I Tried To Be Her Loyal Sword

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33 Chapter

“……Why are you crying?”

I awkwardly raised my hand to wipe Maria’s tears. Without resisting my touch, she sobbed heavily.

“Why are you so hurt…… How much pain did you feel……

Feeling strange that there was someone who would cry for me, I scratched my head and ramblingly reassured Maria.

“It’s okay. I’m not in pain anymore…… I’m a Sword Master, you know. If I was troubled by this, I wouldn’t have reached this level. Really, it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt at all.”

“No. No, it doesn’t work like that, Miss.”

Maria wiped her own tears away. Despite being filled with sadness, her steadfast gaze warmed me.

“There are no wounds in this world that don’t matter.”

‘Ah.’

I squeezed my eyes shut. Such kindness was excessive. I wondered what I had done wrong, and the people here urged me to create something precious again. Precious things always caused me pain.

Though I lived as if everything was fine, there had never been a moment when it truly was.

I was always in pain. Every night, I felt the wounds gnawing at my flesh. I suffered from the inability to be happy and from not being able to bring happiness to others.

“I’m okay now, Shushu Miss.”

The gentle voice that comforted me caused the emotions welling up inside to slowly flow away. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

Being engulfed in kindness felt suffocating.

After the bath, I had to lie down on the bed only after Maria meticulously applied ointment to all my wounds, which came with a lengthy lecture.

‘Is this a dream?’

The dramatic events that unfolded felt too surreal. Snuggled in the massive, fluffy bed, I wiggled my bare toes.

‘What will happen tomorrow?’

I bit my lip, worried that Caesar’s whims would end tomorrow. I fervently pondered how I would react if he suddenly tried to kill me and Aria because I had gone insane for a moment yesterday, but at some point, my heart ached, prompting me to stop thinking.

I tightly clutched the soft blanket.

I was scared, suspicious, and worried, but at the same time, I felt happiness to the extent that I wondered if it was even permissible.

‘••••••I don’t know.’

I flipped the blanket over my head.

I didn’t understand anything. I only wished for one thing.

‘I hope the Duke’s whims last as long as possible.’

I closed my eyes slowly. I could no longer escape the overwhelming wave of weariness.

That night, for the first time since becoming a Sword Master, I slept soundly.

And in the morning.

As I stepped into the hall for breakfast, my jaw dropped as I alternated between a gigantic plate showcasing the head of a beast twice the size of my body and a note left beside the food.

［I ordered the meat of the largest beast residing in the continent, fearing you might break if I merely touched you because you’re so thin. Eat it all and go get checked by the physician.]

Is my father…… insane?

“Wow……”

I couldn’t help but exclaim as I looked around. Cool snowflakes settled on my cheeks.

The Duke’s mansion garden, blanketed in white snow, was beautiful. The scent of flowers brushing my nose made me involuntarily smile.

Perhaps the bed was too soft, but I had overslept unexpectedly and woke up in the early afternoon. The news I received was that Caesar had gone to the palace early in the morning upon the Emperor’s summons. Since Aria hadn’t woken up yet, I had to have breakfast alone in the giant mansion hall.

‘Wait… this is way too much for me to eat alone……

‘The Lady of Kashmir is visibly underweight. Even at a glance, she has considerable muscle mass, but lacks body fat. She must eat well. She needs to gain weight, so her meals should focus on fats and proteins……’

Sitting alone at the elongated table that looked like something you’d see in the palace conference room, I had to devour the lavish banquet while listening to the physician’s incessant nagging. I could only stand up from my seat after filling half the table with food.

‘The garden looks beautiful outside the window; would it be alright to take a short walk by myself?’

‘You want to go alone! That could be dangerous, so I’ll accompany you!’

‘……Isn’t it way more dangerous for me to meet anyone than for me to go alone?’

‘Ah……

Momentarily showing reluctance about taking a short walk, Maria, upon seeing me strap a sword to my waist with a sour expression, willingly let me go.

“……It’s beautiful.”

I strolled slowly through the garden, breathing deeply. The footprints left in the snow were solely mine.

I scanned my surroundings slowly. It was enchantingly beautiful, enough that it wouldn’t be surprising if a fairy appeared at any moment.

‘In spring…… prettier flowers will bloom, I’m sure.’

I stared blankly at the bare trees, stripped by the cold weather. While the snow-covered garden had its mysterious charm, I believed that a garden filled with blooming flowers in spring would be incredibly more beautiful.

‘But can I really stay here until spring comes?’

I gazed up at the sky, letting out a wry smile. A despondent sigh transformed into my vaporous breath and vanished into the heavens.

‘How paradoxical.’

As I gazed at the blue sky, I momentarily recalled those blue eyes that had stared at me intensely before. The mysterious man who visited on a winter’s night, leaving behind unforgettable memories.

‘I told Didier to believe in kindness without reason, but……

Ironically, I did not believe in reasonless kindness. I was tired of expectations leading to disappointment and no longer wanted to think positively and get hurt. My doubts and vigilance for protecting what is precious had become my everyday life.

‘The reason I was kind to Didier without cause was that I wanted to experience such kindness myself.’

I let out a self-deprecating chuckle as I took slow steps. I felt nauseous.

Now that Caesar’s unreasoned kindness drew near, I remained skeptical and watchful.

‘These are all things I have never hoped for. They don’t suit me.’

A comfortable bed. Quality food. Unassuming yet kind gestures. The feeling of being someone precious.

All of it felt excessive for me.

‘If only I were a bit more naïve, I might have been able to accept this situation at face value.’

I gently groped my heart, which had become ragged, and the cold, long-dormant childishness. If I could casually receive Caesar’s warm gaze, it would be nice if I could stay in his kindness without question.

To do that, however, I had led a life too rocky.

I doubted his intentions and remained on guard. Every time my heart began to soften, I was constantly aware that I could be cast aside at any moment. I endlessly repeated to myself that such excess should be enough for just a day. I had incurred a debt to the Duke’s mansion that couldn’t be erased by simply saving Aria. I couldn’t wish for anything more.

I resolved not to entertain the delusion that this dreamlike reality would continue, steadfastly vow not to be greedy with desires that did not fit my station.

I even firmly resolved that I wouldn’t be hurt if told to leave tomorrow.

‘All I hope for is……’

For Aria, that this kindness wouldn’t go away.

It had all been twisted because of me. Aria was supposed to be Aria Freya and be happy, but I had ruined that with my intervention.

‘Aria. I…… everything I did was for you…… I wonder if it has become a burden to you.’

It pained me. The black feelings mixed with guilt and responsibility surged beyond my throat.

‘What if I hadn’t gotten involved?’

Numerous thoughts spun around in my head. Countless ‘what ifs’ haunted me.

I wouldn’t mind getting kicked out of here and returning to a life like a sewer rat tomorrow. I was fine with that.

But Aria should not end up like that.

‘When the Duke returns…… I need to talk to him again.’

I planned to ask Caesar about adopting Aria when he returned from the palace. She was the most adorable child in the world, and I was confident that Caesar would come to love Aria just as I did.

It must have been because Aria was too lovely that he had shown such incredible mercy yesterday.

‘In fact, on paper, the House of Crisis is better.

Maybe the Duke’s House would be better than the Count Freya.’

Attempting to comfort myself, I carefully organized what I wanted to say to Caesar.

I briefly imagined the painting of the three members of the House of Crisis with Aria in it. A proud yet miserable, strange feeling.

‘Oh.’

Swamped with many thoughts, I suddenly came to a stop. A flowering tree with blooming pink flowers appeared before me.

Petals, wrapped in winter’s breeze, danced between branches weighed down by snow. Pink petals fluttered around joyfully.

‘Beautiful.’

I approached the flowering tree as if enchanted. Fallen petals crunched softly beneath my feet.

‘A tree that blooms in winter, how intriguing.’

I gazed dumbly at the shimmering blossoms dusted with snowflakes. It was an unfamiliar time for me to be able to leisurely admire the flowering tree when I had been so busy, regardless of winter or spring.

Speechless, I took in the magnificent sight of pink hues blossoming over the white world.

I raised my hand and gently touched a flower. It felt soft to the touch. Staring at the tree without a care, a sudden impulse washed over me.

‘Shall I climb it?’

The thick branches appeared sturdy, and even if I did risk breaking one while climbing, my agility would ensure that I could land safely without getting hurt.

‘After all, no one is watching.’

I sneaked a look around. There seemed to be no signs of life nearby. Like a mischievous child committing a prank, I carefully stepped up to the tree trunk. Excitement made my cheeks flush.

Climbing the tree was as easy as it looked. I swiftly climbed branches like a squirrel and seated myself on the largest branch positioned at the top.

Overlooking the snow-covered garden from atop the tree felt incredibly surreal.

Before long, snowflakes began to fall again, swirling before my eyes. I disliked the snow and winter, but still, this place’s winter was undeniably beautiful. I was mesmerized by the incredible scenery.

‘I used to love climbing trees when I was little.’

Watching my breath rise to the sky, I drifted into nostalgia.

When I was young, on days when the burden of time became unbearable, I would sneak up to the tallest tree in the village at night and relish the nighttime scenery.

‘I found it most fun to hang upside down with my legs over a branch.’

I let out a quiet chuckle. Although others would be horrified by such antics, there was nothing I enjoyed more than thrills when I was young.

‘……Shall I try it?’

A slight urge bubbled up. It felt as though the winter’s fragrance had consumed me, making rational thought impossible.

Returning to childhood, I propped myself on a branch and flipped my body upside down.

Whoosh.

In an instant, the world turned upside down. Fragrant hair, smelling sweetly of perfume, flew through the air as my upper body swayed back and forth.

An innocent smile appeared on my lips automatically.

The upside-down garden, the inverted mansion, the flipped sky and earth. I felt like a small girl trapped in a mirror world where everything was reversed.

Slowly closing my eyes, I focused on other senses aside from sight. The winter breeze brushing against my hair. The tickling flower scents and perfume wafting through the air. The rustling sounds of the leaves around me. It felt as if I were isolated from the entire universe.

‘Ah.’

My whole body relaxed, and the keen intuition I had dulled and subsided peacefully. Just as I began to think about wanting to sleep like this forever—

Someone poked my cheek gently.