Jujutsushi Wa Yuusha Ni Narenai

“—Morning, Futaba-san”

Waking up, felt strangely refreshing. With vivid awareness, and a clear mind, I snap open my eyes to find Momokawa-kun’s sweet, stray-cat-like face.

Half dazed in fascination at his gentle smile, I try to return the greeting— when, it all comes back.

what’s this, it’s great— Power all over my body— Disgust— beat— Momokawa-kun, where— Slaughter

Flashback. A rather suitable word to use for me who has used a narcotic.

want— yummy— give me more— All of Momokawa-kun, give it to me

It came back. Or rather, I just remembered. It’s something that happened only a few moments ago, obviously I wouldn’t forget.

Yes, those things I did, to Momokawa-kun. All of them.

“A-ah… Momokawa-kun… Umm, I…”

It’s not ok. The things I did to Momokawa-kun, they’re not ok at all, they’re not things where you just say sorry and move on. Relax, I can’t relax at all.

“We’re at a Fairy Square, it’s safe. Also, the drug’s symptoms are all gone by now. Futaba-san, that Goma’s narcotic, you used it right? Remember anything?”

Wow. Still amazing as ever, Momokawa-kun. You got it on the dot.

So there’s no reason to hide it. I made a slight nod. Voice wasn’t coming out well.

“Thanks to Blessed Body, the addiction factors and after-effects are all gone, or atleast, supposed to be… how do you feel?”

“Y-yeah… I’m alright…”

“I see, don’t force yourself ok, I think you should rest a bit longer”

Adhering to those words, I stop planning to rise up, and choose to stay laid down.

I’m alright, isn’t something I answered acting tough. I really don’t feel any problems at all. No sign of fever, sluggishness, or even pain. In fact, it’s more like all my fatigue is gone, and I’ve recovered right as rain.

But I wasn’t feeling lively enough to jump up and start the day’s adventure right away. That being said, I didn’t feel like going back to sleep either.

So deciding I’d talk to Momokawa-kun, I raise only my upper body. Things I want to hear, things I want to say, there’s a ton. Including things I have to say no matter what.

“Hey, Momokawa-kun… Um, so what happened, after that?”

What I asked first, would be a valid question given the situation. Yet, the real question I should’ve asked, I should’ve wanted to hear the answer to, I couldn’t get it out.

This time, it wasn’t a lack of courage. I simply avoided it. Once again, I had run away.

“I think you should know, Futaba-san, after you fainted, it’s been a while. Hmm, around half a day maybe?”

Seems I slept a lot more than I thought. Momokawa-kun, I wonder if he’s properly rested too… No, he wasn’t the type to only rest.

In the time I slept, he finished readying everything he could, and even had the time to make guesses about that frenzy. That’s why he’s been able to talk with me so calmly. Even though I did those horrible, horrible things.

“This fairy square, I found it only a little ways away from that T-junction. Real good luck there… or rather, these Squares seem to be well spaced so I thought it’d be closer than going back to the last one”

I’m ashamed of not even starting to think about that until now. Now that he’s said it, it’s true that before meeting Momokawa-kun, there were fairy squares at a fair frequency.

“It really is like a save point. Well, maybe that’s why they call it a dungeon”

Meaning, it’s like a game world, is what he wants to say I guess. I have heard the term RPG before, but any further than that is a mystery. But Natsukawa-san did say something like that too, so it must be pretty similar.

“B-but, Momokawa-kun… umm, how did you move me here?”

That was the greatest mystery. Personally, it’s something I’d wanted to avoid hearing… But asking this at present was of utmost importance.

“But of course, in a princess carry. I am a man after all[1]”

“Eeeeehh!? Really!? That’s amazing, Momokawa-kun!”

“… Sorry, I lied”

“Eh, ah… Yeah, that… that’s about right…”

Damn, I went and flew off to my own personal la la land. He probably thinks I’m just a dumb girl now… mmm, I guess not. That was definitely just a joke. Momokawa-kun has a super wry smile, and is looking away all the way to the day after tomorrow. The cold sweat descending his cheek, that kind of expression of his is again, quite lovely.

“But then… how did you?”

“I put you on a stretcher, and dragged it along”

Look, that one, he said pointing, and looking there, there were two poles with dark, dirty, shabby-looking cloths wrung about; it looked only like a large article of trash, and was disposed of beside the fountain.

Next to that, I saw an assortment of other weird dirty looking things dumped at the spot.

“In the P.E. textbook, there’s a part about making an improvised stretcher with 2 poles and a T-shirt, remember? There were the Gomas’ clothes and spears lying about, so material wasn’t a problem”

“W-wow, Momokawa-kun… you even went, and did that…”

“Well, it was risky business. The Goma could’ve come back with friends, and other Monsters could’ve happened by too”

Normally, you’d want to get away from there as quick as you can. More so, when your ally just went crazy and attacked you, you’d naturally leave them and go. No, even if you did want to take them, who’d want to carry a fatty like me anyway.

“But I had to do it. If I ran away alone, my future would instantly go bleak. So I made the stretcher, and since there was the chance, I scavenged off any gear I could off the Goma.”

Me being of such immense weight, he undoubtedly couldn’t bring much else. Sorry, if only I weighed more like a normal girl…

“And well, it’s that… won’t abandon you, did promise right”

Looking at his slightly shy, bashful face I— want— thought that, just my imagination. I mean, that terrible drug’s effects, they’re already gone. Having returned to sanity, I wouldn’t think it, I wouldn’t wish it.

It’s okay, it’s okay… As Momokawa-kun’s ally, I won’t rampage like that ever again. I wont hold those twisted desires either.

Still, even when I’m thinking that, entirely unable to easy the beating in my chest, I instantly look, and also face, away. My cheeks are tingling, and I’m definitely making a weird face right now… I just can’t let him see that.

“W-well, but I was p-pretty heavy right! Sorry!”

I shout to try and distract him. It was hard to say, but the other thing is ever harder, so I said it.

“No, well, I mean… it was heavy… but I somehow managed”

“B-but… It’s not something you can somehow manage you know… my weight…”

I feel like crying even though I said it myself. Nevertheless, what I said was indeed true.

And would Momokawa-kun really be able to drag me, whose more than twice as heavy as himself, on a stretcher, while also carrying spoils from the Goma in another hand? No, no way he could.

“Also, Momokawa-kun, you were pretty banged up too! You’re alright, right?”

“I wasn’t really alright, but it’s true I somehow managed. For my lacking strength, I used power seeds, and as for the fear and pain… the drug I guess”

“Eh… M-Momokawa-kun, you don’t mean…”

“I used it too, the Goma’s narcotic. Of course, I didn’t inhale a whole lot like you did, and I neutralized it a bit with the blue flower antidote. So I only got high and forgot the pain.[2]”

Which means he then used his strength in a forcefully induced manic state to carry me all the way here.

“The moment I found this place and jumped inside, I collapsed after letting out some puke and blood. Almost fainted then and there, but I managed to will myself into eating atleast some fairy walnuts. It’s cause I used way too many power seeds, so if I didn’t get some nutrition in, I probably wouldn’t have woken up again.”

Ha ha ha, he bizarrely laughed, as Momokawa-kun recounted his grand experience.

“… Sorry”

I beat the Goma, and saved Momokawa-kun. I’m stupid for just thinking that. In the end, it was me who got saved yet again. Forget repaying my debt, I’m making more problems… and at that, disastrous problems that put him at the edge of life and death.

“Momokawa-kun… I’m sorry…”

But truthfully, there was something else I had to apologize for.

“Why are you apologizing, Futaba-san?”

It’s obvious. The primary cause was me going crazy and assaulting Momokawa-kun, it’s about that. The utter guilt of having done that— No, not that. It’s not guilt.

What I was really afraid of, was if, if he’d abandon me.

That’s why only these words of apology well up from deep in my chest. That’s why these words of apology don’t have a smidgen of sincerity to them.

“I, remember… those things I did after using the drug, I remember everything”

Tears were already falling as I said that. No, stop that. If I cry here, it’s like I’m begging for sympathy. It couldn’t be helped. It’s not your fault. It’s like I only want those words.

And above all, Momokawa-kun wont blame me for my actions. He wont resent me. I could only apologize like that because I was sure, from our conversation until now, I had made sure of that. I made an unbelievably atrocious, calculated move.

“Eh, Ah… it’s like that… I’d have thought with that kind of crazy state, you’d conveniently forget everything but, yeah, I see, so it’s not like that”

Yet Momokawa-kun practically showed neither anger nor hatred, it was more like a blank face. As I thought, he didn’t blame me.

But, it’s not that he wasn’t scared. It’s not that he wasn’t hurt, it’s not that it wasn’t, painful. I mean look, there on Momokawa-kun’s neck, there’s a big, painful-looking scab formed.

That was unmistakeably, a remnant of the wound I marked on him in my lust.

“But I was almost done for there. If Futaba-san hadn’t come along, I’d definitely have died there. Thanks, for saving me”

“But I… I ran away! Leaving you behind Momokawa-kun, I ran away alone!”

“You came back so it’s pretty much alright”

“Still! I hurt you! I remember, I remember biting down on your neck… I, if I stayed like that, I would’ve, would’ve—”

“It was close, but the frenzy stopped. Don’t worry about it too much”

“But, but… I…”

“We both survived, so it’s fine. Yeah, I’m glad I teamed up with you. Let’s keep getting along”

I was waiting for those words. I am, the worst.

Frenzy. That’s what Momokawa-kun said. Because of that drug, I lost myself, unable to distinguish friend from foe, I rampaged. Momokawa-kun probably thinks that to be true, and is satisfied with that.

And I’m also thinking that’s the case, so in the end, I’d adamantly indulge in Momokawa-kun’s kind words. I can still stay together with Momokawa-kun. I’d end up believing that.

It’s the 2nd time I’m relying on his good will. The kind Momokawa-kun would accept a 3rd time too, I’d end up thinking.

But I know, even this stupid me knows, that as a person, you shouldn’t expect this kind of thing in the first place. This time, I must become useful to Momokawa-kun. I must, protect him.

“Momokawa-kun, you know I, I won’t be scared anymore, and I’ll fight. Because I—”

Courage, I’ve already received. From Momokawa-kun, from God, both of them.

“—I’ve become a berserker”

“…Eh?”

—-

[1] Princess carry… if you didn’t know, please add it to your list of jargon never to forget~

[2] These blue flowers are from chapter 6, the one that looks like lavenders.