MADMAN APOCALYPSE

“Weeeeee…!”

Sliding down through the Red tube on my chest, while picking up several friction-burns all over my body, I was pulled around corners and loops, yet somehow sticking to the tube and never slowing down. We were moving with enough speed that I worried about the landing knocking me out cold, and then, before I could even brace myself, light appeared around a corner.

I flew out through the mouth of the slide, flying several yards above the water, before suddenly nose-diving with enough momentum to pierce the waist-high water and smack my chin on the hard tiles on the bottom.

It took a few seconds before I pulled myself to my feet, my entire body utterly soaked. My ruined pajamas were already far beyond saving and now just clung to my body like wet tissue paper. I was rubbing my chin, while grimacing in pain, but at least I hadn’t knocked out any teeth.

“Nice landing,” Panda commented sarcastically from atop my head. He was, inexplicably, dry to the bone. My long black hair was sticking to the sides of my face and I was sure that I must’ve looked quite ‘charming’ in my current state.

“I need new threads after we’re done here,” I told him. “Maybe a proper suit, like what they sell down at Normann’s.”

“You can’t afford those,” he reminded me.

“Who said anything about buying one? Besides, place is 100% abandoned.”

Panda made a great show of looking around. “I wonder which room we got. That achievement mentioned the four potential options. Since we’re still alive, Red wasn’t the ‘death’ slide.”

“Maybe it’s the slow-death variant,” I guessed. “Maybe the water is full of radioactive waste.”

“Nah, slow-death traps are too inefficient. They’re running a well-oiled machine here, or I’m hoping at least, so they would only use instant-death traps.”

“Regardless, a bit unfair to not warn me until after I picked a slide.”

I looked around finally, taking in the room. It was a large square, perhaps a hundred by a hundred yards across. In the very center was a raised circular ‘island’, where I could escape the water, and as such I immediately began making my way over there, wading through the clear-blue pool water. Besides the red exit-hole of the slide I’d taken behind me, there was a large circular tube hole in the ceiling some twenty feet above, directly over the round island.

At the opposite end of the room was a simple opening that led to a hallway like the countless ones I’d already traversed.

“I’m getting Boss Arena vibes,” I mumbled, and no sooner had the words left my mouth than a loud tapping sound came from above near the ceiling hole, alongside repeated suction-cup squelches.

The moment I peered directly at the dark aperture above me, luminescent pearl-white and enormous teeth became visible, followed by two salamander-like hands the size of my torso, which pulled the toothsome gentleman down through the tube. A huge eyeless and grinning big-lipped newt fell from the hole and down onto the island directly below with a loud slimy thud.

It had two stumpy arms with fat fingers, a big mouth, and then the rest of its body was like one long tail. Its entire body was covered in taut and rubbery beige skin, as though it had been birthed by a person, and as I stared at it in equal parts horror and fascination from several yards away, I noticed its massive pores and the bristly dark hairs that grew sporadically all over its disturbing body.

Its large set of pearly veneer chompers chattered eagerly, and I noticed holes on either side of its large head which were possibly ear canals.

“I wonder if it’s using its teeth for echo-location,” Panda mused. “Try calling out to it.”

“Are you mad!?” I hissed under my breath, but even my relatively-quiet voice immediately caught the giant newt’s attention.

In one leap powered by its surprisingly-strong stumpy arms, it almost closed the gap between us, landing a few feet short in the water. It quickly launched forward using its tail, flying directly at me. The sudden move caught me off-guard and the water made it impossible to quickly dodge out of the way, so I swung my gauntleted right fist at its head.

Before I could invoke my overpowered ability there came a loud crunch.

Surprise and cortisol flooded my system as I stared at where the massive chompers had bitten my right arm clean off, pinching the stump that remained to the point that the blood pissed from the exposed flesh in a single stream.

I gritted my teeth against the pain, then pulled my head back, before smashing my forehead into the monster’s upper lip with enough force to knock it back several feet.

“Give me my fucking arm back!!” I screamed and tried to run towards it through the deep water.

“Gambit! Calm down and treat your wound before you bleed out!” Panda advised, but I ignored him. As I swung my left fist at the giant newt, it deftly backstepped and then leapt forward in a chomp that took that arm as well.

Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x

‘No Arms No Cookies’

You lost both your arms without dying.

Quite an impressive thing to accomplish, I must say. Though perhaps you just encountered one of the GREAT GAME’s more sadistic enemies. Who can say for sure.

Since you’re about to die, let me take this moment to say: Ha ha ha, you have no arms!

Reward: ‘Sleeveless Shirt’

Since I had no arms, I couldn’t swipe the frustrating achievement away, but I could still kind of see through its translucent background, managing to dodge a follow-up chomp from the giant newt.

Panda was holding on to me for dear life, as I tried my best to hop out of the way of the monster’s repeated biting attacks. On the fourth of such chomping strikes aimed at my torso, I managed to ram my knee up into the underside of its mouth with enough force to distract it. Then I hopped up onto its back, knelt low to build up power in my legs like a spring, and fired myself high into the air of the large room. Like crimson streamers, two identical blood trails followed me as I flew high enough to nearly touch the ceiling, before turning and falling right back down towards the giant newt, scalp-first.

“Waaaaaaaaah…!” screamed Panda in terror, while I gritted my teeth and prepared for a concussion.

Smack!

The sound of my head hitting the top of the eyeless amphibian’s spine at about sixty miles an hour rang out across the room and the monster bucked and spasmed in pain, while I quickly slid off its rubbery skin and into the water, on the brink of losing consciousness.

In the grand scheme of things, it was quite impressive that I hadn’t perished from bloodloss already, and it was this one fact that made me struggle upright in the water and hobble towards the enraged giant newt, before swinging my head at it for a third time.

Come on! I prayed, and my prayers were answered.

ACTIVATING SCRIPT: Math.multiply(Punch)!

Math.multiply ( punch )

It felt as though my face was covered in flames and my forehead barely kissed the side of the giant amphibian, producing a sound like a shotgun going off. The middle section of the monster was blown into a fine bloody mist as the Passive multiplied my impact damage according to some unseen logic.

No sooner had I defeated the giant newt than I went stiff as a board and smacked my head into the water, the crimson fountains that my arms were reduced to dying the blue pool into an ominous hue.

My consciousness was fading as the announcement went out:

DUNGEON ‘The Pool Rooms’ CLEARED!

Recommended Player level: 8

Recommended Team size: 6

Average Player level: -1

Player survivors: 2

Player deaths: 14

Enemies slain: 0

Bosses slain: 1

Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x

‘The Pool Rooms First Clear’

Cleared The Pool Rooms for the first time.

Since this is your first time clearing this Dungeon, we are gracious enough to gift you something. But don’t expect a reward for repeated clears of ‘The Pool Rooms’!

Rewards: Full Recovery & ‘Lil’ Newt’

Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x

‘Bossy’

Killed your second Dungeon Boss.

Hey, you’re getting the hang of this. I suppose we could spare you a little something to make your future Dungeon escapades more interesting.

Reward: ‘Looking Glass’

Congratulations! You have leveled up! x

You have reached Level -4!

+1 new Attribute Point available to invest!

Kills required for Level -5

4/15

Ignore this box, unless you find this in a story on Amazon, in which case it was pirated from Royal Road dot com

the original author of this story is Dosei and he doesn't like Content Thieves.

>:(

My head was underwater and the now-four overlapping pop-ups made it impossible to see. I just lay there as a burning sensation built in my shoulders, before radiating out to my pathetic stumps, regrowing my arms from the ground-up, which, given that I was submerged in chlorinated water was perhaps not the healthiest thing.

WARNING!

The Dungeon will close in 60 seconds!

You will be returned to your last known location outside the Dungeon perimeter!

I didn’t move from where I floated, though I was sure I’d run out of oxygen soon. Despite the near-death experience, I felt utterly calm as I floated there in the red pool, staring at the white tiles below, while my arms regrew. Maybe Annabella was experiencing the same thing with her missing leg right now.

The sensation of something soft repeatedly tapping the back of my head made me realize that Panda was trying to communicate something to me, but I couldn’t hear him, and I was too relaxed to try and figure out what he was saying.

DUNGEON CLOSING!

Returning you to your last known location outside the dungeon perimeter!