ideas for riders to write

Hey before I start I'm going to give you a early warning this stuff it's pretty dark as in once you think about it you might spiral out of control dark so if you don't want to hear it I just you should just skip it

Well to put a long story short my brain sitting down on my bed randomly pop up a dark scenario might be safely "what am I going to do with my life"scenario and to be honest I don't know it's scary it's honestly is I meant originally I have a goal it was to become a scientist but thanks to my condition"reading and writing I cannot do easily"and no one really teaches us how to research I meant all they did Jess use the computer to find out they're really never did something like I don't know dissection the one that you I don't know cut a frog open before example to see how the organs work for example or what happens if you mix in two different chemicals together they just gives us paper and in where cases that we actually do stuff it's always with a safeguard like go on Google to research everything about it or a hour long Lester about how the process work I can understand about safety but why do you have to do the lesser before the actual experiment anywho like get back into track but I am trying to stay here is due to those reasons being a scientist is most likely off the table and ever since then I don't know what to do in my life it's scary not knowing what to do with your life you get to adults like"are you going spent your life poorly"or"what you going to do with your life?"it's always in the background you never really think about it but as soon as you have nothing to do and they're nothing interesting to watch your mind just pop and it's appears and also I realize I'm using this as like a diary it wasn't attentional but I think it is a good thing you know to leave a mark on the world even if it would just be a drop in the ocean it release be something.....

It's still here you know I meant if it wasn't I probably won't be talking about this just strolling your mind I guess make your unconscious process it and accept it in your mind I guess maybe I really don't know at least know it is spinning I guess just circling in my mind I don't know is that a good thing or bad thing but it's something I guess so if someone actually read this and didn't go to a midlife crisis because of this you have a tough mine I guess and you most likely have a bright future I guess I'm still scared