I’m Planning to be Killed by the Heroine

I really liked the quiet atmosphere. I just liked it.
I liked how when I did something in it, subsequent noises would be heard. I liked how the air currents changed and actions became causes that produced results.
I liked how something changed because of me and something started because of me.
I liked feeling that I was alive.
It was thrilling.
That’s why this corridor was enough for me to feel comfortable.
Only small footsteps break the silence and breathing disturbs the air currents.
“You came at a good time, it’s the cultivation season. They’re fresh. It’s a good time for extraction too, so customers are flocking in.”
The man explained as he led the way through the dark corridor.
“Is the smuggling going well?”
“Before, it wasn’t going well because they were cracking down harder than expected, but lately with so many things happening, they’re not watching the back roads much, so it’s gotten easier. Haha.”
The man took a breath and nodded. His voice trembled slightly.
I paused my thoughts for a moment and glanced around.
The textured walls caught my eye. Without realizing it, I ran my fingers over them. It felt good.
The dim lights embedded in the walls also caught my attention.
There were rooms in between, and through the slightly open doors, I could see several people sitting quietly in one room with distant expressions, grinning.
On the table, I could see something like perfume emitting something, and powder scattered and strewn about here and there.
How nice would it have been if I could have been like that, completely absorbed in something as if entranced, doing nothing.
Why did this damn body have to be stained with murder of all things?
I’d rather be like that. I want to crush this mind that doesn’t get properly intoxicated by drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, and escape from reality.
[ Disgusting. What’s good about such a life? ]
That’s how it might look to you, Bloody. But for me, living at the mental bottom, even that looks enviable.
The man blinked his eyes a few times at my gaze.
“Those people are also participants in the smuggling. Some stay here, and some come and go.”
As I followed without saying anything, the man scratched his head a few times, seeming embarrassed. As we turned a corner, a space wider than the corridor appeared, and various types of flowers and plants could be seen placed on metal shelves.
“This is a space we created for those who occasionally want to see the raw materials. These are named magic herbs like Andersen, Shimau, etc. They’re so rare and hard to obtain that just looking at them is enough.”
“I see.”
Indeed, compared to the large space, the shelves occupied by plants and flowers were small. Still, the colorful sight was somewhat pretty, so I glanced at it as we passed.
“It’s here.”
And as we passed through one more space, a different area appeared. Various shelves, glass doors, glass cases, crystal balls. It was much wider than before. ‘Spacious’ would be the right expression.
I could see various accessories, perfumes, and packaged items filling the walls.
Until now, when I used this facility, I was in a hurry and didn’t think to come this far in, just receiving the goods, so I didn’t know there was such a space inside.
I felt a glancing gaze.
“If you’d like to look around slowly and decide····.”
“No.”
From my first visit to this facility until now, I’ve only taken the most stimulating things.
“Please give me that incense.”
I pointed to a glass bottle containing purple liquid.
That’s the strongest.

“The money····.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay, customer! I’ll give it to you for free. Haha····.”
Are you going to wave your hands too?
“I have a lot of money. Are you looking down on me?”
“No! Absolutely not! Not at all!”
“Then what?”
The man hesitated. His gaze wandered here and there.
Well, he acted pretty well to that extent. He tried his best not to show it, but this body disgustingly catches emotions people show well.
His voice was quite shaky. His body was creaking too. From our first meeting.
“Are you afraid of me perhaps?”
“Ah, no. Ahaha····.”
“You’re not scared?”
Tilting my head.
“Ah, well, haha····.”
He lost his language ability. The innate human emotion had completely consumed his entire body.
I envied him. Suddenly,
I had such a thought.
[ Stop tormenting him. Don’t you feel sorry for him? ]
“But earlier you said this place was disgusting?”
[ That was about the humans addicted to this facility and drugs. ····Thinking about it again, I do feel disgusted by the species that sells such things too. ]
The man trembled.
I smiled brightly and pointed to the incense across.
“Please package that one and that one too.”
“Ah, yes!”
The man handed me the bagged incense while trembling. As I quietly received it, I heard his voice.
“Um····.”
“What?”
“The ones you chose are quite strong····. The side effects····.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
This is exactly the 89th visit.
I’m testing by choosing one strong one every day.
These perfumes are the 178th ones I’m testing.
Actually, I know.
No dramatic changes occur.
That’s what fate was for me.
I looked up at the night sky while walking for a moment.
The yellow moon’s moonlight briefly illuminated where I was walking and then disappeared.
The streetlights were still the same. They flickered, blinking on and off, then suddenly went out.
It’s a quiet and calm street. There’s not a lot of light, but it’s not little either.
It’s just right.
I feel the wind. A blood-colored wind.
[ That man from earlier was a bit different. ]
“How?”
[ The way he treated you. Other humans tremble like they’re broken, don’t they? That man earlier was the calmest. ]
“Well, he didn’t show it much.”
Probably, if you run a building like that, you end up meeting countless awakened ones from the underworld. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call it an occupational disease.
[ The moon is bright. ]
“It is.”
I took a breath for a moment and looked up at the sky. My chest was throbbing more severely than usual, so I had to clutch it tightly.
[ For dinner tonight····. ]
“We already ate, Bloody.”
[ Ah, that’s right. We did. ]
My vision turned red, then cleared again. I puffed heavily on a cigarette. I took out a handkerchief and wiped my hands.
[ Tomorrow, what····. ]
“Bloody. It’s okay.”
It’s okay if you don’t try to turn my thought circuits. It’s okay if you don’t try to catch my gaze.
It’s okay even if you don’t care for me that much.
I faced reality again. I opened my eyes and looked down.
The result is always the same. She was slumped down, not moving at all.
I grabbed the arm of the woman who had just finished groaning and dragged her into the alley. I put the cigarette back in my mouth and exhaled. The hazy smoke decorated the sky.
“Haah····, haah····.”
[ You endured well. Aureli. You did well. ]
Yes, one, just one, right? I did well. I did well, yeah. I only took one heart and let the two women who ran away down this path go.
I’m different from my past self. Yeah. So it’s okay. My mindset has changed from my first outing 3 weeks ago when I only committed murder obsessed with blood.
I must be a human with reason, not a monster.
I waved my hand and blew the core into the magic circle Bloody created. Red light burst out from the dim alley and created a golden zone.
I’m always wary of the surrounding manpower, but I had to quickly disappear due to my brain that had temporarily stopped functioning.
“······.”
What’s the point anyway? If manpower comes, I’ll just kill them again anyway. I’m not afraid at all. I don’t care.
I wish I was afraid instead. I wish I feared death, feared fear, feared evil. I wish I could get goosebumps from emotions enveloping my whole body, shudder, cry miserably, and then smile brightly again.
A life that looks at death without emotion.
It’s utterly disgusting.
I stood right in the center of the magic circle.
As I felt a coolness penetrating my body, my vision became distant.
I hurriedly took off my clothes and gasped for breath. My mood improved as the cold air touched my heated body. Is this what it means to exhale?
I took out an incense candle in a colorful case and placed it on the table. I turned off the living room lights and held a lighter to the incense. Soon, bright light burst out, decorating the dark interior.
I clutched my chest and held a blade to it. I cut away the rotten blood and exhaled again.
The pain subsides. My mind becomes a little hazy.
“Hihi.”
Laughter. Is this laughter? I’m not sure. Maybe.
The incense candle burns down. My red vision fades and becomes clear. I can look ahead.
[ The scent is nice. ]
Is it okay for spirits? It’s still a narcotic after all.
[ It doesn’t affect me. Don’t worry. ]
Worry, right. Don’t worry.
Come to think of it, have I ever worried about someone?
Along with the hazy smoke, the fragrance vibrates. It’s good. It can’t completely eliminate all the pain in my body, but it definitely acts as a painkiller, just. To that extent.
“So····, today.”
There’s something I promised Bloody a few days ago. The act of recalling what I did today and writing it in a notebook. Since my body is tired now, let’s just recite it orally.
“I woke up in the morning····, ate a meal. Went out for a while····. Came back····. Bought incense····.”
Stop.
“And····. And····.”
Yes, let’s stop thinking.
It’s enough progress. Aureli. The pain subsides and I can control the mental illness little by little.
[ You did well. Really. ]
Thank you. I’m glad.
I closed my eyes for a moment.
My consciousness became hazy and then cut off.

It’s dawn.
It’s a dawn like morning. The sun is just rising and a pale blue sky can be seen.
And I feel the scent of dense magical power.
A house, I focus and twist beyond the window. Now I can see far away.
I see a small purple rift.
It’s a sign of a gate.