I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

There was warmth in between my fingers.

By now, I thought I’d be pretty used to hand holding, but I still felt giddy whenever I held Oppa’s hand.

“Is something bothering you?”

Maybe it was because I was wriggling around too much.

Taemin oppa stopped walking and asked me that question.

“No.”

“Ah, I thought you felt uncomfortable because, you know, your hand…”

“That’s not it! It’s just…”

…Ugh, this was a little embarrassing for me to say…

“...Really?”

He let out a chuckle and placed his hand on top of my head.

“Me too.”

-Chiiiik

I felt like a character from a children’s train cartoon.

If this were an anime, steam would probably come out of my ears.

“Anyway, it’s such a shame we don’t have similar tastes…”

As I was drowning in that happy moment, Oppa’s words brought me back to reality.

“No! We do!”

I quickly blurted out those words in panic.

“But, we only have two things in common, didn’t I tell you about it the other day?”

…Yeah, I knew that already, but…

So, after the previous CLOSER collab ended, Oppa called me, eagerly explained to me how mismatched we actually were.

What did he say again?

Like, how could I possibly choose pork over beef?

Of course I didn’t back down from that. Rather, I couldn’t.

I mean, pork just tasted way better!

No matter how expensive the beef was, pork belly could surpass them all!

In the end, we had a thirty minute long debate over it, and even after that, we couldn’t find a compromise.

“It’s only because there were a bunch of food-related questions. I’m sure we’ll do better if the questions are different!”

“...You really think so?”

“Let’s try it later when we have time.”

Even though I said that, it would be shocking if we ended up picking different things for the other questions too.

We passed the familiar overpass, greeted by the gingko trees with their yellow leaves that were waiting for us.

The leaves that scattered through the ground made crunchy noises under my shoes, which I particularly liked.

Walking down this beautiful path together with Oppa felt better compared to when I was doing it alone.

“Winter’s almost here.”

“Which one do you like more, Oppa? Winter or summer?”

Since the topic came out, I threw that question to him.

“Me? I like winter more because I hate getting all sweaty.”

“Wow. Me too.”

Actually, I liked summer more because I hated the cold.

But I wanted to have at least one thing in common with him.

So, starting today, I’d be liking winter more than summer.

That was how it should be anyway.

As we engaged in small talk, we soon arrived at the school gate.

I began to contemplate whether to let go of his hand or not.

“...Do you want to keep holding hands?”

Oppa asked me what I wanted to do.

“You wanted to show off, didn’t you?”

“I...”

Honestly, I did.

Otherwise, the other girls would keep hounding on him.

Hounding over other people’s partners had become commonplace in this world, as such, without a lover, Oppa was like a walking flower emitting a sweet fragrance.

And honestly, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want to show off a little.

Everyone says they’d just kick the blanket after breaking up, but I didn’t want to feel that way.

I didn’t want to desperately hold in the emotions I was feeling for the first time.

“Are you sure it’s okay for us to hold hands…?”

Still, I gauged his reaction in case he might not like it.

“Hold it if you want to then.”

Then, as if saying that I was worried for nothing, he grabbed my arm in a manly way.

“Everyone in our department already knows anyway, so it’s really whatever.”

When Jihee sunbae was humiliated by him, he announced our relationship.

Even now, whenever I remembered that moment, it made me feel dizzy.

Yes, she was Oppa’s classmate, but she was still two years my senior.

No matter how boldly I wanted to act, if Oppa wasn’t there, things wouldn’t have ended so smoothly.

We entered the lecture hall, our hands still holding each other’s.

Ugh, now that we were doing this, why did I feel so embarrassed?

I was just being self-conscious and I knew it, but it felt like everyone was staring at us…

“Ohh~ Look at you two. You look good together~”

That mischievous remark came from Junseok oppa, who was working on a group project with us.

“Hi.”

As always, Taemin oppa nonchalantly pulled out a chair and put down his bag, treating it as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Hello.”

I slightly bowed my head in greeting.

“Is this your way of saying you two will work harder on the project from now on?”

In response to Junseok oppa’s joke, my boyfriend immediately put on a serious face.

“What are you talking about? Doah’s been carrying us all this while.”

“Dude, look at you fawning over your girlfriend the moment you get one.”

Only then did Oppa seem to realize he overreacted a bit. He cleared his throat.

“Ah... Ahem... Anyways, we still need to do well on the group project. We’re all in this together.”

“Yeah. Let’s keep going like we are now. The professor seems to have his eyes set on the metaverse these days.”

He was right.

Even after the midterm was over, the professor still expressed a keen interest in our project. He occasionally asked if this and that was possible with a joyful expression on his face.

As the questions became more and more detailed, I ended up answering them.

Because Junseok oppa couldn’t cover for me when it came to VR.

“It’s so MZ isn’t it? Well, I don’t know what they mean by ‘young’ though.”

“Yeah, that’s true. It’s not like you’re missing out on anything, so no wonder you don’t watch vtubers Han Taemin.”

Those words were instant-kill to both of us, hearing them made our body shudder.

Our eyes naturally met.

We tried our best to act as if it had nothing to do with us.

“Why’re you bringing vtubers up? Were you watching them or something?”

Oppa asked as he took out his tablet from his bag.

“Well, you know that CLOSER group we used as a case study before?”

The moment those words came out of Junseok oppa’s mouth, I felt my body gradually stiffening.

...No way. This can’t be real. No way.

“There’s a girl named Leah among them, and she’s a really good singer!”

“Oh? Really?”

“Dude. You should listen to her too. She’s seriously better than most singers out there.”

Oppa also seemed dumbfounded by Junseok oppa’s sudden promotion of CLOSER.

“Uhh, sure... Let me see.”

As Junseok oppa handed over one side of the earphones, Oppa glanced at me briefly before fixing his gaze on the phone screen.

Curious about what the two were watching, I peeked at Junseok oppa’s phone.

The scene was familiar to me.

No, like it was impossible for me to not be familiar with it.

Because I was literally there.

The scene Junseok oppa showed Taemin oppa was from the third round of the CLOSER audition.

I really thought I was gonna be eliminated because of her.

Even now, recalling that memory made my body tremble.

Only two spots left, and one of them was taken by Leah.

I got to indirectly experience what athletes praying for a last-minute goal in a sports match must feel like.

“So, what do you think? Fucking awesome, right?”

Taemin oppa took out the earphones and returned them, then nodded his head reluctantly.

“Ah yeah, she’s pretty good.”

“It makes you want to be her fan, right? I heard their album is coming out soon, so I’m really excited for it!”

“Ah... I see...”

Junseok oppa.

I didn’t expect that someone like you, who seemed like one of those elitists, would watch this stuff.

Of course with each of the members averaging thousands of viewers per stream, there bound to be a variety of people among them, but thinking that there was an acquaintance of mine among them felt strange.

Still, Leah’s streams did have the lowest entry barrier.

She didn’t use that many internet memes.

And her content focused more on singing than gaming.

She was closer to an artist than a streamer, really.

The conversation seemed to be ending there, but then.

“Hey, do you think there’s someone among them who sucks at singing?”

At my boyfriend’s sudden question, my eyes widened in surprise.

W-Why did you ask that?!

“Well not all of them are good at it, but I found a few of them who are quite bad.”

“Really? Which one?”

“Wait a minute.”

Junseok oppa fiddled with his phone for a bit and pulled up a group avatar photo of the CLOSER’s members.

It was a photo our manager unnie took for us during one of our previous collabs.

“This one and this one are kinda bad.”

...Fuck.

* * *

“Stop, Doah, wait a second!”

As soon as the class ended, Doah left the lecture hall without looking back.

I suggested that we go home together, but she ignored me and headed straight for the exit.

Seriously, how could she walk so quickly with those short legs?!

I had to run to catch her and grab her wrist, even so, I barely managed to do it.

“Hey... Why are you...?”

She stopped before quickly glancing around.

“...Am I bad at singing?”

“No. I never even said you were bad.”

As expected, Junseok’s words before class was the problem.

But, it was unfair to blame it on me!

I was just asking because I was curious!

“...Then am I worse at singing than Leah?”

“That's...”

Before I could finish my answer.

“Ow!”

I felt a sharp pain on my feet.

Doah stomped on my foot with all her might and quickly turned around.

“Forget it! You jerk!”

But you ARE worse than her!

C’mon, were you expecting me to lie? That was just too much!

Internally spamming PArmyCry, I limped after her.

***

https://ko-fi.com/genesisforsaken