Konoha: Naruto's abnormal life choices

The night wind was bitterly cold.

A sharp chill from his crotch made the Raikage snap to attention, suddenly aware of his current situation—and it wasn't good.

He looked down and saw that all the clothes on his body had vanished. His dark skin, scorched red, was still radiating heat from the burns he had just suffered.

It was spring. Life was returning, and the night air was filled with birdsong and insect chirping.

Surrounding the battlefield were shinobi from both sides. A thousand-strong unit led by the twin Bokuto brothers had just arrived, and the Might Guy unit had followed closely behind them.

Add to that the nearly two thousand who had already been fighting here—more than five thousand eyes were now fixed on the heart of the battlefield, where the climactic battle between the Kage was unfolding.

In the silence, someone suddenly burst into laughter.

"Hahaha! Who would've thought the Raikage would be this pathetic?"

"No wonder people say he doesn't like women—maybe he just can't be with one."

"He's been married for what, a hundred years? I bet his wife's still a virgin!"

"Damn, witnessing a scene like this in person? This war was worth it even if we lose!"

"I swear I'll make sure the whole ninja world hears about this humiliation!"

The taunting echoed across the battlefield. The shinobi of Konoha howled with laughter.

Some Hidden Cloud ninja struggled to hold back their own amusement, while others were overcome with shame. Was this the same fierce Raikage they had followed with pride?

Mocking voices rang in his ears. He felt thousands of contemptuous eyes roving over his exposed body. In that moment, the Raikage felt like life had lost all meaning.

Power? Strength? The pride of his village?

All of it felt like a lie.

Naruto Uzumaki's heart began to race as he watched the Raikage, who looked as if his soul was on the verge of leaving his body.

He quietly stepped back and motioned to Tsunade to hurry and heal his broken arm.

Otherwise… he'd be in deep trouble.

Tsunade bit her lip and shot Naruto a withering glare—half disgust, half disbelief—accusing him with her eyes for letting her witness something so indecent.

But even she couldn't deny—it was kind of funny.

That… proportion was truly bizarre.

For a man, the greatest fear is being told you're not "enough." The more you fear it, the more you hide it—avoiding bathhouses, shying away from love, burying your shame.

If the Raikage had heard people praising him right now—"So powerful!" "So strong!"—he might have puffed out his chest with pride.

But all he heard was mockery.

At that moment, the Raikage forgot everything else. He wanted just one thing:

To kill.

To kill everyone who had witnessed his humiliation. Kill them all!

But even for someone as powerful as the Raikage, that was impossible. There were too many.

So instead, he focused his fury on the one who had caused this disgrace.

After a long stunned silence, he saw Naruto handing his arm to Tsunade for healing while subtly trying to back away.

The Raikage could no longer hold back the volcano of rage erupting in his chest.

"You little bastard—I'll kill you!"

Lightning Armor surged around him as he roared and charged toward Naruto like a bolt of blue lightning.

Whoosh!

The Raikage streaked across the field like a living thunderbolt, headed straight for Naruto and Tsunade.

In response, Naruto summoned nine massive golden tails, which whipped forward to intercept him.

"You dare humiliate me?!"

The Raikage had gone mad.

Anything long and massive triggered him now. Every sight of it was like a fresh insult.

He roared with fury and unleashed the full extent of his power, piercing through Naruto's tails like a raging beast.

The Raikage's speed and power were overwhelming. Naruto could only match his speed—he wasn't as physically strong.

Seeing the Raikage charge in recklessly, Naruto panicked.

Boom!!!

As the Raikage pierced through the tails and crashed down, Tsunade had just begun her healing jutsu. Naruto shoved her aside, narrowly dodging the blow himself.

Forming a quick hand seal, Naruto inhaled deeply and spewed a massive cloud of gunpowder ash, blanketing the field for over a hundred meters.

Then he leapt into the air—high above the danger—and used his Flying Thunder God technique to ascend further.

"Fire Style: Majestic Blaze Jutsu!"

The massive cloud of gunpowder ash ignited, fusing with the enormous fireball to create a cataclysmic explosion that lit up the battlefield like a second sun.

The center of the battlefield erupted into a sea of fire.

"Lord Raikage—is he… dead?!"

Someone shouted in shock.

"Shut up, fool! Big Bro isn't dying that easily!"

Despite all his frustrations with his brother, Killer Bee had never doubted the Raikage's strength. He couldn't believe he would fall to a brat like Naruto.

Still, the roar of the explosion shook even his confidence. He intensified his attacks on Kakashi—he needed to end their fight and go help his brother.

"Enough! I'll kill you now!"

Killer Bee transformed into his tailed beast form and charged past Kakashi, beginning to form a Tailed Beast Ball aimed at Naruto.

Even if he accidentally hurt his allies—his brother's life came first.

On a high ridge above the battlefield, the Wood-Style Jinchūriki Yugito gathered a unit of Cloud shinobi and quietly observed the explosion.

Some wanted to rush down to help the Raikage. Though humiliated, he was still their leader.

But Yugito raised a hand, commanding silence.

Thanks to her earlier efforts rescuing and organizing troops, Yugito had earned considerable respect. With Darui and Samui backing her, she could maintain control—for now.

But only briefly. Whispers of dissent were already starting.

The moment she sensed the Raikage had survived, Yugito knew she couldn't hold the line anymore.

She issued quick orders.

"Darui, take half the troops and engage the Konoha forces."

Darui narrowed his eyes as he spotted Might Guy across the field. They'd clashed before.

A tough opponent.

But it was Yugito's order. He obeyed without hesitation.

"Understood!" he shouted, rallying his men.

Yugito then turned to Samui. "Your task is dangerous. I need you to intercept the Hokage."

"I will!" Samui replied confidently, then added through gritted teeth, "What about Uzumaki Naruto? Aren't you going to help Raikage-sama fight him?"

"I'll handle him," Yugito said.

Her gaze rose to the golden figure in the sky, eyes full of complex emotion.

Was she really about to betray the Hidden Cloud and join Naruto against the Raikage?

She didn't want to fight her leader.

Sigh…

The Raikage was alive.

His body, now half-charred and covered in necrotic tissue, burst from the wreckage.

He grabbed a piece of cloth from a fallen comrade and wrapped it around his waist.

His eyes were wild with rage. His pride was shattered. He no longer cared about anything—he just wanted to kill Naruto.

Lightning and golden chakra clashed in the sky, explosions echoing like thunder.

In close combat, Naruto couldn't match the Raikage. But Naruto could fly—and he had a ridiculous amount of chakra.

He began "kiting" the Raikage, staying airborne and pelting him with long-range attacks.

Naruto's Fireball Jutsu became his primary weapon. Since the Raikage had hastily covered himself with a scrap of cloth, Naruto made it his target again and again.

He didn't believe the Raikage would dare fight with that exposed.

Sure enough, the attacks forced the Raikage to slow down, diverting some attention to defense.

It infuriated him.

In all his years, he had never faced someone so shameless. Naruto kept going for the same weak spot, like a low-tier player spamming a single exploit.

Even losing to the Fourth Hokage hadn't been this humiliating.

Raikage glared at Naruto, hatred seething in his eyes.

He had to kill Uzumaki Naruto—only then would this shame be erased.

Then came the opportunity.

He saw Killer Bee preparing a Tailed Beast Ball to the southeast.

From the north, Yugito was also closing in.

She was one of the Cloud's strongest shinobi—second only to him and Killer Bee.

With her help, they could finally kill Naruto.

He made a subtle hand sign—a code only he and Killer Bee understood.

Killer Bee stopped charging the Tailed Beast Ball and redirected his focus toward Kakashi.

Kakashi was badly injured, his body covered in slashes from Bee's blades.

Just when he thought he could rest, the tide turned again.

At that moment, Kakashi's left eye transformed.

Three tomoe spun—evolving into the Mangekyō Sharingan.

"Kamui!"

Far from the battlefield, atop a dark mountain peak…

An odd man, half black and half white, emerged from a plant and looked at his masked companion, who was wiping blood from a kunai.

"This Nine-Tails Jinchūriki is impressive," the half-black man said. "It might take you or Nagato to capture him."

The masked man—Obito—remained silent.

Zetsu followed his gaze.

"Thinking about your other eye?" he asked. "Want to take it back now… Obito?"

"Don't call me that," the masked man muttered. "Obito Uchiha is dead. He died long ago."

Zetsu chuckled. "Then should I call you Tobi?"

"Call me whatever you want."

With that, the masked man activated his Sharingan and vanished.

Zetsu sighed.

"What a rebellious child…"

He watched the spot where Obito had stood moments before, speaking as if to himself—or to some grand plan.

"Well, the closest ones now are Itachi and Kisame. We'll send them to capture the Two-Tails."

"If we can grab either the Eight-Tails or Nine-Tails as well… even better."

"Maybe we can even help Konoha by taking out a common enemy. They'd love that."

And with that, Zetsu disappeared.

The Akatsuki's hunt had officially begun.

Flying kites in the sky was fun—but exhausting.

Naruto had nearly depleted his chakra. Thankfully, his "battery packs"—Kurama and Shukaku—kept him going.

He and the Raikage were locked in a stalemate. Neither could land the decisive blow.

Suddenly, Naruto felt a burning sensation on the back of his hand.

He looked down.

Yugito was approaching.

He understood her signal and held his position, continuing his long-range fire attacks.

As she drew near, he launched another massive cloud of gunpowder ash to obscure the battlefield.

The Raikage, unaware of her true intentions, thought she was backing him up.

"He's done for," Raikage muttered. "Not even the Sage of Six Paths can save him now!"

He charged forward again.

"Lightning Release: Lightning Plow Hot Knife!"

Blazing lightning exploded from his arm, parting the ash cloud as he surged straight toward Naruto.

Naruto hadn't yet ignited the gunpowder.

"Die, you little bastard!"

The Raikage focused all his energy into one devastating attack—he would kill Naruto in a single strike, then go with Yugito to finish Tsunade.

Victory would be his. He could even take Konoha afterward.

No one would remember today's embarrassment.

He had seen his happy ending.

But then… his heart skipped a beat.

A primal instinct screamed that something was wrong.

"Heh. You're here," Naruto said suddenly.

??

The Raikage's nerves tensed. His eyes locked onto Naruto's.

What trick was this brat planning?

He prepared to escape if things went south.

But the danger wasn't in front of him.

It was behind.

Before he could react, two Yukitos appeared—each plunging a chakra-infused short sword deep into the Raikage's heart.