looking back at you. The sour-green of nervousness clouds her emotions, but you're not really sure why.

"Please? We could just… hang out! And play! Something! Or we could just study or something? Together? We don't really get to see you much outside of classes and meals, so you should really do something with us! And you're cooped up all the time, so you should get some air or… something."

"Er, okay?"