I Won’t Pick Up The Trash I Threw Away Again

They didn't stop there. They just chatted.

Since they were in the same carriage, they would have talked a lot. I wondered how they could have so much to talk about. 

Sarah, who was staring at Cecily and Philen with an angry look, took the strawberries from somewhere and gave them to me. 

“Don’t lose, go and feed the strawberries to the master!”

"Enough. It's just unsightly to do that.”

“But, but… I'm so angry!” Sarah shouted, stamping her feet. “Master is too much! I can't believe they're showing off like that when My Lady is watching!"

“I don’t think of Philen very much.” I replied casually, mindlessly fiddling with the leaves. “He's just eating because that woman feeds him.”

“Urgh, urgh." Sarah clenched her fist in frustration and pounded her chest. 

I envy you. I might be angry like that. I want to, but I can't.

Philen and Cecily's love affair continued until we arrived in the capital.

I tried not to see them as much as I could, but they kept standing out to the point that my efforts were overshadowed. I wondered if they were deliberately appearing in front of me.

When we arrived at the Duke's residence in the capital through their love affair and long carriage trip, both my body and heart were exhausted.

“It's harder than I thought.”

As soon as I grabbed the escort knight's hand and got off the carriage, his eyes turned to the voice in his ear.

Philen was getting off the carriage, supporting the exhausted Cecily. To be precise, the support was almost hugging. It was safe to say it like this.

The owners of the capital mansion, who had never seen Cecily before, looked at Cecily, Philen, and me alternately in surprise.

The gaze was burdensome and I wanted to rest, so I hurriedly entered the mansion.

“I'll guide you to your room, My Lady.” 

The quick-witted butler instructed the maid to guide me to my room. 

It was a sunny room with a large window. I liked it now, but if it rained, it would be a more frightening place to me than any other place, so I shook my head.

“I want to go to another room. Is there a room without windows?"

"Yes? A room without windows?" The maid asked back in surprise.

Just by looking at the reaction, I could tell there was none. 

Obviously. Most of the rooms used by nobles had large windows so that the sun could be well lit. I couldn't ask for a maid's room, so I came up with an appropriate compromise.

“Then, please guide me to a room with a small window.” 

At my end, the maid thought about it for a while and then guided me to the room at the end of the west corridor. 

There was also a window here, but the window was smaller than the previous room.

“Is this okay, My Lady?”

“Yeah.”

My room was decided here. 

Watching the servants diligently move my luggage and the maids organize, I could feel someone’s presence behind me.

“…Leila?”

It was Philen. Cecily was next to him.

“Le… no, Lady Thebesa. Why are you here?” Philen, conscious of other people's eyes, asked in honorifics.

“This is my room, so I was organizing my luggage.”

“I know that Lady Thebesa’s room is not here.”

“Yes, but I like this place better, so I’m going to go here.”

“…did you choose this room on purpose because you knew Cecily's room was right next to it?"

Was her room right next to it? I just knew it. If I had known in advance, I would never have chosen this room.

“I didn’t know.”

"Really?"

“There’s no way I'll lie about this.” I replied bluntly because I was annoyed that such things would be misunderstood.

But Philen rarely believed me. His suspicious look stuck to me, and there was no sign of falling off.

“You know, Phil.”

It was Cecily who unexpectedly removed Philen's gaze. Cecily called Philen's nickname and spoke in a poignant voice.

“Can’t you share the room with me?” Her innocent eyes were sadly folded. Cecily continued while leaning over Phil's arm. “To be honest, I was a little anxious about coming to a strange place and using the room alone. I think I would be okay if Phil stayed by my side.”

"…okay."

Philen glanced at me, then gently wrapped Cecily's shoulders and hugged her.

"Let's do that."

The position was reversed. I couldn't take my eyes off Philen, who was leaving with Cecily.

"My Lady."

Sarah sadly called me, but I could feel the gaze of other servants looking at me with pitiful eyes, but I couldn't move a single step.

The word ‘breakup' came even closer.

*****

If I broke up with Philen, I would return to the ordinary Lady Thebesa. But what could I do, a 24-year-old ordinary Count Lady, who wouldn't be welcomed at home?

When I thought about it, nothing came to my mind. I thought about a decent job that women could do, such as a clothes designer or embroidery, but it was considered a disgrace for a noble lady to have such a job. 

By the way, I was much less, much more dexterous. I heard criticism worse than embroidery. The embroidery at the age of 15 was embroidered by a 5-year-old child.

However, there was no way that I could take such a line of work as a job. I didn't even want to, and what I was good at was subjects that the nobility often learn such as philosophy, accounting, and politics. 

I could use this to become a tutor, but the problem was that in order to become a tutor, I had to marry. Unmarried tutors were not preferred by the nobles, saying that they risked seducing naive children. Moreover, tutors couldn't work when they got older. It wasn't a stable job with a fixed income.

But why am I already thinking about getting broke? I haven't even broken up yet.

I laughed a little and shook my head. 

Philen's changed attitude in the last few days would have been quite shocking. Countess Thebesa's visit also played a part. 

It was wiser to try to keep what was right in front of you than to be afraid of something that hadn't happened yet and find a way to deal with it.

Let's keep my place somehow. By all means. 

With that in mind, I remembered the abortion pill that Countess Thebesa gave me. If I used it, I would be able to secure my place… As expected, I hated it. 

“It's hard.”

I was in a tight situation where I couldn't do this or that. I wanted to take a walk. But, I was reluctant to go because Cecily occupied the mansion's garden under the pretext of prenatal education. I didn't want to meet her because I didn't have anything good to do with her.

“…If I leave the mansion, I won't bump into her.”

Yeah, that would do. Why didn't I think of this earlier?

I thought it would be better to look around the capital and to relieve my frustration, so I took Sarah and went straight out of the mansion.

I just left the mansion, and my frustration was relieved. I smiled lightly and looked out the window.

“My Lady, it’s been a while since I last saw you smile.” Sarah, who was sitting across from me, looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes. “It’s the first time I have seen it since we came to the capital.”

Did I? 

“There are a lot of interesting things in the capital. There are a lot of delicious things! So let's have fun until you feel completely relieved, My Lady.”

When I was relieved like this, it was useless to return to the mansion. The moment I saw her and Philen's faces, I would feel low again.

Just the mere thought of them sent the good feeling away as if it's plunging again. I didn't have to make Sarah feel bad by telling her that.

"Yeah, let's do it." I smiled falsely and nodded.

After a while, the carriage reached a crowded street. The distance was wide enough for the carriage to go around, but there were too many people to move forward.

“Let’s walk from here.”

“I think we'll have to walk for a long time. Would you be okay?”  

"I'm okay."

I knew this would happen, so I came with Mary Jane shoes on purpose. There was no problem walking for a moderately long time with this.

As I got off the carriage, an escort knight followed me.

“I'll only take Sarah with me. Don't follow me.”

"But…"

"It's okay. You're not going to ignore my order, are you?"

When I spoke with a stern face, the escort knight was forced to step back.

I took Sarah into the crowd without an escort knight. Sarah stuck closely in case she would miss me.

As if only the entrance was blocked, it became quiet when I went inside. There were almost no people inside.

Obviously, I was wondering about the difference. As I looked around, I realized that this was a residential street, not a shopping street.

“It looks like we have gone the wrong way.”

"I know, right? Let's go back, My Lady.”

It was when I turned around in sympathy with Sarah.

“Go, let go!”

I heard a girl shouting somewhere. I turned my head to the source of the voice. Then I saw a giant man with a knife mark on his face holding onto a girl's arm.

“Let my sister go!”

The child who looked younger than the girl was desperately holding the man's leg.

“Why is this little one so annoying!?”

The man violently kicked the child's belly with one foot that was the size of the child's face.

"Argh!" 

The child floated in the air, then flew away and fell to the ground.

“Lily!” The girl anxiously called the child's name with a tearful face.

The man roughly pulled the girl's wrist. Because of that, the girl fell to the ground, but he didn't care at all.

“Don’t do anything useless and follow me! Do you know how much money you have to pay me back?!”

He tried to grab the girl's hair and drag her away.

Listening to the conversation, it seemed that the girl borrowed money from the man. Even so, the man's behavior was too much.

I frowned at the ruthless violence against the child. Sarah also looked at them in dismay.

I just hated getting involved in troublesome work. My work alone was enough to burst my head.

"Wait."

However, this couldn't be ignored.