I Overdrink And Became A Demigod

The light was almost hidden by the horizon, washing the golden rays over hundreds of different kinds of booze, all united by one thing: the shadow that leaned over the coffee table.

— I am so fucking tired... — barely able to speak, I clenched my fist and slammed it down on the metal, causing the bottles to fly, — FUCK IT!!!

The steel rumbled throughout the apartment, where the light of day hadn't shone in so long.

— What the heck was wrong with her?! Eek. She doesn't like my whining, you see! EEK... I'll make a little money, you know! — I kicked the garbage bag and threw it into the pile with the others, — Mercantile cunt... Who needs her?! Yeah?! Let her go on sword swallowing in the back alleys! Eek. Fucking hiccups...

My blurred consciousness didn't allow me to orient in space, and thank good, because I didn't want to see that vomit-stained doghouse, which by some idiotic coincidence I called home.

— Agh... — I plopped down on the filthy floor, — That's it! Tomorrow I'll become asexual for sure! But today! — hand found an unfinished bottle and brought it to my mouth, — Well, for future accomplishments!

In spite of the wild pain in whole body, I sucked on the bottle's neck. Like a liquid flame, red-hot bitterness spread down my throat, warming my empty gut, but this time...

— Shit... what the...

The pain only grew worse, settling all the way down into my spine and squeezing the chest in a hydraulic vise.

— I'd never felt… this... — unable to even squeak, I rolled over onto my side.

«No... no way...» — raced in mind.

Cold sweat covered my skin, lungs clenched frantically, and a hand reached for the door.

«This is gonna be the dumbest... death...» — thoughts became like fog.

— You will not die, Hero! — a ringing voice cut the void in half.

The world turned upside down, a distant light flashed supernova, covering everything with a cloth of celestial rays that mingled with the singing of angels. Reaching forward, I was able to breathe again, and for some fucked up reason, I felt something soft and resilient.

— So, uh, p-please stop squeezing me! — said an embarrassed voice.

— ... — forcibly waking eyes, I found myself standing in the middle of a boundless blue sky, with fluffy clouds floating in the background.

The broad pedestal of a heaven-high tower spread out beneath my feet, the colossal crystals framed in gold right now rotating along the horizontal axis of the spire kilometers... er... the edges couldn't be seen, so fuck knows how many kilometers.

— Hero! I... I'm talking to you! — the voice repeated more insistently.

— Huh? What? — stopped staring at the huge octahedrons, which time to time dived into the clouds, I lowered my eyes.

In a step from me stood a nice-looking woman: medium height, gorgeous golden curls, a creditable figure, which was tightened by the same golden dress to the floor, and.... wings?..

— Guess I've drink over the red line... — I squeezed my palm again, massaging something soft and gazing at the three pairs of fluffy wings behind the pretty face women.

— Nya!!! — the angel shrieked amusedly. Platinum rings on her arms, legs, and neck jumped synchronously, making a ringing sound in the neighborhood.

— Hero, please! I have an assignment... and can't tell you anything like this! — she almost cried, raising her skinny arms up.

— ... — after a few more seconds I realized that I was touching the breasts of a celestial creature...

Well, just to be sure, I squeezed the boobs a couple more times to feel the juicy sensations of the third size attribute, and then loosened grip, from which the angel was finally able to exhale and come to her senses.

— What a difficult job... — whispered she doomedly, clutching at her heart, — Ahem-Ahem! So! According to the code of our goddess Bhagas, I - Mythril, thirteenth paladin of the Kashei arbiters, welcome you to the mainland of Mithrael! You have been chosen by the heavens for great mission that... — engrossed in her story, Mythril suddenly stammered, finding no one in front of her, — Hero? HERO?! — looking around, she froze in mute horror.

— There were still some bottles in the kitchen... I'll have to finish them, or they'll go sour again... — With a heavy sigh, I looked down.

The top of the tower seemed to go somewhere in troposphere, and it was a long way to the ground, but I was not afraid, so without thinking for a second, I stepped over the edge.

— А-А-А-А!!! — shrieking, the angelic creature saw an unshaven and overgrown ragamuffin jumping down, flying into the azure distances, — NOT ON MY FIRST DAY AT WORK!!! — clenching her teeth, the blue-eyed blonde spread her six wings and, as the energy halo written in runes flashed above her head, she soared like a comet into the clouds to follow me.

Free flight was so pleasant, no obligations and the weight of fate, it was a bit windy in my pants, but that's the way it is, I can tolerate it anyway.

Unfortunately, the moment of pleasure was interrupted by a shadow.

— GOTCHA!!! — Mythril became a living blob of light and grabbed me under arms right on the fly.

The fall was stopped, boobies dug into my back, and no wonder, because under the dress white lady didn't wear anything.

— Phew... phew... — hanging in place, the angel tried to catch her breath,

— Motherf..?! Ugh. I mean. Great hero, what are you doing?! — the sight of my gloomy face made the cutie's eye twitch.

—  Trying to get home, you now? If postmortem transfers from world to world, then logically.... — I realized that despite the dead look, so-called Mythril was as strong as the guys who threw me out of the «Harlequin» for a disorderly conduct.

— Holy mother of Bhagas. what kind of logic is that?! You wouldn't back in your world, but become a shapeless stain on the streets of Midtenheim, which I would clean up!!!— shouted, the angel changed her tone to complaining, — I do not want to go back to the archives department! So please, hear me out!

— Ugh... this is the most retarded vision I've ever had... — wiping my eyes once more, I lowered head helplessly, watching the clouds gradually parting, revealing the fact that the tower was not a tower, but the foremast of a colossal flying fortress.

— Well, spit it out, what do you want from me, White...

— I'm – Mythril! And I want you to be a hero of this world – a Bhagas champion, who will defeat the «Ten Commandments» – the rulers of Agia-En-Das demon race! They are monsters who feed on human souls! — the arbiter slowly rose to the starting point of our acquaintance, flying up to the crystal spire's balcony.

— And? — said I dryly, touching the gold metal with my feet.

— AND?! It's terrible! The last demons' invasion took millions of lives! People were caught and eaten like cattle, and those who miraculously survived were killed by followers of the scarlet knights, like bandit elves! The ash-covered ruins of once beautiful cities are now filled with nothing but cries of despair! — lowering her hero, angel for some reason did not hurry to pull away, unceremoniously jammed her breasts into his back.

— And where do I fit in? — Only now I noticed that the floor was so polished that I could see my reflection in it.

— You are a summoned hero, a wielder of incredible power! — Mythril looked out from behind me, pouting her lips in displeasure.

— Why?

Strangely, but my acne had disappeared, the bags under eyes were smaller, and mouth no longer stank of decay, as if I had been cured of all my ailments, but dirty beard, greasy hair, and tattered clothes with drips, thank the abyss, remained in place.

— Because you're an otherworlder! — angel stepped forward, making her dress dishevel, reflecting in a tower's gloss details that had previously remained hidden.

— Seems I'm talking to a fucking wall... — I jammed my finger into forehead, unresponsive to the sight of bare sirloin, — Again... Why do I have any power?!

— Because you're special! — Mythril's eyes blazed like a child's,

— Accept that fact and become the savior of our world! — she raised her hand triumphantly, then pointed at me like I was a fucking superstar.

— No... — I scratched my ass.

— What does that «no» mean?! — sweet face of the arbiter twisted up, — How about adventure?! Aren't you the kind of guy who died without accomplishing anything?! It's a great chance to start over, make friends and... — Mythril started mumbling at the sight of me, while I was picking my nose.

— All people are shit and only think about themselves...

— Find a girlfriend! — said she, but less confidently.

— Fucking brainwash machines, sex isn't worth it at all, easier to chase a bald guy...

— Adventures... — Mythril's eye twitched again.

— I like to stay home, too lazy even for the mall walk...

— Recognition... Wealth... Glory...

— Fuck it, fuck it and fuck it again! — slapped the elastic against my belly, i was going to try to jump off the tower again, but my throat got dry, — Do you have a drink?

— A drink? — Mythril waved her puffy eyelashes.

— Well, a shot! Booze! Toast! Pop! No? — I tilted head to the side like an owl, the angel for some reason repeated me, — Whisky, wine, beer, vodka too... I've been sober for too long...

And at that moment the atmosphere changed.

— How about, uh... how about a deal? — Simpleton-looking girl suddenly changed in her face, huge eyes narrowed, and plump lips stretched wide, forming the semblance of a crooked demonic grin, — For each completed task, I promise you a barrel of alcohol of your choice! And if you defeat the «Ten Commandments», Bhagas will let you into the vault, where you can choose any artifact for yourself...

Mythril began to circle me clockwise, like a predator that has realized its prey's weak spot.

— But I can recommend a particular one.... the bottomless flask of Grail, no matter how much you drink, it never runs out... — whispered she, nestling her lips against my ear.

— ... — for a while I pondered, the cliched scenarios of a typical isekai spinning in my head, and with them came the platinum questions.

— And I really can't kill myself and get back in?

— Nope! — sarcastically remark she, spinning in one spot.

— And you're going to continuously drip on my brains, not letting morally decay and not doing shit? — I leaned my face on my hand.

— That's my job! — Grabbing the palm of her hero, Mythril forced him to look into the eyes of the rock of irresistible fate.

— Okay, I hear you... — from the attack of laziness even my back ached, — Let's start from the beginning: what is my power and what should I do with it?

— You made the right choice... a Demigod named Cyrus... — the angel declared, marking the beginning of my fucked-up adventures in a world... I didn't want to be trapped in…

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