Kiss Me if You Can

Why?

That was the first thought that came to mind. Why is Grayson here? Why? How?
Grayson answered the silent question.
“I was lucky to meet Mark. If he hadn’t opened the door, I would have just waited outside for you. That’s really lucky, isn’t it?”

“Grayson.”
Chase barely managed to repeat his name. Grayson tilted his head as if to say, “Huh?”
“Why are you here? All of a sudden. What, for?”

Chase couldn’t help but tremble and stutter, disgusted at himself to the point of madness. But whenever he was in front of Grayson, he couldn’t help but react the same way.
A man he hated so much, yet so feared, a man he absolutely hated, yet absolutely could not resist.
To Chase, Grayson was that kind of person. Even though he was alone right now, Chase always had the illusion that Grayson had a lead wrapped around his hand. And without fail, the dog was right at his feet.

Ha.
He was out of breath and dizzy. Chase hurriedly closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. Looking at Chase, Grayson spoke leisurely as usual.
“You said you had an accident, but you look better than I thought?”

Chase glared at him through his fingers.
“So, you’re feeling disappointed?”
“No way. You always don’t understand my true feelings.”

Grayson sighed and shook his head in an exaggerated tone as if he were acting. He didn’t forget to put his hand on his chest and exclaim “Oh!” as if he were Hamlet. Of course, all of that was enough to make Chase shiver. Chase slowly lowered his hand and faced him.
Looking at Chase’s distorted face, Grayson spoke leisurely as usual.
“I came here to see if you were doing well in filming, and it seems you’re doing better than I thought.”

“Ha.”
Chase gave a short snort. Grayson glanced at him without paying attention and smiled broadly.
“I never thought you’d be Dr. Flame.”
“Why?”

Grayson burst out laughing at the sharp question. Chase’s face hardened at the ridiculously cheerful laughter. Looking at that expression, Grayson answered clearly.
“You’re Chase Miller, not Dr. Flame.”
It seemed that he thought that was enough of an answer. Chase was speechless for a moment, dumbfounded. He wondered if he had come all this way just to say something like that, but Grayson was a person who would do that. Disillusionment made him clench his teeth.

“… … Get out.”
Chase barely held back the frustration that was filling his stomach and almost going crazy, and stood up. He grabbed Josh’s jeans and put them on over his bare body before he passed Grayson and left the bedroom. However, if he was going to give up so easily, Grayson wouldn’t have come here in the first place. Without hesitation, he followed Chase.
“Don’t follow me and just get out of here.”

“It’s been a while, so don’t do that and come here and kiss me, little brother.”
“You’re crazy, go die. This situation is so funny, right?”
Grayson’s eyes widened exaggeratedly at the curses he spat out while gritting his teeth.

“How dare you say that! I love you so much. Well, you’ve always misunderstood me like that.”
“It’s not a misunderstanding, it’s the truth. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done that to me.”
Grayson still looked unconvinced at Chase’s protest.

“I’m trying to help you because I love you.”
Chase let out a short sigh and then snapped sharply.
“Help me? You’re making me have sex with a dog because Rutt came?”

Grayson asked with genuine wonder.
“What’s wrong with having sex with a dog?”
Chase stopped walking, speechless. His mind, which had been blank for a moment, belatedly heated up.

“So you, you just want to fuck anyone?”
Grayson looked down at him as he turned around and sarcastically sneered. A strange silence flowed. When he was nervous inside, Grayson suddenly moved his body. In one swift step, Grayson came right up to him and lowered his head. Looking into Chase’s eyes, he opened his mouth. So affectionately, as if telling him the truth he had kept hidden.
“Chase, all holes are the same.”

“… … ha.”
A sigh of relief escaped him. Chase looked at Grayson helplessly. No matter what he said, it wouldn’t work. Was there anyone who would understand him in the first place? Chase realized it again.
He had nothing left to say or desire. Chase seemed to be using up all his energy just by standing there. Grayson continued to speak to Chase, who had kept his mouth shut.

“How many times have I told you that if you don’t like it, you can just take off your pheromones?”
“I… … .”
Chase, who was about to speak, stopped. Suddenly, Steward’s words came to mind.

“You had no choice but to protect your beloved youngest son.”
Chase bit his lip and asked.
“If that happens, will you rape Bliss? … … If Rut comes when there’s no one to take care of.”

Grayson answered readily. Without any hesitation.
“If the cycle works, there’s no choice. It’s better than doing it with a dog, right?”
The color drained from Chase’s face in an instant.

“She’s my sister… … .”
But Grayson didn’t seem to be particularly shaken.
“It’s good to help each other, so what’s wrong?”

Grayson inhaled the cigarette smoke casually and exhaled deeply, looking at Chase who seemed to have lost his mind. A faint smile appeared on his face.
“Or, do you want to fuck a dog again?”
Chase inhaled sharply at that moment. Grayson watched him with narrow eyes. His trembling lips opened and closed, then opened again. However, it took a few more attempts before his voice came out.

“I didn’t.”
His trembling voice was filled with fear. Grayson let out a short laugh.
“How do you know? You don’t remember anything.”

It was true. Grayson had ruthlessly ripped apart Chase’s deepest fear. Grayson slowly tilted his head to look at Chase’s face and smiled.
“If not a dog, then a cat?”
Chase’s vision blurred. He felt nauseous. The memories of that day suddenly came back to him. The swaying curtains, the heavy breathing, the faint smell of a dog in heat.

Haa, haa.
Grayson smiled bitterly as he saw Chase’s breathing become rough.
“Chase, I really don’t understand you. What’s wrong? Nathaniel, I, we’re all trying to help you like this.”

“… … Ugh.”
Chase took a deep breath, exhaled, and opened his mouth in a choked voice.
“Just leave me alone.”

“Chase.”
Grayson held out his hand. Chase violently pushed it away.
“I told you to get out, not to touch me! I should have killed you, I should have shot you instead of Alex!”

“Chase.”
“What are you doing?”
Grayson turned his head at the sudden voice, and Chase opened his eyes wide in surprise. The moment he saw the face of the man standing a few steps away, Chase’s face hardened and a stifled sigh escaped his lips.

Ha.
Just as he finally let out a trembling breath, Josh strode forward with long strides and blocked the gap between them. Grayson looked a little surprised at the gaze that was staring straight at him, but it soon turned into an expression of amusement.
A cold silence fell between them. Josh was the first to speak.

“You can’t come in without permission. Even if you’re family, you should have gotten permission in advance.”
“I got permission, Mark.”
He said with a grin.

“Mark opened the door for me.”
“That can’t be. I just met Mark and I haven’t heard anything like that, and even if I did, there’s no way Mark wouldn’t have reported it to Mr. Miller. If Mr. Miller doesn’t know at all, that means you came in without permission.”
Grayson blinked at the stiff tone and then smiled. Unexpectedly, he complimented Josh.

“You’re smart.”
“Thank you.”
Josh grumbled. Grayson stroked his chin and looked down at him for a moment. The man still had an uncomfortable look in his eyes. Josh wanted the man to leave quickly, but he didn’t move at all.

“… … What are you doing?”
Chase suddenly grabbed Grayson’s outstretched hand. He glared at Grayson with a pale face and asked in a low voice. Josh looked at the hand that had stopped in front of him, then turned his gaze to Chase, and then back to Grayson. Grayson continued to stare at Josh without moving.
“No matter how I look at it, it doesn’t look like a beta, but is it really a beta?”

“Yes.”
Grayson finally turned his gaze to him as Chase responded stiffly.
“What makes you so sure?”

Chase spat out with a stiff face at the hint of amusement.
“If you smell it, you’ll know, it doesn’t smell at all. It didn’t even react to my pheromones.”
“Oh… … .”

Grayson let out a slow exclamation. Chase and Josh both thought, “Oh no,” but a strange smile had already formed on his face.
“Did you smell it and try the pheromones? Why?”
“Go.”

“What are you curious about?”
“Go!”
“Mr. Miller.”

Josh quickly stepped in between them. Chase and Grayson's eyes turned to him at the same time. He opened his mouth coldly. Mr. Miller, he said, and when he tried to speak, they both had the same last name. He had no choice but to omit the title.
"Your brother just woke up, so he must be tired. Let's go home for today and come back later."
Josh added to Grayson, who was looking down at him with narrowed eyes.

"Make an appointment in advance."
He wondered what he would do if the man didn't back down easily. Of course, he planned to use force to kick him out at that time.
He added a reasonable reason, because it was work, but in reality, he would do anything to protect Chase.

For a moment, Grayson didn’t respond. Josh frowned at the gaze that just looked at him.
What’s with that expression?
It was hard to read his emotions. He was bewildered, bewildered, angry, or disappointed. It was the first time he had seen someone make such an expression. Josh had no idea what the man was thinking.

“What.”
When Grayson opened his mouth, Josh glared at him, wary. He was ready to attack right away if something happened, but unexpectedly, he looked at Chase with a refreshing smile.
“Then I should go. I can’t help it.”

He couldn’t believe that Grayson would back down so easily. Are you serious? Grayson continued to speak with a smile on his face as Josh looked at him suspiciously.
“Instead, would you escort me here? My brother doesn’t seem like he’ll do it, and it’s lonely to go back alone.”
He was a man who only said things that didn’t suit him at all whenever he opened his mouth. Josh nodded silently, looking dumbfounded.

“Then, Chase, do your best.”
“Shut up.”
Despite Chase’s swearing, Grayson shook his head and sighed before turning around. Josh was momentarily nervous, wondering if Chase would hit his head with a chair from behind, but thankfully Chase only swore briefly and didn’t attack him. Josh hurriedly followed Grayson, hoping to send him back before things got worse.

“Ah.”
When they were almost at the entrance, Grayson suddenly stopped walking. What’s that again? Josh frowned in annoyance. Grayson glanced back and then turned his gaze to Chase and smiled brightly.
“If you want it, just mutate into an omega, Chase.”

“Right?” Grayson added, smiling at Josh. What on earth could he be talking about in front of the person in question? Josh wasn’t the only one who was taken aback. This time, Chase tried to grab him by the collar, but Grayson quickly ran away.
“See you next time, Dr. Flame.”
He added mockingly, not forgetting to laugh.

“Mr. Miller, this way.”
Josh had to drag Grayson away in a hurry before Chase could commit murder.
“Whew.”

Finally, as they left the trailer and stood in the wide open outdoors, his choked breath seemed to clear up a little. Josh took a deep breath and soon made eye contact with Grayson. His expression hardened. Grayson then smiled bitterly and said.
“Don’t be so guarded, you’re really ridiculous. “It’s so hard to meet your brother.”
“You probably know the reason better.”

Grayson looked surprised at Josh’s words. Josh frowned. Why did that man’s expression always look so artificial?
“I don’t know at all, but do you? So, what’s your name?”
Josh pretended not to notice his intentions as he tried to tease him.

“No one likes it when you force them.”
“Forcing them? Me? What?”
Josh couldn’t tell if the man was trying to make a joke out of nothing or if he really didn’t know. As he stared silently, Grayson stroked his chin seriously and tilted his head.

“Are you talking about that?”
He continued to Josh, who was wondering if he was finally getting through to him.
“When we played hide and seek, Chase was always the bait? You put him in the closet so he could get used to the darkness? Dropping him down a chimney to show him that Santa doesn't exist? Pushing him in front of a school bus because he didn't want to go to school? Locking him in an audio room for three days and playing movies all day long to make him study acting when he debuted? Or… …”

“Wait, wait. Oh my god, what are you talking about? You did all that to Chase, Mr. Miller? And there's more?”
Josh stopped him, fed up with the endless past. Grayson blinked with his mouth open.
“Yeah, why?”

Josh looked at him, speechless. Grayson grimaced and finally sighed.
“No, I really don't understand.”
Grayson continued.

“Why on earth would you do that? We really did our best. We used Chase as bait because we always got caught and were always the ones who got caught, so we just saved him the trouble. The chimney is the same, because he keeps insisting that Santa doesn't exist in this world. Then I just pushed him in to see if it made sense for people to come and go through the chimney. His arm was broken, but his neck wasn't broken, so it was okay, right? And also... ... Oh, right. If you don't go to school, you have to have a reason. Do you know how much I struggled with deliberately avoiding the driver and waiting at the school bus stop, dragging him out while he was struggling and pushing him at the right time? If Stacy had helped me, I almost failed. Thanks to that, I was able to legally skip school for six months. And that kid doesn't know how to be grateful, and yeah, that's right. He's never thanked me, that kid!"
Josh wondered sincerely as he saw Grayson suddenly getting angry. Where on earth could he be grateful? Suddenly, he felt like he knew why Chase had become such a broken person. Anyone who had been bullied like that would have gone astray.
But Grayson still didn't seem to understand. Josh felt a headache as he watched him frown, arms crossed, and worry.

“Isn’t that abuse?”
“Why? I helped you?”
Grayson seemed genuinely confused. Josh pointed it out patiently.

“If you suffer, it’s abuse, and if you grow up to suffer because of it, it’s even worse.”
He added absentmindedly.
“Don’t you know that Mr. Miller is still suffering because of the dog?”

This time, he thought he would understand. But it was just Josh’s wish.
“What’s wrong with having sex with a dog?”
To his astonishment, Grayson asked with an incredibly innocent expression.

“It’s no different than having sex with a hole or penis that I like.”
Josh had nothing more to say. Only then did he finally accept the truth he had been trying to deny.
I thought Chase Miller was crazy, but he turned out to be the most normal. No, maybe he had no choice but to be crazy.

Grayson was still looking at Josh with an unconvinced face. Looking at his face, Josh realized what the biggest problem with this man was.
He thought that since he did something out of good will, it was a good deed. Regardless of the other person’s intention. It was clear that this man could never understand why he did something good and the other person would get sick of it and hate it.
“Chase is a really difficult guy.”

Grayson concluded everything with one answer. He thought that Chase was just weird and difficult and that he wouldn’t accept anything he did. Josh felt a complicated feeling that he couldn’t express in words.
“… … That’s all.”
Any further conversation was meaningless. Josh left that comment and turned around. He glanced back as he was about to go back into the trailer.

Grayson was still there. He was staring at a certain spot with a serious expression. Josh couldn’t tell if he was still thinking about Chase or thinking of something else.
He just ignored him and walked on. He was headed for the bedroom.
Knock knock.

He opened the door after a light knock. There was no need to waste time since there would be no answer anyway.
As expected, Chase was sitting on the bed. He was crouching with his face buried in his hands without even putting on a shirt, and he looked pitiful. Josh closed the door and turned around, then quickly approached him and reached out his hand. However, as soon as he touched his shoulder, Chase shook it off and jumped back.
“… … What is it?”

A pale face came into Josh’s sight. His eyes shook in confusion, filled with fear. Josh stood there, waiting for Chase to come to his senses. His eyes slowly darkened. He barely managed to fix his gaze on Josh. Only then did Josh open his mouth.
“He’s gone, your brother.”
He had only just left the trailer, he added. He wouldn’t be back anyway. Josh could feel Chase’s tension ease just by saying that.

Suddenly, he remembered Chase, who was about Pete’s age or a little older, falling down the chimney, breaking his arm, and crying in fear in the closet.
Chase, curled up with his face covered, looked infinitely small. Josh reached out and stopped in midair. Instead of wrapping his arms around his shoulders, he opened his mouth.
“What do you want me to do for you, Chase? Tell me, I’ll listen.”

Chase still didn’t answer. Josh looked down at him as he let out a trembling sigh.
“Should I kill you?”
Chase didn’t immediately understand the sudden question. His face, raised, was filled with suspicion. But Josh remained unfazed and continued speaking in a monotonous tone.

“Should I kill you? Just tell me, Chase. Grayson? Grayson's dog? Or should I kill everyone who's bothering you?"
Chase's eyes grew wide. His lips moved but he couldn't continue. After a long time, he finally spoke.
"I told you I couldn't be a criminal."

Josh smiled bitterly at the obvious point.
"I did, but."
With a short sigh, he added.

"I'll adapt better in prison than you."
Josh whispered, caressing Chase's cheek with blank eyes and speechless expression.
"Who should I kill?"

Chase opened his mouth. His lips trembled as much as his breath. Barely squeezing out a sound, he confessed.
"... ... Me."
Josh stared down at him.

"Please, kill me."
I don't want to live like this. He whispered. He didn't want to go through each day like this in fear. He was really tired of living.
It was so annoying.

What if I lose consciousness again and end up with a dog one day?
Just imagining it made me want to hang myself and die.
“Have you ever thought about how scary it would be to not remember where I was or what I did?”

“… … .”
“I know.”
Tears filled Chase’s eyes again.

“You wouldn’t even imagine it.”
No one would take Chase seriously when he said he didn’t want to have sex he didn’t want to have. Grayson finally said to Chase, who was in a panic and bursting into tears at the sight of the dog.
“You won’t have to rush to find a partner anymore. You have Alex. You won’t have to do it with someone you don’t like.”

And he smiled brightly and sincerely.
“That’s good, Chase. 〉
How fortunate is this?

His expression that day, his clothes, the wide-open living room window, the wind blowing, the fresh scent of the trees tickling his nose, the pungent dog scent mixed in there, and even the eyes of the Rottweiler glaring at him.
Chase could remember everything so clearly. It was like it was yesterday.
The tears that had stopped soon filled up. He bit his lips to hold them back, but the tears flowed regardless of his will. Josh hugged his shoulders and pulled him in without saying a word. That was all. But once the tears started to flow, they couldn’t be stopped.

Up until now, he had been completely alone. All he had done was live each day, crouching silently on a lonely island, waiting for the day when they would disappear.
The whole world was the same. In the end, they looked at him with a strange face. They didn’t understand, and they smiled awkwardly and passed by. He was tired of this misunderstanding and didn’t want anything more. He just wanted to be left alone.
But in reality, he was waiting. For someone to know him, to see him so hurt and lonely and reach out.

Please, if someone understood me.
Josh whispered above his head, holding him tightly as he sobbed.
“You can’t die, as long as I protect you.”

He continued calmly.
“You won’t lose your memory. If that happens.”
“… … .”

“I’ll protect you so no one can hurt you.”
Chase slowly looked up. His eyes, wet and sparkling, shone brighter than the stars in the night sky.
“… … Really?”

He asked through his sobs. There was absolutely no confidence in his voice. Josh looked into his eyes and answered.
“I promise.”
Josh smiled as he kissed her forehead as he did to Pete. Chase blinked and looked up at him. Josh, who carefully removed the hair stuck to his face, suddenly smiled.

“You look better as blonde after all.”
“… … .”
“I wish the filming would end soon.”

He said as if talking to himself, but Chase wanted the opposite. What would happen when the filming was over? Wouldn’t it suddenly disappear like that time?
Chase couldn’t ask any more questions and hugged Josh’s waist. Josh just left him burying his face in his chest.
“… … Don’t worry about what your brother said.”

He buried his lips in the palanquin and hugged his shoulders tightly, leaving Chase’s arms trembling thinly as he hugged his waist. Chase didn’t say anything, but closed his eyes and deeply checked his body odor.
There was no scent.