I Woke Up Piloting the Strongest Starship, so I Became a Space Mercenary

TN:This is a short story originally published on Kakuyomu as part of an annual short story compilation organized by Kadokawa to celebrate their anniversary. I’ll resume translating the main story once the author returns from working on the new volume of the light novel. In the meantime, I’ll be translating these mostly unknown short stories. There are only five in total, but I hope they’ll help fill the gap until the author returns.

A notification sound woke me up. Shaking off the grogginess of sleep, I quickly pulled up the radar and information displays on my beloved ship—Krishna’s cockpit. I checked the radar pings and the logs. Because I had minimized the life-support system’s functions, the cockpit was chilly.

「Four small, one medium.」

I muttered, observing the passive radar’s readings.

No one responded to my words. These days, I had to handle everything myself—radar monitoring, information processing, and even managing the subsystems. My hands were constantly busy, but I had grown accustomed to it by now. With Mimi, Elma, and Mei gone, I had no choice but to adapt.

「Space pirates… I’ll kill every last one of them.」

☆★☆

The guild hall, bustling with mercenaries, fell silent as I walked through.

「Hey… it’s him.」

「Shh, don’t make eye contact.」

Ignoring the chatter, I strode straight through the hall. As I approached the reception desk, the woman stationed there caught sight of my face and let out a small scream. I paid her no mind and stepped forward.

「I’m Captain Hiro. I’ve completed the mission. Verify it.」

「Y-yes…!」

The receptionist’s voice trembled as if she was on the verge of tears. I don’t blame her. The seething rage radiating from me must be hard to endure for someone like her.

「I’ve confirmed it. With today’s results, the request to exterminate the remnants of the pirate gang has been fulfilled.」

「Good. Pass this on to the guild master: if he sends me another idiotic request like this, I’ll duel him until not a single speck of his stupid face remains.」

「Eek! U-understood!」

「Transfer the payment to my account. That’s all.」

After saying that to the trembling receptionist, I turned on my heel, ready to leave the mercenary guild behind—

「Hold it right there.」

—when some idiot stepped in my way. Great. What’s his problem? Does he have a grudge against me? Let me tell you, I’m not in the mood for this right now. Not even close.

「Move aside. I don’t have time for this.」

「Not happening. I don’t know what’s got you so worked up, but you scared the hell out of Jessica over there. Apologize.」

「…Haaah.」

Oh, come on. My patience is already razor-thin. I wanted to scream, ‘If you don’t know what’s going on, then shut the hell up!’ But I held it back, forcing myself to exhale the storm building inside me. Calm down. Stay cool. Decking this moron won’t do me any favors. Just walk away. Ignore this cheap provocateur and—

「IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON, THEN SHUT UP, YOU THIRD-RATE NOBODY! I’LL KILL YOU!!!」

Yeah, I failed. Forget staying calm. My anger hit its peak. Oh, what’s that? My phrasing is weird? You think I meant ‘my anger knows no bounds’? Shut up and don’t sweat the details.

「In the first place, it’s your fucking fault I had to waste time in this dump! You, the idiots working in this star system, botched your job so badly that I had to clean up after you! Misjudging the pirate’s strength when you attacked their base and letting a whole bunch of them escape with money and resources—are you brain-dead or what?!」

As a result, the pirates that escaped established small bases all across the star system, causing a rapid deterioration in the region’s security. Geographically, the Empire struggled to send significant forces to this sector, and the local lord’s military, already weakened from the recent anti-pirate operations, was barely managing to defend their own headquarters.

And so, to break this stalemate, they turned to me: a recipient of the Gold Star, a Platinum Rank mercenary, and someone renowned for eradicating space pirates. With my mobility, expertise, and strong connections to the Empire (or rather, my entanglement with them), I was the ideal candidate for the job—or in other words, a very convenient pawn for the Empire.

「Because of your incompetence, I had to come to this star system alone! Don’t you know that hyperdrives and faster-than-light travel aren’t good for the development of babies and fetuses? Do you have any idea how it feels to leave behind your wife and kids for a solo mission, huh?!」

「Like I care!」

「’Like I care?’ I’ll kill you, you idiot! Do you know what it’s like to spend every single day ambushing pirates, taking them down, interrogating them, and then shoving anti-ship torpedoes into their bases? Try living my life for once!」

Leaving my adorable daughters and pregnant wives behind was an agonizing decision. But when a direct request comes from an Imperial Space Force admiral, who also happens to be my father-in-law, refusing wasn’t an option. I owed him a lot, after all.

「Anyway! I’m going back to my wife and daughters! Get in my way, and I’ll make you cry. I mean it—I’ll make you bawl.」

I placed my hand on the hilt of one of the two swords hanging from my waist. As an honorary viscount of the Empire, I had a certain amount of leeway. Killing a common mercenary in self-defense would be within my rights—though I don’t actually intend to go that far.

「A-alright, I won’t get in your way.」

The man stammered, raising his hands and stepping aside, his face pale.

「Good.」

If you were going to back off that easily, you shouldn’t have bothered confronting me in the first place. Honestly, what a waste of time.

☆★☆

The journey home was a gauntlet of trouble.

Every time I jumped to a new star system using the hyperdrive, I got interdicted by space pirates. If it wasn’t that, I’d stumble across a civilian ship under attack, or I’d pick up distress signals from escape pods. It seemed my streak of bad luck had decided to show its full force now. Recently, I’ve been spending most of my time on a planetary settlement, so I haven’t been embroiled in much chaos. It’s as if all the pent-up misfortune is hitting me at once.

「Damn it! Fine, bring it on!」

I crushed the attacking pirates, saved the civilian ships with style, and retrieved the escape pods to hand them over to the port authority at a trade colony. But of course, this drew the attention of a large pirate gang, who started targeting me. On top of that, I somehow ended up entangled with a noblewoman from another nation who had been aboard one of the civilian ships, and, for some reason, a tentacled alien girl with amnesia resulting from her stay in the escape pod decided to stick to me. Seriously, isn’t this a bit much?

In the end, I wiped out the pirate gang and rejected the noblewoman. As for the tentacled alien girl? Well, without a destination or memory, there is no way I can conveniently pass her off to someone, can I? Sigh… In the end, I decided to take her home with me.

Honestly, what’s one more kid in the family? I’ve got more than enough savings and can earn as much as needed. She’s a bit older than my other daughters, sure, but it’s just another daughter, right? Daughter. Not a wife. Definitely not. Stop suggesting otherwise! And stop ambushing me in the cramped confines of the ship! You’re making it hard to swing a sword in here!

Still, it’s been five years since I appeared in this universe, but my knack for attracting trouble hasn’t waned one bit. I thought I’d finally achieved my dream of buying a house with a garden—whether calling a property of that size ‘a house with a garden’  is accurate is another matter—and partially retired from mercenary work to enjoy a more relaxed life.

But maybe it’s because I’d been avoiding trouble that it’s now all hitting me at once? Is this some kind of curse? Terrifying.

「Hmm, wife…」

「Give it up. I’m all set in that department.」

「One more won’t make much of a difference. I don’t mind being a concubine.」

「It does make a difference! And where did you even learn words like that?」

「Tablets are so convenient!」

The tentacled girl—I named her ‘Tenta’ because she didn’t remember her name—replied cheerfully, tapping away at the tablet I’d given her with the tip of one of her tentacles.

Should I confiscate it? No, it’s too late for that.

「Sigh… Anyway, let’s just get back home.」

「I need to greet everyone properly!」

I want to forget all this and tell her to do whatever she wants, but knowing her, she will actually take it literally, so I better keep quiet and let Mimi and the others figure out how to handle her… though the thought of what might come from that leaves me uneasy.

☆★☆

「So, you brought her back with you, huh?」

「They say even a dog finds something when it walks…」

「That’s just like you, Master.」

The moment I returned home with Tenta, every single one of them—except Mei—gave me the cold, dead-eyed stare of judgment. Yeah, I knew this was coming. I’m ready for it.

「Ooooh, the little ones are so cute~!」

Meanwhile, Tenta was cheerfully using a few of her tentacles, extended from her back, to entertain the babies. She poked their cheeks or let them grab her tentacles, which had the two babies squealing in delight.

Chris wasn’t here at the moment, but before I left on my solo mission, she had given birth to a boy. And as for Serena, she was about to take maternity leave soon.

I know. I know. But let me say this anyway: it’s not my fault. Okay, maybe saying that is dishonest, but really, the events were unavoidable! Completely unavoidable. I’m not to blame.

「Well, it’s Hiro-sama we’re talking about…」

「Exactly, it’s Hiro. If anything, I’m surprised it’s only this much.」

「If it’s Master, there’s no issue at all.」

Their gazes, a mix of resignation and fondness, are making me feel even more awkward. I’m glad they aren’t angry, but this doesn’t feel good either.

「Can I join in, too?」

「That’s a separate matter. We don’t know much about you yet, after all.」

「Indeed. I think we need time to get to know each other better.」

「Oh, I see! Yes, that makes sense. Okay! Let’s get along from now on!」

「Of course, let’s all be friends.」

「Nice to meet you, Tenta.」

The girls exchanged smiles with Tenta. Yep, I figured everything would be fine from the start, but it seems they have good compatibility. Tenta, for all her quirks, is a bright and good-hearted girl.

「Hiro! Let’s give birth to lots of kids together!」

「Yeah, sure… Wait. What?」

Did she just say ‘Let’s give birth to kids together’? Together? I’m going to birth them too? What is she even talking about?

「Uh, Tenta-chan? You’re the one who’s going to birth the kids, right?」

Mimi asked, tilting her head.

But Tenta, smiling brightly, shook her head.

「Nope! I’ll have Hiro birth my kids too! It’s fine, really! You’ll be able to do it!」

With that, she extended one of her tentacles toward us—this one shaped in a way that was… how should I put it? Explicit? Inappropriate? I see, I see, so I’ll be giving birth too…

「Like hell I will!!!」

☆★☆

「Hyah!? What the—!?」

「Whoa! Hot! That’s hot! What are you doing!?」

Mimi, sitting across from me, let out a startled yelp, while Elma fumbled with her cup, spilling her drink in the process. Mei moved swiftly to clean up the mess, calmly tending to the flustered Elma. Huh? What just happened?

「That was surprising. Did you have a nightmare, Hiro-sama?」 Mimi asked, blinking at me with a mix of concern and curiosity.

I glanced around, my head still muddled, and realized I was in Krishna’s dining area. Judging by the position of my arms and the stiffness in my neck, I must have fallen asleep at the table.

「A dream, huh…」

What a horrifying dream. To think it would end with a tentacled alien girl trying to steal my chastity… That’s not a conclusion anyone wants. Seriously, who’s the target audience for that scenario?

「I thought I was going to get burned… Don’t scare me like that!」

「Sorry, it was just such a shocking dream.」

「Oh? And what kind of dream was that?」

「Is there anything more pointless than hearing about someone else’s dream?」

「Just tell us already.」

「I’d like to hear it.」

「I am interested as well.」

Even Mei wants to hear it? Alright, if you insist… I scratched my head and tried to piece together the fading fragments of my dream. Then, I recounted the bizarre tale.

「A dream set five years in the future, huh?」

「H-huh. So we had kids with you, Hiro…」

「And not just us, but Chris-chan and Lieutenant Commander Serena too.」

「…Are you sexually frustrated?」

「I don’t think that’s the case…」

I have Mimi, Elma, and even Mei, how could I be frustrated? Besides, weren’t there other girls in the dream? Maybe it’s just my imagination.

「But having that kind of dream does make you wonder.」

Elma persisted, giving me a pointed look. Hmm… I see, I see. I understand completely.

「You’re right. Maybe it’s true. So…」

I stood up, took Mimi and Elma by the hands, and started heading for the bathroom.

「W-wait, what do you mean so—!?」

「Isn’t it a bit cramped for three people to enter together?」

「Mimi! That’s not the point here!」

 Elma is protesting but she’s not trying to pull her hand away so she’s just embarrassed. If I point that out, she’ll probably get defensive, so I better keep my thoughts to myself.

「I’ll go prepare the bed.」

「Thank you, Mei-san.」

「Don’t thank her for that! Listen to me!」

「Yes, yes, let’s all bathe together~」

「Don’t just brush me off!」

As I led the flustered Elma toward the bath, I couldn’t help but reflect on the dream. Who knows if such a future will come to pass? But, thinking about it, a future like that… doesn’t sound so bad.