Chapter 19 - Just Sympathy
After that, the evening banquet ended with a single word from the Queen Dowager, saying she was tired. I, too, didn’t know what else to say, so after exchanging simple greetings, I headed to the guest room where the Princess was resting.
…There hadn’t been much mention of the First Queen in the game. Just that she had died of illness and that the King had truly loved her.
Only a minor backdrop existed. Even looking back, I couldn’t recall any mention that the First Queen had desperately longed for the King’s love.
After hearing the Queen Dowager’s story, I tried, if only a little, to understand the First Queen, who made an extreme choice for love, and the King, who spent all day in a room grieving for her.
‘A mother’s love and romantic love are different… huh.’
But the more I reflected on the story, the less I understood it. Despite supposedly loving each other so much, they showed no love to the Princess, born from that love.
There’s a saying that a child is a “blessing.”
Could it be that, to them, the Princess wasn’t a “blessing”?
Entering the guest room, I looked down at the Princess, sound asleep under the covers. Curled up with the blanket pulled up to her head, she didn’t even realize I was here and was off in dreamland.
Gently pulling the blanket down to her shoulders so she wouldn’t wake, I noticed Ainsel, held tightly in her hand. She must’ve been talking to Ainsel under the covers while waiting for me.
‘Good thing I gave it to her when we left the banquet hall.’
I carefully uncurled each of the Princess’s small fingers holding the mirror, freeing Ainsel from her grip. As I wiped off the fingerprints covering the mirror, Ainsel gradually appeared.
“Did you finish talking with the Queen Dowager?”
“…Yes, it’s over. Were you having fun with the Princess?”
“Yes, once the maid left, I talked with Her Highness about small things. Like how much fun she had sailing today or how the Queen Dowager wasn’t as scary as she thought.”
I imagined the Princess, covering herself with the blanket and whispering secretively with Ainsel, and for some reason, it made me smile.
I carried Ainsel carefully to the terrace so as not to wake the Princess. As I stepped outside, a fragrant night breeze from the garden brushed through my hair.
I set Ainsel back on my ear and leaned on the terrace railing, gazing down at the garden at night. Thanks to the bright starlight and moonlight, a faint blue hue softened the garden, creating an atmosphere different from the day.
Unlike the city’s night sky, the brightly shining moon cast a gentle blue light over the dark garden, while jewel-like stars twinkled like the Milky Way, illuminating the garden along with the moonlight.
Was it the garden’s gentle summer night atmosphere? I could feel my heart, stirred by the Queen Dowager’s story of the First Queen, calm down a bit.
“I… heard about the First Queen from Her Majesty, the Queen Dowager.”
-……
“Even after hearing it, I didn’t know what to say; it doesn’t seem like a story I can understand. And honestly, I don’t want to understand it. Sigh.”
I let out a hollow laugh. Ainsel wouldn’t say anything about the First Queen anyway, so it was more of a monologue than anything else. Frustrated, I ran my hand over my face and asked Ainsel.
“You said this, didn’t you? Vivian ‘performed the ritual to change bodies because she envied the First Queen, loved by the King.’ And that she failed.”
“Yes, that’s right. Vivian loved the King so deeply. She became the Second Queen just to be loved by him.”
…There wasn’t a single person here who seemed normal.
Vivian, the King, the First Queen—all of them were far from normal in my eyes.
As the cool night breeze eased my throbbing head, I continued to think. One thing was clear: the First Queen wasn’t in a sound state.
‘Whether she’s dead or alive, it makes sense to assume she’s alive based on the timeline. After the First Queen’s supposed suicide, Vivian married as the Second Queen.’
Vivian performed the ritual out of ‘envy for the First Queen loved by the King.’
Then, it’s likely Vivian met the First Queen in person. Seeing ‘the First Queen loved by the King’ must’ve driven her mad with jealousy.
That’s why she performed the body-switching ritual.
‘It’s a guess, but it’s probably accurate. The ritual is the one thing Ainsel can talk about, and considering fairies’ nature of never lying, that part must be true.’
However, Vivian ended up ‘failing’ the ritual.
The result of that failure was that I ended up in Vivian’s body. So then, what caused the failure? Vivian was one of the ‘Thirteen Witches of Coven’ in this world.
It’s hard to believe that a witch of that caliber failed just by making a mistake. Or was she so blinded by jealousy that she made a mistake? Ainsel and Sylph said they tried to dissuade Vivian.
But why is it that Ainsel can’t say anything about the First Queen? Did she make a ‘contract’ with the First Queen? Forbidding her from speaking about her? If so, that would mean the First Queen can also ‘see fairies,’ right?
“…Sigh. I don’t know.”
The possibly still-living First Queen.
The cause of Vivian’s failed ritual.
Ainsel’s inability to speak about the First Queen.
All of it remained ambiguous guesses with nothing certain. Cooling my heated thoughts with the night breeze, I let out a long sigh.
“I’ll assume for now that you’re being blackmailed, Ainsel.”
-You…
“So when it’s all over, you’ll have to tell me everything, okay?”
-…Understood. I’m really sorry.
At my words, Ainsel could only reply in a choked-up voice. Seeing her react this way, it seemed she was truly being forcibly silenced by someone.
“…Let’s go in. It’s getting cold.”
After being on the terrace for quite some time, a shiver ran through me as the night breeze brushed against me. I was about to head back to the main palace soon, and it was time to wake the sleeping Princess.
Entering the room, I saw the Princess still sound asleep on the bed, breathing softly. I sat gently on the bed and looked down at the Princess, curled up in a ball.
Her curled-up figure reminded me of a little puppy.
As I tucked her hair behind her ear, the portrait of the First Queen came to mind again. She truly resembled her mother.
In a voice soft enough not to wake her, I asked Ainsel.
“Is the reason Vivian hated the Princess… because she looked like the First Queen?”
-…Yes. She’d say she hated that face so much… and would often vent her anger at me.
A bitter taste filled my mouth as I heard Ainsel’s answer.
Looking at the calm, sleeping face of the Princess, I recalled the expression on her face when she had looked at the First Queen’s portrait in the room filled with paintings.
Calling the First Queen in the portrait “Mother” with a truly longing, yearning expression, the Princess had looked like she desperately wanted to meet her.
Does this child, who longs for her parents’ love, realize that she has never received anything close to love from them? Does the Princess even know that they aren’t interested in her at all?
They…
“The King and the First Queen ‘loved only each other,’ and as a result, had no interest in the Princess who was born from that love. Isn’t that what it means when they say ‘a mother’s love and romantic love are different’?”
“……”
Bitter.
It left a sickening taste in my mouth.
I didn’t ‘love’ the Princess, either. At best, it was just ‘sympathy.’ The feeling I had while looking at the Princess, left alone in this vast palace without her parents’ love, was nothing more than ‘sympathy.’
So, I would only help the Princess until the King left his room and everything ‘returned to normal.’ Once everything was back to how it should be…
‘Then, I won’t need to stay by the Princess’s side anymore.’
I gently fixed the Princess’s hair and thought it was time to wake her up. If I stayed here too long, Ellie back in the main palace would likely worry.
Just as I was about to gently shake the Princess’s shoulder, her small hand gripped my index finger tightly. Looking down at her, I let out a small sigh and lay down on the bed.
Even as I lay down, the Princess didn’t let go of my finger. It was like a child clinging to her mother’s skirt, begging her not to go.
“…It can’t be helped.”
With a big sigh, as if resigning myself, I pulled the blanket up to my waist and lay down. Any higher, and the Princess would end up covered head to toe in the blanket.
Staying in the separate palace for one night wouldn’t bother the Queen Dowager. If the Princess greeted the Queen Dowager in the morning, she would surely be pleased.
So…
Even if it was a little uncomfortable for me tonight, I felt like I should stay like this.
Gently patting the blanket-covered Princess on the back, I drifted off to sleep. Just as sleep was beginning to pull me under, I vaguely heard Ainsel’s voice in my ear.
“…Sleep well, Vivian. See you tomorrow.”
I fell asleep without replying to that farewell.
*
It was a white space.
The Princess looked around, trying to figure out where she was. All around her was pure white, and in the distance, there seemed to be a man and a woman.
The Princess recognized who they were.
Her heart pounded, and a cold sweat broke out as she chased after the two, calling out to their retreating backs. But no matter how much she ran, the distance between them didn’t close.
“Mother..! Father..!”
Running, running, and still running.
The sense of unease from the endless white and the frustration from the unchanging distance made the Princess’s feet feel heavy. As if shackles weighed them down, or something large was holding her back.
“Please wait..! Mother!”
Even so, she felt an inexplicable urge to follow them. She didn’t know why. For some reason, she was desperate to keep up with the two in this space.
Finally, after struggling step by step against the weight holding her down, she managed to grab the hem of the woman’s black dress.
In that moment of joy, she raised her head.
The Princess woke up.
When she opened her eyes, she realized what she had been holding in her dream. It was the Queen’s fingers, sleeping peacefully beside her.
The blindingly white light she had seen in the dream was the morning sunlight pouring in through the window. Half-asleep, the Princess looked at the Queen’s fingers she was holding.
Then, tilting her head in confusion, she tried hard to recall the previous night’s memories with her sleep-addled mind. She had definitely been chatting with Ainsel under the blanket…
At some point, she had fallen asleep, and when she opened her eyes, it was morning.
And the Queen was sleeping beside her.
“Hmm?”
Why was the Queen sleeping in my bed?
Not understanding, the Princess sat up completely, stretching and yawning widely, rubbing her sleepy eyes.
Then, she shook the Queen’s shoulder, urging her to wake up. The Queen awoke with a startled noise, looking dazedly at the Princess.
The Princess shook the Queen’s shoulder, insisting she get up.
“Even if you’re the Queen, you shouldn’t be sleeping in my bed…”
“…??? Huh?? Your bed..? This is the separate palace, isn’t it..?”
“Separate palace..?”
At the mention of the separate palace, the Princess turned her head, looking around the room. It was then she realized this wasn’t her usual room.
“Oh…”
Now fully awake, the Princess remembered what she’d just said and blushed with embarrassment.
Bright red, like a perfectly ripe apple.