Master of the System

Vremya frowned. His home, which he had worked so hard to build—okay, it didn’t take any effort at all to build it, but still—had been invaded by furred creatures: Karta, the god of potato chips, Sush Kal, the god of dried squid snacks, and Vodor, the god of seaweed snacks. After the fiasco at the snack gods’ meeting, Karta invited her friends over to examine the spoils, the spoils meaning the two titan carcasses. It wasn’t every day a god could see a titan carcass, especially not snack gods like them.

“It’s actually firmer than it looks,” Karta said, her paw pressing against the dead titan. Well, it wasn’t really dead. According to Vremya, the titan was just frozen in time—forever.

Sush Kal, the little corgi, placed her paw on the dead titan as well. She gulped and ran her paw up and down one of the titan’s tentacles. “If I made a dried squid snack out of this tentacle….”

“Don’t even think about it,” Vodor said. The golden retriever placed her paw on the corgi’s head. “If you fed this to anyone in the lower dimension, they’d explode.”

Sush Kal blinked. “They’d still be able to taste it before exploding, right? That’s all that matters.”

“We’re not going to waste a tentacle like that,” Karta said and rolled her eyes, speaking as if the corpse belonged to her. “With enough refinement, this tentacle could be an extremely strong weapon! If you fed some moron a tentacle, they’d explode, and you’d get a little bit of divine energy, but if you gave some moron the tentacle as a weapon, they’d be able to force as many people as they wanted into eating dried squid snacks.”

“It says here that the blood of a titan can be used to enhance a lower lifeform’s cultivation,” Vremya said, pointing at his display. “If I were to start a leveling system, this would be a good material, right?”

Karta nodded. “It’s great for the latter half of cultivation,” she said. “Getting there is going to be extremely expensive though.” She frowned. “It might be better to sell these corpses on the marketplace and use the spirit stones to buy things for your cooking system.”

“Oh?” Vremya raised an eyebrow. His hand swiped against his holographic display. Upon seeing the price of a titan corpse, his eyes bulged. “Five hundred thousand heaven-grade spirit stones!? What the hell do I need a cooking system for? I should go out there and slaughter titans!”

The three dogs exchanged glances with each other. Vodor whispered, “Why doesn’t he just do that?”

Sush Kal glanced at Karta. “You said you introduced him to systems to make money, right? It really does make a lot more sense for him to hunt titans.”

“How the hell was I supposed to know the naked old man wearing a fanny pack was actually a really strong person?” Karta bared her teeth. “Just look at him. He’s so skinny in some areas and pudgy in others. Does he remind you of a warrior at all?”

A vein bulged on Vremya’s forehead. “I can hear everything you’re saying.”

Karta sighed and tears pooled up in her eyes. “Life’s not fair.”

“Huh?” Vremya blinked at the unexpected response.

“Us snack gods struggle so hard just to make a living, and primordial gods like you don’t have to struggle at all!”

The corgi and golden retriever bobbed their heads as well. “He’s a whale while we’re just some free-to-play plebs,” Vodor said and sighed.

“Whale? Free to play?” Vremya opened his Poiskle app and did a quick search. After reading the results, he couldn’t help but agree. If he could get regular cash infusions by killing titans and selling their corpses, he could skip so many steps. The cooking system took a long time to start making money, but if he spent a hefty amount of spirit stones, he could skip the slow beginning and get straight to the money-making portion. All he had to do was buy a few cooking golems, and he could open branches throughout the lower dimension without having to worry about cultivating a user. However, after taking a moment to think about it, Vremya calmed down. “Even though I can take a shortcut to making money, I won’t.”

Sush Kal turned towards Karta. “I’ve been thinking this for a while, but is he a moron?”

Vremya’s eye twitched. Were all snack gods as annoying as Karta? It was no wonder why someone sabotaged their meeting and sent a titan there.

Karta shook her head. “He’s not a moron; he’s just challenged when it comes to priorities. I mean, when I first met the guy, he spent centuries staring at a pile of dirt, waiting for a seed to sprout.”

“The end result isn’t what matters,” Vremya said. “It’s the journey that counts.”

“So, you’re not going to sell these titan corpses?” Vodor asked.

Vremya snorted. “Are you kidding me? With a million heaven-grade spirit stones, I can buy a brand-name caretaking golem instead of this cheap knockoff!”

“…What happened to it’s the journey that counts?”

Vremya crossed his arms. “The journey is much more comfortable when you’re rich.”

***

Smith Jr. stretched his limbs and yawned. Ten days had passed since he had completed the first mission, and in those ten days, he only sold ten bowls of egg fried rice, all to the same customer. He had also been diligently cutting radishes early in the morning and late at night, but the system didn’t respond to his questions of whether or not he completed the task. In fact, he hadn’t seen it at all. It was almost as if the system was taking a break.

Smith Jr. crawled out of bed and got ready for the morning’s knife practice. He went down the stairs and froze. Had he been struck by another metallic beast and transferred to a new world again? The restaurant looked nothing like it had before. The interior had expanded several times; the tables and chairs had been replaced with furniture fit for an emperor. The material was clearly the finest kind of wood. Plants decorated the corners and walls of the restaurant, and Smith Jr. was shocked by the spiritual energy they were emitting. If he got into a fight with one of them, he’d probably lose. “System, what happened?”

[The interior of the restaurant has been redesigned to attract more customers.]

Smith Jr. nodded with his mouth hanging open. This was more than just a redesign. This was like turning a dinky rowboat into a luxurious mega-airship. However, he wasn’t going to question good fortune. He pushed open the door to the kitchen, and a whirring sound appeared. A human-shaped golem turned on, its body lighting up. “Uh….” Smith Jr. pointed at the golem. “What’s this?”

[This is Tutor Golem 2000. He’ll be your new teacher.]

Smith Jr. scratched his head. Not only did the system revamp the restaurant, but it also hired another worker. Did the system suddenly get rich? There was just one thing Smith Jr. was slightly concerned about though. “He’s here to teach me how to cook, right? Why does he have a whip in his hands…?”

Crack!

“Gah!”

A metallic voice came out of Tutor Golem 2000. “If you have time to ask pointless questions, you have time to hone your knife skills!”

Smith Jr. rushed over to the cutting board, his back still stinging from the sudden lashing. “I’m honing them! I’m honing them!” Tears sprang into Smith Jr.’s eyes. He knew the system couldn’t be that nice.