I Don’t Want To Be the Main Character

90. In-group bias (2)

1.

“ah…….”

I didn’t even know where to start. I was in a difficult situation. And I was shivering from the betrayal that I felt more than anything, and I was unable to sort out the torrent of confused emotions that were flowing out in a messy manner.

What should I do?

No, the time we spent together was short, but even more than that, the little things that happened during that short time together flashed before my eyes, and I couldn’t even define what this feeling was.

Betrayal, confusion, bewilderment, anger, resentment, sadness.

All sorts of emotions were swirling together, creating a turbid whirlpool of turbid water. Even I didn’t know what it was.

I covered my face with trembling hands and washed my face repeatedly.

As I took my hand away, I saw Sylphia’s face standing there with a look of bewilderment like mine, as if saying, “This isn’t it.”

“That, Ludrick……”

Sylphia’s voice trembled. Her expression was one of confusion that could not be hidden, but even though she could understand it with her head, her heart could not.

embrace.

I know.

The reason why I felt a subtle distance from before I heard the story, from the moment I sensed the truth.

That way of thinking, which I couldn’t understand no matter how hard I tried, was, for Sylphia, a conclusion that was reached through a natural process, like breathing.

Even people have different thoughts about the same thing depending on the environment they lived in and their lifestyle, so how much more so would the differences between species be?

Reason understood.

To Sylphia, this incident was one that she had no reason to put in the effort to prevent. Why? Of course, if the Master died as planned, the position of the court magician would naturally return to me. In the end, it was something that would benefit me.

Rather than trying to stop it, it would have been better to let history take its course, even if it meant enduring a little more trouble. She probably thought that would have been more beneficial to her in the end.

But I didn’t understand the emotion.

Even though the actions I did in that short period of time were a bit annoying, I didn’t think that the status of a court magician was worth it to let my master, whom I had grown to hate, die. Of course, if there was someone I could save, it would be natural to save them, even if they were someone I had never met before.

Even if we see African children dying from lack of medicine on TV, there are people who feel sorry for them and support them. This is a characteristic of the human species. This is even more so when we consider that compassion for fellow species is another word for humanity.

so.

“……I’m going out for now. I don’t really want to see your face.”

“Ludrick……”

“Get out!”

I couldn’t help but raise my voice. The moment I heard Sylphia’s voice, I couldn’t help but raise my voice. It was almost like a conditioned reflex.

To be honest, I can’t bring myself to do it.

“…I told you to get out. I don’t really want to see your face right now.”

“…….”

I didn’t have the confidence to look at Sylphia’s face right now.

And I’m not sure where that feeling came from.

2.

Where did this come from?

Weak steps.

Like a floating flower that literally drifted anywhere, Sylphia’s steps, which had been moving aimlessly, finally stopped in front of her room.

The moment I placed my hand on the doorknob, the strength in my legs left.

Silphia, who almost collapsed on the spot, narrowly avoided that fate and opened the door and entered the room.

It was a more bleak sight than Rudrick’s room. It was literally furnished with only the bare minimum of furniture, and looked like a guest room in a villa, not out of place.

And then, she threw herself onto her own soft bed, which was nothing compared to the one in her lair.

To be more precise, it was closer to falling than being thrown.

and.

Sylphia, who buried her face in the pillow, felt her eyes gradually getting hotter. It was as if her entire head was getting hotter, not just her eyes.

For her part, she couldn’t quite understand why Ludrick was angry.

The exact opposite of Ludrick. The image reflected in the mirror was completely parallel, like an image that could only get closer but could not be reached even if you stretched out your hand.

I couldn’t understand it with my reason, but I could understand it with my emotions.

“……why?”

After a long, long time, the first thing Sylphia muttered was the question, “Why?”

He was a human who was going to die anyway. If Silphia had made up her mind, she could have stopped him, of course, but in a truly extreme case, she would have had to completely destroy the golden tower that she had built up over nearly a hundred years in Lorenzo’s head.

Unless Lorenzo’s memories were manipulated to the point where his goal of exploring the ‘origin’ and the ‘truth’ of the world was completely erased from his mind, Lorenzo would have devoted himself to this work, continuing the endless challenge until his death.

And rather than going to such trouble to save Lorenzo from his destined death, Silphia thought it would be better to let him die and make Ludrick the next court wizard.

In essence, she lives among humans for fun, has no intention of truly integrating, and is merely an outsider wandering around the crowd of humans. The only one who is considered to be completely in the same group as her is Ludrick, and that thinking is naturally biased.

Her thoughts, which might be seen as extremely efficiency-oriented to humans, were the most rational choice for her.

But when things turned out like this, Sylphia’s eyes suddenly became moist.

“……I didn’t want to be hated.”

A muttering in a weak voice.

Before I knew it, a teardrop flowed down from my reddened eyes and soaked my pillowcase.

Useless thoughts clouded her mind.

What would it have been like for Lorenzo, who had reached the truth he had longed for so desperately at the last moment of his life? Did he die in relief, knowing everything and having achieved his lifelong wish, or did he die in despair, knowing that everything he had been pursuing was a mirage and that the result was his own destruction?

Or will she remain hated by Ludrick forever, unable to narrow the gap that has grown too wide? It doesn’t matter to the other three, but will Ludrick react so coldly to Arwen, who agreed with her plan?

Tears flowed endlessly while various thoughts swirled in my head.

A dragon who loved humans. Now, there are only a few left on the continent, and if the other dragons who have each created their own identity and name and live among humans hear this, they will laugh out loud, saying that it has been a long time since they felt stimulated.

After laughing so hard that you almost shed tears, I’ll remind you of the absolute rules of play and advise you not to get too absorbed.

We are essentially actors in a play. A life spent in play is nothing more than a fleeting moment in an endless cycle of life. Some people must have wondered why she, who is neither a young hatchling nor an old enough to be alive, would do such a thing.

But clearly, this moment, which was but a fleeting moment in the whole of Sylphia’s long life, had now permeated her so completely that it could not be separated from her.

To the point where I feel happy just living with the hope that I will be rewarded and when that will be.

If it had been like that, it wouldn’t have been important enough to change her life completely, such as a person she met while playing and being given a terminal diagnosis and dying without being able to overcome the illness.

There may be cases where a person takes his or her own life because the dog they raised for a long time dies, but such cases are so rare that they deserve to be described as extremely rare.

Moreover, simply comparing it to the difference between a human and a pet is a bit excessive, as the probability of a relationship between a playful dragon and a human is infinitely close to 0.

The current situation is something that would never have happened to Sylphia.

Nevertheless, Sylphia still loved Ludrick.

I don’t know if I’ll be rewarded, but there are a lot of strong competitors around.

Just as Ludrick had poured out his emotions, covering his face and not knowing where to start, Sylphia also had no idea where to begin untangling this tangled web.

She still doesn’t fully understand why Ludrick was angry.

But even then, sadness and despair took the place of the feeling of frustration.

A human man, whom she would never have even glanced at before, was already her whole life and her world.

And now, Sylphia’s world has fallen apart.

Sylphia wiped away the tears that were still falling, and muttered an apology that was barely audible.

“I’m sorry, Ludrick. I didn’t know you’d hate it……”

Of course, if I had known, I wouldn’t have done it.

The distance was still parallel.