I’m a Villainess, Can I Die?

When I was very young, I secretly played a game a few times without my parents knowing.
It was a game that was incredibly popular at the time, one that my classmates wouldn’t stop talking about.
Holding my breath, nervous with excitement, I started the game. Without knowing my place, I wandered into an area with strong monsters.

And then—I died, just from barely grazing one of them.
I blankly stared at the screen as my stats all dropped to zero in a single blow. Any emotions I had toward the game, any interest, vanished instantly. Quietly, I turned off the power.
Right now, I felt exactly the same way. Like everything had gone cold.

My footsteps were light as I climbed the bell tower’s staircase.
There’s a saying that when people die, they ascend a staircase leading to the sky. What kind of feelings do those people have?
As for me, I felt... alright. I’d already climbed stairs like this once before, in my past life. It was almost familiar.

At the very top of the bell tower, there was a massive bell. If I rang it now, would everyone be startled and rush out?
How ridiculous.
But that was just a thought.

Sorry, Selina. Looks like I won’t be able to grant your wish after all.
Honestly, I don’t have the confidence to make people mourn at my funeral.
I definitely don’t have the confidence to close my eyes while others sob over my death.

Did you see earlier? That rejection was so sharp it almost cut me. Ouch.
Well, would things change if I lived longer? I struggled in my past life, but nothing ever changed.
But Selina, deep down, you didn’t want your death to be miserable, right? That was your real wish.

So I’ll do the best I can. I’ll make sure your death isn’t pathetic. That much—I’ll manage. At the very least, I’ll make sure you don’t die alone, suffering from illness.
Having said my long farewell in my mind, I took another step forward.
I walked past the massive bell, all the way to the very edge of the railing, where I could see the distant green of the grass below.
Then, I let go of the wall I had been leaning against and closed my eyes.

The sunlight was warm on my skin, and the breeze was refreshing.
I was wearing an elegant dress. There were still a few people who cared for Selina, who worried for her as the daughter of the White Duchy.
Then, wouldn’t it be best if I chose my death before they all left? Before they could stop caring? At least, if I died while some still considered Selina family—if there were still people who could shed tears for her—

That wouldn’t be so bad. It would be good. Much better than me.
I released the tension in my body. With my eyes still closed, I took one more step forward.
And with the sensation of stepping into empty air, my body plummeted down.

This was my second death—one that I had chosen myself.
The moment my body tilted forward, someone grabbed my arm and yanked me back with force.
The unfamiliar sensation startled me, and I widened my eyes, turning to see who had pulled me.

"Sir Lucaph?"
"It’s Lukas."
Lukas was panting, his breath ragged. He shook his head sharply, his face contorted in anger.

"Did you… follow me?"
Lukas was stunned. That’s what she had to ask?
This woman had nearly died just now, yet she was so unfazed.

Aside from that brief moment when she had widened her eyes in surprise, her expression had already returned to calm indifference.
"Yes."
The truth was, Lukas had initially ignored the sight of the duke’s daughter heading toward the bell tower.

But something felt… off.
After the accident, the young lady had supposedly lost her memories and changed completely. She had locked herself in her room for days.
So why was she here alone?

And why had she asked him to be her friend?
Lukas knew her true nature. That was why he had refused. But when he rejected her, she had been far too indifferent.
As if saying, Ah, I just threw that out there for fun.

What… was this?
His throat felt dry. Like he had swallowed something unripe, something that hadn’t gone down properly.
Of course, maybe it really had just been a meaningless joke.

Lukas turned back, glancing at the bell tower where she had disappeared.
What was up there?
For some reason, a bad feeling settled in his gut. A strange, uneasy feeling.

It was like he had missed something—something he absolutely shouldn’t have ignored.
If she had shown even a hint of regret when he rejected her, he wouldn’t have felt this way. But her complete lack of reaction—her eerily numb expression—didn’t seem like that of a living person.
Didn’t seem like that of a living person?

Before he could even finish the thought, Lukas was already running toward the bell tower.
He had no idea how long he sprinted. He leapt up the stairs two, three at a time, pushing himself faster and faster.
And when he reached the top—there she was.

Selina’s back faced him, her long, light-blue hair swaying gently in the wind.
She stood precariously at the edge of the railing.
And then—she leaned forward.

It happened in an instant.
Lukas lunged, grabbing her before she could fall.
His heart pounded violently in his chest, so loudly that it was deafening. She had been so dangerously close to the edge. He had barely made it in time.

And yet, Selina’s face remained perfectly composed.
"My lady… don’t tell me—you tried to kill yourself just because I rejected you?"
I blinked, turning the words over in my mind.

If you are reading this translation anywhere other than .net or SilkRoadTL, it has been stolen.
So, he thought—because I had asked him to be my friend, and he had refused, I had been so heartbroken that I tried to die?
"...No?"

Of course, he had indeed been the one to land the critical hit that brought my stats down to zero.
But that didn’t mean I had come up here just because I couldn’t be his friend.
For example, even if the one who rejected me just now hadn’t been Lukas but… let’s say, A—whatever his name was—I still would have climbed this tower.

If it had been some random old man from next door, I probably would have climbed up anyway.
Despite my answer, Lukas still didn’t look convinced.
Now that I thought about it, he was an impressive man in many ways. And more than that, he knew it.

A man who believed—and who truly could—use all his advantages to gain something in any situation. A man brimming with confidence and capability.
For someone like that, it was only natural to assume that my actions were all because of him.
Well, in this case, I had immediately headed to the tower after being rejected, so I supposed I shared some of the blame. I decided to just let it slide and shook my head again, firmly this time.

"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Then why did you try to kill yourself?"

How nosy.
Even if there had been a bit of a misunderstanding, even if his self-centered thinking and my poor timing had played a role, this was crossing the line.
Earlier, I had been the one to impulsively say, ‘Should we be friends?’ and he had rejected it.

That should have been the end of it.
I had no intention of explaining my personal circumstances to someone I had no real relationship with.
Not that he would believe me anyway.

"Are we even close enough to talk about that?"
"This isn’t a matter of being close or not."
I didn’t want to hear any more from him.

He wasn’t the kind of person I could have a meaningless conversation with. Actually, I was just starting to feel tired of talking in general.
I just wanted him to leave me alone already.
The pain in my backside was growing from where I had slammed into the floor after he pulled me back.

"Sir Lukas, it wasn’t because of you, so you don’t need to have any unnecessary concerns or feel guilty. I acted too carelessly by saying that to you and then coming up here right after. I apologize for the misunderstanding. So now, please—just leave."
As I got up, Lukas’ eyes followed my movements. When I staggered slightly, I noticed his body flinch as if to react.
This is your fault, you know.

You’re the reason my backside hurts. So you should’ve just left me alone in the first place…
"If I leave, will you try to jump again?"
"I wouldn’t do it twice in one day. Probably."

Twice in one day would be exhausting.
Facing death seemed easy, but in reality, it wasn’t.
Even when you made the choice with a light heart, hesitation always crept in at the last moment.

If dying was truly easy, I would have already been dead by the time I was fifteen.
Still, this was kind of embarrassing. I had just been making some grand speech to Selina about avoiding a miserable death…
Without paying Lukas any more attention, I limped past him.

Damn, my tailbone really hurt. Could it be cracked?
I wasn’t confident I could make it down all those stairs in this state. In that sense, I kind of wanted Lukas to leave first.
Maybe if he left, I could crawl my way down on all fours without being seen…

I glanced at Lukas.
"...Hah."
Before I could react, Lukas strode over and lifted me up in his arms.

A man who was supposed to be polite—or at least pretended to be—just picked someone up without asking for permission? That was unexpected.
"Are you planning to carry me?"
"If I leave you here, you’ll probably only make it back home by nightfall. And why did you even climb up here in the first place?"

"You saw, didn’t you? I had no intention of using the stairs to go down."
I really hadn’t.
But since someone had forced me to go down the normal way, I figured I might as well leave it to that same someone to carry me to the bottom.

Lukas sighed again, looking down at me before continuing to walk.
If you keep sighing like that, the ground is going to collapse, you know?
…Though I had to admit, his carrying technique was impressive.

It felt like I was being cradled on one of those luxury A-brand mattresses. Were well-trained knights always this skilled at carrying people—or cargo—without any shaking?
The comfort was making my eyelids droop.
Damn it, my sleepiness is acting up again.

I really am just a bundle of unfulfilled needs.
Lukas glanced down at the girl sleeping in his arms, utterly dumbfounded.
First, she had gotten her hair stuck in some bushes and asked for help. Then, she had asked him to be friends. Then, she had tried to die.

And now… she was asleep?
The statement he had made earlier about her maintaining the dignity of the duchy? He was taking that back. Completely.
Honestly, the old Selina had been better.

At least back then, even if she had a nasty personality, she had been honest about it.
Now, he couldn’t even guess what was going on in her mind.