Chapter 9: Bottom Dysphoria
Jay
Jay stared at the message for several seconds after reading it.
Was this real? Was this really her older sister? It seemed almost too good to be true, but it was definitely her in that profile picture. Her hair was much shorter than dad had ever allowed, and she had piercings dad would definitely not have approved of.
Jay Wilson: um, I go by Jay now
Martha Wilson: alright, sounds good
Martha Wilson: how have you been, little bro? Actually, what’s ur #? I wanna hear your voice
Jay pushed away her discomfort at how Martha addressed her, instead sending along her phone number as requested. A few seconds later, the phone started ringing, a 647 number appearing on the screen, the caller ID reading ‘Martha Wilson.’
With shaking hands, Jay answered the phone and raised it to her ear.
“Hi?”
“Hey, Jay,” a voice replied. Martha’s voice. Her big sister’s voice. “How are you doing?”
Jay choked back a sob. It was really her.
“I’m good. I’m great, Martha. It’s… it’s been a few years.”
Martha sighed loudly. “Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I didn’t bring my old phone with me when I left. I didn’t know if dad would figure out how to track it or something. And I forgot to add you to my contacts on my new phone.”
“That’s ok,” Jay said. She was just happy to have her sister back. “That’s fine, sis. Really. I’m just glad I found you.”
“Me too, Jay,” Martha said. “How have you been? What have you been up to?”
“Um, I’m in Computer Science now. Third year, actually. How about you?”
“Oh, I’ve graduated,” she said. “Now instead of working minimum wage at a job I hate, I can work for a bit over that at a job I hate slightly less.” She laughed. “Anything else? Friends?”
“I, uh- I have a girlfriend,” Jay said.
“Really?” Martha said, sounding excited. “That’s amazing. What’s her name?”
“Her name is Stephanie,” Jay replied. “She’s in Computer Science too. She’s really pretty.”
“Aww, thanks babe,” Steph said. “You’re pretty too.”
Jay went beet red at that.
“Was that her?” Martha said. Jay’s heart sank. Had she heard Steph calling her pretty? “What did she say?” Oh thank fuck.
“Oh, she was thanking me for the compliment.”
“Oh, so she’s there with you?”
Jay nodded, before remembering that Martha couldn’t see her. “Yeah, she’s here. Do you wanna say hi?”
“I’d like to catch up with you first, if that’s ok,” Martha said. “But I would absolutely love to meet her.”
“Not much to say, really,” Jay said, laughing nervously. “I’m in Toronto now.”
“Really?” Martha said. “So am I! Ooohhh, you know what, once this whole covid thing is over with, we should meet up.”
Jay laughed. “Yeah, that would be great, sis.”
They continued catching up. Martha told Jay about her girlfriend and her job. Jay didn’t tell her about Stephanie’s challenge for her this week. She was afraid to.
“Anyway, Jay, it’s getting late,” she said, “and Sarah’s getting impatient with me right now. Talk more tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Jay said. “That would be nice. I love you.”
“Love you too, bro,” Martha said.
Jay hung up.
“You didn’t tell her-”
“She doesn’t need to know,” Jay snapped. “It’s just for one week, anyway.”
Steph looked like she wanted to argue, but, to Jay’s relief, she didn’t.
“We should probably get to bed, anyway,” she said. “It’s late.”
“Yeah,” Jay said.
Jay quickly got changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth, and was all ready for bed. She was just getting ready to lay down in bed, when Steph came in.
She smirked. “Jay, sweetie, you need to remove your makeup before bed.”
Jay blushed. “Oh.”
“Come on,” Steph said, grabbing Jay’s hand. She led her back to the bathroom where she proceeded to instruct her on the very simple task of wiping makeup off of her face.
Afterwards, Jay went to head back to her room, expecting Steph to head back to hers, but she followed Jay.
“Uh, Steph?” Jay said. “This is my room.”
“I know,” Steph said. “Do you want me to stay?”
Jay’s breath caught. She… she did want Steph to stay. She had enjoyed waking up in Steph’s arms that morning. She wanted that to happen again. And again. And again.
Jay nodded. “Yes.”
Steph smiled. “Alright, cutie.”
Jay climbed into bed, with Steph joining her.
Jay wound up facing Steph. Steph had a playful look in her eyes. “God, you’re such a cutie, Jay,” she said. And then she kissed Jay, and Jay was kissing her back. Jay never grew tired of Steph kissing her. It was intoxicating, feeling Steph’s lips against hers.
Jay felt Steph’s hand on her hip, pulling her in closer, pressing their bodies together.
“Is this ok?” Steph asked softly. Jay nodded. Steph smiled, stroking the outside of Jay’s thigh lightly.
Jay let out a soft sigh in response. She let herself get lost in the pleasant sensations of Steph’s hands and lips.
Steph pulled away from the kiss, her eyes piercing into Jay’s soul. “Fuck,” she said. “I’m getting really worked up here, Jay.”
“Hm?” Jay said, her head still feeling a little fuzzy.
“I mean that I’m getting horny, Jay,” Steph clarified.
Jay nodded, then froze. “Oh,” she said. “Wait, does that mean…”
Steph bit her lip. “I- Look, I wasn’t that dysphoric over having it, so… I mean, I’ve had an orchi by this point, but the rest is still there. I’ve still, ya know, got a penis and-”
“Oh,” Jay interrupted. “I get it. Um, that’s ok with me, really. It’s your body, you do what you want, right?”
Steph nodded. “Yeah. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want, though.”
Jay bit her lip, thinking it over. It’s not like she had much against anything Steph was saying here. If anything, she was a little curious.
“Is there anything you’d like me to do?” Jay said. “Do you, um, want me to, uh, touch-”
“Yes,” Steph said. “Please.” She was blushing.
Ok. Jay could do this. She had one herself, and-
And then Jay was hyperventilating. Oh gods. This wasn’t right. Something was so wrong. Jay felt wrong. Everything felt just wrong.
Steph
Steph had no clue how to react. One moment, Jay seemed perfectly up to giving Steph a… well, they hadn’t established what exactly Jay would be doing, just that it was sexual.
But now… Now Jay seemed on the verge of a panic attack. Steph had no idea what had brought this on.
She pulled Jay into a hug. “What’s wrong, babe?” she whispered. Jay just sobbed in response.
Steph held her girlfriend as she sobbed.
Soon, Jay’s sobs receded. Steph opened her mouth to ask Jay what had gotten her so worked up, but it turned out Jay had fallen asleep.
Steph sighed. She was worried. Worried that the idea of her girlfriend happening to have a penis had somehow freaked Jay out. It wouldn’t be the first time. Steph had gotten used to the fact that some people just wouldn’t be able to get over that fact.
Falling asleep for her was much harder than it seemed to be for Jay. Steph continued lying in Jay’s bed, her left arm pinned beneath Jay’s sleeping form, staring up at the ceiling.
She didn’t feel any dysphoria about her dick, really. It was a part of her, and she was more than ok with it. It didn’t make her any less of a woman having it. Some may disagree.
Steph hoped that that wasn’t what had freaked out Jay. She didn’t think so, but her worries got the better of her.