I Start with a Bad Hand!

Some people can only be understood when the era and dimensions change. It hasn’t been long since Nolbu was seen as a reasonable person, feeding his irresponsible younger brother and his children, rather than a greedy maniac. Similarly, the fairy in “The Woodcutter and the Fairy” changed from being a heartless wife who abandoned her husband to a victim of a fraudulent marriage.

Dietrich was like that too.

Agnes was a good friend and had a kind heart, but even she dismissed “The Lame Liar” as an uninteresting story without any moral lessons. If Agnes felt that way, how much worse would others have found it?

So, in a world where no one pitied him, his soul had to be chipped away until it was as small as a pebble. It kept breaking and breaking, again and again. No one felt sorry for him, and eventually, it became my turn.

‘If I hadn’t read that novel, if I hadn’t slipped on the stairs back then and hovered between life and death, someone else might have been here instead of me. Someone who pitied Dietrich.’

I thought it was quite a high price to pay for pitying someone else’s life. At the same time, I thought about Dietrich’s soul, shattered into pieces, and how those fragments clung to this body, unable to fully separate, becoming lingering regrets.

The priest was now seriously examining my half-open shirt.

“…I see. The body is already collapsing.”

“At least it doesn’t hurt, so that’s a relief.”

The priest’s face darkened as he looked at the marks that had climbed up to my shoulder.

“It will only get worse from here. There are only about three pieces of your soul left inside your body, correct?”

“Yes, but I don’t think I can remove them for a while. At least not until winter break.”

The priest, who had been scribbling something, glanced towards the door. Then, in a lowered voice, he asked me, “How much does the prince know?”

My gaze also turned towards the door. The priest had sent a message to my dorm, asking for assistance in bringing over numerous materials. Considering the documents on the desk, it was a reasonable request.

‘If the priest is sending materials to me, they must be about Dietrich.’

Icarus had been sent away from the beginning. Since I intended to show the priest these marks during my visit to the temple, Icarus, who had been following me around and waiting in the priest’s room, looked puzzled when I mentioned having to take off my clothes.

“What kind of business requires taking off your clothes in the priest’s room?”

“Women talk with their clothes off sometimes. You wouldn’t understand.”

“What are you talking about? I would’ve understood if you had just asked me to leave.”

Icarus, blushing up to his neck, left the room.

As I pulled up my shirt and buttoned it, I answered, “He knows almost everything.”

“Did he come here knowing that you want to help remove the remaining pieces of the soul from your body?”

“Yes.”

“And about the story of your original body?”

The priest suddenly asked. I paused my hand, which was fastening the shirt buttons.

“…Well,” I began.

“Sister,” the priest’s voice had lowered, prompting me to look at him. His face had hardened slightly. 

“You explained it properly, right? What it means to remove the remaining fragments of the soul from your body. You know this doesn’t just mean death in this world,” he continued.

I remained silent.

“You didn’t tell him, did you? How do you think he’ll feel when he realizes he’s been unwittingly complicit in your inability to exist in either this world or your original one?”

“…If I don’t tell him, he won’t know. There’s no need to inform him of that,” I replied.

“Sister!”

At that moment, Icarus burst into the room with a loud voice. The priest, who had been gripping my arm tightly, slowly let go upon Icarus’s entrance.

“What is it? I heard shouting,” Icarus said.

I finished putting on my jacket that had been resting on the chair. “It’s nothing. The priest was just upset because I haven’t been coming to the temple for quite some time.”

The priest, looking like he had more to say, closed his mouth. His face, which had been deeply creased with concern, smoothed out a little as he pointed to one side of the desk.

“…Please take the materials you requested. I had the assistant priest make copies of the contents.”

The quantity is large, so you both will need to carry them. With a deep sigh, the priest turned his attention away.

Icarus grumbled as he took half of the documents. “Now I’m being used like a pack mule.”

“Hey, you said you wanted to come along,” I retorted.

The amount was such that we would need to make two trips. I lightly stretched my shoulders. In truth, by the end, Icarus had taken even the books I had been carrying, so it wasn’t much of a burden.

“But what does that mean?” he asked.

“What?”

“…The priest yelled at you. What did he say to make him raise his voice like that?”

How did he hear that? The guy has good ears. I had intentionally kept him outside to avoid him hearing sensitive matters.

“You heard it from outside. It wasn’t that loud inside.”

“Really?”

After a brief silence, Icarus asked again, “So, what were you two talking about?”

It seemed like he wouldn’t give up until he got an answer. I replied briefly, “…He asked why young people don’t come to the temple often these days.”

“You don’t go either.”

“That’s why I’m the perfect person to ask.”

I responded nonchalantly as I moved the books the priest had given us onto the carriage.

“Is that all?”

Icarus’s red eyes stared intently at me. I nodded silently.

“…Alright. I understand.”

He looked back at the temple repeatedly, his expression uncertain. I turned my gaze away from him and stared out the window.

“What would he feel if he knew that, unknowingly, he was helping ensure you couldn’t exist in this world or the original one?”

I knew that feeling. That’s why I hoped he wouldn’t find out. Because I already understood that sentiment.

***

The days continued to feel dreary. When I ran into Irene in the hallway, even our greetings became awkward and stiff. It made my chest tighten unbearably. Since we didn’t share any classes, not even in extracurricular activities, there were no opportunities to see her.

‘When I quarreled with Agnes, our relationship was awkward, but we still saw each other often. If you don’t make an effort, relationships can become distant in an instant.’

I thought absentmindedly while selecting arrows from my quiver. Being in different grades meant our schedules didn’t overlap, and without overlapping classes, our paths never crossed. Moreover, Irene wasn’t the type to wander around enthusiastically, making it even harder to see her. So, at a time when I needed to actively work on mending our relationship, there was no way to meet her unless I sought her out directly.

‘But thinking about how that might burden her….’

I rummaged through the quiver several times, only to realize my archery clubmate was giving me a puzzled look. Finally, I picked an arrow. I couldn’t even remember what I was thinking about as I walked the short distance to the firing line.

‘I never experienced anything like this even when I was in school.’

I had been mentally confused since coming here, going through an emotional whirlwind. This seemed particularly filled with conflicts. Just as I drew the bowstring, Agatha, the archery instructor, silently approached and stopped my arm.

“Dietrich.”

“Huh? Yes?”

She frowned and touched my arm, looking at me like I was doing something strange.

“Focus. You’re pulling the bowstring without an arrow.”

“Oh…”

I glanced at the ground and saw an arrow lying there, which I must have dropped unknowingly.

Having wasted the archery training session, I crouched between the archery range and the training ground. I could understand Irene’s feelings. I would have felt similar if our positions were reversed.

While messing up my hair in frustration, I caught a familiar scent. It was a different smell from the surrounding foliage, more like a foreign herbal scent.

Following that was the sound of slow footsteps and,

“Dietrich…?”

Two hazel eyes opened wide in surprise.

‘Why is Hayden here…?’

I realized the familiar scent was the herbal aroma Hayden often smoked. Lately, we had been running into each other quite frequently. As I was about to stand and greet him, Hayden lightly pressed down on my shoulder with one hand to stop me. In his other hand, something resembling a burning herb was still emitting smoke.

“I wanted to ask how you’ve been… but judging by your expression, it doesn’t seem like you’ve been well, so I feel bad for asking,” he said.

“Ah, yes…” I replied, staring at the ground rather than at Hayden, who had now sat beside me. Normally, I would have stood up immediately, but my heavy heart made it hard to move. The unfamiliar herb Hayden was smoking added to the difficulty.

‘…The scent is really unique. Is this some kind of Sereti herb?’ I thought. I had never smelled anything like it before, not even when the Sereti kids came for friendly matches.

As I stared at the herb, Hayden’s eyes followed my gaze, and then he gently smiled, his eyes narrowing slightly. He dug into his robe pocket and handed me a round, unlit herb.

“…?”

When I looked at him, confused, Hayden smiled faintly.

“It helps clear your mind when it’s crowded with thoughts. You seem to have a lot on your mind, just like me. I’m giving it to you so you don’t dwell too deeply on things. …And,” he paused before continuing, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but don’t let what happened with Horatius weigh you down.”

I met Hayden’s eyes. Despite the smile in his hazel eyes, it was difficult to discern his true intentions hidden beneath it.

“…Do you know her?” I asked.

“Of course. We’re in the same year. She’s treated me the same way a few times, suddenly pushing me away without any explanation.”

So he overheard the conversation I had with Aiden. Why was Hayden suddenly saying all this to me? What is he trying to imply?

“Whatever it is, it’s not your fault. When you’re alone, you tend to overthink things.”

What nonsense. Strictly speaking, I committed theft and asked Irene to overlook it, so it was indeed my fault. I continued to stare at the well-dried herb Hayden offered me. Just as I was about to speak, I heard a voice.

“Dietrich!”

A voice filled with anger, followed by rapid footsteps, approached me. I looked up to see a pair of green eyes glaring at me, breathless and filled with rage.

“…What are you doing here?”