I Will Be the Greatest Knight

Irene had only just gotten herself into trouble for jumping to such a ridiculous assumption about her Commander. Yet, as she stood quietly at the top of the stairs, her back pressed against the wall so that no one would be able to see her, she was writing a long narrative in her mind over what she was bearing witness to.

She had never been desired and couldn't imagine how it felt, nor had she desired anyone else, but that didn't stop believing that's what she was seeing. Desire.

It wasn't only the desire of the waitress, but the Commander meeting the woman's gaze so easily as if it were nothing to him. Perhaps he desired her as well.

Irene didn't know him well enough to be privy to the internal struggle that was actually pulling at his heart in that moment.

She felt like she couldn't breathe as she watched the scene unfold.

The waitress who approached her Commander only focused on him, and her eyes never left the man as he sat alone with a mug of ale in front of him. Admittedly, Irene did think he looked rather lonely down there, and she likely would have asked to join him so that she could finally apologize if it weren't for the situation he was in.

Irene had to face the hard truth that seeing two people interacting in such a way was making her unbelievably nervous, and she couldn't fully comprehend why. It was enough for her face to feel hot and for her heart to beat faster.

When the waitress finally made it to the Commander's table, she rested a hand on the table and the other went to the back of his chair as she leaned in. Their faces were so unbelievably close together that Irene could imagine the woman likely could smell the ale on the Duke's breath.

Irene placed a hand over her mouth as she tried to picture herself as ever bold enough to do something like that with someone she was attracted to.

Ah, there it was.

She found the Commander attractive. That was why this entire situation was so damn confusing to the young woman. Her inability to get used to him wasn't merely because he was an outsider, but because he was a handsome outsider with an appearance unlike anyone else she had ever seen.

Of all the people, why did it have to be him who would stir up her thoughts in such a way? While she had already pinned herself as someone who would never marry, so there was no issue there, it was still disappointing that someone who opened her eyes in such a way was the most untouchable man in the world outside of His Majesty.

All the realization did was cause two conflicting feelings to erupt inside Irene's chest as they fought with one another.

On one hand, she had a sick curiosity that made her kind of wish the two would kiss. Perhaps then it would prove to her that her paranoia from before was correct and that he was the sort of man her parents warned her about, who saw women as a commodity and went through them just as easily.

On the other hand was something she had trouble admitting even to herself, and that was a burning jealousy. She was feeling protective, not wanting the Commander to fall for a woman who would hand herself over so easily.

Earlier that day, he told Rosalind that Irene kept men at arm's length, but he had never held her closer than that either. They spoke in ways that entirely revolved around the knighthood and their individual duties. There was no room to get the man even an inch closer.

And now that she realized these months of confusing thoughts were because she was attracted to him, she knew that she could never get closer to him than what they were right now. She wasn't someone meant to like anyone or seek affection from a man.

After all, he had a painting of the Princess on his wall. Her beautiful, long blonde hair and face devoid of even one freckle were something Irene could never hope to be.

If she had to be ugly to be a knight, that was the life she had willingly put herself into. There was no time to hide in the shade and ensure that the sun never kissed her skin or put down yet another light brown dot.

To stay sane, Irene justified her jealousy as something other than that. Perhaps the waitress was merely after the Commander's wealth and nothing more. He was undoubtedly introduced to that township as the Duke. What woman wouldn't want a man with that sort of power and wealth?

Irene's heart hadn't rested yet. She still stared at the two so intently.

The waitress said something to the Commander in a whisper, but Irene only heard his surprise response after much debate.

"I appreciate the offer," he responded. "Not tonight."

The waitress straightened herself out, but Irene couldn't see the finer details of her expression because she was partially faced away. Was she disappointed? Perhaps offended?

"Suit yourself," the woman responded, simply.

Irene's eyes were wide by that point. She told herself to leave immediately before she could get caught. It was hard to believe a man would say no to such an offer.

However, she kept herself planted on the stairs when the Commander's entire disposition seemed to change.

His elbows went to the table, and he rested his face in his hands. His long, bronzed fingers mussed up his hair as he sat that way. Only when the Commander pulled his hands from his face did Irene see an expression that sent a stake right through her heart.

One would think he was heartbroken based on the expression he wore. How could he be heartbroken when an attractive woman had practically thrown herself at him?

What burdens you, Commander? She silently agonized.

Irene had such an urge to go down there and wrap her arms around the knight, telling him that it was going to be okay.

However, after today, she knew that it wasn't her business to do such a thing. It would be better for her to keep him at the arm's length she apparently already held him at. No one could ever know that she had finally admitted to herself that she found one's appearance perfectly suitable to tastes she was unaware she even had.

Rather than debating over it any longer, Irene rushed back up the stairs and into her room. She tightly locked the door, no longer having a desire to eat bread or drink ale.

Shortly after she lay in her bed, Irene heard footsteps going up the stairs and past her door. Based on the sound of them, it certainly had to be the Commander finally going to sleep. It would be best for all of them if the man was well-rested.

Her new realization of the man caused her a great deal of agony, considering she had discovered that it was in fact she and not he who was the problem after all. The only thing she could do was stare at her ceiling for a long time before the universe finally bestowed upon her a few hours of sleep.

The following morning, even with pristine weather to travel, Irene couldn't help that thoughts from the night before were seeping into her day. She wouldn't even look in the direction of their Commander unless he requested something from her. Otherwise, she focused as much as she could on her duties.

It was going to take a couple of weeks to get to their destination, so she decided to busy herself with the apprentices. At least it was what the Commander asked of her before they departed, so she was going to take it seriously and hope it eased some of his burdens he wouldn't voice to others.

However, her behavior was alarming to people whom she was unaware of.

As she went through the motions of being a good knight and nothing more than that, Felix had taken notice that she wasn't as talkative as she normally was with him.

When he thought of them reuniting after a few weeks apart, he expected her to be happy to see him as she normally would be. She was the person he was closest to in the knighthood, and one he could lean on for happiness. He knew it wasn't fair to rely on another to make him happy, but she did it to him, and he did it to her. They both stood by the other when they were down and helped them back to their feet each time.

Days of their journey went past, and Felix couldn't help agonizing over what was wrong with his friend.

Jumping to his own conclusions, and not realizing that's why Irene was so irritated with herself, he wondered if the Commander had somehow told Irene that he thought that she and Felix were together. Had he revealed something that made her uncomfortable, and now she found it difficult to be around them?

The misunderstanding felt like it was going to come to a head, and Felix found himself hesitating to approach his best friend.

But then he realized how ridiculous it was that a grown man such as himself would hesitate so much.

Just as she had been the duration of their travels, Felix approached Irene as she tended to the apprentices and focused on them over anyone else.

"Is something the matter?" he wondered.