Into The Rain With You

Sometimes, it takes losing something to realize how much it meant to you.

The days following my outburst felt like I was walking in a fog. I couldn't tell if I was still angry or just numb, but everything around me seemed muted, like the world had been reduced to grayscale.

My interactions with my friends became strained—there was a distance between us, an invisible wall that I had built, and now I was feeling the weight of it more than ever.

I should have known better than to push them away. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I convinced myself that they wouldn't understand. I convinced myself that if I didn't let anyone in, I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of being let down. Of being a burden. But now, all I had were the consequences of that decision. Silence. Distance.

And regret.

———~

It was Friday afternoon when the situation finally reached a boiling point. I had avoided Yuto, Aki, and Haruka for most of the week, hoping that things would just… fix themselves. But they didn't. The cracks had formed, and now they were too wide to ignore.

I was sitting alone in the courtyard, staring at the empty space in front of me. I had always been good at pretending to be fine. But even I couldn't fool myself anymore.

"Hey."

The voice was soft, but familiar. I didn't need to look up to know who it was.

Haruka.

She sat down next to me without waiting for permission, her presence warm but measured. We were silent for a few moments, and I could feel the weight of the conversation hanging in the air. I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to admit how badly I had messed things up.

But she wouldn't let me off the hook so easily.

"Kai…" she started, her voice gentle but firm. "Why are you shutting everyone out?"

I swallowed hard, my chest tight. It wasn't like I hadn't thought about it. Of course, I had. But answering her felt like admitting something I wasn't ready to face.

"I don't know what you want me to say," I muttered, my eyes fixed on the ground. "You don't need to hear it. I don't need to talk about it."

Haruka let out a soft sigh, and for a moment, I could feel her eyes on me. She was waiting. Waiting for me to stop hiding behind the silence, to let her in.

"You're not the only one who's hurting, you know," she said quietly. "We all care about you, Kai. But you're pushing us away."

I clenched my fists, trying to fight back the heat that rose in my chest. I didn't want to feel this way. I didn't want to feel like a burden.

"I'm not asking for anyone's pity," I spat, my voice sharp. "I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me."

"I'm not feeling sorry for you," she said, her voice steady but full of concern. "I'm just trying to understand. We all are."

I shook my head, turning away from her. I couldn't look at her right now. The kindness in her eyes was too much. It was too real.

"You don't get it," I muttered, more to myself than to her. "I don't want anyone to get it. I don't want anyone to know what's inside my head. It's too much."

"You don't have to carry it alone, Kai," Haruka said softly, her voice full of quiet understanding. "You don't have to carry it at all."

The words hung in the air, and for the first time in a long time, I felt something shift inside me. But I wasn't ready to acknowledge it. Not yet.

———~

I spent the rest of the afternoon wandering the school grounds, not really going anywhere, just trying to outrun the thoughts that seemed to chase me. The more I walked, the more I realized how much I had been avoiding everyone. How much I had been avoiding feeling.

And that's when I saw him.

Kaito was sitting by the steps near the gymnasium, looking out at the soccer field. His back was straight, his posture tense, like he was waiting for something—or someone—to make a move.

For a moment, I thought about turning around, about walking in the other direction and pretending I hadn't seen him. But I couldn't. Not anymore.

I approached him slowly, unsure of what to say. But he spoke first.

"Kai." His voice was quiet, almost hesitant. "We need to talk."

I nodded, sitting down next to him without saying anything. There was a heavy silence between us, the kind that could suffocate you if you didn't speak. But neither of us spoke for a while. Neither of us knew where to start.

"I'm sorry," I said finally, my voice rough. "I've been pushing everyone away. I didn't mean to."

Kaito didn't say anything at first. He just looked at me, his expression unreadable. But then, after what felt like an eternity, he exhaled slowly, like he was letting go of something heavy.

"You're not the only one who's been dealing with stuff, you know," he said quietly. "But you don't have to do it alone."

I looked at him, the weight of his words hitting me harder than I expected.

"I know," I muttered, the guilt in my chest tightening. "I just… I didn't want to be a burden."

"You are a burden," Kaito said, his words blunt. "But you're my friend, Kai. And I'm not going to let you push me away just because you think you're a burden. You're not."

I let out a shaky breath, feeling something inside me break open. "I don't know how to not be a burden. It's all I've ever been. To everyone."

"That's bullshit," Kaito said, his voice firm. "You're not a burden, Kai. You're just scared. You're scared of letting people in, scared of what might happen if you do. But that doesn't mean we don't care about you. It just means you have to trust us."

I could feel the lump in my throat again. It was easier to stay silent, easier to pretend like everything was fine. But the silence between us had gotten too loud. The distance had stretched too far.

"I don't know how to trust anyone," I admitted, the words coming out before I could stop them. "I don't know how to trust myself."

Kaito let out a deep breath and put a hand on my shoulder. "Then let us help you. One step at a time. You don't have to have it all figured out right away. But you can't keep doing this alone, Kai. We're here for you. I'm here for you."

For the first time in days, I felt something stir inside me—a flicker of hope. A tiny spark that I hadn't felt in so long.

———~

Later that evening, I sat alone in my room, thinking about everything that had happened. About Haruka's patience, about Kaito's raw honesty.

I had spent so long running from the things I feared the most—vulnerability, trust, connection. I had built walls around myself, convinced that if I kept people out, I wouldn't have to deal with the hurt.

But maybe it wasn't about avoiding pain. Maybe it was about feeling the pain, accepting it, and letting people in anyway.

I still wasn't ready to let go of everything. I still wasn't ready to open up fully. But maybe, just maybe, I could take that first step. I could let people help me. I could let myself be a little less afraid.

The thought of it made my chest ache in a way I couldn't explain. But it also gave me hope.