Konoha: Naruto's abnormal life choices

Heavy clouds drifted across the sky, momentarily shielding the Ninja Academy from the harsh sunlight.

At the school gate, four young ninja stood together, whispering in hushed voices. Their expressions shifted dramatically as Naruto spoke.

Lowering his voice, Naruto Uzumaki continued with a serious look, "At that moment, I pulled back that pervert Asuma's blanket—and guess what I saw? Sasuke was curled up under it, shaking like a leaf. It was pathetic."

The color drained from Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino's faces.

"That's impossible!" Shikamaru blurted out. "Asuma's into Kurenai-sensei… I'm sure of it."

Naruto smirked, patted Shikamaru on the shoulder, and said coldly, "Kurenai-sensei? Please. If I had to guess, she's just a convenient cover story for Asuma's twisted tastes."

"Think about it," Naruto said, warming up to his theory. "Asuma claims he's been childhood friends with Kurenai for twenty years. Not twenty days, not twenty months—twenty years. Shikamaru, do you really think anyone would chase a girl for two decades and still get nowhere?"

Shikamaru paused. As annoying as he found love and relationships, even he had to admit—twenty years was excessive. You'd have to be truly hopeless not to get anywhere after that long.

So, Shikamaru, who didn't yet understand that simping never pays, shook his head.

Naruto leaned in. "Exactly. So maybe… just maybe, Asuma's 'interest' in Kurenai isn't real at all."

His voice carried a strange, hypnotic conviction that made it hard not to believe him.

The more Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino thought about it, the more disturbed they became—especially the boys. Just imagining how long they'd been under the guidance of someone like Asuma made them visibly uncomfortable.

Oh god, they both thought. We've been led around by a closet creep all this time.

Seeing their growing doubt, Naruto felt a strange sense of relief and satisfaction.

"Alright," he added with sudden seriousness, throwing an arm over Ino's and Shikamaru's shoulders and staring Choji in the eye. "Let me give you one last warning."

Ino flinched slightly when she felt Naruto's hand on her bare shoulder. She was wearing a sleeveless top, and the warmth of his palm made her heart skip unexpectedly.

"W-What's wrong, Naruto?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Don't tell anyone I said this," Naruto said in a low voice. "I'm telling you this because you're my closest friends. I don't want any of you to get hurt by Asuma. But if you go spreading rumors and it blows back on me—we're done. Friendship over."

Shikamaru and Choji quickly exchanged nervous glances, each instinctively covering their backside in alarm.

"We swear! We won't say a word!" Choji promised with a grave face.

Naruto nodded, satisfied. "Good. That's all I wanted to say. We should head in now."

Just then, Ino gently tugged at Naruto's sleeve and whispered, "Let Shikamaru and Choji go ahead. I want to talk to you privately."

"You two have fun!" Shikamaru said immediately, dragging Choji away with him.

Ino gave Shikamaru a discreet thumbs-up.

It was only then that Naruto realized he still had his arm around Ino's shoulder. He awkwardly pulled away and apologized, "Sorry, Ino. I wasn't really thinking just now."

Ino looked at him, disappointment flickering across her face, but she replied nonchalantly, "Weird. I don't mind. We're good friends, right?"

Relieved, Naruto asked, "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Naruto," Ino said, glancing around before leaning in and lowering her voice. "You should be careful—not just around Asuma, but Sasuke too."

Before Naruto could interrupt, she quickly added, "I'm saying this because I'm worried about you. Sasuke… he's not exactly clean either."

Naruto stared at her serious expression and suddenly felt a wave of pity for Sasuke.

Please don't go jump off a cliff, Sasuke. The villagers are just misunderstanding you… again. Amen.

When Naruto and Ino arrived at the exam site, the large hall was already packed with genin from every corner of the ninja world.

Shikamaru and Choji were being cornered by Kiba from Team 8, who seemed to be grilling them with questions. From their expressions, Naruto guessed he was probably asking about the Asuma gossip.

Shino stood quietly as always. When Hinata made eye contact with Naruto, she immediately blushed and looked down, fiddling with her fingers.

Naruto noticed she wasn't wearing her usual cotton jacket today. Instead, she had on a blue cheongsam-style dress. It was still modest but looked far less dorky. It suited her.

Just as Naruto was about to say hi, a sharp voice called out from behind him.

"Naruto! Why are you walking around with that pig Ino again?!" Sakura demanded.

"Huh?!" Ino whirled around. "Listen here, you ugly, broad-foreheaded freak—Naruto can hang out with whoever he wants! You're not his mom!"

Sakura stepped closer and grabbed Naruto by the arm. "He shouldn't hang around with pigs. He's a person, not a barn animal!"

"You want to go, billboard brow?!" Ino snapped back.

"What, you think I'm scared?!"

As the two girls launched into a shouting match, Naruto quietly slipped out of Sakura's grip and backed away.

If this were two mature older women fighting, I might enjoy watching…

But two teenage girls squabbling? Count me out.

"Hinata, long time no see!" Naruto called out, turning his attention back to the one girl who never raised her voice.

But just before he reached her, a shadow blocked his path.

A round-eyed boy in green spandex, with a bowl haircut and thick eyebrows, stepped in front of him.

"You must be Uzumaki Naruto!" said Rock Lee, striking a dramatic pose.

Naruto blinked. Do I even know this guy?

"Uh, can I help you?"

"Come with me to the courtyard. Let's fight!" Lee declared, but his eyes were already drifting behind Naruto—to Sakura.

Naruto immediately understood. Ah, I get it. Must've confessed to Sakura, got rejected, and now he's looking to pick a fight with me. Another lovesick fool.

"I'm not interested," Naruto said flatly. "Go bother someone else."

"Hmph!" Lee took a stance. "If you're a real man, you'll fight me for Miss Sakura's honor!"

"Huh?" Naruto raised an eyebrow.

The other genin nearby turned to watch the unfolding drama. Even Neji and Tenten, Lee's teammates, looked over. Tenten's eyes widened when she spotted Naruto.

It's him! she thought. I never thought I'd see that guy again!

Back near the center, Sakura's expression twisted in irritation. That thick-browed weirdo again?!

Just a few days ago, he'd approached her out of nowhere, professing his love like some soap opera character. She had quickly shut him down, saying she liked Naruto—and ran off.

Now he's here challenging Naruto like this? Ugh!

She started toward Lee, ready to scold him, but the classroom door suddenly burst open.

Sasuke Uchiha strolled in, hands in his pockets, chin high, with that signature brooding arrogance.

"Hey. Thick-brows," he said coldly, "Get lost."

Sasuke's voice was calm, but firm.

"Naruto's opponent… is me."

The clouds outside parted. The skies cleared.

And for the first time in a long while, Sasuke Uchiha was back to feeling like himself.