I want to become a killer

The days turned into weeks, and while I couldn't say that the struggle was over, I could feel myself changing, little by little. It wasn't a sudden transformation or a magic cure, but each day I was taking steps forward. Some of them were small, barely noticeable. Others felt monumental, like the times I didn't fight with my reflection in the mirror, or the times I didn't feel the pull to go back to the darkness.

I spent more time with Mara. We didn't talk about my past all the time, but every now and then, she'd ask questions, gentle ones. I had learned not to be defensive with her. I would tell her about my childhood, my thoughts, my mistakes—not all of it, not yet, but enough for her to understand. And each time I did, I felt a little lighter, as though each confession chipped away at the walls I'd built around myself.

Still, the hunger was there, lurking in the background, like a shadow that followed me no matter how bright the sun shone. It wasn't as overwhelming as it had been, but there were moments when it flared up, catching me off guard. I would feel the familiar pull to isolate myself, to plan, to give in.

One night, while Mara was at a friend's house, I found myself at the kitchen table, staring down at the list I had started years ago—a list of people I had considered... targets. It was an impulse, a relic of my old ways, something that I thought I had left behind. But here it was, on paper, staring me in the face.

I felt my pulse quicken. The urge to finish it, to cross out the names one by one, suddenly felt overwhelming. My mind raced with the details, the method, the steps. It felt like the world was shrinking around me, the walls closing in. For a brief moment, I thought about how easy it would be to slip back into my old habits, to forget all the progress, all the work I had done.

I ran my fingers over the paper, torn between the desire to destroy it and the temptation to keep going. It was like a poison inside me, urging me to return to the one thing that had given me a sense of control in a world that often felt chaotic and out of my reach.

But then I remembered Mara. I remembered her quiet strength, her unwavering belief in me. I thought about the way she had looked at me, the way she had stood by me when everyone else would have run. I thought about the promises I had made—to her, to myself.

With a shaking hand, I tore the paper in half. Then I grabbed the rest of the pages and ripped them into pieces, watching as they fluttered to the floor. The act was small, but in that moment, it felt like a victory.

I sat back, breathless, my heart pounding in my chest. The hunger inside me was still there, but for the first time, it didn't feel like it was in control. I felt a sense of power, not over others, but over myself. It was something I hadn't felt in years.

When Mara came home later that night, she noticed the scattered pieces of paper on the floor. She looked at me, brow furrowed in curiosity, but she didn't say anything. She simply sat beside me on the couch and took my hand in hers.

"Everything okay?" she asked softly.

I nodded, squeezing her hand. "Yeah. I think... I think I'm getting better."

She smiled, a small, tentative smile, but it was enough. "I'm proud of you, Psychobi. I know it's not easy, but I can see the changes in you."

It wasn't the grand transformation I had once dreamed of, but it was progress. And for the first time in my life, that was enough. The hunger was still there, but now I had a choice. I didn't have to give in to it. And that was a victory I could hold on to.

As the weeks passed, I kept working, kept fighting, one small step at a time. It wasn't a perfect journey, and there were times when the darkness crept up on me, threatening to swallow me whole. But Mara was there, and Dr. Callahan was there, and slowly, the weight I had carried for so long was starting to lift.

I wasn't sure what the future held, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like I had a chance. A real chance. And that, in itself, was enough to keep going.

The road ahead would be long, and I knew there would be setbacks. But with Mara by my side, and with the commitment to keep fighting, I believed that one day, I could look back and truly say that I had overcome the monster inside me.

And maybe—just maybe—I could start to believe that I was worthy of the life I was building.

.....

🚨 Chapter Locked!

To read the next chapter:

🔗 Copy this link: https://unlockcontent.net/cp/i/q8320?preview=1

📖 Chapter will unlock right after. Enjoy the secrets!