It's Wrong That Dungeons Won't Leave Me Alone!

 Sneaking into a Dungeon Like a Common Criminal

Ethan stood in the middle of his wheat field, dead inside.

He stared blankly at Tamamo, who was happily twirling a stalk of wheat between her fingers, looking far too amused by his suffering.

"So?" she prompted, tilting her head. "What's your plan, dear Ethan? You've only got—oh, let's see—a single day left before your curse kicks in."

Ethan's eye twitched. A single day?!

"Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?!"

Tamamo blinked innocently. "Oh? But I thought you'd remember yourself~"

"Why would I remember something like that?!"

"Because it determines whether you live or die?"

Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep, slow breath. He refused to have a heart attack at nineteen. That would be letting her win.

Alright. Calm down.

This wasn't the first time. He just had to sneak into a dungeon, clear it, and leave. No big deal.

…Except it was a huge deal.

Because thanks to certain rumors flying around the continent, every adventurer, noble, and guildmaster was actively searching for the so-called "Legendary Solo Dungeon Conqueror."

And if anyone figured out it was him?

Goodbye, quiet farm life.

"Okay," Ethan muttered, rubbing his temples. "I'll just find a small, unguarded dungeon and clear it real quick. No one will even notice I was there."

Tamamo hummed, tails flicking. "Hmm~ I don't know, Ethan. You do have a habit of destroying entire landscapes whenever you enter a dungeon."

Ethan gritted his teeth. "That. Was an accident."

"Four times?"

"Four accidents."

Tamamo giggled. "Well, I suppose I'll be watching~"

"Why? You don't need to be here."

She smiled sweetly. "Oh, but I do~ After all, what kind of goddess would I be if I let my dear savior perish?"

Ethan didn't believe that for a second.

But fine. Whatever. He had bigger problems to deal with.

He turned on his heel and stormed off toward the nearest dungeon.

---

later That Night – The Sneaky Farmer Plan

The moon hung high in the sky, casting a soft glow over a small dungeon entrance hidden deep within the forest.

Ethan crouched in the bushes nearby, suspiciously peeking out like a common thief.

This dungeon was technically guarded, but at this hour, only a few half-asleep adventurers stood outside, lazily keeping watch.

Perfect. All he had to do was sneak past them, clear the dungeon, and get out.

Easy.

He exhaled, steadying himself. Okay. Slow movements. Careful steps. He could do this.

Then—

"HALT! WHO GOES THERE?!"

Ethan froze.

His heart stopped. Had they seen him?! Had his legend finally caught up to—

…Oh. No. They weren't talking to him.

Some random adventurer was just casually walking up to the guards.

Ethan let out a silent sigh of relief. False alarm.

He turned back to the dungeon and—

"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!"

"?!?!"

Ethan's soul nearly left his body.

Oh. No. No, no, no. Had he gotten caught?! Had his luck finally run ou—

Wait.

…They were still not talking to him.

Instead, the guards were now arguing with another adventurer who had tried sneaking in.

Ethan slowly blinked.

Huh.

What kind of idiot tried sneaking into a dungeon this badly?

Then, realization hit him.

Oh.

That's exactly what he was trying to do.

Ethan stared. He looked at the adventurer failing miserably at sneaking in. Then back at himself, crouched suspiciously in the bushes like a total weirdo.

A dark, horrifying thought entered his mind.

…Was he also an idiot?

No. Impossible. He refused to believe it.

Ethan shook the thought away. Whatever. That just meant he had to be extra careful.

Glancing around, he spotted a side cliff near the dungeon entrance.

He nodded to himself. Alright. I'll just jump down from the top and slip in that way.

He climbed up the cliff, quietly making his way to the edge.

From here, he had a clear view of the dungeon entrance below. The guards were still distracted.

Good.

Now, all he had to do was land lightly, slip inside, and—

CRACK.

…The entire cliffside broke beneath him.

Ethan barely had time to process the horrifying turn of events before the ground collapsed, sending him plummeting down like a meteor.

BOOM.

A cloud of dust exploded as Ethan crashed directly into the dungeon entrance, shattering the stone archway like brittle candy.

Silence.

Absolute, horrified silence.

The guards—who had been casually watching over the dungeon just seconds ago—were now standing frozen, staring at the massive crater where the entrance used to be.

Their faces drained of color.

One of them let out a horrified whisper.

"...D-Did… D-Did we just witness… an SSS-rank adventurer entering the dungeon?"

Ethan groaned, pulling himself out of the rubble.

Dammit.

This was not sneaky at all.

---

 Accidentally Speedrunning a Dungeon Like a Final Boss

The dungeon was dark.

Cold, damp air clung to the stone walls, and the faint glow of enchanted torches flickered in the distance. Jagged rock formations jutted out from the ground, casting eerie shadows over the uneven pathways. Somewhere in the depths of the labyrinth, monsters lurked, waiting to strike down any foolish adventurers who dared to enter.

It was the kind of place that should've sent chills down anyone's spine.

Ethan, however, was too busy groaning into the floor to care.

"…I think I broke my back."

A smooth, amused voice echoed in his mind.

"Oh? I thought you were invincible now, dear Ethan~"

Ethan twitched.

Oh, great. Of course, she was watching.

Tamamo.

The damn fox spirit had apparently decided that telepathically commenting on his suffering was her new favorite pastime.

"I told you I'd be watching," she purred. "And may I just say—what an entrance! So dramatic! So destructive! The rumors really don't do you justice~"

Ethan gritted his teeth.

"I. Was. Trying. To. Sneak. In."

"Ah, yes. Truly the pinnacle of stealth~"

Ethan wanted to scream.

Instead, he pushed himself off the ground, dusting off his torn shirt.

Okay. Focus.

He had one job—clear this dungeon and go home.

He took a deep breath, turned around—

—and found himself face-to-face with an entire horde of goblins.

"...Oh."

A dozen pairs of beady red eyes blinked up at him. Ugly green skin, jagged weapons, and sharp little teeth. The kind of low-level monsters that normal adventurers used for training.

They stared at him.

He stared at them.

Silence.

Then—

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

The goblins shrieked in terror and immediately bolted in the opposite direction.

Ethan blinked.

"Wait. What?"

He was so used to avoiding fights that he had already mentally prepared for combat—but apparently, it wasn't necessary.

Because the goblins… were running away?

They stumbled over themselves, shrieking like traumatized children, scrambling for the nearest exit.

One of them tripped, glanced back, and locked eyes with Ethan's scarred face—and immediately fainted on the spot.

Ethan stared, completely dumbfounded.

"…Huh?"

"Oh my~ How tragic," Tamamo sighed dramatically. "They saw your terrifying face and lost the will to fight~"

Ethan twitched.

"I will throw you off this telepathic connection."

"Oh? But I wouldn't want to miss the fun~"

Ethan sighed in defeat.

Alright. Fine. At least that meant no unnecessary fighting.

He adjusted his posture, preparing to sneak through the dungeon like a proper rogue—

—when his foot accidentally nudged a loose rock.

CRACK.

The smallest tap was all it took.

The rock shot forward like a cannonball, ricocheting off the walls at high speeds, bouncing around like a possessed pinball, before slamming into the dungeon's support pillar.

BOOOOOOOOOM.

…The entire ceiling began to collapse.

Ethan barely had time to process his horrible luck before massive chunks of stone came crashing down, crushing everything in sight.

The goblins? Flattened instantly.

The dungeon corridors? Reduced to rubble.

The hidden treasure room? Somewhere in the wreckage.

And at the very end of the now-destroyed pathway…

The Dungeon Boss Room.

Or, well.

What used to be the Dungeon Boss Room.

Ethan coughed as the dust settled, peering through the wreckage—only to realize that he had somehow, some way, already reached the final chamber.

The massive steel doors leading to the Boss Room had been completely obliterated.

And standing there, staring at the disaster with wide, horrified eyes, was a single, lone creature.

A towering, muscular orc chieftain, easily over three meters tall, covered in tribal tattoos and spiked armor, clutching an enormous battle axe.

The Boss Monster of the Dungeon.

Ethan slowly blinked at him.

The orc slowly blinked back.

Neither of them moved.

Then, Ethan sighed. "Listen, buddy. I just need to clear this dungeon and leave, so—"

THUD.

Before he could even finish speaking, the orc collapsed to his knees, dropping his weapon and raising his arms in surrender.

Ethan: "…?"

Orc Chieftain: "M-MERCY… P-PLEASE… DON'T KILL ME…"

Ethan: "…???"

Ethan: "Excuse me??"

The orc violently shook his head, looking on the verge of tears.

"I—I HEARD THE STORIES," he wailed. "A-ABOUT THE SOLO CONQUEROR! THE ONE WHO DESTROYS DUNGEONS WITHOUT TRYING! THE WANDERING CALAMITY!!"

Ethan choked on air.

"I'M NOT HIM!"

The orc screamed louder.

"FORGIVE ME, GREAT LORD!! I DIDN'T KNOW THIS DUNGEON BELONGED TO YOU!! PLEASE, SPARE MY LIFE!!"

"IT DOESN'T BELONG TO ME—"

The orc slammed his forehead to the ground, shaking like a leaf.

"I—I SHALL OFFER MYSELF TO YOUR SERVICE!!"

Ethan's soul left his body.

No. No, no, no, no. This was not happening.

He didn't need another weirdo following him. He was not some mythical hero. He was just a guy who wanted to farm potatoes in peace.

"Tamamo," he whispered. "What the hell is happening?"

The fox spirit was crying with laughter.

"Oh, Ethan…! You've accidentally gained another follower!"

"NO!!"

Ethan clenched his fists. He refused. He absolutely refused to let this turn into another disaster.

"Listen here, you big idiot," he hissed at the trembling orc. "I don't need servants. I don't need followers. I don't even need to be here. Just… just stay in your dungeon, and pretend this never happened, alright?"

The orc nodded violently.

"Y-YES, GREAT ONE! AS YOU COMMAND!!"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

The orc flinched.

Ethan groaned. This was the worst.

But whatever. He'd technically cleared the dungeon, so he was done here.

He turned on his heel and stormed out, ready to go back to his peaceful life—

completely unaware that his legend had just grown even bigger.

Because the moment he left, the orc immediately gathered his minions and swore an eternal oath of loyalty to the one and only "Lord of Calamity."

The myth of the Wandering Calamity… had just gotten worse.

---

The Princess and the Idiot Farmer

Ethan was tired.

Not physically—because, apparently, his body was now immune to exhaustion thanks to his stupid blessing—but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? Oh, absolutely.

After accidentally clearing an entire dungeon in the worst way possible, all he wanted was to go home, pretend none of this ever happened, and return to his peaceful farm life.

Unfortunately, the world had other plans.

Because the moment he set foot in his village, he noticed something very, very wrong.

There were knights.

Royal knights.

Their silver-plated armor gleamed under the afternoon sun, and they stood tall and disciplined, blocking the entrance to the village like living statues. Banners of the royal family fluttered in the wind, and at the very center of it all—

A lavish carriage, decorated in gold and white, with an extravagant royal crest.

Ethan stopped in his tracks.

His stomach dropped.

"…Nope."

He turned around.

"Not my problem."

And promptly walked the other way.

Or at least, he tried.

But before he could escape, a loud, commanding voice cut through the air.

"YOU THERE! HALT!"

Ethan froze.

Oh, crap.

Slowly—very, very reluctantly—he turned back around.

One of the knights, a stiff-looking man with a helmet that was probably too tight, was pointing directly at him.

"You! Peasant!" the knight barked. "You live in this village, do you not?"

Ethan sighed. Why me?

"…Maybe."

The knight squinted. "Maybe?"

"Depends on who's asking."

The knight's brow twitched, but before he could say anything else, the carriage door suddenly swung open.

A pair of long, elegant legs stepped out, wrapped in royal blue fabric.

And then—

She appeared.

With flowing golden hair, piercing blue eyes, and an air of absolute authority, the young woman stepped onto the dirt road like she owned the entire continent.

She was tall, regal, and beautiful—her knight-like attire custom-fitted to her athletic frame, adorned with intricate embroidery that symbolized her royal lineage. A longsword hung at her waist, polished and pristine, untouched by blood.

And as she flicked her hair back in a dramatic, practiced motion, she scanned the village with the confidence of a queen.

There was no doubt about it.

This was Princess Celestia Aldenwald.

The Second Princess of the Kingdom.

And if Ethan had to guess…

She was here for something very, very bad.

His stomach twisted.

Oh, gods. Please don't be looking for me. Please don't be looking for me.

Then, before he could sneak away—

Her eyes locked onto him.

Oh. Crap.

For a moment, she simply stared.

Then, her brows furrowed slightly, as if she was evaluating something.

Then—

"…You there."

Ethan tensed. Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. Don't—

"What is your name?"

Ethan wanted to die.

WHY?!

He was just some random farmer! There were plenty of other people she could be talking to!

But nooo. Of course she had to pick him.

For a brief second, a terrible, terrible idea crossed his mind.

Maybe I should just make up a name?

Yes. Brilliant. If he lied, then maybe—

…Wait. No. That's how people end up in jail.

Ethan swallowed his despair and forced a casual smile.

"…Just Ethan."

Celestia tilted her head slightly. "Ethan."

She narrowed her eyes.

"You seem… strong."

Ethan's soul left his body.

NO. NO, HE DIDN'T. HE WAS JUST A NORMAL GUY.

He quickly shook his head. "Nope. Not at all. I'm just a regular farmer."

Celestia's eyes flickered to his muscular frame.

His towering height.

His scarred face.

His calloused hands that clearly belonged to someone used to combat.

She looked back at his face.

Ethan: (sweating internally)

Celestia: "...I see."

She clearly didn't believe him.

And then, the words Ethan had been dreading the most finally came out of her mouth.

"I am looking for someone," she said. "A great warrior. A powerful dungeon conqueror. A man known only by legend—"

Ethan internally screamed.

"—The Wandering Calamity."

Ethan's eye twitched violently.

Celestia's gaze sharpened. "Have you heard of him?"

Ethan fought every single urge in his body not to scream, "IT'S ME."

Instead, he forced a casual laugh. "Pffft, nope! Never heard of him! Sounds scary, though. Hope you find him! Haha! Bye now!"

And then he turned around and tried to walk away.

But before he could take two steps—

Celestia suddenly appeared in front of him.

Ethan nearly choked.

WHEN DID SHE MOVE?!

"I did not dismiss you," she said coolly.

Ethan froze.

Oh no. This woman was sharp.

Think, Ethan. Think.

He needed a way out of this—fast.

And then—

"Ethan!"

A new voice suddenly cut through the tension.

Ethan snapped his head around—only for his stomach to sink in horror.

Standing not too far away, waving cheerfully—

Was his little sister, Mia.

And right behind her?

Tamamo.

The literal worst combination possible.

His soul left his body again.

"…Oh, no."

Celestia followed his gaze—and the moment her eyes landed on Mia, something shifted in her expression.

Her entire demeanor softened.

Mia, oblivious to everything, ran up to Ethan with a bright smile.

"Big bro!" she chirped. "Who's this?"

Celestia smiled gently. "You must be his sister."

Mia beamed. "Yup! I'm Mia! And you are…?"

Celestia paused for a moment. Then, she knelt slightly to Mia's level and extended a hand.

"I am Celestia," she said. "It's an honor to meet you."

Mia happily shook her hand.

Ethan, meanwhile, stood frozen, watching his entire life spiral out of control.

And as if that wasn't bad enough—

Tamamo, watching from the sidelines, suddenly grinned wickedly.

"Oh my~ Ethan," she purred loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Is this lovely lady perhaps… your fiancée?"

Ethan instantly saw his life flash before his eyes.

Celestia blinked.

Mia tilted her head.

The knights stiffened.

Ethan?

Ethan internally screamed.