Madman’s Retirement

To this, Dain rolled his eyes. That was clearly him showing off. Nonetheless, Natalie seemed excited about this. Her eyes were obviously sparkling at the aspect. “Alright, sure” Said Dain, While Natalie was shaking her hands. Grant chuckled and started ripping open another portal inside the divine realm.

They arrived at a new area near the roots of the tree, where there was just… tons of junk. Swords, sabers, whips, shields, guns, etc. etc. Dain looked around and picks up a bottle of wine. “This treasury is certainly, uh, unique.” He looked all over the floor, finding a bunch of other random stuff. Roots, pots, hammers, cartoonishly large hammers, pots, pans, and even a butchers knife? “Are all cultivators hoarders?”

“Yes! Also, Natalie, don’t touch that.” Grant pulled the butchers cleaver away from Natalie’s outreached hand. “All of this stuff is valuable. Not to me maybe, but all of it is worth a great deal, meaning I can trade with equally hoarding cultivators who might have something I want.” He held up the cleaver. “For example, this used to belong to a man called Jerry Pildough, once a baker until his wife was taken by a noble. He went on to become a warlord and killed thousands upon thousands of people with this very cleaver. Nice guy got his wife back eventually. They had a family and all that. They even named a kid after me.”

He channeled some mana into the weapon, and it became surrounded by a black aura, and screams of anguish came about, different languages, different races, and even dragon screeches could be heard, and Natalie and Dain shivered hearing the screams. “Sadly, this couldn’t be a family heirloom because it’s obviously cursed. He traded it to me for an enchanted sword made by Sindri and Vulcan. That may sound like a bad deal to some, but this cleaver has great value.”

Dain couldn’t help himself, and he was supposed to be learning. “So what is its value?” Grant grinned. “The value is that it is filled with so much anguish and agony that any cultivator who cultivates using negative energy or even a mage who specializes in curses would love the negative energy trapped in the knife. And once the knife is cleansed, you would still have the Pildough’s Butcher Blade, which is not only a powerful blade, but it can also repeatedly gather grudge the more it kills like a magnet. Its every curse master’s wet dream. And here we have…”

Grant would go on like this for a few min, which blurred together for Grant and Natalie. Sometimes there was something fun, like some magical weapon belonging to a lost civilization, other times there were weird things, like a set of clothes meant to be the most comfortable in the world, and silly things, like a hammer that bent reality with every swing, but only if you were willing to make stupid noises every time you swung. There was some outright dirty stuff too, but we won’t be mentioning it here. Feel free to imagine, because poor Dain and Natalie had to blush all throughout those experiences.

After a very visual experience, they arrived at a far more organized hall, with things placed on stands, while giant pots loomed overhead, simple yet seemingly ominous.

“This” announced Grant, “is where I keep the good stuff that I don’t intend to trade. My best weapons, armor, material, and the giant pots are full of monster blood.” Dain asked, “is the monster blood for alchemy? That’s a lot of blood.”

“Yes and no. I do use the blood for alchemy, but I also use it to trigger monster evolutions.” “Huh?” was Natalie and Dain’s confused responses. Grant looked at them, and then something clicked in his mind. People don’t know what bloodlines are. He decided to just make a quick response.

“Uh huh. TLDR, monster evolutions are affected by what kind of ancestry they had. Another way to affect their evolution is to shove loads of monster down a weaker monster’s throat in order to create a new bloodline in a monster.”

After having seen the continent sized tree, Dain was less bothered, but he scribbled that down nonetheless. Besides there was something else catching their attention.

The weapons

Not all of them were masterpieces of course. One seemed to be a simple torch, and another seemingly a box of twigs. Or even a funny looking staff. But they had something.

Presence.

Each one felt terrifying, imposing. As if they were judging the two,and finding them unworthy. It wasn’t as heavy as Grant’s killing intent had been initially, but it was terrifying nonetheless. Only when Grant stepped forward did the looming judgement disappear, allowing the two to let go of their chest. They simply knew better.

Natalie ran forward immediately, staring at a beautiful bow, the bow was an elegant and sleek bow, seemingly carved out of bones, or perhaps horns. On the bow etched were five creatures: a snake, a tortoise, a tiger, a weird serpentine beast, and a phoenix. The string itself is an ominous thing, for it emanated a vicious aura. The bow was adorned with 4 feathers, seemingly easy to detach, though Dain could only speculate, as he dare not touch the bow. Natalie looked as if she were eager to touch, yet not doing so out of reverence. Next to it were a pair of gloves, which were far more gruff and cruder looking compared to the bow, and yet felt important to it.

“Careful” said Grant as he slowly pushed Natalie away from the bow. “The bow you see here was a pet project of mine. The bow of the four directions. Created using a whisker of the azure dragon, the feathers of the vermilion bird, the digestive fluid of the black tortoise, and the pelt of the white tiger. Of course, no mythological beings were killed in the process of the project. Regeneration potions are a godsend. And stop trying to touch it Natalie.” He swatted Natalie’s hand once more.

She made a pitiful face. “But it’s calling me!” She whined. “I know it is, and we can discuss that another time. However, the reason I’m telling you no, is because touching it can melt your skin.” Hearing that, Natalie understandably moved her hands away, albeit with great effort, and Grant approved of this. “The whole bow is coated in black tortoise fluid, and makes the arrows it fires poisonous. However, it also makes it nigh impossible to touch it with your bare hands. The gloves here were made of the white tiger’s fur and pelt, and must be worn when using the bow. It synergizes well with the other 3 directions, and keeps your hands safe. As for arrows” Grant takes the gloves and adorns them before pulling on one of the feathers. The feather rips, and while the half on the bow regrows, the half in Grant’s hand grows into a full-on arrow. Grant puts down the arrow, which sizzles and disappears, before Grant begins taking the gloves off. “The vermillion bird has regenerative capabilities which has been adapted for infinite arrows. Anyway, here we have-”

Dain interrupted with a tap. ‘Maybe Dain found something he’s interested in. A weapon or two may be interested in a new master. I did promise them that when I died I’d leave them to go search for new successors.’ “Yes Dain?” Grant patiently asked. What he didn’t expect however, was for Dain to point towards one of his giant pots. “That’s not supposed to be open right?” Grant took a look and was indeed surprised. One of his pots was indeed open. Taking a good look Grant determined “This is the omnisaurus blood urn.” Dain and Natalie looked confused but didn’t say anything. They were being confused a lot today after all. “The fact that someone opened it recently really only leaves a small number of suspects, given the only ones around are us and the shroom monsters.”

Grant started going over his domain, trying to find the culprit, and when he did, he sighed. “Hey Dain, remember when I told you that feeding monsters the essence of a stronger monster it affects their evolution and potential.” Grant called out. “Yeah?” Said Dain nervously. It didn’t take a genius to figure out where this was going. An opened pot of monster essence, the fact that the only possible culprit were monsters. “You over there” called Grant. “You can’t avoid it forever; you may as well come out.”

As he said so, the ground rumbled as a growth of mushrooms the size of a house started moving. Soon a giant beast the size of a house stood before them while Dain and Natalie could only look on in awe and slight horror. Well, Dain was. Natalie was simply excited. No sense of danger, that one. The creature was vaguely reptilian, and Dain almost thought it a Drake of some sorts were it not for the fact that it was plainly made of mushroom. Grant was, well…

Grant was chuckling and then straight up guffawing, even slapping his knee. “Dinoshrooms!” He called out “FUCKING DINOSHROOMS!”