Chapter 25: Chapter 025: Selfhood
Unlike last time, this room was lit by daylight, and the Crown Princess had magnanimously permitted Lina Riley to keep her eyes open. Lina suspected her future dreams would be even more vivid. But that was a worry for another time. Right now, she was off the bed, gathering her scattered clothing. After painstakingly piecing together a set of garments, Lina looked at the still-sleeping figure on the bed and felt as if she were in a dream.
In this life, the person most entwined with her fate happened to be her mortal enemy from her past life. If she could speak to her former self and say: "You've marked the Crown Princess—twice." Her past self would have stared in utter horror.
Just picturing that was amusing, and Lina actually chuckled softly.
Her quiet laughter stirred Lucille Everard from sleep. The Crown Princess sat up, her expression freezing for a split second before she calmly pulled back the covers to find her clothes and put them on. She dressed more slowly than usual, then walked over and sat beside Lina. Noticing that Lina avoided her gaze, Lucille found it amusing. She reached out, cupped Lina's chin, and forced her to look up. "Not daring to look?"
Lina had never met anyone quite so bold. She was at a loss.
Fortunately, Lucille released her quickly, and the gentle warmth in her gaze faded. In that instant, she reverted to her lofty, untouchable image. "What do you want?" she asked.
Lina felt a strange emptiness inside—disappointment, perhaps. But now that Lucille had asked, this was the perfect opportunity. Lina considered kneeling to make her plea, but the Crown Princess stopped her. "Sit," Lucille said.
Lina complied, so nervous that her hands trembled slightly.
In her past life, Sophia Riley had taken her own life—a memory so clear and painful. Yet in this life, Sophia had treated Lina with kindness and care. Someone so gentle did not deserve such a tragic fate.
Lina pleaded, "Your Highness, please arrange for a miracle physician to treat my elder sister."
This was not unexpected. Lucille tapped her fingers lightly on the nearby table, looking down. "From what I know, you and Sophia Riley aren't especially close. You want to help her?"
Lina nodded firmly. "Please, Your Highness."
The Crown Princess's face showed no hint of jest. She didn't understand Lina's motive. Tired, Lucille propped her head on one hand. "Do you know your own background?"
"I do," Lina answered.
Lucille raised an eyebrow, surprised. "Oh?"
Of course Lina knew her own origins. Her birth had never been welcome. There was once a family rumored to produce vessels that could absorb others' misfortunes, and the Rileys had brought her into this world to serve as a container, all to improve Sophia's health. Yet Sophia's condition hadn't improved much, and Reginald Riley had blamed Lina, believing she had obstructed his ambitions.
It was a painful history, yet Lina took it in stride. "I know all that. But it has nothing to do with my elder sister. She knows nothing of those schemes."
"Sophia is a very good person. I don't want her to suffer under illness any longer. Please grant my request."
Lucille half-closed her eyes, lost in thought. Lina sensed that time was precious and grew anxious. "Your Highness, please!" she begged again.
Lucille sighed slightly, as if conceding. "Speak to Beatrice Byrd," she said.
Lina blinked. "Your Highness?"
Lucille clarified, "Beatrice Byrd is the miracle physician you speak of."
"Ah?" Lina was stunned. She never would have imagined that the shameless, meddling matchmaker could be the renowned miracle doctor. Lina had suspected it once, due to certain clues, but Beatrice's whimsical manner and nonsensical prescriptions had shattered her confidence. Over time, Lina had dismissed the idea.
Never did Lina guess that the famed physician stood right beside the Crown Princess all along.
Observing Lina's dumbfounded expression, Lucille found it entertaining. She was tempted to tease Lina further, but lacked the energy right now. Instead, she smiled faintly. "You don't believe it? I can understand that. Frankly, I ended up on the brink of madness thanks to her remedies."
Cold sweat broke out on Lina's forehead. She began to wonder if she should really let Beatrice treat Sophia. She hesitated, asking quietly, "How so?"
She worried that this was too bold, but then thought that since she already knew so many secrets, one more wouldn't hurt. After all, there were countless secrets, but she only had one life. Knowing more or less made little difference now.
Lucille rubbed her temples. "The medications she gave me suppress the toxins in my body. But they are themselves poisonous if taken over time. Consuming too much leads to madness."
Resting a moment, Lucille straightened and explained her condition openly. "Both these poisons can be subdued by inner strength, but constant suppression without an outlet only makes them more lethal."
No matter which path she chose, death loomed. Lucille spoke of it as if it were nothing. Lina could not find words. Showing pity might offend Lucille's pride, so Lina remained silent.
Lina dared not ask how Lucille had been poisoned. If even a general's household held such darkness, how much more treacherous must the royal household be?
Seeing Lina's silence, Lucille continued, "Your request still stands. I was going to have Beatrice see your sister regardless."
Lina was puzzled. "Why?"
Lucille didn't mind the question. "It's no secret. I feel I don't have long to live, and this is a way to win Reginald Riley's support for Emilia Everard. But that stubborn fool doesn't appreciate my goodwill. If the Everard line had alternatives, I'd have replaced him long ago."
Emilia Everard was the current reigning monarch. Lina shrank back, mind spinning. Some of her past life's mysteries now made sense. Back then, Lucille had vanished after ceding power, never to reappear.
Lucille felt weary. "Don't worry. You know my condition. Beatrice can only prolong my life by these means. But Sophia's illness is different, and Beatrice won't need to use such harsh methods on her."
At that moment, the door's lock clicked. The door opened a crack, and someone peeked in, looking guilty. Spotting them both sitting calmly, the intruder—Beatrice Byrd, of course—displayed a moment of awkwardness. But she recovered quickly. Pushing the door fully open, Beatrice strode inside wearing a cheery grin. "You're both all right?"
They were all right, just exhausted. Lina couldn't reveal her true feelings now. Besides, she still needed Beatrice's help. And truly, Lina hadn't lost anything of consequence this time.
She forced a dry smile, "Dr. Byrd, I'll be needing your help in a few days."
Beatrice, aware of her guilt, nodded eagerly. "Of course, I'll go anywhere you want."
Lucille found the chatter grating. Her head began to ache again. She had no idea what time it was, but at least she wasn't hungry yet. Letting her thoughts wander, she suddenly remembered something important.
"I have one more matter," Lucille said. "In two days, I'm heading south to lead the campaign myself. You and Beatrice will accompany me."
Lina was astonished that they would march to war so soon. In her past life, she had yet to reveal her capabilities by this point. She felt more excitement than fear, and even after leaving the palace, a silly grin lingered on her face.
Riding beside her, Beatrice parted the curtain of the carriage and looked up at Lina, who was seated on horseback. "You enjoy warfare?"
Lina shook her head. "Not enjoyment, exactly. But we're surrounded by wolves and tigers. Only by driving them away will Ravenwell know peace."
Beatrice chuckled. If anyone else spoke such grand words, she'd suspect hypocrisy. But coming from Lina, she believed it. Lina was almost too earnest, always thinking of others.
"Don't you have a little selfishness of your own? Something just for yourself?" Beatrice asked.
Lina had never considered this. She repeated the word softly, "Myself?"
Beatrice released the curtain and reclined inside the carriage, her voice drifting out: "Care too much about others, and you'll lose sight of who you are."
Lina considered these words all the way back to the Riley estate. After delivering Beatrice to Sophia's chambers, she returned alone to her own small room.
It was barely furnished, but Daisy Harper had polished what little furniture there was until it shone. Daisy was so focused on cleaning that she didn't notice Lina's return.
Lina waited until Daisy finished before speaking. "Daisy."
Daisy turned, delighted. "Miss! Why are you back so early today?"
Lina blushed, skipping over that question. "In two days, I'll have to leave."
Daisy panicked. "Where are you going?"
Lina couldn't disclose the secret mission. She only instructed Daisy to stay with Sophia during her absence. "My sister isn't like me. You'll need to be quieter around her, understood?"
Daisy was reluctant. "Can't you take me with you?"
Lina shook her head.
Tears welled in Daisy's eyes. Lina tried awkwardly to comfort her, repeating over and over, "Don't cry." But Lina was never good at this sort of thing. From her previous life to this one, she remained clumsy with emotions.
When Daisy finally stopped crying and only sniffled, Lina assumed Daisy was sad to be parted from her. A warm feeling passed through her heart.
Daisy wiped her eyes, looking anxious. "Miss, how will you manage without me?"
Lina blinked. Something felt off.
Sure enough, Daisy started listing Lina's weaknesses, counting them off on her fingers. She went through them so thoroughly that even ten fingers weren't enough.
"Miss can't wash clothes or cook. You're a bit dazed at times, sleep late, have nightmares. That's fine, but sometimes you stay up all night, and you hardly talk. Even when you do, you speak so softly. You have no taste in clothes and hardly any friends…"
Seeing she had no intention of stopping, Lina quickly exclaimed, "Stop!"
Daisy fell silent.
Lina had a terrible headache. She sighed. "Don't worry. I can take care of myself."
She recalled her days on the battlefield and smiled softly. She really had changed a lot.
Daisy calmed down too. Though concerned, she trusted that her mistress knew what she was doing—maybe it had something to do with the Crown Princess. Remembering the murmured dreams she'd overheard, Daisy realized that the path her mistress walked was a difficult one, but having feelings at all was already a form of courage.
Watching Lina smile at the thought of returning to Lucille's side, Daisy couldn't resist asking, "Are you happy, Miss, staying beside the Crown Princess?"
Lina hesitated. Initially, she had been fearful, but now she had changed her mind. The Crown Princess wasn't so terrifying after all.
She looked at the barren tree in the courtyard, thinking for a long time before answering softly, "Yes."