Losing My Religion

Amber

“And that’s why I’ve acted the way I have,” my mother finished.

I blinked, focusing on the present rather than going down one of a dozen rabbit holes of implications. “What was the point of that story?” I turned to Sophia, checking if she had understood it any better.

She reflected my confused stare back, raising one eyebrow.

“I’m trying to explain to you why we’re on the same side – why you should listen to me when I tell you that succubi are deceitful schemers.”

“So you aren’t going to try to make me murder my girlfriend – or murder her yourself for that matter?”

The waitress, who’d walked by to refill our waters, flashed me a plastic smile and slowly backed away, giving up on our drinks.

“You’re free to make whatever choices you want to, even if they’re the wrong ones. I gave the job to you, so it’s up to you to get it done – I won’t do it for you.”

Sophia added to our questions, ignoring my mother’s response “And what about K–”

I nudged her under the table with my elbow – she didn’t have the experience of keeping her guard up against my mother that I did.

She coughed, “What about that witch? You can’t just send someone to take your daughter out and expect us to forget.”

My mother rolled her eyes. “I didn’t send any witches after you – you’re just paranoid. Besides, May lives pretty close by, it’s not surprising you ran into her.”

I stared, my lips forming a tight line. “So what do you want me to do, exactly?” I asked.

“Call your friend back from Hell before she has a chance of getting corrupted by the fiends and devils that live there,” she raised her eyebrows, “You didn’t think the things I’d said about demons came from nowhere, did you?” her head shook, pursed lips expressing disappointment, “Many of those who dwell in the pits of Hell are just as sinister and cruel as my sister – they even banished me for the simple act of defending myself – and even if a civilized demon can be raised among humans, its best to limit their exposure to others of their kind so that the worst of their behaviors don’t manifest.”

I glanced at Sophia again, sharing my uncertainty. What was in Hell? I’d never been religious, but it was hard to break away from the stereotype of eternal damnation – and it wasn’t an outlandish claim that humanity’s perception of demons had to come from somewhere. If they’d all been as kind as Lily, then there wouldn’t be all that bad press about them in the first place. 

“Okay, but we have no way to contact her and she’s not supposed to be back for another month,” I lied, partially out of habit and partially to clue Sophia in on the fact that I was still skeptical.

My mother tutted, shaking her head, “That just won’t do, if you wait too long, she’ll come back changed. Why don’t I help out and give you a trans-dimensional communication spell? It only works if the recipient accepts it, so unless they already got their claws in her, it shouldn’t be too late.”

“Alright…” I felt Sophia’s hand clench mine, but I was unsure if she was buying the narrative that we needed to hurry and call Lily, or if she was trying to warn me that my mother was still being deceitful. Honestly, trying to unpack the truth out of what she’d told us was making my brain go in circles, my thoughts wrapping around themselves in a thick tangled mess.

“So is that it?” Sophia asked, disbelieving, “You just wanted to tell Amber about why you hate other demons?”

My mother shook her head, “I don’t hate demons, I don’t even hate succubi in particular, I’m just wary of the dangers they pose to regular civilized folk.”

After a brief silence she continued, “I wanted to clarify where I stood on the matter and give Amber my experiences so that she didn’t make the same mistakes I did – but that’s her choice to make, and I’ll always be here, waiting to help you if you fail.” She stood and exited the booth, glancing one last time at me, “Amber, I love you, and I know you’ll make the right decision,” and then she left, not a single glance given to her now cold food.

“Huh.” My head leaned over to rest on Sophia’s shoulder, and she ran her hand through my hair, massaging my scalp.

 

Lily

The rest of our dinner was more pleasant, our conversations staying on more frivolous matters. Katie took the brunt of the questioning from the older women, basking in their doting and telling everyone about her teenage adventures on Earth, studying under Amber and highschool. 

I finished my meal, enjoying it even though I still didn’t know what it was or what it was called. I also ate a dessert, a spongy cake with mushy green fruit in it. Despite how the fruit looked like kiwi, it tasted more like peaches, and it was tastier than I’d anticipated. 

Once we all finished, everyone was happy to have Zamira come with the rest of us back to Kelith’s house, although it still felt to me like there was the slightest bit of tension in the air, a bit of unresolved issues, but it could’ve just been my imagination.

We sat around the living room, Katie and I sharing a plush chair, Mom and Edith doing the same, and Kelith sitting alone on her couch.

I started off with a question that had been on my mind for a bit, “Is there a way to communicate with Earth from Hell?”

A round of head shakes answered me, along with Edith’s words, “No, the only method to connect the two places is a Demon making a portal, and even if you somehow forced a portal to stay open, something that would require exceptional amounts of energy, the randomness of the portal would prevent the signal from working.”

“Randomness?” Katie asked, her legs curling up onto our seat and her body leaning into mine as I absentmindedly brushed my hand through her hair.

She winced, “I forgot you didn’t get an education…” she moved on, pushing through the awkwardness, “So the connection between the human world and Hell, it’s… inconsistent. Traveling in one world will make your exit in the other world travel as well, but there isn’t an exact logic to it; the best we can get is vibes – not that it’s a popular field of research to begin with.”

I wondered if she was feeling awkward about Katie’s situation, where she didn’t have any information on her parents, or mine, where Edith’s wife was the reason my education sucked. Either way, a silence stretched out over the room, coating everyone’s throats with sticky goo.

I need to talk to Katie about her situation later, I’ve been really self-centered lately. Hell, we never even made it to a library…

I leaned over to whisper in Katie’s ear, “Let’s take you to the library tomorrow morning.”

She gave me a giddy smile and an enthusiastic nod in response.

God, how bad must’ve her life been that me remembering to take her to the library two days late is that exciting?

Mom tried to revive the conversation. “So girls, what're your long-term plans?”

I glanced at Katie, but she was no more certain than I was. “Um, we’re still supposed to go back home in… four days?” I saw Katie nod next to me, “My girlfriends and Katie’s sister are still back home, and that’s where our lives are so…”

“Oh,” she couldn’t hide her disappointment, “I know it’s late but you can still get your education here, and whatever you need, I can provide for you,” she looked at her wife who nodded in support next to her.

“Mom, I’m almost twenty-one, and I'm doing… fine,” I lied. Somehow, it felt wrong to admit to her that my metamorphosis had completely fucked up my life, at least as far as money and my existing plans were concerned. I wasn’t sure if I hid it because I was ashamed about not having my shit together, or if I didn’t want her to feel like it was her fault.

Kelith chimed in with some context, “Demons are often in school until they’re well into their thirties, and it’s not uncommon for them to live with their parents for decades after that, although leaving the nest and forging your own path is equally common.”

“I’ll think about it… I’d need to talk about it with my girlfriends first, and Katie would also be a big consideration – it’s not like I can just upend my life and move to another dimension.”

Another silence settled over the room.

I took the chance to look around, noticing that despite there being no ceiling fan or visible vents, the room was perfectly comfortable – although that was probably in part due to the pleasant weather outside.

Zamira tried conversation again, building off what I’d just said. “Why don’t you tell me about your girlfriends, there’s two, right?”

I relaxed, happy to gush about them, “Yes, they’re Amber and Sophia. Amber is strong-willed and strong bodied. She’s fiery and passionate and really really hot,” I glanced to the side, seeing Katie sticking out her tongue at me, “And she’s this little one’s older sister.”

After a round of hesitant nods from the older women, I continued, “Sophia is just as confident, but she’s a lot quieter, preferring to wait and listen. She always knows what to do and she’s super reliable. And of course, she’s really beautiful, I love them both.”

Mom gave me a mom-look, “You’re using protection, right?”

Katie fake-gagged.

“Uhh, no, I can just control my fertility with magic.” 

Katie actually gagged.

A round of concerned looks from everyone other than Katie had me squirming in my seat.

Kelith was the one to respond, pinching the bridge of her nose, “No… that’s not a thing. You can magic away your period, but you’re still just as capable of having children.”

While Kelith was speaking, Zamira was standing and leaving the room, followed shortly by her wife. We soon heard sniffles coming from the kitchen.

I stared at my grandmother, one hand reaching for my lower stomach, “Oh… How… how would I know?”

She sighed, “Thankfully, you’re a succubus so it’d be really obvious to you if you were pregnant – no spells necessary. If you haven’t noticed anything by now, you’re probably in the clear. As for your partners, human detection methods should suffice,” she glanced towards the kitchen, “And since they won’t say it, please be more careful in the future. I’ll make sure to get you some well-made birth control before you leave, there’s no telling how shoddy what those humans make is.”

“Oh. Thank you.” I let out, somehow not embarrassed about the sex talk, although Katie, who was squirming and making faces next to me, clearly was. 

My grandmother sighed again, “What you’re doing…” her eyes flicked towards the kitchen, “It’s not easy. I wouldn’t’ve blamed you for taking the easy way out.”

For a second, I debated whether to pretend not to know what she meant. “Yea…” I stared at where my mother had been sitting, “I want there to be something there, but unfortunately, it’s not that simple.”

I sat in silence for a moment, letting my complicated feelings wash through me.

The other two returned, mostly unruffled, but Zamira’s eyes were a bit redder than usual. She cleared her throat as she sat, “I’m sorry about that…” her eyes focused on me, “Um, if you need me to explain…”

No I know how sex works, it’s just that no one ever taught me how to be a demon. I was so close to saying it, but I held back my frustrations, instead nodding and thanking her. I leaned on Katie, burying my face in her shoulder and removing myself from further conversation. 

I miss Amber and Sophia so much…