it's Him

I hadn't slept well the night before.

It took me almost three hours to finish my assignment, and by the time I was done, it

was already 3:30 a.m.

But even then, I couldn't sleep.

The topic of DID kept stirring in my head over and over, refusing to let me rest.

The last time I looked at the clock, it was around 4:10... maybe 4:20.

After that, I don't even remember falling asleep.

Now it's 9 a.m.

I'm standing at the bus stop, waiting to head to college.

I woke up at 7, got ready in a rush, had breakfast, and ran out the door—because I have to be at college before 10:30.

Today's the last day to submit the assignment.

Honestly, I didn't even want to go.

My mood's already ruined from lack of sleep, and I know how the rest of the day will go—dragging, irritated, tired.

And just my luck... the bus isn't showing up. Again.

My college is an hour away from home, and like most students, I can't afford to pay for daily rides.

That's why I have a government-issued bus pass.

But the problem? The bus pass only works on government buses, and the drivers already know I'm a student.

They don't stop.

They see me standing there, know I won't buy a ticket, and just drive right past me like I'm invisible.

And once again—angrily—I watch a bus speed by without slowing down.

Why doesn't anyone complain about this system?

How long are students supposed to stay silent?

I'm sure

One day, someone's really going to take some serious actions on them.

"I can see the frustration all over your face," she said, laughing as she looked at me.

I stared at her, still annoyed, but before I could say anything, she cut in with a grin.

"I know, I know… you're about to say, 'You interrupted me again and now I'm going to leave—blah blah blah,'" she said in a dramatic voice, mimicking me with an exaggerated eye-roll.

I almost smiled despite myself.

Then she tilted her head. "Wait… did I even ask your name?"

I paused. Had she?

Or maybe she did, and I just never answered.

Or maybe I forgot to ask hers while I was too busy telling my story.

And now that I thought about it...

I didn't know her name either.

I was quiet, lost in my own thoughts when she suddenly said,

"Okay, I'll go first."

She smiled. "My name's Sera."

"I'm Rowan," I replied.

She raised an eyebrow, teasing. "Oh wow, your parents were feeling very creative, huh?"

I shrugged. "Your name's nice too. It's not bad."

She laughed. "Yeah, but it's too common. I'm pretty sure my parents didn't put any thought into it. Probably went something like—'Alright, next target: give this weird little creature a name.'"

She mimicked the dramatic voice of her parents, rolling her eyes, then dropped a crooked smile—but didn't stop there.

"Okay, let's say it was a Saturday. They looked at the calendar and went, 'Hmm… what if we take away the T and the day? What's left? Saur… ah! Sera! Perfect. That'll do.'"

"And that is how, Rowan, I got my name."

I didn't say anything.

Just sat there watching her—half amused, half amazed.

Smiling quietly at the way she talked… like a storm of thoughts with no filter at all.

Alright, fine," she said, brushing imaginary dust off her shoulder. "Our grand introduction is officially complete. Now, Mr. Mysterious—continue your story. What happened next ?

Well," I began, "after the bus skipped me again, and I stood there silently cursing the entire transport system, I finally got on another one. One that actually stopped."

"Wow, heroic," she said, raising her eyebrows.

"Not really. The driver looked like he hated his job more than I hated mine," I replied.

She laughed.

"It took almost an hour to reach college. And by the time I got there, I was half-dead from sleep deprivation, irritated beyond normal, and just—done with everything. But I still had to submit the damn assignment."

After submitting the assignment, all I wanted was to go home, crash on my bed, and maybe get a couple hours of sleep before heading to my part-time job.

But just as I was walking out of the college gate, I got a call from Leo.

"Hey, meet me at Warm Mug Café," he said casually, like I wasn't already dragging myself through the day.

"I'm too tired, man," I replied. "Didn't sleep last night. I just want to rest."

But he insisted.

"My friend wants to meet you."

That caught me off guard.

"Wait… what? Who? Why?"

I stood there, staring at my phone like it owed me answers.

Then I remembered—weeks ago, during a night out, I told Leo I needed a girlfriend.

Except… I was drunk out of my mind.

And the next day, I made sure to tell him not to take anything I said seriously.

Was this about that?

No way… is that why his friend wants to meet me?

I wasn't sure if I should laugh or panic.

Honestly, I didn't want a girlfriend. I wasn't looking for one. I was fine being single.

Peacefully, effortlessly single.

So I booked a ride, leaned back with my eyes half closed, and let the city blur past me.

Fifteen minutes later, I was standing outside the Warm Mug Café.

I called him when I reached.

"Come inside," he said.

As I stepped into the café, my eyes landed on him instantly—Leo, sitting at a table with not one, not two, but three girls.

A single guy surrounded like a king in a rom-com he clearly thought he was starring in.

I walked over, gave him a quick handshake, and offered a polite "hi" to the girls.

"Sit," he said casually, like this was completely normal.

Once I sat down, he started introducing me to each of them—names I barely caught because my brain was still trying to process what exactly was happening here.

Leo's a good friend. A bit wild, but reliable in his own way.

He's the type who likes being around girls. Hookups, short flings—he's always chasing something that looks like love but never stays long enough to be it.

According to his story, he grew up with strict parents.

No late nights, no phones after 9 p.m., no talking to girls.

But when he got into college and tasted freedom for the first time…

Well, let's just say the guy was determined to live out every fantasy he'd ever seen in movies about playboys and hookup culture.

And now here he was. Living his dream, one café table at a time.

Leo introduced me to one of the girls at the table.

"Rowan, this is Aria," he said with a grin.

She gave a soft nod, polite but quiet.

Leo waved a server over and ordered an Americano for me. He knew I liked black coffee—one of the few details he actually remembered without screwing up.

Everyone went back to chatting. I sat there listening, letting the conversation drift around me like background noise.

My coffee arrived. I took my first sip, and right then, Leo spoke up again.

"You know," he said casually, "Aria had a breakup. It's been almost three months."

Before I could even react, Aria added, "Yeah, it's fine now."

Leo leaned in slightly, his voice a little too cheerful.

"Rowan, you were also looking for a girlfriend, right?"

I knew this was coming.

I didn't respond. Just took another slow sip of my coffee.

"Hey, Rowan," he pressed. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah," I muttered. "I'm thinking."

Leo wasn't going to let it go.

"So? Do you want another relationship or not?"

I exhaled, setting my cup down.

"Honestly? I don't think I'm ready for another one. Last time… it messed me up. I don't think I've got the strength for another breakdown."

It was a lie.

"Come on," Leo said, waving it off. "She's not like your ex. I promise. Aria's sweet. She's the kind of girl every guy wants in his life."

Before I could answer, Aria smiled lightly and said, "It's okay. I can handle rejection."

"That's not what I meant," I said gently, trying not to sound like a jerk. "I just mean… things like this are sensitive. One spark and suddenly everything starts to feel like déjà vu. The missing. The heartbreak. The pressure. And then whatever good thing you have gets buried in the mess."

She didn't say anything. But I could feel her eyes on me, like she was observing me more than listening.

Then my phone buzzed.

It was Leo.

Just say yes for me, buddy.

I sighed and stood up. "Excuse me, I'll be right back," I said and walked toward the restroom. My phone buzzed again.

Trust me, she's too good for you. You'll regret it later, I bet.

I stared at the message.

Of course. He was manipulating me.

There had to be something in this for him.

He knew I existed—single and emotionally unstable—and that one night, drunk and lonely, I said I needed a girlfriend.

I typed back:

Okay. Just because of you, I'll say yes.

His reply came instantly:

You're my real brother, buddy.

Yep. I was right.

I walked back to the table, still unsure why I was doing this.

"I thought about it," I said, sitting down again. "And I guess… I could give it one more chance."

Aria smiled. We exchanged numbers.

Leo looked more proud than he had any right to.

Later that month, on this Sunday, Leo announced he had planned a surprise date for us.

Before I left the café, I stood up and said, "I have to go, or I'll be late for work."

Said bye to everyone and instantly

I headed to the bus stop, caught the next bus, and reached home.

Once I got back, I figured I could squeeze in a quick 20- to 30-minute nap before my shift.

But then, just as I dropped onto the bed, a message popped up from my café manager.

"Come to the café ASAP."

I groaned, completely irritated.

And just then… another message.

"Hey."

no emoji. Not context. Just that.

It was from Aria

I reached the café in a rush, not even bothering to reply to Aria's text.

Honestly, I wasn't interested in this whole relationship thing. I had only agreed because of Leo—and now I was stuck in something I never asked for.

As soon as I stepped inside, my manager waved me over with a serious look on his face.

"There's an emergency," he said. "Two of our employees are out for a day or two, so you and Raavi will have to manage everything."

Raavi—she works the 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. shift. I glanced at the clock. It was already 3. She'd be gone in less than two hours.' i said.

I already feeling the exhaustion sink deeper into my bones. "I barely slept last night. I seriously need some rest. How am I supposed to handle everything by myself?"

The manager didn't blink.

"Raavi will leave at five, but he's coming back at 9 p.m. to help with the night shift. You both will have to cover it—we've got no one else."

"What the hell," I muttered, visibly irritated.

"I know it's a tough situation," he said, hands raised like he was trying to calm a wild animal. "But I'll pay you double for your night shift. And since you haven't slept, you can rest for the next couple of hours—as long as there are no customers. Ravi's here till then. But after that, you'll have to manage alone."

He turned to walk away, then paused.

"Oh—and during the night shift, you both can take rest in turns."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Why aren't you here for the night shift? You work at this café too, don't you?"

"I've got an urgent party to attend," he said,

I let out a bitter laugh. "Huh… liar," I said sarcastically.

"Why don't you just sleep at night like a normal person? You know exactly what your problem is," Raavi said from behind, her voice laced with casual mockery.

I didn't even bother to turn around.

"Yeah… my problem," I muttered under my breath.

"I'm going to take some rest in the kitchen," I added louder. "Call me if a customer shows up."

I had barely taken a step when the café door swung open with a cheery jingle. A group of customers walked in, laughing and chatting like they had nothing better to do than ruin my peace.

Raavi smirked. "Ouch. Tough day, huh?" she said in a teasing tone.

I sighed, silently questioning every decision that led to this moment.

"Let me do you a little favor," Raavi added, still grinning. "I'll take the orders".

I sat there in silence, completely still—like a dead person with his eyes open, regretting all of his life choices.

Raavi walked over and broke the silence, holding the order slip in one hand.

"Five cappuccinos and two sandwiches," she said. "Since you didn't sleep last night and you'll be handling this place alone after I'm gone, let me give you another favor."

Without waiting for a reaction,she turned and started heading toward the kitchen. "I'll handle the chopping, making, and roasting stuff. You're welcome,"she added smugly.

Then, just as she was halfway through the door, she turned his head and shot me one last smirk.

"I just hope someone remembers to make five cappuccinos and actually serve them to the customers." her voice was dripping with sarcasm. "But hey, no pressure."

I started the coffee machine and waited for the temperature to hit 120. The hum of the machine filled the silence, but my thoughts were somewhere else entirely. That's when I remembered—I hadn't replied to Aria.

I pulled out my phone and quickly typed:

"Hi."

Simple. Cold. I didn't know what else to say.

The machine beeped as it reached its temperature, snapping me back for a second. I began brewing the shots, but my focus was scattered. My mind was stuck in that moment back at Warm Mug Café.

Why did Leo push me into this? What was he trying to do? What was in it for him?

I opened my chats again, this time messaging Leo:

"Why did you want me to say yes to Aria? What aren't you telling me? I want the truth."

As I hit send, I heard the machine finish—

I started making the coffee shots, but my mind was elsewhere—wandering through thoughts I couldn't shake off. Before I knew it, there were already five cups of espresso lined up in front of me. I checked the order list to make sure I hadn't messed up.

Yes—five cappuccinos. At least I got that right.

then I turned and froze.

There were already two coffee shots sitting on the counter… untouched.

And now I just pulled five more.

Seven espresso shots.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

"Great," I muttered to myself. "Sleep-deprived barista ruins caffeine economy."

Suddenly, Raavi came over, carrying the two sandwiches. She glanced at the counter and raised an eyebrow.

"Why are there seven cups of coffee here?"

I stared at her for a second, then casually said,

"Five for the customers. One for me. And one for you."

She looked amused. "You made me one too?"

"Well," I shrugged, "I didn't sleep last night, so I need one. And I figured… if I didn't make a cup for you, you'd just tease me and call me selfish."

"Mmm-hmm," she said with a playful smirk. "I like this fear of yours."

She stepped closer, eyeing my drink. "But wait—why are you drinking an Americano from a cappuccino cup?"

I hesitated. "Slipped my mind."

"Oh, darling," she said, exaggerating the word with mock affection,

I smiled,

What a comeback, I thought.

Half-truth, half-lie… wrapped in foam

After finishing my coffee, a strange clarity buzzed in my mind—but it was fake. My body was on edge, but my brain was numb. Three hours of sleep in thirty-five was not a badge of honor, it was a slow descent into madness.

According to fyodor dostovskye. A Raw youth

It's just as though one's second self were standing beside one; one is sensible and rational oneself, but the other self is impelled to do something perfectly senseless, and sometimes very funny; and suddenly you notice that you are longing to do that amusing thing, goodness knows why; that is, you want to, as it were, against your will; though you fight against it with all of your might, you want to.

That was it. Exactly.

The café had finally emptied. Just me and Raavi now, sitting at the corner table like survivors of a storm. The machine hissed in the background, the clock ticked too loudly, and she was scrolling her phone without much interest.

I watched her for a second.

Something slipped out of me—maybe that second self had taken over completely.

"If… hypothetically, there came a moment," I said, my voice quieter than I meant it to be, "where you and I… had the chance to hook up... would you?"

She froze, mid-scroll.

The words hung in the air, awkward and curious. Not flirtatious. Not serious. Just… suspended