ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!

"Eeeekkkk!! Ridan!!! Help me!!!"

Ridan hovered above, arms folded, staring flatly at Hazuki who was rolling in the grass like a deranged grub.

The human had inhaled the steam from the Hidun Grass — a notorious herb known not just for its high potency, but also its vivid hallucination effects if mishandled.

And of course… Hazuki mishandled it.

At first, he just snored.

Then he started grinning in his sleep.

And now...

"AHHHH!! RIDAN!! HELP!! THIS THING GONNA LICK ME!!!"

Hazuki flailed, arms punching the air wildly, legs twitching like a startled frog.

Ridan exhaled heavily through his invisible nose.

"…You absolute moron," he muttered.

Hazuki suddenly screamed, "IT'S GOT TEN TONGUES!!"

Ridan flinched. "...And I'm definitely not watching your dreams.Nope."

He floated back and lazily created a soft wind barrier around the campsite, just in case any real threats showed up while Hazuki was off wrestling nightmare.

Ridan stared at Hazuki who was now twitching and whimpering in his sleep, haunted by a nightmare of who-knows-what.

He exhaled slowly.

How did all of this happen?

—

It started just two days ago.

After endless walking, occasional short naps, grilled meat cooked over low flames, and far too much complaining, they finally arrived.

A vast, open terrain stretched ahead. The wind barely moved here. The air was dense — thick with mana — heavy enough that any normal adventurer would've felt like they were dragging chains behind their back.

But Hazuki?

He just walked casually.

Hands in his pocket. Lazy steps. Eyes half-lidded.

Like he was going on a grocery run.

"How we gonna find it, Ridan?" he asked, his voice flat with boredom.

"The Hidun Grass doesn't grow like normal herbs," Ridan replied, floating low with a frown. "Look at the ground. If you see anything different in the soil, then it's likely growing underneath."

Hazuki blinked and looked around.

"…Huh? All the ground looks the same."

Ridan slapped his own forehead. "This is why I hate when you only use your eyes! Channel your mana into the ground."

Hazuki scratched his head. "Huh?"

"Just do it, man."

"Alright, alright," Hazuki grumbled, kneeling down and pressing one hand against the soil.

He let the mana flow gently.The moment it seeped into the ground, the mana returned with a slight bounce.

Ridan nodded. "Good. Now focus. Feel for any spot that gives you that warm tingle."

"…Aren't you explaining like I'm sniffing for buried treasure?"

"It's the only way you'd understand."

Hazuki sighed. "Fine. Warm tingle. Got it."

And after a moment, he felt it.

A faint thrum.

Not cold. Not sharp.

Just… a little warm pulse beneath the ground, like a soft heartbeat.

"Here?"

Ridan grinned. "Bingo."

Hazuki dug through the dirt slowly, careful not to damage whatever was beneath.

After digging for a while, he found it.

Hidun Grass.

It looked like ordinary wild grass, but shimmered with an orange-pink hue and let off gentle heat like heated stones in winter.

That's when Hazuki sniffed it.

"Oi! Don't breathe it in directly!" Ridan shouted.

Poof!!!

The Hidun Grass suddenly puffed out a thin burst of shimmering pollen.

His eyes widened for a second… then glazed over.

"…Oh no," Ridan muttered.

Hazuki wobbled.

Then dropped flat onto the dirt like a sack of bricks.

He turned onto his back, one arm flopped over his chest, the other twitching by his side. A soft bubble formed at the corner of his mouth and popped with a lazy sound.

Ridan hovered over him.

"I told you not to breathe it in!!"

Hazuki's eyes rolled back.

Ridan blinked.

"…And here we go again."

He glanced at the still-glowing Hidun Grass and sighed.

It had been several hours.

The shimmering glow around Hazuki's body was beginning to fade—the side effect of the Hidun Grass finally wearing off. The strange scent it released still lingered faintly in the air, but not as thick as before.

Ridan floated nearby with a grumble, arms crossed.

"Still out cold. Damn plant hit harder than a drunk dwarf with debt problems…"

He waved his hand, and a thin ripple of invisible energy spread out from Hazuki's body. The air shimmered faintly—just enough to suppress the ambient mana and deter any nearby monsters.

"I have to keep pumping his mana to maintain this repelling field. Lucky idiot has a mana pool the size of the ocean, or I'd have to slap him awake just to keep us from getting eaten."

Hazuki shifted slightly.

"Yum…yum… eheh… Ellyn… yes~ I love you…"

Ridan slowly turned to look at him.

"…Ugh. Now he's dreaming of Ellyn. Again."

Hazuki hugged himself like a love-struck fool, a dopey smile on his face.

"Ehehe~ don't change back yet… let's get married first…"

Ridan groaned and looked away.

"What a lolicon."

He floated higher, muttering under his breath.

"Spirit of ancient wisdom, sealed for centuries, now stuck babysitting a perverted romantic with one pant, no filter, and a princess problem…"

After floating around bored out of his immortal mind, Ridan perked up when Hazuki finally stirred on the ground.

"Yo... have a good dream?" he said, spinning once in the air like a lazy coin.

Hazuki blinked slowly, sitting up with a groggy face.

"Hmm? Where am I?"

"You're at the place where you were looking for Hidun Grass," Ridan replied, already preparing to gloat.

Hazuki looked around, still dazed. Then he looked up at the floating spirit.

"Who are you?"

"Huh?" Ridan froze mid-spin.

"I am Ridan! The ancient spirit! Master of wisdom and knowledge! Strongest wizard ever recorded in history!" he announced proudly, puffing out his invisible chest.

Hazuki tilted his head, brows furrowed.

"Who?"

"…Don't joke at a time like this, Hazuki!" Ridan snapped.

Hazuki squinted. "Seriously… who are you?" His voice was flat, genuinely confused.

Inside Ridan's mind.

Shit.

The grass's effect still hasn't worn off. He's got memory fuzz. Damn Hidun toxin must've short-circuited his brain temporarily.

He floated closer, waving both arms in front of Hazuki's face like an angry teacher.

"Oi! I'm your partner! The one stuck floating around with you day and night! I helped you with the Chusi Flower quest, I saved your butt more times than you know, and I'm the one protecting your sleeping face while you dream about Ellyn!"

"HUH!?"

"See? That, you remember?"

Hazuki blinked rapidly, face turning red, then pale, then red again.

"Wait… Ellyn…? Wedding… poison swamp… uh… Ridan?"

"Yes! Finally!" Ridan raised both arms like a victorious coach. "Your two brain cells kissed and remembered me!"

Hazuki groaned, rubbing his temple. "Ugh… my head hurts."

"Good! That means you're back to normal."

Hazuki reached into his leather side bag, rummaging past a few folded cloths and wrapped rations before pulling out his cigar. He placed it between his lips, then raised one finger, channeling a thread of mana.

A soft flick of Elemental Control: Fire.

The end of the cigar lit up with a faint crackle.

He inhaled slowly.

Fuuuuhhhhh~

A cloud of white-gray smoke drifted upward, curling lazily into the air. Hazuki closed his eyes for a moment, letting the tension wash out of his shoulders.

Ridan floated nearby with arms crossed, nodding in satisfaction.

"Now your brain working again?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah… kinda..." Hazuki muttered, the cigar bobbing slightly with each word.

"Good. Now after you finish that smoke, we start harvesting that Hidun Grass. Don't go sniffing it again or I'm stuffing dirt in your nose."

Hazuki leaned back against the tree, puffing casually. "Hmm… yeah… let me finish this first."

"Yes, yes… go ahead," Ridan smirked, lazily spinning in the air again. "We've got plenty of time anyway."

"Ridan?"

"What?"

Hazuki exhaled the thick curl of smoke from his mouth, eyes half-lidded as he gazed toward the dense terrain ahead. "These Hidun Grass… what's the real effect? I don't think it just stops with making someone sleep."

Ridan floated upright, arms crossing in the air. "Ah… good question. Nope, it doesn't. And honestly, I've been wondering the same thing."

He drifted a little closer, his expression turning more serious. "These herbs are considered dangerous for a reason. Normally, they need to be harvested with enchanted tools—and even then, you'd need a full party. A spellcaster to cast protective warding. A priest ready to dispel or debuff the effect if the steam touches your face or skin."

"Steam?"

"The mist it releases when disturbed. It's laced with potent magic. The real danger of the Hidun Grass isn't the smell or the sleep effect—it's the hallucination. Strong ones. Deep ones. The kind that messes with your memories and emotions."

Hazuki glanced at the patch of dark soil ahead.

Ridan continued. "Most solo adventurers who try to get this stuff? They end up hurting themselves. Cutting their own throat. Smashing their head on rocks. Some even claw out their own eyes thinking they're being attacked. That's how powerful the illusion is."

Hazuki blinked. "...Then why did I just pass out and dream?"

Ridan squinted at him. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. Either your body naturally resists it... or something's protecting your mind."

Hazuki took another drag from the cigar and shrugged. "Maybe I'm too stupid to hallucinate."

"Maybe," Ridan muttered, though his eyes said otherwise.

( End Of Chapter )