I Start with a Bad Hand!

“You… thought about me?”

I felt a bit sorry for him, standing there with his eyes wide open, his words completely stopped. To be precise, I hadn’t joined the hunt because I was thinking about him. I had a slight ulterior motive of wanting to deflect some of his nagging. So my answer wasn’t the truthful one to his question. Even so, at that moment, I wanted to say those words.

“When you ran to me. While I was watching you from that tree, I just kept thinking about you.”

His eyes, which had widened in surprise, narrowed again into a sly expression.

“…We were looking at each other, then. Wasn’t it just because you saw my face that you thought of me?”

But to be exact, what I saw of him then was new. Without hesitation, he had shot the hunter quite accurately. His attitude was undisturbed by the sight of the hunter sprawled beneath the tree.

Out of the countless times I had encountered Icarus, there were many enjoyable moments and many good moments, but the most memorable was when he had looked at a chopped-up cockroach monster and gagged. Perhaps it was because it was the first time he struck me as human. Even though it was quite an unsightly moment, if I had to pinpoint the decisive moment we, or I, grew closer to him, it would be then.

‘Even someone who wields a sword so skillfully finds cockroaches disgusting.’

He had the guts to jump off a cliff, but he shuddered at the sight of a chopped-up cockroach’s corpse, looking as if he could chop it up without batting an eye. Watching him sitting dazedly after crawling out from somewhere in the bushes, I had such thoughts without realizing it.

“You’re so familiar to me. It’s a bit of a cliché, but I thought to myself, this isn’t the first time you’ve shot someone.”

His face turned pale for a moment, even though I was just stating a known fact. Not understanding why he was visibly shaken, I hurriedly added more to my words with a slightly anxious heart.

“When you first saw a cockroach, you threw up. But this time, you calmly patted my back.”

His face, which had cooled down, now flushed red again.

“…Are you seriously bringing that up now? Why did today’s events remind you of that time? I think I handled things quite skillfully today.”

Icarus, with his large but slender hands covered in layers of calluses, barely managed to grumble while half-covering his flushed face with one of those hands. Watching him, I finally said what I truly wanted to say.

“So, it must have been scary. You must have held a sword from quite a young age.”

It would be a lie to say his indifferent face, even with corpses piled up next to him, wasn’t shocking. But still, even in this crazy world, there was a certain flow. In a place where wars and expeditions happened as routinely as eating meals, and monster hunts organized by the royal family featured beasts the size of villas, I couldn’t bring the logic of my original world here.

‘Well, even in our world, it’s not a big deal if the FBI shoots criminals…. Above all, he’s a prince with a lot to protect, so it’s only natural he’s used to wielding a sword.’

Thinking that way, I recalled how he patted my back with that nonchalant face. Just looking at a dead body I hadn’t even killed myself was distressing for me, so how often must he have encountered such things to be so indifferent? Could he still think of me first, rather than himself, in such moments?

Looking at his face, which still showed a hint of youth in his school uniform despite his attempt to act grown-up, I answered calmly.

“I thought, it must have been hard for you to get used to such things. Of course, if you were okay from the beginning, then I worried for nothing, but still.”

Would it have been better for him to be used to killing people from the start? Or would it be better if he wasn’t? Considering the scars and calluses imprinted on his hands like fingerprints, neither seemed particularly better. It felt like his heart must be equally calloused.

I poured him another cup of tea as he remained silent.

“I’m fine. I’m more of an adult than you think.”

I grasped the lukewarm teacup with hands that no longer trembled. Yes, today’s events were shocking, but as the afterimage of the scene faded, I was starting to calm down. Although it was the most shocking scene I had ever faced, and would remain in my mind longer than even the time I met eyes with a cockroach the size of a six-story villa, I was okay nonetheless. I had my ways of coping with distressing moments from my life—exercising, confiding in a friend, immersing myself in other tasks, or if that didn’t work, seeking out a priest to ask if they had something akin to a sedative. So, even if I wasn’t okay right now, I was confident I would be.

“The same goes for what happened then. You teaching Roxanne archery. It’s okay. Like I said before, I didn’t misunderstand, and you didn’t do anything to be misunderstood.”

Watching Icarus visibly flinch, I slightly tilted my head.

“Maybe I was a bit too… arrogant about my skills. It bothered me that she needed help from you, who is not as good with a bow as I am, instead of me. But, well, now I know you can shoot arrows pretty well too.”

“…That’s all it was?”

“Believe it or not, I’m the ace of the archery club.”

Even as I boasted about it, I shuddered at my own words. Seeing me tremble, he relaxed his stiff face and rubbed it with his hands.

“Cut me some slack. It’s hard when you want to do well but things don’t go your way, and also….”

I’ll have many more chances to trouble Roxanne in the future.

At that moment, Icarus downed the tea I had poured for him in one gulp and asked an unexpected question.

“But how much of an adult are you?”

“…What?”

“How much of an adult do you have to be for this to be okay?”

Is he… asking my age now? Taken aback by the sudden request to reveal my age, I blurted out a ridiculous number.

“87 years old.”

“What?”

“No, wait. Since it’s been a while since I got here, I must be 89 by now.”

Should I have considered plausibility in my lie? Icarus was shocked in a different way by my answer.

“How….”

“So, by our standards, you should respect—”

“How can you be 87 years old and still act so immature?”

What? I didn’t expect this reaction. Feeling my ears heat up, I hesitated for a moment.

“Well… I’m trying to live young.”

“No matter how you try, at 87 you should have some wisdom of life, shouldn’t you? You seem to get along too well with the academy kids….”

Leaving aside the fact that you’re the eldest daughter of a marquis, you even get along famously with that snobbish Verdi. Seeing him mutter with a deeply shocked face, my neck flushed red.

‘Here… I should tell him the truth that I’m actually younger. Or should I just leave it as is?’

Still looking a bit confused, he glanced at me before speaking with a determined expression.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“What doesn’t matter?”

“Even if you’re an old woman… you’re you. So it’s okay.”

Hearing that declaration, which might have made his real grandmother faint on the spot, made my mind feel somewhat hazy.

“No, that’s not why I said it. Besides, that’s… not okay.”

“Somehow, because of you… that’s why….”

With many words left unsaid, he nodded as if he finally understood. What… why is he nodding?

“No, at your age, you shouldn’t like someone with that much of an age difference. Get a grip.”

“It’s not unheard of in the Empire. There have been cases of someone about to step into their grave marrying a freshly graduated academy student.”

That was nonsense in many ways. This Empire teaches kids strange things. Trying to hold onto my wavering mind, I spoke to him as if advising.

“At that age, someone your age should give respect, not love….”

“Really? Respect is enough?”

However, his eyes had already turned playful again, sparkling as if he found something amusing. Seeing that, I somehow felt like just going along with it.

“Yes… from now on, treat me well.”

“Yes.”

Watching him nodding enthusiastically, that day’s events seemed to pass just like that.

Or so I thought.

“What’s up with Dietrich?”

“Is she doing this on purpose…?”

Until the moment we gathered for a mid-check before the actual bet, and I couldn’t shoot a single arrow properly.

“Pfft.”

And until I heard someone’s abrupt, stifled laughter for the first time that day.